Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 08.12.03


In Memoriam:  Gregory Hines.  If the ability to combine great acting with great dancing is becoming a lost art, it just got a lot more lost.

In Memoriam II:  Herb Brooks.  Sometimes, there are just no miracles left to believe in.

Oh, boy…all I have to say is “Davis Love, Player Of The Year”.  Yeah, the International may be a freak show among PGA tournaments, but that makes going wire-to-wire there even more impressive.  Add this puppy on to the season he’s already had, and even if Tigger wins the PGA, I’d still have to give it to Davis…

…okay, okay, I’ll stop with the golf, even though it’s PGA Week and I have a perfect right to talk about it.  But, Jesus, what do you expect me to lead with?  “Happy 22nd birthday to the IBM PC”?  Actually, considering everything, that is pretty significant.  However, a 22nd birthday really isn’t something to remark upon.  “Happy Golden Anniversary to the Soviet hydrogen bomb”, maybe?  Or, perhaps, “It’s Schroedinger’s birthday, so how about if all of you lock yourselves into boxes and I contemplate whether or not you exist.”?  No, that’s more in the realm of an unfulfillable desire rather than a lead.

All I know is that I’m sinking really low if I have to rely on Wikipedia tidbits to get something to come out of my keyboard.


Other than that, is everybody having fun with their port 135 getting hit like Debra Austin?  Gosharoonie, this RPC worm is truly a wonderful thing.  Slowed down my Net access a number of times today.  It’s quite fortunate that I patched my system a while back and always have port 135 blocked off anyway (and now I’ve blocked off TCP 4444 in both directions, despite the fact that I’m not infected).  As for those of you who got hit, tough shit.  It’s your fault for not taking precautions, so don’t go crying to me.  If you didn’t listen to one set of Polacks about this, you’ll not listen to this one either, so go wallow in your DOS pool of misery…

…maybe I should help, despite what I said at Fleabag’s in my latest column…

This is for those of you running NT4, 2K, XP, or 2K3.  If you’re running anything else, you’re safe.  If you’re a Linux crunchie, stop acting so smug.

Use a firewall and block ports 135, 139, 445, and 4444.  If you have XP, the built-in firewall will be good enough for now, but get a copy of ZoneAlarm or something if you don’t already have a firewall.  Next, head over to Windows Update.  They’ve had the fix up there for three f*cking weeks, so if you’re doing automatic updates or have gone over there since roughly the first of the month, you’re cool.  If you’re not a Windows Update type of person, head over here and grab the patch for your particular operating system (or try to; it’s been jammed).  After running the patch and rebooting, go into Task Manager and check for a process called “msblast.exe” and see if it’s running.  If so, kill it and check your %windows%/system32 directory for a file named “msblast.exe”.  If there, delete it.  Next, go into the Registry and go to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Run and kill the entry marked “windows auto update”.  That’ll prevent it from trying to load the file you just deleted.  That should make you safe and remove the infection if you’ve been hit.

And on that cheery note…


Memo to Watson:  Your Top Ten Influential Games list was so full of shit that you’ve probably blown through a five-hundred-pack of Q-Tips to get the shit out of your ears.  I see a grand total of three games on that list that should be on there, and they sure as hell shouldn’t be #s 8, 9, and 10 (and Pole Position was only Top 20 material to me).  Try this for a list, and please remember what the word “influential” really means:

1) Space Invaders:  The first mega-video-game that everyone wanted to play.  It should be at the top of your list, not the bottom.  Bitch, I was THERE.  I know what Space Invaders wrought first-hand.

2) Pong:  It pretty much started the genre.  And it isn’t on there?  And without the success of home video games that were pretty much dedicated Pong clones, no manufacturer would have taken a shot at cartridge-based games.  Where would that leave you today, Console Boy?

3) Adventure:  The first game to show that you could create a real world inside of a computer and inside of a player’s imagination.

4) Donkey Kong:  Nintendo’s great breakthrough.  Fuck Super Mario Anything.  Donkey Kong paved their way to worldwide domination and introduced the world to Shigeru Miyamoto.

5) Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man:  The Great Popularizers.

6) Wolfenstein 3-D:  Console Boy apparently forgot about the existence of the First-Person Shooter, didn’t he?  The breakthrough game for a company that sets the agenda for an entire genre, one that has made its way into consoles (or was <i>Halo an illusion?).

