Welcome back to The Bootleg. I’m a lot like the last episode of Seinfeld, except not as funny (if that’s possible). And so it ends. I had a great run and I can’t thank all y’all for being a part of it, but even the Goodness must come to an end. At least I can say I went out on top (heh). Hold on, Jackson”¦I’m not referring to The Bootleg. I can only be speakin’ of the Goodness that was my childless existence.
Me and the wife got word last Friday that we would be welcoming Baby Bootleg into the world sometime in April 2004. Christ, who knew my boys could swim? Oh, and I hope that y’all get to find out you’re gonna be a father the same way I did: while sitting on the can readin’ the Sunday paper (uh, not the the Smilo version). I hadn’t even gotten to Family Circus or the Macy’s underwear ads yet.
So, how does one celebrate such a joyous occasion? Well, as you read this, I’m on a plane to Oakland to kick it with my boy for the weekend. This trip was planned in advance (ironic, huh?) and you can expect another Bay Area trip report in next week’s column. Find out if I have the courage to actually give a first-person account, or if I have to resort to the “smoke n’ mirrors” approach that worked so well the last time. Mmmmm, Kahlua fingers”¦
As one Goodness dies”¦another lives on”¦
General Lee, Confederate Flags & Ambiguously Gay Rednecks
This is a lil’ old, but I couldn’t let it slide by. I hear that Britney Spears is being considered for the role of Daisy Duke in the upcoming Dukes of Hazard flick. Jesus, have we learned nothing from Jim Varney and The Beverly Hillbillies movie or Shelley Long and The Brady Bunch? Movies based on bad TV shows make for bad movies. It’s not rocket science, people. My fear is that in 20 years, we’ll be seeing Friends: The Movie“¦starring the original cast, of course, since I have no doubt those six talentless hacks will need the money.
He’s The Runt That Eats Like A Meal
Here’s something from the world of salty and over-processed canned goods. America’s rappin’ twerp, Lil’ Bow Wow, is the new “urban” pitchman for Campbell’s Soup. His ads start runnin’ on August 18. Seriously, do any of y’all eat canned soup, anymore? It’s amazing when you think about it, but there are literally dozens of foods that our parents shoved down our throats as kids, but when you become an adult these foods just disappear from our daily menus. Here’s a limited list: bologna sandwiches, name-brand cereal, vegetables, CapriSun and cotton candy. It’ll happen to you.
Now, That’s My Kind Of List!
Generally, speakin'”¦I get my list fix from either Mathan or Fern Dawg, but the good people at Blender Magazine wanna follow their lead. In their latest issue they line up the 50 worst artists in music history. Included are: The Doors (#37), Mick Jagger (#13), Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Vanilla Ice and, at #1″¦The Insane Clown Posse. Swing by the newsstand, give it a look and send your venom and bile to them. Sadly, there was no mention of Gerardo, Baby a/k/a Tha #1 Stunna, Chris (C-Webb) Webber or Positive K. What your man got to do with me? I’m not tryin’ to hear that, see?
They Shoot’n! They Shoot’n!
So, the right-wing thinks there is nothing wrong with the current gun policy in this country, huh? Spare me your emails, I’m merely using this as a set-up for the news item that a dude was nabbed by NYC’s finest for threatening DMX. This guy was at least unique. Last Saturday, at 4:30 AM, Racheen Smith walked up to a cop and asked him for bullets so he could shoot DMX. The stunned officer put down his donut and immediately ceased the beatdown/traffic stop he was engaged in. A stolen .32 caliber handgun was later found in Smith’s possession. Man, I’m torn here. Obviously, I don’t wish harm on anyone”¦but, it’s DMX and all that barkin’ really annoys me”¦then there’s this“¦
Me So Tired Of This Brutha
Has it really been 100 years since Luther Campbell took a sample from Full Metal Jacket and turned it into one of the more annoying party anthems ever? And now, he’s back and blacker than ever! First up, Luke plans to release a book called Uncle Luke Campbell’s Chicken Soup. He promises it will be a “shocking” exposé on his backstage antics, his times on tour and “classic freak parties”, some of which involved current NFL stars Warren Sapp and Ray Lewis. So, rappers like to smoke weed and f#ck a lot”¦wow, shocking. Afterwards, he’s got another sh!tty album droppin’. Luke promises some shots at Snoop Dogg, who called Luke “washed-up” on his Doggy Fizzle show. Maybe Luke just prefers the term “has-been”.
