Did you miss me?
Anyone?
Yeah, didn’t think so. Anyway, this is Daniels back with the Saturday news reports. My last three absences can be surmised pretty easily.
Week 1: my boss comes to me and says: “Daniels, I got this project for you. If you can finish it before you leave on vacation, we will pay for your vacation.†So, naturally Daniels puts in 70 hours in one week and gets the shit done. Which made the next two absences even sweeter.
Week 2 and 3: 7 days and 7 nights in beautiful Cancun. Now, I don’t know how many of you have been there, but Cancun is basically America in Mexico. Pretty much most of what you’ve seen on television is all true. I was there at the end of August, and I saw more hot chicks than I can handle and that was just at the hotel. Never mind when we actually went out at night.
For about $1200 bucks we got the hotel and air fare. The best part Drinking and Food at the hotel was ALL FREE all week. So, we didn’t even have to pay for a meal. Then, through the hotel, you could go out to the bars and for the low bargain price of $25, you got to go out to the club and drink there free all night. If that wasn’t enough, the folks who paid for the open bar GOT THEIR VERY OWN BAR.
So yes, I had considered writing quick columns and putting them in the queue before I left, but I figured, why bother. As most of the other news staff knows, this IS the most ignored column on 411wrestling.
Got an email before I left from a guy asking why I don’t write about the weight loss regimen so much anymore. Basically because I figured you guys would get bored hearing “yep, I lost another pound this week†or “no, I didn’t lose the pound this week.†Status update for those who care: I hit August Right on Schedule, at 220, down from 240. Hopefully I will hit the 200 mark by the one year anniversary of the start, which will be January first. Unfortunately, I’m sure I hit a snag by taking the last three weeks off to prep for Cancun, be in Cancun, and recover from Cancun.
Quick News Bits
Word on the street says Dover, Delaware is about to ban professional wrestling. No word on whether or not this is because Hyatte left the state. However, when asked, a member of the city council said: “Without that Hyatte kid here f*ck’s the point?â€Â
Smackdown’s rating rose this week from last week’s dismal 2.6 up to a hearty 3.5. Apparently the lure of Madden and Michaels wasn’t nearly strong as that of Madonna kissing Britney and the tightly packed Christina.
Scotty 2 Hotty is on his way back to the WWE after a year on the shelf with Neck Surgery. This only serves to remind me that the Year Without Edge is agonizingly coming to a close.
Oz is finishing up his work on the Punisher and is almost ready to return to the WWE to continue his program with Jericho. Unfortunately for Scott Keith, there wasn’t a Brandon Lee accident involving Nash and the Punisher.
The Jim Ross v Jonathan Coachman match set for Unforgiven will likely be changed to a tag match with Lawler and Snow. The stunned silence will not only be from the empty announce booth, but from the fans.
The Week In Wrestling
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you ask) I missed Summerslam and the week following it. I still have SS on the DVR, so I might have to grab it to watch the couple of good matches that I understand were can’t miss, that being the four way dance and the Angle/Lesnar rematch. I also apparently missed the attempted murder of Kane with a burning dumpster which I’m glad, because they seem to have decided it never happened. Who needs storylines?
I will agree with one thing Scott Keith said about Kane this week. The trigger has to be pulled on a feud with an upper level character and sooner is better than later. This is why Goldie needed to win the belt from HHH in the Elimination Chamber. Let HHH take his time to heal and move the focus from HHH to Kane. You would end up with Goldberg feuding with, possibly, the most over heel in the company right now and Kane getting the Goldberg rub. Besides that, give him someone who will help his killer rep a bit. Fuggin RVD ain’t going to do. Everyone has beaten RVD, so feeding him RVD week after week isn’t helping.
I see I also missed a heel turn for Jonathan f’n Coachman of all people. You know, the heel referee thing occasionally works because a heel referee can actually affect the outcome of a match. Can anyone tell me how turning an ANNOUNCER heel helps anyone? What’s he going to do be the HEEL ANNOUNCER instead of the face? Oh, that’ll help everyone involved. And to top off the idiocy, they decide to bring out Al Snow and turn HIM heel, too. So what, does that mean Heat is the heel show now? I got news for you, the reason people are booing during heat is not because it’s a heel show, it’s because they’re watching the one hundred seventy seventh incarnation of Stevie Richards vs Crash Holly. And, is there a point in turning Al Snow heel when they have shown time and time again that they have absolutely no interest in ever using him in any real capacity? Which is a shame considering I saw what he was capable of in ECW.
Ah, here is the explanation. Kane “disappeared†during the burning. Maybe he was teleported to the top of the scoreboard in a beam of purple light.
Austin came out to destroy the Highlight Reel’s set. Jericho came out to protest and so did Christian so Austin made Jericho vs Christian for the IC Title . RIGHT NOW!!!
Jericho put Christian over in an attempt to justify the return of the IC Title which was nice, because it needs a couple of solid wins on the champion to make it mean something. Jericho is the only top guy on Raw willing to do the deed, and congrats to him for it.
HHH verbally runs down Goldberg and then Goldberg comes down and verbally runs down HHH. They just don’t get the Goldberg thing at all, do they? Or do they and they are enjoying the burial? That’s all I can figure.
Trish and Ivory v Gail Kim and Molly. Whatever.
Kane beat up Shane a bit and in the silliest segment of the week, attached jumper cables to Shane’s nuts and hooked it up to the battery. *sigh* whatever floats their boat. Kane’s “injuries†from falling in a burning dumpster, by the way, is a bandage on his arm. They should have saved that dumpster spot as the reason he went back to a mask, eventually.
Next week: Kane v RVD in a STEEL CAGE!
Pointless six man tag was the main event. I refuse to discuss it on principle. Goldberg pinned Orton at the end. You can probably figure out the participants.
And, thanks to the NFL Kickoff, I didn’t watch Smackdown this week. What does that mean? It means, this report is done.
Which is good, because I’m exhausted and it’s three am.
In Other Reading
Gamble? For real?
And, just because I haven’t been able to pimp the nipple ring wearing freak in the better part of forever Morse with a brand new Mean!
In Conclusion
Back from vacation, the holidays should be over. Look for 411’s official look at the MTV VMA’s coming This Tuesday in the News Release.
Until then