7) Ultima IV:  Fuck your Jap role-playing shit; THIS is role-playing.  And this was the RPG that totally revolutionized the genre.

8) Half-Life:  Before it, no one cared about anything other than an RPG having a storyline.  After it, everything had to have one.  And it had to be a good storyline to boot.

9) Dune II:  Console Boy also forgot about the existence of the Real-Time Strategy Game too.  What a surprise.

10) Defender:  Created the side-shooter genre, a mainstay of video games.

I just noticed that there’s only two/three games from Japan on here.  Maybe that’s my non-console orientation coming through; I’m less apt to be favorable to Japanese games, I guess.  The thing is, I think that you concentrated too much on certain genres like 3-D Platformer and Fighter, ignored PC gaming completely, and underestimated social and technological developments.  The “influence” you’re discussing was just too limited.

Memo to Hyatte:  In regards to Casino Royale, technically, SMERSH does not translate as “Death To Spies”.  SMERSH is an acronym for the phrase smeresh shpionen, which does translate as “death to spies” (semantics, but I’m picky that way).  And, as Fleming would certainly know from his time working in MI-6 during the war, they were real, and a real nasty bunch to boot.

(By the way, on this day in 1964, Ian Fleming passed away, so maybe you can couch your column as a tribute.  Wikipedia strikes again.)

As per your Harry Potter detractor, if he’s South Side Irish, he almost certainly lives in one of two neighborhoods.  If he’s in Bridgeport, my parents grew up there.  If he’s in Beverly, I live near there (from the tone of his screed, it sounds like Beverly; Bridgeport guys don’t really talk smack).  In either case, you need my local knowledge.  So let’s go beat the shit out of this Harry Potter-loving freak.

I also know who’s covering for you next week, you lazy bastard.  May you contract pediculousis.

BFM wants to remind me that his friend Dale, who’s published four more books than Scott Keith, got an interview with Jay Mohr at the Last Comics Standing event that makes me look like Little Mary Sunshine.  The link to it is here.


If any one sin, and hear the voice of one swearing, and is a witness either because he himself hath seen, or is privy to it: if he do not utter it, he shall bear his iniquity.  Whosoever toucheth any unclean thing, either that which hath been killed by a beast, or died of itself, or any other creeping thing: and forgetteth his uncleanness, he is guilty, and hath offended.  And if he touch any thing of the uncleanness of man, according to any uncleanness wherewith he is wont to be defiled: and having forgotten it, come afterwards to know it, he shall be guilty of an offence.  The person that sweareth, and uttereth with his lips, that he would do either evil or good, and bindeth the same with an oath, and his word: and having forgotten it afterwards understandeth his offence, let him do penance for his sin. – Leviticus 5:1-5

So, if you hear someone swearing, you’re damned.

Whosoever shall sin, and despising the Lord, shall deny to his neighbour the thing delivered to his keeping, which was committed to his trust; or shall by force extort any thing, or commit oppression; Or shall find a thing lost, and denying it, shall also swear falsely, or shall do any other of the many things, wherein men are wont to sin:  Being convicted of the offence, he shall restore all that he would have gotten by fraud, in the principal, and the fifth part besides, to the owner, whom he wronged. – Leviticus 6:2-5

So, if you borrow something from someone and forget to pay it back, or if you find something and don’t return it, you’re damned.

Whatsoever hath the hoof divided, and cheweth the cud among the beasts, you shall eat.  But whatsoever cheweth indeed the cud, and hath a hoof, but divideth it not, as the camel, and others: that you shall not eat, but shall reckon it among the unclean…The hare also: for that too cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof.  And the swine, which, though it divideth the hoof, cheweth not the cud.  The flesh of these you shall not eat, nor shall you touch their carcasses, because they are unclean to you. – Leviticus 11:3-4, 6-8

So, if you eat pork or rabbit, you’re damned.

These are the things that breed in the waters, and which it is lawful to eat. All that hath fins, and scales, as well in the sea, as in the rivers, and the pools, you shall eat.  But whatsoever hath not fins and scales, of those things that move and live in the waters, shall be an abomination to you, and detestable. Their flesh you shall not eat: and their carcasses you shall avoid.  All that have not fins and scales, in the waters, shall be unclean. – Leviticus 11:9-12

So, if you eat lobster or shrimp, you’re damned.

