Grut Vs Daniels: 9.9.03


VPJG: Welcome back to an all new Grutman vs. Daniels. My name is Josh and this is my tag team partner in stupidity, Tommy D.

Kaisen316: I consider you more my spunky manager in stupidity

VPJG: Yeah, you sure love spunk. Anyway, I noticed your initials are TD.

Kaisen316: TOUCHDOWN!


Kaisen316: As in something the Eagles can’t seem to figure out this evening

VPJG: And that brings us to our debate tonight. Monday Night Football vs. Monday Night Raw. What to watch?
VPJG: As the inbred, you can pick first.

Kaisen316: Obviously, I’ll take Monday Night Football

VPJG: Then I will be the defender of all that our site stands for, professional wrestling.
VPJG: You stinking inbred traitor.

Kaisen316: Widz might as well close up shop if you’re defending his honor

VPJG: Valid point. That makes the score Grutman 3, Tommy 1.
VPJG: On to the debate.

Kaisen316: but……

VPJG: The debate.

Kaisen316: OK

VPJG: Now then, I’m a New Yorker.
VPJG: If the Giants are playing on Monday night, I can flip back and forth between Raw and football.
VPJG: But that’s the Giants. Why the hell would I want to watch the Bears battle the Texans when I’ve been a fan of wrestling all my life?

Kaisen316: Come on… obviously you’re from NY, what do you care about football season? I mean, look at your choices.
Kaisen316: Jets: Can never, ever, ever be good… they’re cursed or something. The Bills: who are contractually obligated to choke every year. And the Giants, who are consistently mediocre

VPJG: I care about the football season! Collins and Shockey are going all the way this year.

Kaisen316: Football season is the greatest time of the year. Hands down, it’s the only sport that does it right. Five months, 16 games, every game means something… there aren’t five thousand games over the course of 10 months.

VPJG: That’s right. “16” games.
VPJG: Not every game on the schedule.
VPJG: For the most part, teams you don’t care about will play on Monday.
VPJG: And even if you’re a diehard wrestling and football fan, you’ll still be able to catch the second half after Raw.
VPJG: The half that means something.

Kaisen316: Yes, but look at tonight. You have the Super Bowl champs vs the team everyone had pegged last year as the super bowl champs. There is almost ALWAYS a good game on Monday… or a game that means something.

VPJG: But you can still watch wrestling and watch a good portion of the football game you flaming rodent f*cker.
VPJG: I’m sorry.
VPJG: You inbred flaming rodent f*cker.
VPJG: What’s so important about the first half?

Kaisen316: So, I can watch a match that I can predict the end of five minutes before it starts, or I can watch a non-fixed football game


Kaisen316: Football games are exciting and fun… you never know when something cool is going to happen.

VPJG: Wrestling… wrestling is… is FIXED?

Kaisen316: With Raw, lately, you’re only guaranteed that nothing cool is going to happen

VPJG: Listen, I think you’re a hell of an author and I love your Rants, but you need to stop being so negative Scott.
VPJG: Whoops! I thought I was talking to Keith. Did you notice the subtlety?

Kaisen316: Did I mention how much the Undertaker sucks? No. Therefore it’s nothing like a Keith column

VPJG: You just did.
VPJG: I quote you, “the Undertaker sucks”
VPJG: Score: Grutman 10, Daniels 1.
VPJG: Back to the debate.

Kaisen316: but…..

VPJG: The debate.

Kaisen316: I didn’t……… gah
Kaisen316: Look at you being all on topic and shit tonight.

VPJG: I’m too exhausted to go on my usual wild tangent. So you think Raw sucks?

Kaisen316: Lately, absolutely
Kaisen316: A retarded monkey…. or even you… could write a better show

VPJG: Thanks for your confidence. Did you see the Jericho-Stone Cold segment? For the Jericho-Christian program alone, the show could be picking up.

Kaisen316: Christian, granted, is one of the high points.

VPJG: Not Jericho?

Kaisen316: And I give them immense credit for leading in with Kane/RVD as the first match.

VPJG: They’re trying. I really believe that they’re trying. I’m not ready to give up on them when they’re once again beginning to try.

