The Weekend Hotline 9.27.03


Rest In Peace

Anthony Durante, better known as ECW’s Pitbull Number 2, was found dead in his residence with a woman, both apparently dead from a drug overdose. Needles were found near the body along with the pain-killing drug Oxycontin.

Worse than the deaths, the couple had two children. A 21 month old by and a 8 month old girl, who were in the house with the two for days before being found. Another wrestler another drug overdose.

Quite a week it’s been for me. I go to the doctor on Tuesday to have an irritating problem with my throat looked at, and I find out that I have mono and have probably been carrying it for about two months. Lovely. So, not only am I sick I’m super sick. Isn’t mono supposed to be something you get in college? I thought if I made it through college, I’d be home free. Tis not, apparently, the case.

So, not only am I sick and on a ton of drugs, but I can’t drink for at least a month which also sucks. So, to try and make lemonade out of lemons, I’m going to take this opportunity to experiment with the Atkins Diet. Since the only thing that was holding me off before was my love of beer, I ain’t got it anymore. So I figure I’ll give it a shot.

I also have to admit, I didn’t watch Unforgiven. I was in Montreal when it aired, and my roommate told me not to bother. Goldberg was the champ and there was not much else of interest on the show. Fair enough.

Also, a retraction from last week. I recapped that Lita showed back up on Raw without any further explanation to as why she was fired. My bad. I was swapping between wrestling and the football game, and missed the following segment where Austin explained that he hired her back. Silly me for expecting Keith to fill in the gaps correctly. So, my bad. Sorry.

The Week In Wrestling


As I didn’t watch Unforgiven, let’s start with Raw.

Goldberg started the show to thank everyone for their support to a chorus of boos. C’mon guys, get with the program and turn him heel. You learned with Rocky that you just can’t make people love someone, no matter how hard you try. You gotta turn him heel. If he lets you. Austin made the interrupt to toast the Big Gold Belt with the Big Gold Berg. “Believe the Hype” has decent shot of catching on. You can even fit it on a sign. Bischoff interrupted the Bald Guy Beer party in time to get speared. Not too much of a segment, other than to give Goldberg Austin’s rub.

Christian kept the IC Title vs RVD. I can’t fault this, as I absolutely love the current Christian character. He is one of the few reasons to watch Raw right now.

New white boy challenges but with Mark Henry. I guess cuz they worked so well for Rodney Mack?

Rare production gaffe as they swap backstage and we get the live production call to camera six and the skit “WORST CASE SCENARIO” about to be performed. Kind of funny, actually. Production miscues always amuse me for some reason. The worst case scenario was Christian/RVD for the IC title next week in a Ladder Match.

Now, look you have two months to build to Survivor Series. Why in the hell would you give a blowoff match like these two in a ladder match for free, when you have two months to build a cohesive, serious storyline of RVD chasing Christian. Not only do you have good television while holding off the match, but you have a match that people are salivating to see by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. I chalk this up to another WWE idea that I just don’t get.

Regardless, we’re getting a fine Ladder Match on free TV next week, so I don’t care that much.

Molly/Gail vs Lita/Trish: At this point, the Raiders were already well on their way to getting aced, so I was able to settle in for just about the whole show. Lita has improved in her time away, Trish is still good, Gail is green but worth watching, and Molly still owns. If they keep adding chicks who know what they’re doing, this division is only going to get stronger. Whether or not they can make people care, that’s another story.

Test vs Steiner had a video package, making me believe that this feud, god help us, isn’t over. I mean, on one hand, I credit them for feuding two guys for two or three months. On the other hand, this feud isn’t working. These guys just don’t work that well together and the whole thing is contrived. “Oh, we’ll keep putting the girl on the line EVERY MATCH.” When the whole thing is leading on an eventual Stacy turn on Steiner. Why? Because these things always wind up with the “It was a setup all along” thing.

Shane is at an undisclosed hospital, which Kane finds, and beats the hell out of him. Apparently, Shane took a serious bump at Unforgiven which I might have to take a look at on the DVR. The end of the segment ended with Shane a bloody mess and the trained, professional nurses panicking and calling for a doctor rather than attending to him. Remind me NOT to get hurt in Pennsylvania.

Evolution vs Maven, Jindrak, and Cade. This got set up over the course of the night. Jindrak and Cade we’re on their way out and got beat up by Evolution, which set this up. The match ended, of course, with HHH Pedigreeing Maven for the pin. Obviously, since Maven is the most over guy on the other team.

Here is another one of those HHH things. He’s about to take a month or two off. At the end of the match he gave a “screw you” speech. Why in the blue f*ck does HHH need to get the win here? Do you know how a pinfall over HHH could be worked into getting a guy over? Any of those three guys would have benefited a TON more with the pinfall here, but instead, it goes to HHH who still gets his speech, and who is now gone for months. It’s pointless and stupid but hey, who ever said nepotism was intellgence?

Rock is in a new movie, you know.

Goldberg beat Jericho with Bischoff as the special guest referee. Well, I guess if they’re going to go the whole way with him, they gotta give him something. I would have thought Jericho would have played the mind-game card all they way until Survivor Series, but apparently the WWE is intent on blowing their wad on free TV, and saving Survivor Series setup for, you know, the week before.