If a woman having received seed shall bear a man child, she shall be unclean seven days, according to the days of separation of her flowers.  And on the eighth day the infant shall be circumcised.  But she shall remain three and thirty days in the blood of her purification. She shall touch no holy thing: neither shall she enter into the sanctuary, until the days of her purification, be fulfilled. – Leviticus 12:2-4

So if your spouse gives birth to a boy and you touch her within a week after she gives birth, you’re damned.  And if you don’t mutilate the kid eight days after birth, he’s damned and so are you.  And if she comes to church within a month after giving birth, she’s damned.

But if she shall bear a maid child, she shall be unclean two weeks, according to the custom of her monthly courses. And she shall remain in the blood of her purification sixty-six days.

And it’s even worse if she gives birth to a daughter.  You touch her within two weeks, and you’re damned.  She goes to church within two months, and she’s damned.

The man that hath an issue of seed, shall be unclean.  Issue of seed shall be unclean… These legal uncleannesses were instituted in order to give the people a horror of carnal impurities.  And then shall he be judged subject to this evil, when a filthy humour, at every moment, cleaveth to his flesh, and gathereth there.  Every bed on which he sleepeth, shall be unclean, and every place on which he sitteth.  If any man touch his bed, he shall wash his clothes and being washed with water, he shall be unclean until the evening.  If a man sit where that man hath sitten, he also shall wash his clothes: and being washed with water, shall be unclean until the evening.  He that toucheth his flesh, shall wash his clothes: and being himself washed with water shall be unclean until the evening.  If such a man cast his spittle upon him that is clean, he shall wash his clothes: and being washed with water, he shall be unclean until the evening.  The saddle on which he hath sitten shall be unclean.  And whatsoever has been under him that hath the issue of seed, shall be unclean until the evening. He that carrieth any of these things, shall wash his clothes: and being washed with water, he shall be unclean until the evening.  Every person whom such a one shall touch, not having washed his hands before, shall wash his clothes: and being washed with water, shall be unclean until the evening.  If he touch a vessel of earth, it shall be broken: but if a vessel of wood, it shall be washed with water.  If he who suffereth this disease be healed, he shall number seven days after his cleansing: and having washed his clothes, and all his body in living water, he shall be clean. – Leviticus 15:2-13

So if you should have an orgasm and your sperm doesn’t end up in a vagina somewhere, you’ve got a helluva lot of washing to do.  And you’d better remember to do the same thing seven days later, or else you’re damned.  Kinda makes jacking off a lot less fun, huh?

The man from whom the seed of copulation goeth out, shall wash all his body with water: and he shall be unclean until the evening.  The garment or skin that he weareth, he shall wash with water: and it shall be unclean until the evening.  The woman, with whom he copulateth, shall be washed with water: and shall be unclean until the evening. – Leviticus 15:16-18

And you’d better make sure that you’re in deep when you orgasm, otherwise you and your partner have a lot of washing to do.

The woman, who at the return of the month, hath her issue of blood, shall be separated seven days.  Every one that toucheth her, shall be unclean until the evening.  And every thing that she sleepeth on, or that she sitteth on in the days of her separation, shall be defiled.  He that toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes: and being himself washed with water, shall be unclean until the evening.  Whosoever shall touch any vessel on which she sitteth, shall wash his clothes: and himself being washed with water, shall be defiled until the evening.  If a man copulateth with her in the time of her flowers, he shall be unclean seven days: and every bed on which he shall sleep, shall be defiled.  The woman that hath still issue of blood many days out of her ordinary time, or that ceaseth not to flow after the monthly courses, as long as she is subject to this disease, shall be unclean, in the same manner as if she were in her flowers.  Every bed on which she sleepeth, and every vessel on which she sitteth, shall be defiled.  Whosoever toucheth them shall wash his clothes: and himself being washed with water, shall be unclean until the evening.  If the blood stop and cease to run, she shall count seven days of her purification. – Leviticus 15:19-28

So, if you don’t lock your wife away for seven days after her period, and burn her bed afterward, and don’t make sure you don’t touch it or her while she’s on the rag, you’re damned.

Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother: she is thy mother, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s wife: for it is the nakedness of thy father.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy sister by father or by mother: whether born at home or abroad.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy son’s daughter, or thy daughter’s daughter: because it is thy own nakedness.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s wife’s daughter, whom she bore to thy father: and who is thy sister.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s sister: because she is the flesh of thy father.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister: because she is thy mother’s flesh.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s brother: neither shalt thou approach to his wife, who is joined to thee by affinity.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: because she is thy son’s wife, neither shalt thou discover her shame.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother’s wife: because it is the nakedness of thy brother. – Leviticus 18:7-18

Better make sure that the bathroom’s empty before you go in there, otherwise you might be damned.

Thou shalt not make thy cattle to gender with beasts of any other kind. Thou shalt not sow thy field with different seeds. – Leviticus 19:19

Don’t follow any sane modern farming practices, or else you’re damned.

Nor shall you cut your hair roundwise: nor shave your beard. – Leviticus 19:27

Shave and a haircut, you’re damned.

You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh, for the dead: neither shall you make in yourselves any figures or marks. – Leviticus 19:28

That pierced ear and tattoo you have…uh, you’re damned.

Go not aside after wizards: neither ask any thing of soothsayers, to be defiled by them. – Leviticus 19:31

Read a horoscope in the newspaper, you’re damned.

And now we’re getting to your favorite chapter, redneck, Leviticus 20…

He that curseth his father, or mother, dying let him die. He hath cursed his father, and mother: let his blood be upon him. – Leviticus 20:9

Hope you’ve never said anything bad about mumsy and dadsy.

If any man commit adultery with the wife of another, and defile his neighbour’s wife: let them be put to death, both the adulterer and the adulteress. – Leviticus 20:10

Get a little on the side, get killed.

If any man lie with a woman in her flowers, and uncover her nakedness, and she open the fountain of her blood: both shall be destroyed out of the midst of their people. – Leviticus 20:18

Have sex with a woman who’s on the rag, get killed.

The man that curseth his God, shall bear his sin:  And he that blasphemeth the name of the Lord, dying let him die. All the multitude shall stone him, whether he be a native or a stranger. He that blasphemeth the name of the Lord, dying let him die. – Leviticus 24:15-16

Say “goddamn”, get killed.

What’s the point of all this?  It’s all well and good to quote Leviticus 20:13 in regard to gay people, redneck.  But you can’t pick and choose which precepts from Leviticus you’re going to follow and which ones you’re going to ignore.  You follow one, you follow them all, Seymour; it’s the Word of God, after all.  I just picked out the good ones for you as a starter set.  May I suggest you catch up on your reading while listening to that repulsive “Christian” music?

And I really don’t appreciate your anti-Catholic comments.  I may not be a practicing Catholic anymore, but I was baptized into the Church and I regard my co-religionists as good, moral men and women at heart, regardless of what narrow-minded fools like you think.  The dominant images of Christianity in the media aren’t Catholic anymore; they’re ignorant, venal, greedy, prejudiced Southern Baptists like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, and your co-religionists who prefer to see a cross if it’s burning and they’re wearing a white hood while watching it burn.  That’s what the image of Christianity is these days.  Baptists are a bunch of people who have made an art form of violating the rest of Leviticus 20 (viz. incest), who consider drooling to be sophisticated communication, who have the hygeine habits of one of the animals that are considered inedible by Leviticus 11, and who have turned organized religion into a worldwide money scam.  You don’t like hearing that?  Tough shit, because that’s what a lot of people think about Baptists, especially ones like you who go and shoot their mouths off about how pure and sinless they are and how the rest of the world will burn in hell, especially when they admit to being completely ignorant about the operations of other Christian sects.  So don’t attempt to play holier-than-thou with anybody, especially someone who admits to being completely unholy.

Fortunately, what you need to do to atone for that column of yours is outlined in Leviticus 4.  That’s the section that covers sins of ignorance.  I could probably help you find a calf without blemish.  I’m in the business.

You are so f*cking lucky staff members are immune from YAM.  Imagine what I would have done if you weren’t.