As If Either One of Us Could Be More Insufferable
Hey, have you heard”¦? Nelly Furtado & me are having a baby! Well, separately, that is. The Grammy Award winner is due in September and then hopes to release her follow-up to Whoa, Nelly! around Thanksgiving. That’s just one of the many joys of combining motherhood with celebrity. My wife, on the other hand, will be workin’ right until the womb erupts and she’ll be back at work after a weekend to recuperate. Don’t look at me like that”¦we need the two incomes and that 2004 Baseball Digital Cable package ain’t gonna pay for itself.
All Eyez On Money
Death Row Records is reporting that the next album from slain rapper Tupac Shakur will be in stores October 7. It’s gonna be remixed versions of previously released material. While the tracklisting is still not confirmed, it’s rumored that the first single will be 2 of Amerika’s Most Wanted. The original was a banger with production from Daz Dillinger and a Snoop Dogg cameo. The new version will feature anonymous lyricist Crooked I in Snoop’s spot and some sure-to-be generic production from the label’s lazy beatmakers. Do me a favor, y’all: When I die, please keep Widro and my mother from profiting off the “Aaron Cameron” name. The thought of my name being associated with mediocre material”¦uh, moving on.
Sometimes The News Just Writes Itself
First The Fat Boys break up”¦now this. Word on the streets is that Jay-Z and Damon Dash, who comprise two-thirds of the Roc-A-Fella empire may be splitting up. Apparently, Dash is akin to Owen Hart, 1994 vintage, and is tired of livin’ in the shadow of his much, much uglier brother”¦in this case, Jay-Z. A “source” said that Dash brought Ol’ Dirty Bastard to the label without Jay-Z’s input, which was allegedly the final straw. This same “source” mentions that Dash is much more of a spotlight chasin’ gloryhound than Jigga (impossible) and has had not one, but two liposuction procedures. I am not kidding.
I can’t speak on that, but I can speak on Dash’s recent appearance on The Bob Costas Show. Of course, I can’t do it as well as Salemi, V2.0:
Did you see Damon Dash on Bob Costas’ show? Nice yellow hat and cheesy matching Roc-a-Fella jersey asshole, do your sneakers light up too? Grow up you’re not 14 anymore! He was part of some discussion about hip-hop’s image with some linguistics professor who Dash wouldn’t acknowledge because he wasn’t from ‘his culture’ and stopped short of calling him an Uncle Tom.
Costas let Dash go on while the professor sat there like a schmuck. Dash was like a petulant child, he wouldn’t even look the other guy in the face. He dismissed all criticism of hip hop as racist and that its critics didn’t ‘understand’ it and questioned his ‘blackness’. Who made him King of Keepin It Real? He’s been nothing but a Rory Holloway to Jay-Z’s Mike Tyson for years, what exactly does this guy do? Should Jay decide to get shot, retire, or find God, would this guy not be out on the street with a Will Executive Produce For Food Sign?
The whole discussion was bullshit. Costas f*cked up by not having a more informed guest who could have tore Dash to shreds. Bonus points would have been given for bashing him for his horrific acting performance in ‘State Property’, one of the worst movies EVER to go straight to video without the Coreys featured in it.
General Haberdashery
This week, the links section is brought to you by the Home of the Anagram.
Harm Death Rant is a dirty extortionist.
I’m It, A Cubs Tit continues the hip hop vs. rap (this time it’s personal) discussion.
Til Mets Oil Liz”¦Ow gets a link because “Tom Cocozza” is anagram averse.
Junk Mail
A couple of nights ago on IM, I was briefly chattin’ with a reader of my schtuff. He’s a rather infamous fan-slash-irritant of many Inside Pulse writers but for space considerations, we’ll call him J. Anywho, he asked me somethin’ that I get asked at least a couple of times a week:
Why don’t you ever review classic hip hop albums?
Good question, J. I’ve had a concept that I’ve been kickin’ around for months. Hell, I even had a column title that, much like the B-Sharps, is amusing at first then less so each subsequent time you hear it. How ’bout this: I’ll wedge a quick look at some older schtuff into upcoming episodes of The Goodness. The first request I get (pre-1996), will be the first album I write up. And it doesn’t have to be a classic.
