Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 06.17.03


You are a Liberal FUCK, you cunt! – Raymond Kaminski

And your point is?

Ah, yet another Tuesday confronts us with its usual load of life’s cat sick.  Might as well fire it into gear from the start…

Occasionally, I will use the term “untimely death”.  For me, this doesn’t mean that someone died young or in unnatural circumstances.  It means that they died on Wednesday after I submitted or early Thursday.  This pisses me off as it denies me In Memoria for those people.  The higher they are up on the scale, the more pissed off I get.  So you can imagine what a reaction I had last week with the simultaneous passings of Gregory Peck (damn close to a full 1.0 Jones) and David Brinkley (.8 Jones).  Belated In Memoria to both, and big thank yous on all sides.

And a definite In Memoriam to Hume Cronyn (.85 Jones).  May you and Jess have a f*ckload of great opening nights up there.

Memo To Everyone:  Expect to be disappointed by The Hulk.  Not nearly as good as either Spider-Man and Daredevil, with some heavy suck factor encroaching.  Thank God for screeners and broadband.  Of course, that won’t stop it from being a smash hit.  Look at Finding Nemo and the fact that it’s going to break the US$200M barrier in twenty days.

And we’re off to a roaring start this week.  Let’s begin, as trad for a post-PPV weekend, with actual wrestling.  Yes, I know you’re shocked, but we’ll be sure to get the non-wrestling content in before the Short Form…


Oh, yes, that.  Okay, here goes…


Baisden gets drunk with his loser friends again while watching a PPV, and we’re all the beneficiaries.

Williams has that “overseas view of Bad Blood” thing going.

So does Chris Biscuiti, except for the overseas part.


Okay, the big news is obviously the fact that WWE finally recognized that they’d butchered Christian’s great theme music beyond repair, and decided to replace it.  Thank God for that.  Now if they’d revert to the creepy Mark One Goldust theme, I’ll be happy.

My Beautiful and Beloved has to be around Big Sump Pump on an exclusive basis…well, it was expected, but there’s still going to be a mercenary company out there with you as their target, Steiner.  I’m even tempted to put up a PayPal site for people to help support them, and the response will be phenomenal.  Holla if you hear that, bitch.

The situation between Jericho and Goldberg is a perfect illustration of the problem that WWE Creative (read:  Vince) and a lot of the fans (read:  stupid) have with character development.  You know that the temptation’s going to be there to turn Jericho face.  That temptation has to be resisted.  Jericho, like Flex, works better as a heel, always has, always will.  But WWE has zero clue on how to book an antihero; Austin is looking more and more like a stroke of pure luck as time goes by.  Just stay the course with Jericho, please, and make him even more heelish as the face pops increase.  As soon as the Face Pon Farr subsides, they’ll realize that it was the right thing to do, and Jericho will be bigger than ever.  Of course, that trick won’t work with everybody.  Christian and Nowinski would be the only other guys I’d try it with on the Raw roster.  But do it.  We, the fans, won’t be disappointed.

Memo to Pankonin:  Can a mule kick to the nuts really put someone out for two minutes?  Well, all depends how sensitive you are, really, doesn’t it?  Personally, I don’t want to try experimenting with this proposition, and neither do you.  You should have saved the indignation for the fact that Orton had to run in for Flair to win.  And a big “Neener, Neener, I Told You So” from this end, since I was one of only two people in the Round Table to pick Flair, the other being Unca Ed.  Listen to your elders, children.  They know what they’re talking about.

Of course, that’s balanced out by the fact that we both picked Nash to win the main.  What can I say?  Ostermeyer and I always have underestimated the workrate of the sledgehammer.

Oh, let’s not think about this any longer.  On to the good stuff…


From the Torch via Widro:

Kidman is rehabbing in OVW with a new short haircut

So that’s what they’re calling Torrie Wilson nowadays.  At least it’s a promotion from “beard”.

From the Torch via Widro, Part II:

Raven is apparently politicking to get Mike Tenay fired as the lead announcer for NWA:TNA. No word on what causes the heat, but Mike Sanders also reportedly has heat with Tenay.

This is probably due to the fact that both Raven and Sanders are better announcers than Tenay, not to mention the fact that, unlike Tenay, they can usually be found sober during business hours.  The Jarretts have nothing to lose by giving either of them the mic.

From the Torch via Widro, Part III:

Brian Gewirtz, the head of creative on the Raw side, has several favorite wrestlers that he has taken special care to write for as of late.  The Hurricane, Chris Nowinski and Christian are all said to be Gewirtz favorites.

So, Gewirtz is going to take credit for the success of the three most charismatic non-main-eventers on the Raw roster?  Oh, that’s nice.  I’m sure that Helms, Nowinski, and Reso had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they’re all crazy over.  Look, we all know that Gewirtz can’t write his way out of a paper bag, so him saying that he takes “special care” in scripting these guys is like saying that a retard takes special care in writing the letter “R”.

Give it a rest, Gewirtz.  It’s not going to work.


So Marc and Rena Mero have decided to play Norman Maine and Vicki Lester and let success come between their happiness.  Well, good for them.  Both of them deserve all the misery they can handle, the male portion for leeching off his wife and the female portion for being a conniving egotistical bitch.  It’s a low-rent remake, though, since Rena’s sure as hell not Janet Gaynor, Judy Garland, or even Babs Streisand, and Marc doesn’t have the looks of Freddie March, the acting talent of James Mason, or the singing voice of Kris Kristofferson.  I’ll pass on this one, thank you.

