The Monday Edition 07.07.03

Archive

Quick note: this was originally posted but had to be removed due to technical issues. I guess. Not that I blame Hi-8, but No I don’t.

FLEA

Hello! I’m Flea and this is the Monday Edition. Nothing but wrestling! And one very obvious plug. Contrary to rumor, I am not here this week because I am a nice guy, I am here because Hyatte is nice enough to grant me primo column territory to plug The IWC 100 Summer Edition 2003, which I will, down on Page Six. Until then, I would like to talk about wrestling – scroll or read, that’s entirely up to you
Before we get started, I would like to say a special Thank You to GRUT. I really thought he would be upset with his placement on the IWC list, but, surprisingly enough, he sent this to me, via AIM:

  • CLICK HERE FOR GRUT’S SPECIAL MESSAGE TO FLEA
  • I tell you what that’s enough to bring a tear to a glass eye. Thanks GRUT! The feeling is mutual!
    Come on, Let’s Go!

    FIRST OFF
    When Hulk Hogan says you have lost touch with the fans, it may be time to go to Plan B. Hogan, quite possibly the most delusional person in wrestling not named Goldberg, recently ended his tenure with WWE, going out with a whimper (the j.o.b. at M.S.G) rather than a bang – but it’s not like these guys ever * really * ride off into the sunset, Hogan will be back and we only have ourselves to blame. We are the ones (specifically the Wrestlemania 18 Canadian crowd) that proved for all the ages to remember that Hulkamania is the most powerful force in wrestling. Even more powerful than the common sense of anyone associated with Hogan who in their right minds can believe than Hulk Hogan is out for anyone but himself? That’s what I mean about the whole Hulkamania phenomenon – Hogan will make his umpteeth proclamation of :

    “I just wanted one last run and then let the young guys shine”

    or

    “I’m a team player now.”

    Or

    “It’s not about the money anymore. I want to go down in history as the Babe Ruth of Wrestling”

    and every time, me, you, Vince McMahon, EVERYONE!! believes what the rotten prick says. And every f*cking time, we all get burned. The 10 minute standing ovations, the willingness to suspend disbelief when Hogan’s ability in the ring devolved to embarrassing levels, and most importantly, the brainwashed mark in all of us going along with the Sham that is (was) Mr. America. Yes, it’s ridiculous, but the long term would have been a nice pop for Hogan and the debut of a truly phenomenal athlete and (whether you like it or not) soon to be Poster Boy for the re-introduction of wrestling to the mainstream consciousness.
    Quick note – the first moron that cuts his own leg off to be like his hero Zack Gowan is getting burned alive and tossed in the Chesapeake Bay.

    But Hogan, of course, got his own sense of self worth so inflated (again) that he couldn’t stand when Vince took control of the angle and became the focal point. Which led to Stephanie’s involvement, which led to Hogan patronizing the no-talent that is Bubba the Love Sponge with the hottest bit of hot-off-the-presses gossip since all the Goldberg speculation. Hogan, indeed walks out AGAIN, after not getting his way. Or his money.

    You see, another little twist to the story is that The Hulkster was very dismayed at the amount of his WM “payoff”, due to the buyrates coming in lower than expected. Hey, you win some, you lose some. What I’m more pissed about is that Hogan left the LAST time (when he didn’t go to Australia and got all in a huff when Vince and the Gang Bad Mouthed him) it was all about the money, after he SWORE SWORE SWORE that this time it was for LEGACY and not for the dough rey me. Like suckers, we fell for it. Again.

    Regardless of how “smart” you consider yourself, the spectacle of 65,000 at the Skydome in Toronto cheering like maniacs for Hogan is what wrestling is all about. Reaction. No matter how many times you suplex someone, or flip around like a stoned frog, if the crowd is sitting on their hands or going for popcorn, you suck. That’s just the way it is. Hulkamania has us all brainwashed, which, in itself is not a bad thing, I just hate being played for a sucker by a conniving old man that preaches good intentions but is so practiced at the art of deception, he makes a supposedly treacherous bastard like HHH look like Owen Hart. It’s not going to do any good to say “just ignore Hogan” the next time he needs a payday, but it’s too late to turn back now. But, thankfully, each return gets shorter and shorter and the mania will end soon enough.

