Before I get to my recent Summerslam epiphany, I would like to present a new feature to this column that I am thinking of making a regular occurrence:
Chris Biscuiti presents Current Events Fantasy Cliff Notes
Here’s how it works: I will provide you with the top stories of the week, with, of course, my own fantasy spin.
Top Story: What’s on everyone’s mind today, at least in the Northeastern regions of the U.S. and Canada, is the big Blackout of 2003. It has been reported by numerous sources that approximately 50 million households were affected by the energy grid breakdown, leaving many Americans in a heated lurch. While the cause of the blackout has not yet been identified, some of our fantasy sources have just confirmed that the blackout may have actually been caused by close friends of pro wrestling legend Mark Callaway, better known to fans as the Undertaker. Says one source, who wants to be known here merely as Sara, “There’s no way I can engage in spontaneous, kinky, or any kind of sexual activity with my famous husband knowing he – I mean the Undertaker – is stuck in a piss-poor feud with A-Train.” Additionally, Fantasy Cliff Notes has learned that the fires that broke out near key power sources in Ohio could have been the result of excessive arm-flailing by an angry raging sibling of Mr. Callaway.
Entertainment/Political News: Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-California) announced that he will seek the California gubernatorial seat left vacant by the recall of current corrupted political poster boy Gray Davis (D-California). Mr. Schwarzenegger’s biggest competition for the seat is undoubtedly headed by none other than child star Gary Coleman (D-Hobbiton), setting up the best political dogfight in California since the presidential race between Zack Morris and Jessie Spano at Bayside High School in the early 1990s. When asked to comment about the epic battle of Arnold vs. Arnold, Mr. Coleman remarked, “You know my name’s Gary, right?”
Sports Update: This just in Home run slugger Barry Bonds was put on the Bereavement List by the San Francisco Giants to spend time with his ailing father, Bobby, who has battled with cancer for the past year. According to Major League Baseball rules, Bonds must miss a minimum of three games as a result of being placed on the bereavement list, and can miss a maximum of seven. There is nothing to spin here, I just thought I’d remind everyone reading that cancer is never a funny situation and should not be reported as such.
That’s all for Current Events Fantasy Cliff Notes until next time this is Chris Biscuiti reporting for CEFCN News.
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Looking Forward to the Elimination Chamber
I don’t know about you, but I think that the main event at Summerslam will be much more intriguing than a Triple H vs. Goldberg singles match. I know that many fans have been waiting and wishing for a clean Triple H job to Bill, but in my opinion Goldberg doesn’t even deserve to be champ as much as Chris Jericho, or even Randy Orton for that matter.
What Raw has now with the Summerslam main event is a chance to go in a similar direction as Smackdown! as it pertains to developing new stars and starting over fresh with the World Heavyweight Championship belt.
Personally, I would love to see a surprise Jericho or Orton win, because either of those two would be the more progressive move over giving the belt to Goldberg, HBK, Nash or letting an injured HHH retain.
If Randy Orton did win, it would be cool to see he and Flair leave Trips high and dry, keeping the Evolution name or perhaps changing the name of their faction to the Four Horsemen. This way, Flair and Orton can hunt for two fresh members for their super-heel alliance, all the while getting a boost with the Horseman tagline and paying homage to the past. Hell, a lot of fans thought Brock Lesnar was too green to be the WWE Champion on Smackdown!, but I think in retrospect that making Brock the Champ was a proactive move in the right direction, rather than giving us the same old storyline possibilities that had become stale.
If Chris Jericho won the Elimination Chamber match, especially with a direct win over The Game, that would be simply ORGASMIC in the Internet Wrestling Community. I know that Y2J pinning HHH is approximately 1,000,000-1 odds, but here’s to hoping that the moniker “Anything can happen in WWE” is more than just a marketing ploy for once.
Either way, I hope that Vince and Co. go with at least a variation of one of the two routes outlined above. Otherwise, Summerslam will go down as a waste of time where Raw is concerned.
What do you think of the Elimination Chamber main event? Who do you think should win and why? You can send your thoughts on these issues as well as any other feedback by emailing chris411@wrestling.com, or by clicking on the email link at the bottom of the page.
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
-Mohandas K. Gandhi
That’s all for now PEACE.
-Chris Biscuiti