Slick Rick says that the real reason here is that “Vince has a new friend”.  I don’t think even Vince would stoop this low, though.  My response to the Slick One was simple:  “Either that, or Mero has suddenly acquired a case of Good Taste Syndrome.”  But looking for good taste out of Johnny B. Badd would be somewhat futile, I think.  So I retract said statement.  But the Torch is saying that the Sable character is a favorite of both Vince and Steph…I’ve spent so long trying to get away from thinking about the McMahons as the Borgias that even dwelling slightly on statements like those bring up certain connotations that I don’t want to get into.  That’s more Grut’s speed, anyway.

I don’t even know why I’m talking about this, really.  I guess it’s the “Wrestling News” part of the title of this column, and I have to live up to it on occasion.  Thus, I will leave it to all of you to come up with as many valid mental comparisons between the Meros and the Clintons as you wish.


A couple weeks ago, I talked about the FCC’s ruling that essentially declared that any media outlet could be bought by anyone with money, meaning anyone who already had a lot of media outlets.  Now there’s a movement in the US Senate Commerce Committee, who oversees these kind of shenanigans, to set the regs back to where they were before Prince of Nepotism Michael Powell and the gang got their hands on them.  Good news, right?  Kinda, sorta.

The proposal is being sponsored by Ted Stevens, Senator From ExxonMobil, whom I regard as one step above Neanderthal.  William Safire and I are on the same side on this (see his Sunday NYT editorial), making the first and probably only time this will happen.  Can something supported by Stevens and Safire be correct?  On this one, I consciously know it is, and should blow off that support, but there’s always going to be nagging doubts, not mollified by the fact that, as Pat Spekhardt, who works in the media in Maine, reminds me, Olympia Snowe, who I’m cool with, is also agin’ it and is also on the Commerce Committee.

Maybe concentration of ownership is a good thing.  There’s going to be cross-ownership anyway (as admitted by Commerce Committee chairman John McCain, Senator From The Small Group Of Republicans I’d Ever Consider Voting For), so just let this…no, it’s still evil.  It’s just of a greater degree of evil than that represented by Stevens and Safire.  So I’ll hold my nose as I hold my position.


So Prince William’s turning 21 this week, and he decides to celebrate by speeding in a VW on off-road conditions and dusting a Land Rover containing the owner of the estate he’s on, then getting the whole thing publicized, along with a denial from the grand’rents’ PR flacks that he’s banging a hot chick.  My reaction?

Fine by me.  I’ve been known to abuse a VW in my time (Passats are not meant to do 200 kph on the autobahn, folks; however, it is REALLY fun to do it).  I’ve also been known to bang a hot 21-year-old (not lately, unfortunately).  Seems to me like he’s behaving like an average 21-year-old guy, who just happens to be very good-looking and will one day take over a lucrative business that’s been in his family since 1714. 

Now, as for the hot chick…look, as the future William V, just have them look at your last predecessor with that name.  Sailor with a girl in every port.  Only got married because there wasn’t an heir to the throne in the next generation without going a number of siblings down the line (and didn’t do a good job in that respect).  Had ten kids with his mistress, and when said mistress went nuts, had his wife treat them as a legitimate step-family.  So far, you’re looking like a choirboy.  And then remind everyone that they should be happy you’re banging a chick, because, let’s face it, between the looks and title, you could pull anything.  Even straight guys.

Use your youth while you can, kid, and f*ck the press.  Ask your uncle Andy about how do to it properly.  However, don’t have your pet cop bitch out the land owner.  That’s so uncool.


Gee, can we all live with Anna Kournikova not being at Wimbledon?  Readers who work for British tabloids are exempt from answering this.

A header from Reuters:  Rampaging Serb water-polo fans stoned the Croatian embassy in Belgrade and tore down its flag after a violent European championship final, prompting the Croatian foreign minister to cancel a visit to Montenegro.  That just confirms for me that we will never, EVER, understand anything about the Balkans.

The only solution there is in the private sector, I am firmly convinced.  Instead of taking advantage of a Republican FCC, why don’t the media companies buy up the Balkan countries?  After centuries of war, they should be able to get them cheap.  AOL Time-Warner can buy what’s still jokingly called Yugoslavia and spin off Serbia and Montenegro as separate companies.  Kosovo would be ideal for Disney to design a planned community, and would lessen the fiscal burden on AOLTW by getting a piece of Serbia out of their hands (and considering what Milosevic did, they’d have an easy time getting them to obey the “cast member” rules, and Eisner is only slightly less despotic).  Viacom could buy Bosnia and rename it Spike, with a special episode of Raw Is Sarajevo as the kick-off (Bosnians versus Serbs, Hell In A Cell?).  This is sounding better and better as I’m typing this…

Talk about an anticlimax.  No spectacular 63s like Veej shot on Friday, no jockeying for the lead after the first few holes ended.  It’s a bit upsetting that a great theater town like ours couldn’t produce a great show with a US Open on Sunday, especially considering Hale Irwin’s complete loss of emotional control at Medinah.  But it was sure worth it to see Jim Furyk, whose swing makes mine look like a pure pendulum, finally get that first major.  Furyk’s one of my faves, and not only because of that funky swing.  He’s only cashed in eight times, but he’s always there, always a threat to win it.  If he wasn’t able to pick up a major, he’d be one of our time’s Great Underestimated Golfers (yes, I know, he was ranked tenth in the world coming into the weekend, but he’s still underestimated).  Big, big congrats to him.