    As I was saying about Vince, it’s pretty low when Hulk Hogan is claiming you have lost your marbles, specifically when it is done on the aforementioned Bubba the Love Sponge Show. Do you know that Hulk’s friend Bubba got arrested for having a Hog Roast? The catch was he had a live hog and did the time honored tradition of GUTTIN THAT HAWG before attempting to cook it. Yeah, the law came along and took him away, hereby causing his radio station to suspend him. What a dumb son of a bitch. It’s “technically” not against the law to gut a hog, but Jesus, you don’t advertise it on the radio and then do it in public. That’s just bad taste. Who gives a f*ck about Bubba anyway? Vince McMahon is doing just fine.

    Did you notice most people on line defended Vince’s behavior on the HBO Real Sports special? The excuse (before ripping HBO a new asshole for not checking all of their facts first) was it was just “Vince being Vince”, which McMahon hasn’t got away with since mid-2000. In regards to his “losing touch”, the segments he has been involved with on TV have consistently been the highest rated quarter (or half) hours over the last several months and rumor has it that Vinnie Mac intends on working the house show circuit, put the asses in the seats, per se. As shitty as the product has been (varying degrees of shittiness apply, I still enjoy the shows) the ratings for RAW (and all the TNN syndicated shows) are still higher than what 99.% of cable television can produce and Smackdown continues to be the flagship show on UPN.

    Compared to where my Lucent and Cisco stocks are, the rasslin’ stock ain’t doing so bad. The company took a bath on the World, but hey, a majority of those losses are deductible and the company has around $250 million in CASH I said C.AS.H. reserves!!!!!!!!!!! And who knows how much else stashed away offshore. They should have had the kid that stole the money dumped in the river and then paid about 100 grand to keep it quiet. Instead, they let the no paying gambling prick walk and choose to “take it up with the proper authorities” yeah, Vince you stupid cocksucker choke on that $35 million dollar loss. Moron. Not that I know from anything, but come on.

    Other than that, Vince still seems to have his wits about him. The recent purchase of the ECW archives pretty much seals the deal of being unable to get any commercial wrestling videos / DVD’s that do not have the WWE logo on them but monopolies are not so bad. You can at least count on Vince to milk this footage for all it’s worth, making sure that Shane and Stephanie’s children can live in the lifestyle to which sick perverted paranoid backstabbers are accustomed, when they are not running a squeaky clean wrestling company.

    Here’s something I read the other day

    Went to the SmackDown! taping in Orlando a few weeks ago and had a great time. It was fun seeing the guys, and being that close to the ring again got the competitive juices flowing. Being that close to guys working in the ring made me realize I have my work cut out for me in this comeback. Thankfully, between Rhyno, Chris Benoit, Scotty 2 Hotty and Lita, I’m able to judge how well I’m doing, and if the things I’m feeling are normal.

    – Edge, from his latest column.

    It is really heartwarming for me to read and hear that Edge has so many companions in the “Broke My Neck For A Fake Sport” Club. And that is only from the SmackDown brand! Just think if the rosters were still combined!

    I just read over on the newsline that the major spoiler for SummerSlam is HHH vs. Goldberg. I’m trying to remember if that is the same rumor that has been going around for about four months now, or not. I could have swore I had heard that before but the shocking spoiler was reported with such gusto I felt as if I just fell off of a turnip truck. But there you go HHH vs. Goldberg for the Big Gold Belt and who is first in line to call the winner a “cancer”? Who? You?

    ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
    Holy shit, Raw and Smackdown are in Canada this week. That’s always a hoot. Raw is in Montreal, which the last time they were there, the crowd raised the bar on schizophrenic smart / mark behavior with a PPV for the background. Montreal wrestling crowds are a really weird thing to see, especially when you realize Gagnon is in the building. And signing an autograph or getting comped for shit based on his former relations to Internet Wrestling Royalty. Hey fans of Mo-town ah shit that’s taken Montrealians? People that live in Montreal and are going to the show – attention! HELLO! If you see Dave Gagnon, knock the drink out of his hand – he’s one of them “recovering” types

