Hopefully this double-sized column will make up for yet another lost week. Bear with me people, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and then I can go back to what I do best – sitting around on my butt and watch television. No matter how evil HHH is, no matter how incompetent the McMahons seem, no matter how buried your favorite Canadian wrestler is, wrestling in any form is always better than doing stuff.
Readers’ Picks: The Foley Flop
Amazingly, I still get email despite being locked in a vortex of non-wrestling. It makes me proud to see that the philosophy spelled forth in this column keeps readers tuned in, focusing on the good and sharing what they find with myself and each another. Reader C. L. Witston was inspired by something very specific that makes the Hardcore Legend a step above the rest to him:
Raw, on the 9th, showed the return of Mick Foley, and the return of the only man who can take a proper pedigree. I’ve been complaining to my friends for months now, about how no one takes it correctly anymore. They all yank their hands free, put a leg down to brace their fall. It looks really bad, and some (The Rock, for example) don’t even bother try to make it look good. Mick Foley, back after such a long hiatus to the ring, not only takes a very cool bump into the steps, but takes TWO proper pedigrees. It’s a little thing like that, that after all this time he will still properly take a move, that endears me to Foley
That is something that I had never really paid attention to before, but had me watching over the weekend and into Monday. Whatever does the trick folks. In fact, watching all of the wrestling that went down over the past 48 hrs brought to mind some of the things that this column has been endorsing since its inception. Let’s take a look first at some nuggets of entertainment from the Bad Blood pay-per-view:
1. Watch That First Step
I told everyone a long long time ago (my Xmas column to be specific) that Scott Steiner is amusing for the same reasons that the Ultimate Warrior was amusing – he is an oversized oaf whose interviews and mannerisms can be both bumbling and humorous at the same time. It took a good while, but that slip off the apron while Test was arguing with Stacy was the type of thing that you can laugh about for hours when watching it with a group of friends. Sure, both my brother and best friend missed it (bathroom break and not paying attention in general, respectively), but I saw it and it entertained me. And that is all that counts!
2. The Right Stripes
Nothing wrong with a little nostalgia. When Mick broke out the old refs uniform that he had spray painted from his heyday, it really brought back memories. I wasn’t expecting it, but it was nice to see.
3. Dance of Joy
I’m just dying to write about how much I like La Resistance. Out of all of the young stars to get a push, I believe these guys above all of them are doing the little things to make their characters most effective. I mean, the berets were good enough to get noticed on their own, but they have since added some pretty outlandish capes with Cap’n Crunch-style epaulets to make it that much more over-the-top. Rene then ups the ante by doing one of the goofiest dances I’ve ever seen to start his matches. Perfect – remember, we love wrestlers that dance in this column. Just the way these guys smile and strut around really makes you believe that they enjoy being in the ring and performing their characters. Easily the highlight of the tag division at least as far as this column is concerned.
4. Looks That Kill
We also love exaggerated facial expressions in this column and our go-to guy delivered once again last night. When Eric Bischoff heard Mae and Moolah’s music hit, that look of disgust in his eyes hit Vince-like levels. I don’t care how many recappers bemoan the use of low-brow humor, I’ll continue to laugh at it. Where else will you find it acceptable to have someone call an old woman a sea hag? You’re watching wrestling, people, not Friends.
5. Test Drive
This may be the first time I’ve ever written about Test in this column. Well, 6+ months is better late than never, I suppose. I thought his performance against Scott Steiner stood out not only against his previous performances, but against those of his colleagues on the card as well. Textbook little things like mocking his opponent’s mannerisms (the push-ups), acting like a conceited jerk (gesturing towards Stacy) and throwing a temper tantrum when he did not get his 3 count were much appreciated. It was like he was a totally different wrestler.
All and all, without even mentioning the above-average HITC match, I thought the show was pretty enjoyable for a first stab at a RAW-only show. Yes, I know, so and so thought this and so and so thought that. So and so might want to step up their dosage of Prozac or something to lighten up.
In fact, after watching RAW, I wondered how many of the glass-half-empty types would at least admit that WWe made a very conscious attempt at pushing some new blood into the limelight. I didn’t see much of a reaction to it, but some of these guys caught my eye. Let’s take a look at who put forth the most attention to details for the 06.16.2003 edition of RAW:
1. Too Cool For Words
This was almost as funny to me as the Steiner blunder from the pay-per-view. After viewing Rico’s backstage vignette with the rest of us, all JR could say was “What the hell?†in this totally beleaguered and disgusted tone. I’m still laughing about it today because the humor is grounded in reality. Guys like Rico really would bewilder guys like JR if they met somewhere in public. I’m not sure if it helped get Rico’s character over, but it definitely got a rise out of me.
While I’m on the topic, I think what would get his character over more effectively is being more over the top. I think maybe he should have a chat with Dustin on this matter. Right now the character is in that territory where that old “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea†gimmick is – kinda odd, has a hot valet, not much else to it.
2. Open Up And Say Ahhh
Two wrestlers used their tongues to put good touches on their respective characters. First, Rico flipped his towards some fans that were probably questioning his sexual preference while applying a headlock to Spike, which is exactly what he should do as prescribed above. The best usage though goes to Mr. Foley, whose wiggling of the tongue while lurking through the ropes and holding up that sock just made him look that much more demented and ready to take damage. This is what makes Foley God.
3. Head For The Hills
So they add a pre-match hug and make themselves that much more entertaining in my eye. But let me tell you, I almost jumped off of my sofa when Grenier (I think) made a run through the crowd when Kane went beserk. If only JR had sold it as sign of cowardice (remember Austin’s pep talk – this was supposed to be a display of American might surpassing the cowardly French) I would be inclined to believe that someone important really does read me. But alas, JR was asleep at the switch as usual and my hopes were dashed once again. Great effort by the bookers, though. I absolutely love this tag team.
4. Ab Fab
This will serve as a quick reminder of why Y2J is one of the resident heroes of this column. I find myself working harder in the gym so I can have abs like Jericho. That way I can point at them like does when he walks to the ring. Jericho looks like he is finally realizing that he is cooler than everyone in the locker room, although a few years too late for my taste.
5. Good Night Sweet Prince
Steve Austin didn’t have to bring the pillow and sheets out to get the point across that Lance Storm is boring. But he did. It made the segment for me. I’m not sure how wise it is to mock your own stars or give the fans a phrase like that to chant, but it could become funny if it becomes a Storm-centric gag. Of course, if it catches on to the point where all the matches are targets woo boy.
Keep the comments coming and I’ll see you next week (hopefully).