Kaisen316: But where did they go from there…. backstage to Bischoff to set up a match, followed by Lance Storm vs Rico. Sorry, but that is NOT going to make people stay tuned.
Kaisen316: nor will Mark Henry

VPJG: Oh yeah. God forbid Lance Storm and Rico get screen time.
VPJG: They’re working with what they have. It’s better than a 0-0 first half.

Kaisen316: I’m not saying they shouldn’t get screen time, I’m just saying they’re not ready to go up against the NFL. This is what the off season is for… build guys up so people WANT to see them. I’m happy to see them do something with Storm, but it’s not going to make turn the channel on Donovan McNabb.

VPJG: Why not when McNabb isn’t doing anything amazing?
VPJG: You know the exact moment the game picked up?
VPJG: When Raw ended.
VPJG: You cow humping confederate flag waving George Bush brown nosing southerner
VPJG: Oh, and you’re inbred.

Kaisen316: I am a Yankee you idiot
Kaisen316: I don’t wave Confederate Flags
Kaisen316: and might get shot if I did

VPJG: Daniels, friendly advice, maybe you should wave a Confederate flag.
VPJG: Haha! Still, I was wrong to say that. I deduct a point from myself and reward one to you.
VPJG: Score: Grutman 35 Daniels 2
VPJG: Back to the debate.

Kaisen316: One of these days, I have to figure out your point system

VPJG: Now then, I think I’m pretty clearly winning (joke point system aside in which the current score is 48-2 in my favor) so hit me with a good argument.

Kaisen316: Clearly Winning? Man, you really haven’t slept in two days. Anyway, Obviously football is better because I say so.

VPJG: By the way, looks like the game is ending 17-0. What a barn burner, eh?

Kaisen316: Just look at the announce crew. When is the last time you heard Madden scream about Puppies
Kaisen316: When is the last time Michaels said “Quicker than a Hiccup”

VPJG: Madden screamed about puppies that time I killed his dogs. This isn’t about which is better, wrestling or football. The point is that if you want to watch both, you can watch all of Raw and still watch the important part of the game.
VPJG: And you shouldn’t want to watch them both because you most likely won’t care about the teams that are playing.
VPJG: What connection do you feel towards Tampa Bay or the Eagles?

Kaisen316: See but that’s what is different about football

VPJG: Not with parity.
VPJG: So many teams are the same.

Kaisen316: People watch football because it’s football. I could give two shits about the Eagles or Buccaneers… in fact, I hate the Bucs with a passion and the Eagles are in my team’s division, so I hate them by default. But the point is, people will watch a football game because it’s a football game. It’s not like baseball where you watch your team only. You only get football two days a week for five months.
Kaisen316: You have to get your fill.
Kaisen316: So you watch Monday Night, regardless of whether or not you like the teams… which is why the Super Bowl is the highest rated thing on television every year. People just want to watch football.
Kaisen316: Wrerstling will be on next week.

VPJG: Daniels, you inbred pig f*cking skirt wearing homophobe…
VPJG: Good point.
VPJG: But that still doesn’t mean you can’t watch wrestling and football on Monday night.

Kaisen316: No, it doesn’t… but the debate was wrestling OR football
Kaisen316: I would think that saying you can watch both when football is on is a pretty solid argument for football

VPJG: The debate was which show to watch. I watched Raw instead of Monday Night Football. Then… HOLY SHIT! Football was still on!
VPJG: By choosing Raw over Football, I got the best of both worlds, though Raw did kind of suck.
VPJG: But so did the football game.

Kaisen316: But, what would you do if the Giants were on?

VPJG: Flip back and forth. Wrestling is more than a show, it is a hobby with storylines you must follow to understand part of what is going on week to week.
VPJG: I would never leave my television on ABC during the commercial for Football, but I sure watched a couple of Raw commercials tonight.
VPJG: Unless I had guys over to watch the game. Then f*ck Raw.

Kaisen316: Yeah, but that’s one strike against the writing… you should be able to miss a week and not be totally oblivious to what’s going on.
Kaisen316: I still don’t know what happened with the dumpster, because I had to miss Raw because I was on vacation.
Kaisen316: You ever watch a soap, Grutman?
Kaisen316: And feel free to get the gay jokes out first

VPJG: When I was younger I watched 90210, faggot.