    Ryder Fakin: give me something for the column tonight, por favor
    Hyatte1com: plugging your IWC 100 ain’t enough?
    Ryder Fakin: ok fine….I have to namedrop a Canadian…who should it be?….quick

    Sorry Dave, no response from Hyatte and you were the first one that came to mind. And I didn’t know who April Levine is

    Smackdown is in Toronto, expect the Zack Gowan Express to keep rolling from town to town. Come to think of it, Smackdown has gotten really weird. I still can’t understand why they brought back Kurt Angle as a good guy, when all he is doing is having what the smart people call “homoerotic adventures” with Brock Lesnar. Meanwhile, the little factoid that Vince pimped little Steph to who was Vince doing business with back then? I think Stephanie is 27 minus 10 that’s 1993 hell, Vince was under indictment to the government in those days and Patterson and Linda were running the show. There are more holes in that storyline than a pound of Swiss cheese. Jamie Noble inherited a bunch of money and Eddie is back heel again, quite possibly about to enter the race for the US Title, thankfully giving the show a secondary belt for people who ain’t 500 pounds, fat and under an ironclad 10 year contract. Benoit, Rhyno, Matt Hardy, Cena, Eddie, it looks like Billy Gunn not a bad mix of people, any of whom could fight on a PPV against the World Champ and make it worthwhile viewing. I personally still like Raw better than Smackdown, if only strictly on entertainment value. Smackdown still hasn’t rediscovered it’s wrestling groove that took up the better part of 6 months – whether that is because Paul Heyman got the heave ho or not, it depends who you read and believe. My only request is that if you live in Canada and go to either one of these shows, you CHEER, BOO MAKE SOME NOISE that Buffalo crowd the other night should be f*ck you all, you live in Buffalo, that’s punishment enough. Nothing like a useless crowd to make a semi-useless show totally worthless. Schmucks. So, please, Canada, CHEER BOO, which I know you will. Hebner gets more heat than anyone on the roster and I love it. And yes, it would be cool if they trotted Bret out to do something. Everyone is running out of reasons that it shouldn’t happen, so let’s just get it over with, Mr MacMannn

    Oh why put it off anymore you know why I’m here

    THE IWC 100 SUMMER EDITION 2003
    On July 4th, the lastest edition of the IWC 100 appeared and if you haven’t seen it, you probably should! The link is right back there that’s my site, go and prowl around and see what you think, specifically of the IWC 100 list. But don’t think for a second I’m going to sit here and wait for you, I have a column to write

    The list has been met with quite a bit of response, both in my inbox and on various message boards around the net. The reaction, as with the last list, varies, but that’s fine with me. I plan on making the IWC 100 a regular thing, The Summer Edition will appear on July 4th, the Winter Edition on New Year’s Day. If you are not on the list (or are on the list and want to be higher), as Janis Joplin said, you have to try just a little bit harder. Some of you may be saying “Like it really matters, Flea. Your list is STUPID”. If that’s your opinion, no skin of my back – however, the IWC 100 will be something that people look forward to, and eventually, someday, placement on the list will matter. Everyone likes attention. And everyone likes to be judged. If not, they would not be writing columns and YOU would not be posting thoughts on Message Boards. So I intend to have some fun with it, make it a tradition and the best part about it – maybe introduce new readers to good reading material.

    And that’s really the whole point behind this list – besides the fact that it’s the Ultimate Cheap Heat and Attention getter – I want people reading the list to say “Who is that” and then check them out based on the writer making a (hopefully) soon to be prestigious list. I know from the last list (and already so far this weekend) I have sent several people in the direction of some very talented writers and gotten a sincere “Thanks”. That’s what it’s about. For better or worse, I know what many, many people are writing and if placement on the IWC 100 list is what it takes to turn them on to new readers, then so be it.

    If you are a writer, instead of scoffing at the IWC 100 list, think of it as a free plug and worthwhile recognition. You will see what I mean when the list is complete. Some of my descriptions of you and your work may not be 100% flattering, but if you don’t have a thick skin to constructive criticism, you should probably give up right now. The fact of it is that if I didn’t like (or at least respect) your work, you wouldn’t be on the list. And yes, my opinion matters. Because I said so. And if I have to drill it into everyone’s head ad nauseum, I will. I know how this whole “reputation” thing works – if you say it enough times, people will believe it – I’m pretty sure I have enough of a track record to get away with it. So regale in your placement, if not position, on the IWC 100 list. It’s all for your benefit.