Figure skating judges have just created one.  The Portland Trail Blazers said that they’ll have one before the season begins.  What is it?  A Code of Ethics!  Given last week’s oops-my-bias-is-showing faux pas by Milord, the IWC sure looks like it needs one desperately.  So, I feel that it’s my duty, as a man of perfect and unassailable morals, to start one.  Remember, these guidelines are voluntary, but if you don’t follow them, I’ll cut your toes off with a weed whacker:

Always attribute your source for news.  Unless it’s Meltzer, in which case it’s okay to leave him out because he’s still not certain about this “Internet thing”.

If you have an inside source, you do not have to reveal that source’s identity.  That way, you won’t have to be embarassed to admit that it’s Jim Ross’ secretary’s assistant, the guy responsible for Paul Heyman’s take-out orders, a former ring boy who was kept on as Patterson’s personal procurer, or Rob Van Dam.

Always cultivate honest inside sources in a proper fashion.  Booze, hookers, pot, and sheep are acceptable inducements, but always get a receipt for reimbursement by your webmaster.  If you work for 1wrestling, give your invoice to Ryder and he should be able to successfully hide it inside of Vince Russo’s promo budget, where things like booze, hookers, pot, and sheep are considered normal expenses.

Attempt to remain objective as possible when speaking about show ratings.  Do not attempt to couch ratings news inside of an adjectival cocoon that describes excitement over a rise or disappointment over a drop over the week previous, since television shows should not be judged on one week’s performance compared to the list.  If you are cutting and pasting ratings news from one site to another, definitely do not include this type of judgmental information if the news columnist for that day gets pissed off that you include stuff like that and is willing to write you up as the submissive figure in various anal rape fantasies.  Right, Ashish?

If a story comes up which seems controversial and possibly implausible, check as many sources as possible prior to publishing in order to verify that information.  If it’s embarassing to personal enemies, however, go right ahead, and if you’re wrong in the first story, just print a retraction, but make sure to say you’re “clarifying” the first story.  No one will notice.

Do not write anything that might be considered actionable under libel or slander laws.  Unless it’s about one of the McMahons or Trip, since there aren’t enough lawyers around to sue everyone who does that these days.

If you charge for “exclusive content”, make certain that it’s exclusive content.  Bruce Mitchell doing his nine hundreth column about why Trip sucks should not be considered “exclusive”.  Bruce Mitchell writing about anything, in fact, should not even be considered “content”.

If you somehow land up with a book contract, make certain that the “exclusive content” rule applies.  If people want to read a book about why Trip sucks, they’d just pay the Torch and read Bruce Mitchell columns instead of going through the check-out at Barnes and Noble.  Especially when you lambaste Trip and give Austin a virtual free pass and Flex a rectum-cleaning, Scott.

Do not attempt to promote dissention between yourself and other IWC writers.  However, if you do, make sure it’s someone famous.  This way, they can ignore you like the zit on Rikishi’s ass that you really are if you’re beneath them.  Do not, however, choose Chris Hyatte.  He fights back, and he fights dirty.

Today’s whiteboard posters are tomorrow’s colleagues.  Make certain that you destroy their egos completely before they reach that point, because you don’t need the competition.

I’m sure that some of you can think of more, so exercise your little minds.

And now let’s head off to a place where there is no code of ethics, or creativity, or anything else:  Raw, otherwise known as “Spike This, Bitch”…


Match Results:

Gayda and Gaymo over My Beautiful and Beloved and Her Pet Cro-Magnon, Jeremy Shockey Mixed-Tag Match (Pinfall, Jackie pins My Beautiful and Beloved, leg-drop):  Oh, I can just picture the look on Keith’s face while watching this, especially when it was the women who got all of the offense in.  I can see the subtracted snowflakes flying from his fingers as I type this.  I do feel sorry for My Beautiful and Beloved, though, who will be in a definite no-win situation next week.  Come on, baby, Daddy’s here for you…

Christian over Spike Dudley, Intercontinental Title Match (Pinfall, Unprettier):  When the hell was the last time Spike Dudley got a pinfall win on Raw?  I’m sure someone out there will tell me.  People love answering my rhetorical questions out of some sense of ego.  This was not a bad match at all.  Of course, with Booker now out, the way is clear for Kane/Shane at SummerSlam, since Van Dam is the obvious opponent for Christian in an IC match there…

Eric Bischoff over Kane (COR):  They’re phenomenally stupid.  Van Dam/Christian is a perfect IC match.  Kane/Shane is a perfect heavy-duty bump match.  Why mess with it?  But, no, we get Van Dam/Kane and Shane/Bisch instead.  So what does Christian end up doing, or are they not going to have the IC title defended at SummerSlam?  Idiots.

