For the first time, I’m gonna open one of these reviews with a letter. This is from a lil’ momma named Angelina:
Could you please review Bow Wow’s new cd called Unleashed? If you do, I’ll tell everyone I know to read it.
Yep…Smilowitz and Mathan can have their college-aged and employed fanbase. I’ve got Mrs. Jones’ sixth grade homeroom on lock! My first step to fulfilling this request failed as the good people at my primary site for illicit downloads (we’ll call them “Pazaa”) suckered me in with a few seconds of a track, then loud, grating static. Undaunted, I found the entire album in mp-3 at one of those annoying foreign sites with the jillion pop-up ads.
Ah, Bow Wow (nee Lil’ Bow Wow)…who doesn’t know the heartwarming tale of the baby rapper with a dream? For those of you out of middle school, here’s a summary: Snoop Dogg discovered him at a show in Ohio at the age of six. Snoop gave Shad Moss his canine moniker and worked to get him signed to the Death Row label. Eventually, Bow Wow hooked up with the love child of E.T. and former Cardinals flychaser, Willie McGee…Jermaine Dupri.
Dupri helped Bow Wow get a gig with Will Smith on the godawful Wild Wild West soundtrack and, a year later, the kid released his debut album. Since then, Bow Wow has gone through puberty, a little bit of label drama and even been bitten by the acting bug. So, with all that goin’ on, can Bow Wow continue to make music that appeals to…uh, Angelina and her friends?
To the album’s benefit, Bow Wow is able to call in a few favors from some of the biggest beat makers in music. Swizz Beats pounds out the opener, Get It Poppin’ with a drums/synth blend that isn’t groundbreaking, but does help to lend a speck of credibility to Bow Wow’s ridiculously inane lyrics:
I can’t lie…I love b-o-o-t-y!
Ah, what a message to send to his target demographic of 10 year old girls. It’ll probably shock all of y’all to know that this is about as deep as his “messages” get. Oh, he tries to get as serious as Lance Storm for a minute on cuts like Eighteen and The Movement, but both joints fail and fail spectacularly.
On the former, Bow Weezy lets us know what he wants when he turns 18…cars, women and some Jordans. Of course, we’ll ignore the fact that he spends the rest of the album tellin’ us that he already has all of those thangs. On the latter, the finely layered beat is compromised by Bow Wow’s bizarre decision to ape the flow of Eminem on this up with (little) people track. Think White America for young bruthas and sistas.
The Neptunes also throw Bow Wow a bone on The Don, The Dutch. Unfortunately, along with being one of the worst song titles ever, the beat is kinda like a flaccid version of 1994’s Born To Roll by Masta Ace Incorporated. More “big” names that don’t help can be found on tracks like My Baby (Jagged Edge) and I’ll Move On (Mario).
OK…I know that rippin’ apart the lyrical dexterity of Bow Wow is akin to shootin’ fish in a barrel, but c’mon…he actually spits rhymes that include phrases like “heebie jeebies”, “hit me on the hip” and “cool like a freezer”. Hit me on the hip? I don’t think this kid was even born when that piece of slang left our lexicon.
Aiight…I gotta find some positives…give me a minute.
He does take a ton of thinly veiled shots at his “rival” Lil’ Romeo. And wasn’t the world just waitin’ for the public beef between a 16 year old and a 13 year old? Let’s see…he doles out about 100 plugs to BET’s insipid 106 & Park show, which should make the good people at Viacom smile. Oh, and he drops one of the worst Dear Mama knockoffs ever (and that’s sayin’ something). Trust me…To My Mama is so laughingly bad (he calls her his “road dawg” and shows her his love by buying her cars & houses…like we all do every Mother’s Day) that you’ll want, no…need to give it another listen or two.
