For this column, I was originally going to do a write-up featuring the ten best and worst professional wrestling gimmick matches of all-time. The reason I usually like to keep my wrestling columns shorter than most is two-fold:
First, my main desire to get my thoughts and opinions about wrestling out there to begin with is because I like to write for the sake of triggering discussion and debate between readers, friends and myself. My favorite part of this gig is reading and answering responses to the topics I present, and I find that the less I write the more the reader will respond with his or her own unique perspective on a presented theme. I try to get your creative juices flowing enough so that you want to provide feedback, but I don’t want to burn you out before you have the chance to respond by giving too much to ponder in one sitting.
Second, I figure that a minimalist approach generally works best in the Internet wrestling community because 411 readers seem to have so many other intriguing opinions to sort through and sites to visit that I don’t want to take up too much of their online time with my columns.
With all of that said, there are certain exceptions I like to make, especially when I feel a topic is worth researching and discussing at greater length than my usual opining. This column is one of those exceptions.
I decided to write about the topic of gimmick matches because with Kane’s reemergence in WWE, many people I have talked to since last Monday’s episode of Raw believe an Inferno match would fit perfectly into the current storyline involving the Big Red Machine.
When I heard the idea of an Inferno match being brought into the picture, it got me thinking about all of the different gimmick matches I could remember viewing and whether or not I thought they were innovative and/or entertaining. After a little while of pondering I had a logical little thought: Why not make this my next column for 411?
Now, I usually stray away from looking at wrestling from a historical perspective, primarily because there are so many others on this site alone who do it much better than me; also, I feel my forte as an Internet wrestling columnist is commentary on contemporary storyline/character developments. Again, I made an exception on this point because I felt that past gimmicks needed to be analyzed in order to remind us all why we love wrestling, and in many instances, why we feel the need to criticize that which we love.
To help with the history that goes beyond my normal repertoire of wrestling knowledge, I called upon my friend The Roach to hook me up with his own perspective on some of the best and worst gimmick matches of all-time. The result is a more comprehensive and sensible list, which is printed below for your viewing pleasure.
Keep in mind that all of your feedback is encouraged, and that you can send me your own thoughts about gimmick matches via email by clicking on the email link at the bottom of the page.
Enjoy!
Pro Wrestling’s Best Gimmick Matches
—Iron Man match: Why do I like this type of match? Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels. Any questions?
—Best of Seven Series: Chris Benoit vs. Booker T was some of the best WCW work ever done.
—Inferno match: Even freakier when Kane is involved.
—Hell In The Cell: Mick Foley made these matches even better, and he proved once and for all that you didn’t even win the match to win the match, if you catch my drift.
—Steel Cage match: Especially in the 1980s when the fans’ imaginations were more captivating (e.g., Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka)
—Ladder/Tables/Tables, Ladders and Chairs matches: Among my all-time favorites, probably because of the actual dangers involved. Also, nothing brought the struggling tag team division back to prominence in the late ’90s and ’00s faster than the series of TLC-based matches between Edge & Christian, The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz.
—Elimination Chamber: Done once so far and could have been done better (see Roach’s comment regarding War Games), but nevertheless the Elimination Chamber was very effective at creating a spectacle.
—Boiler Room Brawl: More of a personal favorite due to my appreciation for Foley than a mainstream pick
—Buried Alive match: Mankind and Paul Bearer dig Taker’s grave, only for the Phenom’s hand to pop out just before the PPV ended … This was the last match before a huge Undertaker hiatus during the In Your House days.
—30-man Royal Rumble match: I look forward to this one every year, especially since they added the stipulation that the winner would get a World title match at WrestleMania.
—First Blood match: Undertaker and Austin rule in these matches.
—Survivor Series Four-Man Tag Tournament: An old favorite that was phased out until it was made part of the Invasion angle in 2001. This was the only time I looked forward to ANYTHING throughout the Invasion storyline.
—Last Man Standing match: Jericho vs. HHH was a classic.
—Casket match: Extremely effective at enhancing The Undertaker’s original gimmick.
The Roach’s Important Additions: Best
—The Scaffold Match: The Road Warriors/Midnight Express made these matches.
—Bunkhouse Battle Royal: Think Battle Royal … in a STEEL CAGE!! Winner gets “$1,000,000.”
