The SmarK Rant For Prairie Wrestling Alliance – July 19 2003


The SmarK Rant for Prairie Wrestling Alliance – July 19 2003

– Well, here in Edmonton there’s an indy promotion called the PWA that runs every month, and since I generally have nothing more exciting to do on a Saturday anyway I figured I’d check out some local action. It was the NAIT (local college) gym, looked to be about 50-70 people there, not a huge crowd or anything but everyone was into it and knew the characters. I got recognized a couple of times on the night, the first being longtime reader Luke Neilson, who hung out with me and 411 music reviewer Jodes for the rest of the show. Wrestler Marky Mark had apparently reserved a seat for me in the front row (marked by a sign saying “Reserved for Scott Keith, Love Scotsman”) but I missed it. And I hate sitting in the front row anyway. I actually thought ahead and brought a little notepad and my trusty stopwatch.

– Sgt. Hazard v. Marky Mark. Mark is part of a trio of white rappers, and he immediately won me over by wearing a Scotsman-designed t-shirt insinuating that I’m fat. Never get tired of that one. Sgt. Hazard was your standard commando-fatigues type of guy, although I have to question how those pants would camouflage you in a bright blue ring. Mark gets tossed in a nice bump right off the bat, but comes back in with a rollup for two. Hazard starts working the back. Into a sideslam and camel clutch, which leads to a surfboard. Mark walks the turnbuckles to escape, but gets dropped on his head for two. Half-crab, and Hazard whips him into the Tree of Woe and steps on his crotch ala Tommy Dreamer, which I have to think is retribution for the shirt. Mark tries a crossbody, but it’s reversed to a blockbuster slam for two. Tiger bomb gets two. Mark comes back, but Hazard snapmares him and dropkicks the back for two. Rolling fireman’s carry slam, but Hazard’s attempt at a moonsault misses. Hazard’s a pretty big guy, too. Mark comes back with a tornado DDT that nearly sends Hazard out of the ring, and they brawl outside. Back in, Mark sends him out again with a Cactus clothesline. He follows him out with Jericho’s springboard clothesline, which looked awesome and got a big pop. Back in, he misses an enzuigiri and Hazard hits him with a spinebuster for two. He tells us that it’s over, and that’s never a smart thing for a heel to do, because Mark reverses a powerbomb attempt into a victory roll for the pin at 11:36. Solid opener with some good bumps from Mark. **1/2

– Tex Gains v. Chip Worthington. Tex is a big redneck who looks like Tank Abbot with better teeth, and Chip is the lovechild of Christian and Alex Porteau. Tex did every cheap heat gimmick in the book to antagonize the front row, including throwing beer at the timekeeper and the old “steal the headgear that the face gave to the little kid in the front row and stomp on it” bit. It was all really funny and got Tex over big. Chip dodges him to start, and they trade wristlocks. A rollup gets two for Chip. Tex clotheslines him and chokes him out. A clothesline and legdrop gets two. Blind charge misses, but Chip goes after the knee in a smart move and works on it. Brawl outside, and back Chip reverses a powerbomb for two. Legdrop gets two. Chip gets a corner clothesline, but Tex headbutts him down and a Jeff Hardy legdrop sets up a Sharpshooter. Not a very good one. He stops to yell at some guy in the front row, and Chip’s girlfriend distracts the ref, as Chip dropkicks Tex out. Back in, a split-legged moonsault gets two. Tex uses the ref’s distraction with the girlfriend to come back with a low blow for the pin at 10:41, however. I really like that instead of being a transition move, a low blow actually ends a match. It SHOULD be deadly. Not a really technically solid match or anything, but Tex is hilarious. *1/2

– “Hotshot” Johnny Devine comes out to inform us that William Yates is in flight attendant school, and thus Ricky Rage will be taking his place tonight in the tag title match. Devine cuts promos a lot like Chris Jericho’s WCW stuff, and I’m eternally stumped as to why the WWE never picked up on him. Probably the size thing, but other than that I don’t see the downside.

– PWA Cruiserweight title: Phoenix Taylor v. “Crazy” Dean Durrango. Taylor is another third of the white rappers, and appears to be wearing Rey Mysterio’s pants. Dean is listed as “parts unknown, weight unknown”, which makes Luke question the kind of quality-control that goes into a system which allows a guy “weight unknown” to challenge for a weight-specific title. Durrango is seconded by Duke Durrango (who spends the whole match picking on little kids in the front row) and Greg Pawluk. Taylor slugs Dean to start, but gets sideslammed. Taylor does something I noted in shorthand as “HS” but can’t remember this morning (hazards of note-taking, kids) and then dropkicks Dean out of the ring. Back in, Taylor gets a springboard DDT for two. Back elbow gets two. Taylor works the arm, which leads to a discussion in our group about how they’re working the right arm instead of the left. I note that this isn’t exactly the WWE and I’m sure no one will care. Moonsault gets two. Chops and a bulldog get two. Dropkick gets two. Dean comes back off a missed charge with Cena’s FU. A Money Shot gets two. Snap suplex gets two. Jawbreaker and Taylor gets tossed and beaten down by Damage, Inc. Side salto and Dean works on the throat on the apron. Back in, Baldobomb gets two. He stomps away for a while, but Taylor rolls him up for two while he’s being all crazy and stuff. Dean comes back with a DDT for two. Choking following, and the ref’s distraction allows more shenanigans from the heels, as Taylor’s backup gets beaten back into the dressing room by the heels, leaving Taylor 3-on-1. Taylor reverses a suplex attempt into an inverted DDT, however, and comes back with a clothesline and suplex. Dean gets tossed, and Taylor follows with a huge somersault plancha that nearly takes out the whole front row. Dean blades off it and grabs a chair, but Taylor finishes with a Vandaminator off it for the pin at 13:56. ***

