Grut Vs. Daniels 06.24.03


VPJG: Welcome to another Grutman vs. Daniels. Daniels is on vacation in God knows where. Flea is filling in. Hiya, Flea!
Ryder Fakin: Hello
VPJG: How are you?
VPJG: Drunk?
Ryder Fakin: Of course noy
Ryder Fakin: Not
VPJG: Uh huh. Filthy drunk. Maybe if you stopped drinking, you’d still be with us here at 411.
Ryder Fakin: Maybe if you guys would drink more, I wouldn’t be banished
VPJG: Good point. Topic is the greatest wrestler of all time. You can pick first.
Ryder Fakin: Easy…Cactus
VPJG: Angle.
VPJG: But good choice.
Ryder Fakin: How does this work…am I supposed to defend Cactus or attack Angle?
VPJG: Defend Cactus, attack Angle and me.
VPJG: Like I can say Cactus is a fat guy who falls down real well and you’re so far up Hyatte’s ass you see sunlight.
Ryder Fakin: Right…Cactus rules….Angle is a chump for being a pussy and letting Vince turn him face heel face heel face heel face heel face….
Ryder Fakin: And Grut sucks
VPJG: Wow. Clever. You’re making me miss PK.
Ryder Fakin: Ten lines in and you go to gimmick
VPJG: Angle is the improvement on Ric Flair. Every match he has, when given the opportunity, is a great one.
Ryder Fakin: GRUT = funnier than a carload of dead babies
VPJG: FLEA= Drunker then a carload for of micks on St. Patty’s Day.
VPJG: Flea=Drunker then the entire Puerto Rican Day parade combined.
Ryder Fakin: I can’t bitch about Angle…except he has a hell of a lot of nerve saying “I’m Great!” when he ain’t had a ***** match
VPJG: Bull f*cking shit.
VPJG: Benoit at the Royal Rumble this year.
Ryder Fakin: And learn how to spell Puerto Rican…S.P.I.C.
VPJG: That’s why I edit this thing
Ryder Fakin: Better not…FLEA DON’T EDIT (Editor’s note: Grutman does)
Ryder Fakin: Match at RR was good
Ryder Fakin: Not great
Ryder Fakin: No blood
VPJG: The ending was the most exciting thing I’ve ever seen in wrestling.
VPJG: A guy has to kill himself for a match to be great?
Ryder Fakin: Watch Flair / Funk….now that’s good stuff
Ryder Fakin: Cactus / HBK
Ryder Fakin: Austin / Bret
VPJG: After what they’ve done together, if you say the Benoit/Angle series isn’t up there with them, you’re on crack.
Ryder Fakin: More guys have neck surgery off of Germans than falling on concrete
Ryder Fakin: And I don’t do drugs
VPJG: So? Wouldn’t that boost them up in your argument?
Ryder Fakin: Nope
Ryder Fakin: There was no ANGER there
Ryder Fakin: INTENSITY
VPJG: You’re on crack.
Ryder Fakin: Crown
VPJG: Benoit is bottled intensity.
Ryder Fakin: Compared to Cactus he’s bottled water
VPJG: Oh yeah. I guess if Benoit screamed after each punch he’d be up there.
Ryder Fakin: Not when the f*cker he is fighting ain’t punching him
Ryder Fakin: Ever see Piper hit Valentine with a chain?
Ryder Fakin: INTESITY
VPJG: Nope.
VPJG: Ever see Kurt really hook in the ankle lock, screaming and pulling?
Ryder Fakin: Ignorant prick said FUCK in front of my kid….even I don’t do that
VPJG: Hey! Wanna let Daniels in on this?
Ryder Fakin: Sure!
VPJG: He’s back from vacation.
Ryder Fakin: PULLING MY PUD, NC….I’ve been there
Ryder Fakin: All of this typing better not be in vain
Ryder Fakin: Fucking Daniels bailed, dude
VPJG: Did he? Mother f*cker
Ryder Fakin: You gave him the wrong link, dumb ass
VPJG: I’m trying. I’M TRYING!
Ryder Fakin: There he is
Kaisen316: So what’s this I hear Grut is doing Grut v Daniels without Daniels?
VPJG: Okay. Well, jerkass has returned.
Ryder Fakin: Catch him up to speed GRUT…
Kaisen316: It doesn’t matter, Flea is winning
VPJG: So, we just pretty much covered my pick. Greatest wrestler of all time. I took Angle. Flea took Cactus.