And who had the best round of the day on Sunday?  Yep, Kenny Perry.  Just cranking up again for his current domination of the non-major events, I guess.

So Tigger’s not defending a major title for the first time since 1999 when The Open Championship rolls around.  You just have this weird feeling he’s going to be doing things to Royal St. George’s that a human shouldn’t do.  It’s a long-hitters’ course; the last guy to win there in the Open was Greg Norman back when he was considered a long-hitter.  But then again, Sandy Lyle won an Open there, and he says it requires a lot more accuracy that it appears at first glance…oh, I can’t handicap it, especially with Furyk winning this weekend.  I’ll just watch the first couple rounds, marvel at the beauty of the County of Kent, and pay serious attention as the final groups tee off Saturday.

We know that there’s another person who won’t be defending a championship, and that’s Steve Kerr (Well, 90% of a chance…David who?  Steve was a Bull.  Fuck the Admiral.).  Since I lived in SanAn for six months while training at Fort Sham, I guess the Spurs’ victory can be considered a hometown type of thing, but I really don’t see it that way.  As for the actual process, “winning ugly” is still winning, folks.  It doesn’t have to be beautiful.  Unless it’s wrestling, where we’re not going to sit for phenomenal ugliness during our matches unless we’re complete marks who think that Trip and Nash have any business being inside of the Cell.

And speaking of neurotic dominance, next time we complain about WWE having the same guys always at the top and not elevating people, let’s have a look at the NBA’s ultimate showcase.  Over the last thirteen years (or if you’re a Chicagoan, since the Bulls’ first title, which is how we measure time here, kinda like “the twelfth year of the reign of Tiberius”), only four players have won NBA Finals MVP:  Michael, Hakeem, Shaq, and Duncan, all of them more than once (three for Shaq, two each for Hakeem and Duncan, and six for God).  At least three of the five positions on the floor are represented, but why’s there no love for point guards or small forwards?  Discrimination, I tell you.

(And speaking of that, I know someone’s asking this, and I’ll answer:  the last white guy to win Finals MVP was Larry Legend his own self in ’85-’86.  Considering that he might be the whitest guy in sports next to Ernie Els, I think us Caucasians still owe a few on the other side of the fence.)

And speaking of being owed, let’s see what kind of repayment for Sunday WWE pulled out of its cranially-blocked rectum:


Match Results:

Buh Buh Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, and Ivory Dudley versus Team Negro, Racially-Balanced Mixed Tag Match…:  And then the power went out for over an hour.  The whole neighborhood grid blew.  I’m not even going to pretend to try to catch up, and Slick Rick’s commentary during this time period will have to go to waste (from PK’s recap (and, yes, he is allowed to use Chris Crass or any variations thereof), I’m kinda glad it happened).  And to top it all off, what’s the first sight I see when it comes back on?  Jackie Fucking Gayda.

Rico over Spike TV Dudley (Pinfall, spinning kick):  Okay, Rico’s new look and new tramp will end up working for him.  Just stick to Adrian Street and don’t do Rick Rude, okay?

Randy Orton over Maven (Pinfall, neckbreaker):  I wasn’t taking this seriously either, folks.  However, Maven actually looked damn good out there (damn good for him, that is; only a couple of obviously blown spots).  Interference was kept to a minimum, and enough time was given to the match to tell a pretty good story.  Why can’t they do more matches like these?  They don’t have an excuse, not anymore, not ever.

La Res over Smoke ‘n Toke, Tag Title Rematch From Last Night (DQ, Fun With Folding Chairs):  So, now what does Van Dam do?  The IC title mix is too dense for him to effortlessly slip in like the sylph that he is.  He still gets pops for those high spots, though.  So, what to do, what to do…hell, if I can’t figure it out, the “creative team” sure as hell can’t either.  Wait and see, I guess.  But we can always hope that it involves Lance Storm in some way…hold it, is Dawn Marie doing anything on Smackdown worth mentioning?

Angle Developments:

An Opening Promo That Didn’t Suck?!:  Okay, who put what in the water down in Dallas?  Randy Orton keeping up with Mick Foley in a promo?  Foley showing some emotion, which is something he sure as hell didn’t do last week (and, in fact, was showing too much emotion, as if someone told him that he was a little bland)?  All in all, compelling and attracting, which is something opening promos haven’t been recently.  However, I’m disappointed that Mick didn’t come back with a line vis-a-vis mutilation regarding Orton’s tattoos.

And After The Power Came Back On, There Wasn’t Jack Shit SE-Wise, Except For Evolution’s Member Drive, Or, As Slick Rick Puts It, “OK, Given The Dead Bitch Thing, This Doesn’t Work”:  Well, that was an interesting transition, to say the least.  Nice to see that Bisch can step up and involve himself in a very, very creative fashion (although that whole situation desperately needed Fat Tony to oversell it like it was no tomorrow; Ross just wasn’t cutting it).  I’ll just finish the mail on this from Slick Rick because, as usual, he sums up what I want to say nicely:

Oh, sweet stip.  Let’s end the mask thing once and for all. Lets see him do the “I can’t remember what gimmick I want to do” thing…I like Glen Jacobs. I really do. He’s got so much more than the gimmicks he’s had will let him do, or more specifically the creative teams will let him do.  Yes, this is Kane Push #375. Hopefully this will be entertaining.