– The commissioner figure calls out Tex Gains. For harassing the ringside crew, he’s fined his pay for the night (insert jokes here) and gets a rematch against Chip at next month’s show. Really funny interaction between Kurt Sorochan and Tex here.

– Intermission time, as I wander over to get a Coke and run into yet another fan. At that point I was thinking I should have brought some books to sell. The woman who runs the music turns out to be an avid Owen Hart collector and had never seen my t-shirt before, so she takes pictures of it while I hang out and chat with Marky Mark. I end up signing the shirt (“Scotsman fears ME!” – Scott Keith) and his friend takes some pictures of us, which I believe will up on later.

– PWA Tag team title: Duke Durrango & Greg Pawluk v. Johnny Devine & Ricky Rage. Rage gets a snapmare on Pawluk to start. Duke gets chopped and worked over in the corner, and Devine pounds away in the corner with the 10 punches, but then Pawluk brings him down with the spot of the night – an INVERTED RANA from the top rope that absolutely sends the crowd into hysterics. German suplex gets two for Pawluk. Leg lariat gets two. Duke comes in for a double-clothesline. Duke whips him into the corner for a couple of nasty bumps, and gets two. He tries it a third time, and Devine flips to the apron and kicks him in the head to set up for a slingshot move back in. Unfortunately, the timing was off and he whiffed, but Duke improvises and gets two. Devine elbows him out of the corner and makes the tag to Rage. Slams for everyone. Suplex on Pawluk gets two. Rage gets a back elbow and a sideslam for two. Devine comes in with a double-jump moonsault and an inverted DDT for two. Rage comes in with a leg lariat for two. Pawluk hits him with a dropkick and a hammerlock slam, and Rage is YOUR face-in-peril. Duke chokes him out, goading Devine in for some double-teaming on Rage while Devine gets escorted out. Double-suplex gets two. Rage comes back with a backslide, but the ref is elsewhere. Pawluk drops a knee for two. Duke gets a slingshot legdrop for two. Chinlock follows, and they work him over in the corner. Pawluk with the camel clutch to build the face heat, and Rage indeed fights back with a DDT and makes the hot tag to Devine. He immediately gets T-boned by Duke for two, however. Rage with a reverse Falcon Arrow on Duke for two, however. Pawluk hits HIM with Sliced Bread #2 for two. Devine with an insane Tiger Driver 91, but Crazy Dean runs in with a belt. They fight over that while the ref is lost, and Rage gets bopped with the belt and pinned at 18:36. This was pretty spectacular at times for an indy tag match. ***1/4 Pawluk and Devine were just all over the place carrying this thing and looked great. Afterwards, Devine & Rage agree to put up $2000 for another shot at the next show, and they had a funny bit where Rage (who can’t really talk) would nod along with Devine’s rant and then grab the mike and go “Yeah!” as his big catchphrase.

– PWA title: Chris Steele v. Rick Vain. Steele is like a taller Steve Zahn and Vain is a generic roided dude. Vain slugs away and clotheslines him out to start, and then follows with a flying clothesline to the floor and they brawl back in. Backdrop and dropkick, but Steele dumps him. Back in, Steele pounds him down for two. Suplex and bulldog get two. He chokes him out and drops a leg for two. Vain cradle gets two, but Steele clotheslines him for two. We hit the chinlock, but Vain escapes. He runs into a knee, of course, and that gets two for Steele. Charge misses and Vain crotches him. Atomic drop and clothesline get two. Steele sends him out and they brawl, and Vain hits the post. Powerslam gets two back in the ring. Vain comes back with a springboard clothesline for two. Sideslam gets two. Backbreaker gets two. High kick gets two, and MAN did that look nasty. Steele goes low and undoes the turnbuckle, then grabs a baseball bat for good measure, all of which leads up to a shot with the bat that gets two. Vain comes back with a foldover powerbomb and gets the pin and title at 11:34. Crowd was getting pretty restless by this point and wasn’t into it, and these guys didn’t mesh well. **

The Bottom Line:

Hey hey, pretty solid indy show and I ended up having a great time. Next show is August 23, and I’ll be there once again, and if you’re here in Edmonton I’d definitely recommend joining me there. Lots of hard work and old-fashioned heat, although some of the swearing would concern me if I was looking for a family-oriented event (there was lots of kids there).

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