But a good comment from Responsible Dave:  I can’t be the only one getting the Full Metal Jacket vibe going on.  Not only did he sound just like Private Pyle, but when his eyes rolled up in his head he looked like the f*cker too.  Good call.

Molly Holly over Trish Stratus and Gail Kim, Triple Threat Women’s Title Match (Pinfall, Holly pins Kim, suckered clothesline):  So, what are they going for here?  Any clues from anyone?  I do know one thing:  Gail Kim’s whoopsies are infectious, and Trish wasn’t immunized.  Sloppy work by Stratus, not up to her usual standard.

Novocaine Helms over Rodney Mack (Pinfall, flying cross-body):  Can you feel the apathy?  Slick Rick, who was at work getting oodles of free computer hardware in a company giveaway of written-off thingies (you lucky bastard), summed it up better than I could:  Rosie now looks like a character from a Kevin Smith movie.  And I don’t like Kevin Smith movies.

Bill Goldberg over Ric Flair, Randy Orton as Special Guest Ref (Pinfall, schmozz):  Well, all I can say is that they’re starting to crank up into high gear for the Elimination Chamber match.  Half of the group involved in this mess, Jericho and Nash in their sartorial circle jerk, and Trip injured and unable to participate in all the fun…actually, that’s a positive thing.

Angle Developments:

Why Do They Keep Interrupting Him?:  Once, just once, can we not have a run-in during one of Bisch’s promos?  Let the guy have some solo mic time.  It was made even worse this week by not only having his normal scourge, Austin, pop up, but by also having Ross as well.  Damn, I never wanted to see Ross again.  Sooner or later they would have fired Coachman, and I’d have the patience to wait for that.  But now that yokel’s back.  I won’t even mention the fact that the whole payoff for the promo was obviously telegraphed (“a certain someone” indeed) and thus the final portion of it was a horrible example of stretching to fill time.

The First Thing We Do…:  Now, as to Ross’ threat, here’s Bisch’s proper answer:  “Call them.  They won’t take your case.”  Ross was pushing for an unsafe work environment suit.  Most lawyers won’t even touch those without an investigation performed by OSHA or its state equivalent.  If Ross had called OSHA, the investigation would have been a complete bust on Ross’ part, since all findings would show that the working environment was not, by nature, detrimental to his health.  Now he could try filing a complaint through the EEOC; I think he’d have a stronger case for workplace harassment.  However, that type of investigation is pretty much a must before a lawyer would take the suit.  And those investigations usually take a long time.  So, I would have told Ross to do it, and avoided a match with Kane in the process.

They’d Screw Up A One-Man Jackoff Party:  Did anyone catch the label on that wine La Res had out?  Was it really French?  If so, they screwed that whole routine up badly.  What they should have done was take out a bottle of something from Napa, showed the label off to the camera, then poured it over the Dudleys without drinking from it, thus insulting American wine.  Drinking even a halfway-decent French import like barbarians and spitting it out is rather declasse, don’t you think?

This Just Might Work:  Okay, so far, so good with Operation Boring.  That Storm/Goldust skit was pretty fun, and it gave us a nice flashback to the old Molly Holly to boot.  However, the whole sausages thing made me a little wary.  Why were they out in the car instead of under some type of refrigeration?  And don’t try to tell me they were shelf-stable.

Quoth the Ravin’ Cajun:  Despite the ludicrousness of the situation I saw Lance Storm in a wig and facepaint and it brought a smile to my face, because it was like a stake being driven through the heart of every whiny smark out there who was BEGGING for Lance Storm to get some tv time or to become a secondary wrestling God next to Our Lord and Savior. The sad part is that with Goldust’s ability to resurrect interest in wrestlers in a single deep breath this might be the best chance for Lance Storm to get over since he could be serious for a moment so many years ago.

Stealing Haley’s Thunder:  Orton selling the playful chops of Trip and Flair during the “special guest ref” skit was a damn nice little touch by him.  The kid’s got it.  Now let’s hope they let him run with it.

And I’ll run too, only to be back tomorrow.  Until then, be sure to follow proper dietary habits.