Actually, I’m just hoping this lasts more than one week.  And, yeah, definitely lose the mask.  He’ll have a lot of ‘splainin to do, Luthy, and that might really help the whole show.  Foley will be involved in this somehow, though, and I’d like to know in what way in advance.


Someone named Adam had the temerity to challenge my activities in the latest edition of RantWars.  He should know better by now.

I’d like to congratulate you on putting that turner guy in his place. He really did deserve to be eleminated weeks ago.

Yes, I know.  I made that point perfectly clear at the beginning of my response.  It was stating the obvious, but it needed to be brought out to keep it in context.  After all, someone shouldn’t be eliminated simply due to one bad column.  Otherwise, none of us, including Hyatte and Keith, would have jobs here.

One thing tho, did u really have to be that harsh on the guy?

Yes, I did.  And it’s spelled “you”.  The only person allowed to use “u” in place of “you” is Prince or whatever he’s calling himself now.

I mean i know he f*cked up major and all but i really dont think the abusiveness was necessary. All its going to do, is show readers that because you write for 411 and ure an established IWC columnist, you feel u have the right to take the comlpete piss out of and degrade someone who wasnt born as talented in the writing department as you.

Yes, I do.  It’s called “noblesse oblige” (the same attitude, in fact, that led me to dub Dave Scherer “Milord”).  I am an IWC Celebrity, and it’s part of the charter that I can use that position to abuse, denigrate, and humiliate people not at my level.  In fact, I’m one of the few who have the right to abuse, denigrate, and humiliate people at or above my level (see Scherer, Dave, Ryder, Bob, or Meltzer, Dave).  If someone is inferior, I have the privilege, nay, the duty, to tell people so in terms that are, in two words, not uncertain.  And it’s my duty right now to put you in You’re A Moron because you question my right to do that out of a sense of “being nice”.

Look, you dumbf*ck, I am NOT A NICE PERSON.  I have made this absolutely clear time and time again.  In fact, what I did to Talentless Turner, I ENJOYED!  I went off on him not only because I could, but because I was thrilled at the thought of him reading this and breaking down into tears.  Some troll wrote me saying that I was doing this out of a sense of inferiority.  Wrong.  I have inferiority complexes over other things.  Not my writing talent, though, or in my ability to judge the talent of others.

I once stopped my best friend from writing for over three years by criticizing his work.  If I’d do that to my best f*cking friend, what’s stopping me from doing it to others?  I hope that I have, indeed, stopped Turner from writing about wrestling for eternity, since I don’t find anything in his material to be worth salavaging or developing.  Publicly humiliating him is the easiest and most effective way to stop the bacillus from multiplying before it takes over the host organism.

Like I told Smitty over the weekend when he wrote me about this:   “Literary blight” is a picturesque phrase, but so inadequate for situations like this.

I am the Addison DeWitt of the IWC.  Live with it, bitch.

Like i said before, im not in any disagreement with you about the guys writing and i sure as hell am in awe for your dedication towards the sport and your writings

As you should be.  I don’t demand that everyone bow before me and prostrate themselves.  However, I do make it perfectly clear that if they should do so, life is easier on all of us.

but please dont become like our favorite family with power and hurt people just because you have the power to.

Comparing someone to the McMahons has to be the IWC equivalent of Godwin’s Law.  Yeah, stoop that low, bitch-boy.  It really gives you a load of credibility.

Its not nice


and your response sure as hell is gonna stop people from wanting to enter another similar competition for fear of complete humiliation.

Congratulations.  You got the point.  Yes, I am trying to dissuade people from entering similar competitions.  The people who are smart enough and talented enough know that if their writing is bulletproof, I can’t get at them.  And it’s those people who I want writing for this site.  I don’t want no-talents infiltrating 411’s main page.  It’s bad enough that we have a forum with people who think they can be columnists.

This was supposed to be something fun, it had a serious nature

“Fun with a serious nature”?  Please define this…on second thought, don’t.  It’s obvious you don’t have a f*cking clue in the first place.

and a lot of dedication on behalf of the entrants but think about being in that guy’s shoes. Wanting to live a dream and having some big deal rip you to pieces because u f*cked up.

Welcome to the real world.  Hope you enjoy your stay.

And it’s time to weed through the ol’ in-box to determine if anyone has actually contributed something worth mentioning…


I have to apologize for throwing this one after YAM, because there’s some reactionary who’s going to make some sort of subliminal connection.  Last week, I gave The Only Man More Liberal Than I Am, Zach Singer, a long, uninterrupted say about politics.  In the full interest of fairness, I will now turn the floor over to My Fascist Bud John King, who’s enjoying himself at a drug conference in San Antonio this week (just fork over some of the free samples my way, okay?), but, since I’m on the other side, I’ll interrupt:

Oh Lord will somebody please rid me of this Berkley-bred extra-crunchy hippy. My god Eric where do you find these people. I am all for lively debate, but that so-called manifesto looks like it was written with lite-brites or on an etch-a-sketch. Where did this guy prep anyway? Looks like he was in the 2002 class from Moscow U. with Bill Moyers and Paul Krugman. Is he gunning for the job at the Times or something? Did you forward his screed to Pinch?