—War Games: Something the Elimination Chamber SHOULD have been.
—-Triple Cage of Doom: 3 cages stacked on top of each other where you battle your way down to the bottom…fighting different TEAMS of opponents along the way. MUCH better than the weak imitation in the David Arquette flick “Ready To Rumble.”
—Exploding Ring Death Match: The match that made Cactus Jack a Hardcore legend in Japan.
—Russian Chain/Indian Strap/Bull rope Match: Opponents are tied together at the wrist with one of these items and can beat each other with them. Gets brutal and bloody.
—Dog Collar Match: Attached at the neck with dog collars and a chain, Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine had a BRUTAL match at Starcade 1983.
—Three-Way Dance: an elimination match between 3 wrestlers where alliances can be made and broken. ECW turned it into an art form.
—WCW World War III: 3 rings, 60-wrestler battle royal. 20 men in each ring, when they got down to 10 they would move to the next ring and so on until there was only 1.
—Original WCW Battle Bowl: A “lethal lottery” would create teams at random that would fight in tag matches and he winners would go on to a 2 ring battle royal where you had to be eliminated from BOTH rings until there was 1 guy in each ring and they would battle to a finish. AWESOME.
—Ultimate Submission: The most submissions in the designated time wins. Angle vs. Benoit at Backlash a few years ago was incredible.
—The ORIGINAL Survivor Series: Teams of 5 on 5. The first Survivor Series had four matches that broke down into title brackets: 5 Heavyweights vs. 5 Heavyweights (including the current champ); 5 IC contenders vs. 5 IC contenders (including the current champ); 5 women vs. 5 women (including the current champ); and most impressive of all: 5 TAG TEAMS vs. 5 TAG TEAMS (including the current champs)!
—WWF Wrestling Classic: A 22-man one-night tourney where you could get hundreds of possible match-ups. Roach’s favorite: Randy Savage vs. The Dynamite Kid.
——————————————————————————————-
Pro Wrestling’s Worst Gimmick Matches
—Brawl-For-All Tournament: Bart Gunn of all people won this crap.
—King of the Ring Tournament, any of them minus Austin’s big breakthrough
—Anything on a pole match: The worst example of this was during the McMahon-HHH Era, when Trips and Steph forced The Rock and Mankind to compete in the Pink Slip on a Pole match.
—Gravy/Anything in a Bowl match: Sorry, ladies (and Harvey Wippleman).
—Kiss My Ass match: Rock vs. Billy Gunn = AWFUL
—Shave/Clip anything off match: With the exception of Angle vs. Edge, I just never found this type of match to be amusing or important.
—Triple Threat/Fatal Fourway matches: The worst example of this: WrestleMania 2000, when Triple H fought against The Big Show, Mankind and The Rock with a McMahon in every corner.
—Guest Referee match: I call this one Vince ex machina.
Empty Arena match: Done during halftime of The Super Bowl: Rock vs. Mankind for the WWF Championship. In my opinion, when you take away the intensity of a pro wrestling audience, you are taking away one of the most integral parts of the product. The volatility of the live crowd is one reason why wrestling is engaging to so many of us.
—“I Quit” match: Too campy for my taste. (Mankind vs. Rock ending must’ve ruined it for me)
—Falls Count Anywhere match: Isn’t this merely a Hardcore match with a fancier title?
—Any match involving the WWF Hardcore 24/7 Rule With the exception of Crash Holly’s hilarious run through airports and food establishments, of course.
—Lion’s Den match: I always hated Shamrock.
—Dog Kennel match: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man … Ugh.
The Roach’s Important Additions: Worst
—Blacktop/Trailer Match: A fight in the back of a moving trailer. WCW Uncensored
—Diaper Match: Loser gets a diaper put on him.
—House of Horrors Match: GIANT cage match with 2 teams fight until someone gets put in an “electric chair” and is “electrocuted.”
—Mixed Tag Matches: The Roach just doesn’t like them.
—Lights out: An overrated brawl that was supposed to be “unsanctioned.”
————————————————————————————————————
If any of your personal favorites have not been covered, you can email me at chris411wrestling@yahoo.com with your own opinions and lists. I do look forward to reading your thoughts, so feel free to write as much or as little as you like.
That’s all for now PEACE.
Chris Biscuiti and The Roach