    If you are a reader of the IWC, consider this a directory to what’s good on the net. Everyone on this list has been selected for a reason and my advice would be for you to say “Hey, I don’t know who the hell this person is, but if Flea puts him/her on the list, maybe I’ll check it out!”. Flea Advice says you should. Flame Mail after you read their columns / recaps is optional. I think it’s very childish and as someone who (at one time) wrote a very high profile series of columns, I will tell you that Flame Mail does not get a response and it only reconfirms my obsession to clean this IWC up a little. So if you are a f*ckhead that thinks a IWC columnist / recapper is going to care about this

    DOOD! THAT SHIZZIT SUX. AND YER MOTHA FUKED HYATTE

    Then you’re a f*cking idiot. The people on the IWC 100, whether I agree with what they write or not, at least take the time to write coherent and (at least in their minds) well thought out opinions. You, as the reader, are more than welcome to respond (that’s why all the writer’s include their email addresses), but use the old brain a little. If you like what you read, a quick little – “Hey Great Job” usually will suffice if possible, include a quote or something from the writer’s column / recap. If you have a dissenting opinion, make it quick and to the point. An IWC writer’s inbox is not YOUR personal web column or blog. Normally, if the writer likes what you said (or at least respects you difference of opinion) he / she may respond. If not, don’t take it personal. I always made it a point to respond to my feedback, unless it was a childish flame, and then I just deleted it. Not because the dickwad “told me off” but because some jerkoff wasted * his * time, wasting * my * time – wasting my time is * my * job and I don’t need StoneRVDColdRock1982’s help.

    The plan for the IWC 100 from here is simple – starting Wednesday, at 1ryderfakin.com, I will add my comments, as well as a hyperlink, to each person’s name. A brief overview of what they do, maybe a few comments, and then a link to their site, or the site for which they write. As mentioned above, this is the intention of the list – to hopefully turn you on to a new writer. I also hope that placement on this list means something to the writers, which will eventually lead to more and more quality material being produced and less and less stagnation and less half assed efforts being disguised and promoted as “the greatest column ever”.

    My comments will be in random order – around 9 or 10 pm I will update more names with comments and links. I know what you are thinking and you are right – that is a cheap way of keeping people interested and a not so veiled attempt at milking this thing for an entire week. Whether I know more psychology than Flair and Steamboat combined or am just having drunken delusions of grandeur is not for me to say, even though I am pretty confident of the answer. So come back every night and see why people are listed in the order they appear. There is a reason for everything, tune in. And I can’t stress this enough – if you do not know someone, take a few minutes to check them out. I can’t make you like them, but I would like you to at least recognize who they are.

    Next Monday, I will take some of the message board comments and reader feedback and post them at 1ryderfakin.com. Just a general cross section of what not only the readers thought, but the writers as well! As a matter of fact, here are some kind words from someone who made the ORIGINAL LIST, but did not make the cut this time

    I find it to be a miscarriage of justice that I am not listed. I work very hard and pay money to write stupid wrestling reviews for The Cubs Fan. And I will have my vengeance. In this life or the next.

    -scott

    That one was from #93 last time, Scott Christ. It’s funny that you mentioned Vengeance! That’s the next WWE PPV! You know what that means! Knock out a top-flight PPV recap! Six months (and many PPVs) until the IWC 100 WINTER EDITION)!! Vengeance! Vengeance!

  • You can find Scott Christ and his PPV recaps at the Cubsfan’s site, well, right back where the hyperlink be at YO!
  • So that’s then plan. Wednesday – Sunday: Flea commentary at various places on the list. Next Monday, what YOU thought! Let’s see if I can turn this into something I think that is highly feasible. Stay tuned.
    Thanks for reading!

    FLEA – www.1ryderfakin.com

    FLEA is an Inside Pulse Original in every sense of the word, from his unique style and viewpoint. You can send any feedback to ryderfakin@yahoo.com, or just type it the comment box below. also but follow FLEA on Twitter @ryderfakin.