Hey, people write me.  What can I say?  And if I’m going to pimp anyone to any member of the Sulzberger clan for an op-ed slot, it’s going to be me.  You know that, John.

Where the hell was Mr. “Blame America” when his role model was getting his barber pole waxed in the White House and they lying about it to a federal judge.

Oh, John, let’s not bring up the adultery thing again.  You know how effective it was at the time (as in, it wasn’t), and it just makes the Other Side look like fools for harping on it.  It’s just like Kissinger said:  power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.  And you’d lie to a federal judge about it too if you were married to HER.

Again the only reason that Reagan and Bush were doing what they were doing is that there were people out there with guns who wanted to snuff our way of life and impose a neo-Marxist state on us.

As opposed to the Reagan/Bush/Bush Axis, who want to impose a neo-fascist state on us.  Give me one good reason as to why Ashcroft exists.  Not even conservatives defend him.

Now that may make Comrade Singer happy as a pig in shit, but that majority of Americans and people with a freaking clue saw what Russia was all about and didn’t want any of it.

John, there is a difference between Marxism and Leninism, namely the fact that Leninism is a bastardization of Marxism, with loads of misassumptions and a complete concentration on class warfare.  That being said, Marxism is pretty full of shit too.

Who was the first president to get embarrassed by the Middle East. CARTER with the Iran hostage crisis.

Uh, I’d go for Nixon and the 1973 oil embargo, a situation directly precipitated by our support of Israel in the Yom Kippur War.  Conveniently forgot about that, didn’t you?  Of course, Nixon was being embarassed by everything else at that time as well, so it may have slipped through the Watergate-induced cracks.

And in true liberal half-assed fashion he screwed that up and made us look even weaker. Much like his hero Clinton, who took
his cock and balls out of a 20 year olds mouth long enough to lob a few cruise missiles at an aspirin factory. Real tough and brave.

John, please, take a look at how Desert One failed before using it as backup.  Any military operation can go wrong, and Desert One did, big-time.  As for what Clinton was doing, personally, I think that concentrating on domestic policy (so to speak) was a little more important at the time than Iraq.  Let’s face it, do you want a testosterone-addled horndog with his finger on the button?

Calm the f*ck down? Well there you go. That is the Democratic message for 2004. You will really go far with that. Lets look back at the last 8 years shall we. Trade Center is attacked, Bill Clinton bites his lip and DOES NOTHING. Pretty calm. Bin-Laden is offered up on a platter and Bill Clinton DOES NOTHING. Pretty calm. Bill Clinton basically strong-arms Israel into giving up damm near its whole country so he can get a Nobel Peace Prize and erase the taint of Monica and Yassar (Also a Nobel prize winner, along with FREAKING JIMMY CARTER). We all see how that turned out didn’t we.

So before Singer wants to rewrite history, he need to remember that before 9/11 we were not doing anything objectionable in the Middle East except for containing Saddam, which ALL THE DAMM countries in there wanted us to do.  Saudi Arabia was terrified of him and also of the extremists. They bought the latter off, but the former would have been a pain in our arse for the longest time, as well as continue to inflame the extremists for us being on the “holy soil” of Islam. So we were able to kill two birds with one stone.

My counter here is to state that, eventually, Saddam would probably have become Qadaffi and attempted to make bridges, in his own asinine and ineffective way, toward his former “enemies”.  As for the whole “holy soil” thing, the Baathists use(d) religious arguments as part of a pan-Arabist platform.  As Sunnis, they aren’t on the extreme end of the scale when it comes to Islam.  In other words, they’re horse-shitting their constitutency as much as the Republicans do when they use religious arguments.  And speaking of religion…

What the hell is wrong with having strong religious influence from anyone?

Because the use of God for political gains is repulsive, and it’s caused more deaths than anything other than disease and natural causes, as you state later on.

At least we are spared the sight of having Clinton leaving church with a bible after spending time trying to look up the choir robes of women.

And religious hypocrisy is certainly not limited to Bubba. as you well know.

Islam is a religion of violence, as is Christianity and is every other one on the earth. More people have died in the name of religion than of anything else, even more than you poster-boy Stalin was able to kill Mr. Singer.

Hey, Stalin isn’t Zach’s poster boy, he’s mine.

But we are not declaring jihad on those who do not agree with us, we are declaring jihad on these who have killed us and brought the fight to us, and that is a BIG FUCKING difference.

Thus fulfilling the Christian doctrine of “turn the other cheek”.

I’m taking the book “Useful Idiots” with me and I will not bat an eye if your name pops up somewhere in it. I’m surprised you can walk and feed yourself without government help.

This line, John, is a great example of why I love reading your stuff.

So we are not supposed to defend Israel against a bunch of illiterate, hate-filled unwashed masses that make a West Virginia hillbilly seem like a damm Rhodes Scholar.

Yes.  Fuck Israel.  Fifty-five years of playing the pity card is long enough.  Stand or fall on your own, and let us save the five billion a year in subsidies.  Find a goddamn way to co-exist, or let the place go up in flames.