This week’s junk mostly covered some reviews that were posted during my sabbatical. There was also many of y’all who demanded an explanation for my stance on old-school vs. new-school. The always-cerebral “Triple R” is the voice of the people:
Although I agree with your overall assessment of “The Ownerz”, I don’t agree with your blanket statement of “The best new school rappers” is better than “The best of old school”. I think I may better understand that statement if you list your roster of respective factions because I don’t think a old school group that consisted of KRS-One, Rakim, Chuck-D, Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg could be outdone by the likes of Nelly, Killer Mike, Roscoe, Eminem and Lil’Wayne.
I shoulda done a betta job of categorizing “old school” and “new school”. This whole debate pretty much revolves around when you were born. If you were born in 1973 then guys like Snoop and Cube aren’t “old school”. If you were born in 1988, then I can see how one might consider them to be a couple of cats from back in the day.
My criteria is pretty simple: If you were blowin’ up in the 1980s, you’re “old school”. If you were wreckin’ shit in the ’90s to present day, you’re “new school”. Hey, I said it was simple, not objective. I’ll take the best of Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Cube (yeah, yeah”¦NWA, 1988), Nas and Eminem over the likes of KRS-One and Rakim.
A good example would be Jackie Robinson. He was a great Hall of Fame player who was the first African-American to play Major League Baseball and blazed the trails for all others who came after him. Jackie Robinson is no Barry Bonds, Rickey Henderson, Willie Mays or Hank Aaron, though. Just because someone is first, doesn’t make him better by default. Just because someone is a pioneer, it doesn’t mean that someone can’t come along who can do it better. You can read more of my thoughts on this (along with some of my readers) in this old column c’here or this old column c’here.
An AOL user craps on three of my reviews at once:
yo what the f*ck is wrong with you. freeway is one of the hottest mc’s out. but then again u r from CA and he is on some real shit not that fizzle and shizzle crap, so u cant relate.just another way to hate on the east from another California dickrider. 50 and B.I.G. collabo is the hottest shit on the radio. what the f*ck u talkin bout average. bitch u really do dick-ride the west. yo how the f*ck does daz get a higer rating than capodonna.what a dickrider
Fortunately, my dumbshit-to-english dictionary is handy, so I can tell y’all he’s referencing the Freeway album, the Bad Boys II Soundtrack and Daz’s new one. I didn’t write the Cappodonna review, but why let that get in the way of being called a dickrider three times in 15 seconds?
From another AOL user regarding the Gangstarr review:
I would call this a failure of an album, and their worst one. First, while “Capture” has some tight lyrics, the beat really sucks. It totally goes against the flow of the song and doesn’t hold a torch to the previous two “Militia” remixes. Plus, the rest of the album is only so-so, and while the lyrics are tight, they are always tight on Gangstarr albums, and therefore the production and beats are what makes them special, and on the Ownerz, the production and beats both fall to a mediocre level. Plus, this album shouldn’t be considered even close to their previous album Moment of Truth. Moment of Truth is considered by many to be the best hip-hop album ever, and The Ownerz isn’t in the same league.
Feedback was split down the middle on this one. Some of y’all thought I gave too much love to a mediocre album, while the rest of you couldn’t believe I didn’t hand out a perfect 10. I do agree that Moment of Truth, while not the best rap album ever, is a notch or two better.
Coming Soon
Sleepless nights, morning sickness, irrational mood swings, swollen feet, booze free social gatherings and a whole new wardrobe chock full of moo moos, tents and, yes, the dreaded “pregnancy shorts”. Oh wait, that’s the wife”¦I’m a guy and my job stops at “donor”.
For my faithful fanbase, the promised reviews for Gangstarr and Chingy are up now. Be on the lookout for new reviews of Mobb Deep, Snoop’s Second Mixtape and Canibus later this month. Did one of these score a perfect 10? C’mon back n’ find out. Also, the first Bootleg: The Remix examining The 7 Myths of Tupac Shakur is this close to completion.
Oakland A’s Update: Well, the Adam Piatt era is over and our heroes choked one away to the Nomah’s last night. It’s three with the Jays this weekend and I’ll be in the house on Saturday for m’man, Huddy. Then, it’s three mo’ with Boston and four in Canada. Why can’t the A’s get three or four more with the Yankees to slap around?
The wife is throwin’ up, again. Get at me on AOL or Yahoo IM: ajcameron13