Kaisen316: So obviously Flea is winning
Kaisen316: Even though you’re both wrong.
VPJG: BULLSHIT! Angle does nothing wrong. Who’d you pick?
Ryder Fakin: Yeah!
Kaisen316: Obviously the greatest wrestler of all time is “Pistol” Pez Whatley
Ryder Fakin: OH 411 = COMEDY…I forgot
VPJG: I thought you were going the cheap Flair route or something. Flea, how does a guest behave?
Ryder Fakin: They usually throw up in Desi’s plants
Kaisen316: Flair is the obvious choice for something like that, but I wouldn’t pick him because it would be too easy to argue
Kaisen316: And “Flair is the greatest wrestler of all time” is played out
Ryder Fakin: Well, he is
Ryder Fakin: 20 years ago
VPJG: While Daniels decides between Bret Hart and some other over rated hack, Flea, why don’t you give your Cactus argument?
Kaisen316: Nah, I’ll take Shawn F’N Michaels
VPJG: Wow! I was right!
Ryder Fakin: OK….Cactus vs. HHH street fight aces anything done in the last 5 years
Kaisen316: Obviously, because Shawn has been in retirement for five years
VPJG: Except the Benoit/Angle/Edge/Rey Mysterio series.
Ryder Fakin: Last great match was vs. Cactus
Ryder Fakin: Strike that Hell in the Cell was his mast great one
Ryder Fakin: Last (Grut you better edit this thing or call me a drunk quick)
Kaisen316: You drunk
VPJG: Fucking horrible abusive drunk.
Ryder Fakin: Fuck you
VPJG: It was good. Foley is an amazing bump taker.
VPJG: Even he admitted his offense wasn’t the best.
Ryder Fakin: He only had one great move – getting his ass kicked
Ryder Fakin: C’mon DANIELS!
VPJG: Michaels is a great wrestler who had great matches. He’s not even in the top 5.
VPJG: Foley is in the top five.
Kaisen316: I will take nothing from Foley, because Foley is, indeed, God… but he has nothing on Shawn Michaels.
Ryder Fakin: So let’s play top five
VPJG: In a minute.
Ryder Fakin: I’ve got mine…shoot when you are ready
Kaisen316: Michaels has more charisma, can work the fans better…. for grabbing fan support and playing a crowd, neither of your choices even compare
VPJG: Angle has the best of every wrestler in the world. He has the intensity of Benoit, takes bumps like Foley (maybe not anymore), has offense like…. Angle, gives interviews like a really polished stand up comic and other stuff I’m too lazy to remember.
Ryder Fakin: You were almost like butter on a roll there, kiddo
Kaisen316: If by butter on a roll you mean “wrong as hell” I agree
Ryder Fakin: Hey! I’m trying to play to the Urban audience! Don’t front me and don’t confuse them!
Kaisen316: Word up.
VPJG: Yeah, Flea is in touch with the African American community.
VPJG: Top five! Go Flea.
Ryder Fakin: Cactus, Flair, Funk, Austin, HBK
VPJG: Angle, Ricky Steamboat, Mick Foley, Macho Man, (Gonna get reamed for this one) The Honky Tonk Man
Ryder Fakin: Honky! You f*cking troll you.
Kaisen316: I would have to pick Michaels, Austin, Flair, Hogan, Sting.
Kaisen316: That’s right
Kaisen316: Sting
VPJG: Okay. Sting.
VPJG: Like your ex-girlfriend’s vagina did after I f*cked her!
Kaisen316: Now now, can’t we come up with something else to insult me over?
VPJG: So, if Flea isn’t going to defend Mick anymore, how about you defend your competent worker who played backstage politics better then he wrestled?
Ryder Fakin: Damn right
Ryder Fakin: Thanks for being coherent and calling him out GRUT
VPJG: The man made Sean Waltman a star for f*cks sake.
Kaisen316: Which should tell you just HOW good he is!
Kaisen316: Look, Shawn may be a bastard backstage and for all the shit he has put the company through, at least he has been worth it. He carried Vader to one of the best matches of his life… along with Austin, HHH, and the Undertaker
Kaisen316: Michaels is a showman, through and through, and he personifies what sports entertainment should be. Granted, maybe not wrestling… but sports entertainment
VPJG: Austin/Bret. Undertaker/Foley. HHH/Foley.
VPJG: I’m making the case pretty strong for Foley here, but at least it makes Shawn out to be the bitch he is.