The left is just mad that the Jewish vote is going to shift to the right in a BIG WAY, as the Jews are waking up and seeing that
the left has led them to a dead-end, and has used them. Watch that the Hispanics will be next because they are seeing the Estrada filibuster for what it is: the left whining and crying and not playing fair because they have not got their way.

Won’t happen, and won’t happen.  The Estrada filibuster was pure politics rather than racially-motivated in its primary aspects, and I think the Demos are going to give up trying to convert the Cuban vote (even with Florida in play again).

What the hell does he want to do about a fellow traveler on the left in North Korea? Is a Korean life worth more or less than an Iraqi? Than an Israeli? Than a Palestinian? Than an American? Since your moral compass is firmly planted toward to left, where do you decide how many lives are worth how many? I eagerly await you justification. The only reason that Seoul is not a big a ball of fire with their CONVENTIONAL weapons is that they know with 40,000 American troops, that North Korean would be glowing from space
for the next hundred or so years.

And maybe if the South Koreans got a clue and signed an actual peace treaty with the North Koreans, maybe there wouldn’t have to be forty thousand American troops there.

My feelings about North Korea are thus:  it’s Albania With Kimchee.  The only ones have any influence over them are the Chinese (just like the Albanians, surprisingly), and Jiang and his proteges are too damn pragmatic to let anything happen in the region, if only for the sake of economics.  Let them develop nukes.  They almost certainly don’t have the willpower or desire to use them, even if there was the US looking over their shoulder with a response doctrine.

The only reason we are the big boy on the block is because people like you are kept in small coops and only allowed to be teachers or network news anchors.

And the only reason we are where we are is that the Founders had brains and intelligence to declare, in writing, that this country wouldn’t be unduly swayed by religion or partisanship.  Hence, the Religious Reich is shut out, despite all their efforts to the contrary.

I know its breaking your heart that the USSR has gone the way of the dodo, but there was a reason. First of all they were not true communists, because the cycle continues long after it stopped after 1917.

What I’d really say is that they weren’t true Marxists, just like I’d say that the neocons are not true Conservatives.  Have you ever read State and RevolutionFear and Loathing In Las Vegas is more coherent.

Second of all our way of life, our way of doing things, has been what the rest of the world strives to emulate (maybe not France or Belgium) because it stresses FREEDOM and CHOICE, two things that Islam does not offer. But it does offer an ass-pocket of virgins if you kill yourself. It also allows you to lie to a non-muslim to deceive them. Really great role models to emulate there huh?

And if you take your religion seriously, then, yes, if you’re a Muslim, you would not want to emulate somewhere that has freedom and choice.  The word “islam”, after all, means “submission”.

Remember our country was founded by people with a religious bent, and that was displayed amply in the Constitution.

Which provides us with freedom from religious domination.  No state religion.  The multiple European wars that took place due to the Reformation were still reasonably fresh enough for philosophers to state that a newly-born nation-state should take steps against having a national religion.  That’s how England ended up with a Dutch midget and a bunch of constipated Germans on the throne.

Maybe if you put down The Nation and The New York Times and read it, you might understand why the crap you slung in your missive didn’t stick to the wall for anybody with a brain that got past the sixth grade. When people like you bring this “Its America’s Fault” crap, then 1000 more people join the Republican Party.

Mostly because Americans, especially recently in history, have been indoctrinated in the philosophy of “It’s Not Our Fault”.  Americans don’t take blame for anything.

People do not like being told they are crap for loving their country, especially after it was attacked to give some splinter group their jollies?

They are crap for loving their country if the love is completely blind.  America was NOT blameless for September 11th.  Live up to those facts.  And it would be absolutely hypocritical to bring up the “people”.  The people of Iraq were as blameless as the people of the US, and did nothing to deserve having their country get invaded simply due to the stupidity of their leadership.  You can’t have it both ways.

How many attacks have you seen since? How happy are the majority of people in Iraq to not have to live in fear? How scared are Syria and Iran, where the people are seeing the results of American power to FREE people who deserve it?

How happy were people in Eastern Europe to be free of Communism?  Very happy.  I was in Europe at the time, and I can tell you that for certain.  But how happy were they when the transition to “freedom” was harder than they thought?  Not very.  That’s why some of the former Soviet republics found their way back into hard-ass dictators’ hands.  And it’s not only the Asian republics that you knew it’d happen to.  Ask the people in Belarus and Moldova.  Eddie S is the only thing preventing Georgia from being the same way.  For that matter, I truly wonder what the Czech Republic would have done if Havel hadn’t used the power of his own personality to keep them from backsliding.  Assad and the imams have very little to fear if it’s shown that the Iraqis aren’t taking to their new status very well.

Instead you wallow at the trough of the same old tired Democratic playbook, one that has led to their displacement as the party of choice because they offer nothing new, except Blame America, Be Ashamed of America and Reign in American Power because Lord knows people are not smart enough to think for themselves and take pride in their country.

But the Republicans have made “think for yourselves” and “take pride in your country” to be mutually exclusive.  They want mindless patriots who think that America can do no wrong, especially under a Republican president.  I’d rather use my freedom of expression to question the government’s actions.  If that causes me to take less pride in America, so be it.  I’m sure that the GOP would find that acceptable.  If GOPers can be ashamed of Bubba, I can be ashamed of Dubbaya.

Its people like you that made Fox News the #1 cable news show, and why people are now able to make their own decisions, and they are turning away from your side because you can’t do anything positive to a persons life except throw money and government control over it.