Kaisen316: No, a soap.
Kaisen316: a real soap
Kaisen316: daytime.

VPJG: That was a soap. My friend is an extra on soaps, but I’ve never watched an episode straight through.
VPJG: 24 was a soap. You had to watch each week to know what was going on, so I kinda know what you’re saying.

Kaisen316: I should never be clueless as to what’s going on, that’s bad writing
Kaisen316: or, in Raw’s case, I know what’s going on because nothing ever happens.
Kaisen316: and the same stuff will still be going on in January after the super bowl

VPJG: Or will I suddenly flip to The New TNN and find it has changed to Spike TV?! Explain that Big Brain Booby!
VPJG: Man I’m tired.
VPJG: Big Brain Booby. What the f*ck was that?
VPJG: You get another point.

Kaisen316: Big Brain Booby? WTF?

VPJG: Updated Score: Grutman 22, Daniel -3.
VPJG: You’re almost back to the positive side.
VPJG: Now back to the debate.

Kaisen316: but…..

VPJG: In fact, this has gone far enough. Final argument.
VPJG: 45 to –16

Kaisen316: you go first

VPJG: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, Daniels has had the balls to request that I make the first final argument.
VPJG: I see my monkey has grown into a man…

Kaisen316: No, I just want to let you hang yourself since you are, currently, out of it

VPJG: Listen, I love football, but I also love wrestling. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t write for a wrestling website. I am able to watch the second half of a football game after choosing to watch wrestling first. Say what you will about the creative team, say what you will about the quality of the product, but 9 time out of 10 I’ll choose wrestling over football.
VPJG: This better be a great final argument. You’re down 74 points.

Kaisen316: I love wrestling, too. As a matter of fact, when Raw was at it’s peak a few years ago, I would rarely watch Monday Night Football. But now, there’s not much left of Raw. Wrestling is the same week in and week out… I’m wagering that I can leave wrestling now and come back around the Royal Rumble and still have a pretty good idea what’s going on. Besides, I can still watch Smackdown and, since the brands are separate now, have a perfect idea what’s going on there.

VPJG: Wow. That was… wow.
VPJG: Final score: 1 Wrestling Columnist who actually likes wrestling to 1 Inbred Traitor.

Kaisen316: I call Wrestling columnist
Kaisen316: no takebacks
Kaisen316: HA!

VPJG: Foiled again I guess. Send your vote to me. Hey, music man, check out my VMA column at Moodspins.
VPJG: May I give a small preview?

Kaisen316: sure

VPJG: “I’m pretty sure that Snoop Dogg, who presented the award, announced that Johnny Cash was his nigga right before he opened the envelope. Fuck the VMA. As a white Jew, I’d rather be called Snoop Dogg’s nigga than have a castle full of moon men. “

Kaisen316: now that’s worth a read

VPJG: Before we end this, I want you all reading at home to give Daniels a little round of applause.
VPJG: Daniels, I am not big with compliments for you, especially in the column, but I truly feel this was the best you’ve ever done. Kudos.

Kaisen316: Where is this going?
Kaisen316: YOu don’t compliment
Kaisen316: ever

VPJG: Nowhere. I was being nice.

Kaisen316: well, thank you, Grutman.

VPJG: It might have taken you a while to find your place in the column, too often you competed with me for the big laugh, a fight you couldn’t win.
VPJG: You found your niche as straight man. God bless your boring heart.
VPJG: The Steve Blackman to my Al Snow. The Lance Storm to my Goldust… I’m sorry. You don’t watch wrestling anymore.

Kaisen316: ok, I think I’ve had enough of being called boring for one column

VPJG: Folks, while I believe the final score was 85 to -19 in my favor, only you can decide who really won! Vote… NOW!
VPJG: Did anyone vote yet?

Kaisen316: I don’t know, it’s pointing at your email

VPJG: I just checked my e-mail. A lot of porn, but no votes.

Kaisen316: well, whatever works

VPJG: Oh well. Hey, wanna go watch a monkey masturbate?

Kaisen316: No, I don’t feel like coming over tonight