Kaisen316: Of course you can name great matches that he wasn’t in. Why don’t we pull out Flair/Steamboat or Savage/Steamboat?
Ryder Fakin: Well, to be fair….HBK/Hart ruled….HBK /UT ruled…HBK /Cactus ruled
VPJG: Sure, let’s be fair to Daniels. Life hasn’t been. We should be.
Kaisen316: Yes, the Michaels/Hart Ironman match was possibly one of the best matches ever… and they went sixty minutes without a fall.
Kaisen316: How many guys can pull that off successfully? HHH/Rocky needed what, nine pin falls to keep people interested.
VPJG: Rest hold…rest hold… rest hold….BIG ENDING!
Ryder Fakin: I agree on the Iron Man. I was thinking SS…that was f*cking hate personified.
Ryder Fakin: And why don’t we talk Savage / Honky, GRUT?
VPJG: Honky’s off the list. Owen belonged in that spot.
VPJG: Or Austin.
Ryder Fakin: Owen vs. nahh….that ain’t right…but he was always overrated
Kaisen316: Owen has Cobain syndrome… everyone remembers him as far better than he was.
Ryder Fakin: Bingo
Ryder Fakin: We better change wrestlers
Kaisen316: Nah, that one line will be enough to fill someone’s inbox
Kaisen316: Not it
VPJG: Yeah, Owen sucked. Thank God he’s dead. YOU DICKS!
Ryder Fakin: Now is the time to throw in a Gamble joke
VPJG: Gamble? What happened to Gamble? He okay?
Ryder Fakin: Not as far as your report
VPJG: So, we were saying how much Shawn sucked…
Kaisen316: I believe I was outlining how much Shawn owned
Ryder Fakin: You were…Daniels and I agree
Ryder Fakin: Cept he ain’t better than Cactus
VPJG: But Michaels, the best of all time? When Angle was injured and when Foley was injured, they still gave 100%.
VPJG: When Shawn was UNHAPPY, he found a way to play the injured fawn.
Ryder Fakin: Haha ha haaaaaaaaaa…HBK jobbed to his smile
Ryder Fakin: AIN’T I SMART!
VPJG: No professional in any business should do that.
Kaisen316: Which is generally accepted as part of Internet Lore with no proof to back it up
Ryder Fakin: Only videotape
Ryder Fakin: Have to be careful nowadays
Kaisen316: Oh, Keith says it’s true in Tonight In This Very Ring so it must be
VPJG: Keith wrote a book?
VPJG: I haven’t heard.
Kaisen316: Supposedly, I’ve had it for three months and haven’t got through the second chapter.
Kaisen316: My copy was free… I didn’t buy it
Ryder Fakin: Busy plugging BLADE, is GRUT
VPJG: She’s a nice girl.
VPJG: So, someone defend someone or something.
VPJG: Or should we just insult everybody?
Ryder Fakin: FLEA’s site is under construction
Kaisen316: Michaels> Cactus + Angle
VPJG: Why? He was a cruiserweight who was allowed to fight his style against the big boys. You give that to any really good high flyer and they’ll be just as successful.
Ryder Fakin: Now ain’t that wrong
VPJG: You cracked out drunk.
VPJG: And his winning move was bullshit.
Ryder Fakin: How do you beat a kick to the face?
Kaisen316: Yeah, seriously dude
Kaisen316: Out of the three guys in this argument, Shawn has the most believable finisher out of any of them
VPJG: So then Test is the greatest wrestler ever?
Ryder Fakin: If he would warm up the band first, maybe
Kaisen316: Maybe the Olympic Slam is more believable than a heel to the face.
VPJG: Fuck the Olympic Slam. It’s all about the Ankle Lock.
Ryder Fakin: Shamrock!
VPJG: Angle does it better then Ken.
Ryder Fakin: People sell it better for Angle
VPJG: Because they RESPECT him! They respect him because he does nothing wrong in or out of the ring.
Ryder Fakin: Fangol…never trust the nice guys
Ryder Fakin: You have me in a corner on Cactus’s finisher…J.O.B
VPJG: I don’t know. The double arm was pretty sweet.
Kaisen316: Great. I get Grut’s support… we shouldn’t wish that on anyone
Ryder Fakin: No doubt…look what he did to Storm
Kaisen316: And Steven Fucking Richards is a good Wrester who has never been given a fair shake…. ever
Ryder Fakin: you had to look that up, chester cheeter
VPJG: No I didn’t.