All a philosophy of positivity accomplishes is blinding people to the truth.  What’s the first step in any twelve-step program?  Admit you have a problem.  Only then will it be possible to solve it.  And people will turn against the GOP when they realize that all they’re doing is bluffing and bullshitting, and not providing real solutions to real problems except by occasionally turning to ideologically-acceptable nostrums that simply don’t work.  Tax cuts come to mind immediately.

And speaking of Fox News, Jeff Proctor, an expert on the subject due to his working for a Fox affiliate, chimes in again with a contradiction to one of my statements:

You are wrong about one thing, we will not have a democratic incumbent in 2008. The great unwashed don’t think the lack of WMD is an issue. Nobody liked Saddam, and we’re glad he’s gone. We’ll probably roll out Uday for a perp walk somtime in September or October to make it look even better. The common ignorant slob watching Fox News Channel (and remember, I work for a Fox affiliate, I know the demographics) doesn’t trust a democrat to protect us, especially with O’Reilly/Cavuto/Smith hammering the idea home every Monday through Friday. Limbaugh is such an ass that undecided voters don’t take him seriously. The opposite is true with the FNC crew.

And the Demos should harp on that issue, keep bringing up the fact that Iraq happened on false pretenses.  Make it clear to the American public that Dubbaya is a complete liar, and that Americans should be ashamed to have him as president.  That’s what turned people against Nixon.  It wasn’t the dirty pool tactics, it was the fact that he lied about doing them to the American people.

Back to John…

The day we stop fighting back against those who seek to kill and conquer us is the day we become the European Union, which would then allow you to consort with your brethern of turning a blind eye and appeasement, which we know has worked SO WELL in the past, especially in Europe and the Middle East.

I’m convinced that the main reason the GOP hates the EU is because the EU is more populous than the US and has a bigger economy.  Talk about small-dick syndrome.

We don’t go looking for fights, but we will damm sure win one if someone brings it first.

Oh, bullshit.  The more the claims of large-scale WMD in Iraq are proven to be false, the more this lie is exposed.  What did the Iraqis do to us that caused us to invade?  No WMD to speak of, very little about al-Qaeda support.  And let’s bring up history again.  What did the Nicaraguans do to us that caused us to fork cash over to the Contras?  What did the Chileans do to us in 1973 that caused us to send in the CIA to oust an elected president?  The United States, especially under Republican presidencies, can be as big a bully as ever seen.

You might as well get used to it because your way of life is being restricted to the left coast and selected egghead institutions. The rest of America has left you and your tired, hoary ideas in their closet with their pet rock, Rubik’s cube, and copy of Das Kapital.  Grow up.

And soon we can say that we have left the arguments of the neocons and the neofascists restricted to certain geographic areas and selected Neanderthal institutions like Fox News.  It’s the pendulum of history, and it’s starting to swing back our way again.  2004 will be the wake-up call, John, and you know it.

Hope that wasn’t too didactic for you.  I know you think that I don’t spout the party line, and I hate to ruin that rep.

I’d like to close with a memo to Ned Moraghan, who asked me a bunch of questions in this particular field, so here’s my answers:

1) WMDs did exist, mostly in the area of chemical warfare, but they were of insufficient quantity to pose a threat, certainly not of the quantity that the Junta claimed he had.  Saddam burned up his stock in the war with Iran and then against the Kurds, and the sanctions prevented large-scale replacement.

2) We were justified in attacking Afghanistan because there was a concrete connection between al-Qaeda and the Taliban, and it could be seen as preemptive defense against other attacks of a terrorist nature.

3) We were never justified in attacking Iraq, either in 1991 or in 2003.

4) The world is a better place without the Taliban around, but not necessarily without Saddam.  Only time will tell with the latter.

5) Long-term prospects for peace in the Middle East have nothing to do with Saddam’s status.

6) I agree with removing troops from Saudi Arabia and Korea, but our troops in Germany should stay because of NATO obligations.  Besides, I had a good time there while serving.

7) Lieberman isn’t the best candidate for the Demos unless they decide to take the fight on to Dubbaya’s turf.  That’s not a good proposition for 2004.  There needs to be more of a contrast in the contest, and they’d do better with Kerry.

And now on to other matters…

Regular Timothy Byrne has some nice remarks about a certain Shawn Michaels:

I cannot believe the absolute worship that this guy engenders.  Reality check – he was the top star of the WWE for 1-2 years at an absolute maximum.

Agreed.  The guy’s too damn pumped up by the IWC.  However, it’s pretty much a case of the IWC buying into WWE’s hype and some purposefully-blurred memories of one of the worst periods in WWE’s history.  Michaels was great mostly in comparison to everything else happening at the time.

He was perhaps the worst backstage offender in WWE history (only matched by Trip and Hogan) in terms of holding people down, refusing to job etc.

Yes, Michaels’ refusal to lay down is a running joke in the IWC, what with “losing my smile” and all that.  However, there’s no real indication of how much finding Jeebus, growing up, and getting off drugs has really improved him.  He doesn’t need to use stroke since Trip, who has power now that the Clique only dreamed about in 1995, will do it for him.  He’s got perfect cover to be a conniver without any backlash on him, because Trip and Nash are there to take the brunt of it.  But it isn’t clear about whether he’s done the deed or not, unlike with Trip.

He certainly put on some great matches when he was in his prime by my standards (and by the standards of many of the IWC) but the period during which he was at the top of the card was one of the worst-drawing periods in WWE history.  Do you think ANYONE with a financial stake in the WWE cares if he’s a better pure wrestler than say Hogan?

The spin on this one is that any period post-Hogan would have been a down period for WWE, and it was Michaels (and Hart) who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The fact is that it’s both the Clique’s and WWE’s fault that what happened, happened.  If Russo and Shane had been able to push the basics of Attitude on Vince two years earlier, Austin and Flex might be in the same boat Jericho and Booker are in right now.

I’ve read columns calling people like Michaels the ‘best-ever’, the ‘most dominant ever’.

The IWC lives on a diet of hyperbole.  You should know that by now, Tim.  Any statement like that should be questioned, even when it’s Flair in 1989 or mid-90s Kawada.  The people who write them are simply talking out their asses, trying to produce as much hype as the hypemaster himself, Vince.

Hogan, much as I find his matches boring, was top of the card as follows (and drawing consistent money) from 1984-1998 (with some breaks) in one federation or another. That’s FOURTEEN YEARS.  Ditto for Flair from 1981-1997. Similiar longevity for Bret Hart, Terry Funk, Bruno Sammartino, and even someone like Sting or at a pinch Randy Savage or (gulp) the Undertaker.

You’ve delved into an area of major contention, Tim.  Hogan and Flair are sine qua non in drawing ability, not primus inter pares.

You’re definitely wrong about Bret Hart.  He’s in the same boat as his arch-enemy Michaels when it comes to longevity and dominance, and he’s treated the same way you think people treat Michaels.  He’s definitely worthy of praise, but not as much as everyone gives him.  And please note that it was his refusal to job the title in Montreal that led to that whole situation, so don’t claim he was ego-free.  I think that the deification of Bret Hart can get a little bit nauseating sometimes, but it did give us one great thing:  that was the situation that sent Sean Shannon spinning around the bend, and we were all entertained by that.  Stop pimping him, like you did in your follow-up letter to me.

Sammartino was dominant in a time prior to nationalization, so he doesn’t really count.  Funk’s best years were spent under that same condition, and when nationalization came, he really wasn’t able to take advantage of it.  Lou Thesz might be the closest thing you could bring up in that milleu, but there’s still no real comparison.  I think you can definitely make a split here between Before Hogan and After Hogan, since Hogan was the springboard for Vince being able to take the WWF national.  It really was a different game, and in this instance, we’re playing with Vince’s rulebook.  There are much better cases to be made with Jerry Lawler and Dusty Rhodes than with Sammartino and Funk.

Sting was inside of Flair’s shadow, Savage in Hogan’s.  Sting was able to keep WCW afloat between 1991 and 1993 while Flair was Up North, but he had a lot of help courtesy of Vader and the Dangerous Alliance.  And once Savage was pulled free of Hogan, Vince had a new play toy in the Ultimate Warrior, and there was never a chance to see what he could do in Hogan’s position.  So I’d count them out too.

UT, never.  Vince never gave him the reins and let him run with it.  WM13 was a test, and UT failed.  Of course, he was forced to try to get a watchable main event to WM with Sid, so I don’t blame him for failing.  That was a no-win situation.  What you can credit UT with, though, is his remarkable consistency.  He came in at upper-mid-card in November 1990, and he’s never been lower than that since.  Mark Calloway and his bookers deserve kudos for pulling that off.

Memo to Regular HBK826:  I don’t really take credit for the Rico thing.  I give the bulk of it to Sullislug for the Adrian Street template idea.  My concept, yes, but it was his refinement that was the key.

Memo to Regular Derrill Guilbert:  No, saying good things about Scott Keith will not get your status revoked.  There are many good things to say about Scott, like the fact that every recapper rips him off, especially now that memories of Petrie in his prime are fading (Zim’s always been a complete joke).  It’s just that you can’t become too full of yourself while trying to maintain your position as the People’s Recapper without someone pointing out your flaws.  Keeps the ego in check, especially when it’s someone like Hyatte doing it.  Fortunately, I’m immune to said practice because I really don’t give a f*ck what anyone says about me.  As for his intelligence, Subsidiary Memo to Steven Brown:  140-150 is considered genius-level, while 190 is considered super-genius.  I am not going to reveal my particular IQ test results except to say that my result was higher than Keith’s.

Memo again to John Harris:  I’ve already declared Kerry my guy for next year, on the basis that I like his position and I like the fact that he’s got the ammo to oust the Junta.  So I’ll stick by my guns until and unless he’s out.  As for what Brian Urlacher is worth…the moon.  He’s that good.  Well, that and the fact that we love our middle linebackers here in Chicago.

More Memo to John Schwind:  Since you’re local, I’d like to meet with you and explain why all of us are so negative on WWE.  Let’s do it during Smackdown, so I can point out every single flaw to you.  That should kill your enjoyment of WWE programming for a while.

Derek Scheutz has a request:

Since they’re making all his shirts saying BDC, can you please, at least once, refer to him as Backup Domain Controller?  A little shout out to the NT 4 Server geeks in the audience would be nice.

But not very au courant with Server 2003 out.  Gotta keep up with the times and all.

And I gotta keep up with other things going on.  So, until tomorrow, buh bye.