VPJG: And it’s cheater, drunkard.
Ryder Fakin: He sucks…cripple (unless you are reading! hey Stevie!)
Kaisen316: I will have you know that sobriety is the minority in this conversation
Ryder Fakin: And so are the Jews!
Ryder Fakin: Haha ha ha aha h
VPJG: You too, Daniels? You’re understandable. You’re killing the pain and the urge to hit on your male roommate. Flea is just drunk all the time.
VPJG: This has gone probably too long. Final argument time!
Kaisen316: My male roommate isn’t home yet.
Kaisen316: And if he was, eh, I’m lonely
Ryder Fakin: You ain’t right, Daniels
VPJG: Flea, you go first.
Ryder Fakin: for what
VPJG: Final argument.
VPJG: You drunk.
Kaisen316: Just for the record
VPJG: That is funny
Ryder Fakin: Cactus is the best ever…for a guy with a thimble full of talent, he managed to get his ass kicked by the best and have top notch matches doing it
VPJG: Short and sweet. Lonely gay Daniels?
Kaisen316: Oh we’re down to gay jokes now? You’re better than that Grut.
Kaisen316: Anyway
Kaisen316: Michaels has it all. He has the looks, the charisma, and the ability. If we judge him only on his ring work and not the backstage rumors that have always surrounded him, we’ll know that he is, by far, the best wrestler ever.
Ryder Fakin: Too bad the IWC doesn’t go to 102
VPJG: Yeah, then you could put Brian Alvarez in 4 TIMES!
Ryder Fakin: And GRUT on once
Ryder Fakin: Wanna here a joke?
Ryder Fakin: Hear !
VPJG: I’d like to HEAR a joke, yes.
VPJG: Good catch.
Ryder Fakin: Know why the frog crossed the road?
Kaisen316: And I will point out, Grutman, that I don’t even think I was ON the IWC 100
Ryder Fakin: Yeah you were
VPJG: Well, now that you’re riding my coattails you will be. Why?
Ryder Fakin: 79
VPJG: That’s the answer?
VPJG: Not a funny joke, Flea.
Ryder Fakin: That was Daniels placement…you were 63
Ryder Fakin: Cause he was shoved up the chickens ass
VPJG: I know where I was. Don’t think I’ll ever forget where I was. Ha. Funny joke. I’ll never forget my placement on the list. Never.
Ryder Fakin: Sour grapes
Ryder Fakin: C’mon GRUT, defend Angle
VPJG: Waiting for Daniels.
Ryder Fakin: He typed
VPJG: Oh. Look at that.
Kaisen316: Already there, sucka
Ryder Fakin: Hey Daniels! did you know there used to be 20 Commandments!
Ryder Fakin: Moses jewed them down to 10!
VPJG: Okay. Kurt is everything that is good about wrestling. Perfect on the mike, perfect in the ring, intense and technical and flies and gets the crowd pumped up. He has a classic series of matches with Benoit that will be remembered in the same breath as Steamboat/Flair. The man is a legend of our era..
VPJG: And he’s not even 30.
Ryder Fakin: He ain’t had the “classic” match yet
Ryder Fakin: Angle is around 36
VPJG: Okay. Well, this was fun. Send your vote to Angle is 23.
Ryder Fakin: 23 bumps away from being Droz, yes
VPJG: If you can’t see his match at the Rumble with Benoit as classic, you’re nuts.
Ryder Fakin: I thought I was drunk?
Kaisen316: Obviously. If Benoit was in it, it is an immediate Internet Classic
VPJG: But UT-Brock was match of the year, Drunky McDrunkensen.
Ryder Fakin: Good match, but it didn’t mean anything
VPJG: You cocksucker.
Ryder Fakin: Gimmick infringer
Ryder Fakin: A GREAT match was the first TLC…
VPJG: Oh yeah. That meant so much. “Look, I can fall from great heights and only wind up almost dead!”
Kaisen316: OK Gentlemen, as fun as this, at least one person in this room isn’t either wealthy or jobless
Kaisen316: So
Ryder Fakin: GET DRUNK
Kaisen316: There already.
Kaisen316: I have to take off.
VPJG: Later cum guzzler.
Ryder Fakin: Don’t wake up dead
Kaisen316: I have heard rumors that you can have me killed
Kaisen316: therefore I am behaving myself
Ryder Fakin: Rumors.
VPJG: We won’t see you all next time! It’s an Internet column.