Vince and Sable tried to present Brock with his new title, but Angle shows up instead. Vince tells Angle that he has to start from the bottom, which unfortunately brings out John Cena (not the best association to make, guys). And Cena gets attacked by Angle. Then Cena leaves the building.

The Guerreros kept the tag titles vs the Mattitudes. I continue not to see the point of keeping the Guerreros together, unless it’s some crazy attempt to get Chavo over through association. I guess, theoretically, they could run a Bret/Owen type angle with these two, where Chavo is sick of being in Eddie’s shadow. You know, done right it would be worth watching, because I’m sure these two can put on some pretty sick matches together.

Fantastic cruiserweight match as, once again, Smackdown proves itself to be the show for the folks who want to see one or two good matches per show. It saw Tajiri finally prying the Cruiserweight title from Rey Mysterio, who I presume they are going to put into a full time tag program with Kidman they should. I find it hilarious that the tag division on Smackdown is so strong and the tag division on Raw is in shambles. I guess it’s because the Dudleys are over on Raw and they just have such a presence with them (as former 4000 time tag champs) that it just makes all the other tag teams seem like thrown together losers. I understand the logic of breaking them up now, but unfortunately, it just doesn’t seem to work. People want them together.

I digress. Rey is no longer your cruiserweight champion and Taijiri is.

Apparently, Eddie is now wrestling Charlie Haas and not Cena. Ok, whatever. Show seems to have developed a problem with Eddie, in what I assume will be Eddie’s turn to beat the Big Show Everyone else has, why shouldn’t he?

Vince tried the belt presetation again (as the main event) and it ended up interrupted this time by the Undertaker. Guess what, Taker has a title shot at the upcoming PPV, which Vince isn’t too happy about it, which begs the question why he doesn’t cancel it since he, you know, owns the company and to further drive in the stupidity, Vince then makes a match with Steph. Yes, an I Quit match Vince and Steph I quit.

Oy and you thought JR/King vs Snow/Coach was bad.


Tickets for Wrestlemania XX went on presale yesterday (Friday 9/26) and almost the entire arena was sold out in ten minutes. Tickets went on sale to the general public this morning, but there’s no news as of this writing on how quickly those tickets went.

I’m hoping that the couple of hookups I have come through.

WWE Signed TNA’s Jimmy Yang to a contract based on the strength of a dark match with Tommy Dreamer. No words on if they signed Yang’s sideburns.

The Rock has revealed his next project will be Spy Hunter, because video game movies always do so well. The Rock is also rumored to never be returning to wrestling again. I can’t say that I blame him however, I don’t think he’s actually said “I’m done with wrestling.” It’s just assumptions made on things he’s said. So, we’ll have to wait and see.

In Other Reading

Jay Fortunato decides to make fun of people who made fun of him for not coming up with his own column format and gimmick. He really RAZZES us check him out. Because, you know, it was bad for anyone to point it out.

Stating the Obvious with Jason Taylor.

Haley with the Little Things. See the column that started the next segment.

Grut vs Daniels, Part II

You can read the First Part of This in Grutman’s Junk News column from Thursday. We decided to take some time to goof on the new writers. This is the second half. Enjoy. This would be what Fortunato was bitching about. Methinks he protests too much.

Kaisen316: I feel his pain
Kaisen316: literally

VPJG: First Fortunado SAID he was going to rip off Haley’s column. Then he ripped off Haley’s column.
VPJG: At least your guy and my guy thought they were being original.
VPJG: To be fair, these new writers are all gay.

Kaisen316: Now Grutman, I wouldn’t call them gay
Kaisen316: I’ve seen gay, I was in Canada two days ago

VPJG: HAHA! Sorry. I’m just saying that they love having sex with one another and they’re all men.

Kaisen316: If Blade got a column, she would be the only woman writer we have.

VPJG: But God forbid that! God forbid we get the insight of someone who has become a competent writer and is also a wrestler and a girl! God forbid we reward originality and improvement! What we really need is a Daniels rip off, a rip off of a writer no one liked in the first place!
VPJG: Right Daniels?

Kaisen316: Seriously….. who wants to read a column like that
Kaisen316: take it from me… NO ONE

VPJG: It’s like Ash is Noah and 411 is the arc and he’s trying to make sure there are two of every writer.

Kaisen316: Does that mean I have to make offspring with Dr Gonzo?

VPJG: Well, it does.
VPJG: Look at it this way. Your kids will probably be doctors.

Kaisen316: I get to be a Dr’s trophy wife.
Kaisen316: hmmm… I can think of worse things.
Kaisen316: Besides, I can probably score HUGE in the divorce settlement.

VPJG: Meanwhile, my kids are going to be Carless. They’ll never score with chicks.
VPJG: Anyway, we as 411’s prominent… writer guys who don’t get paid…. it’s time we took a stand!

Kaisen316: Carless Jews
Kaisen316: they make those?
Kaisen316: Can we get Bower back?

VPJG: Yes. We’re taking a stand. Stay on topic. You know, I am such a terrible Jew… why doesn’t Widro get it?
VPJG: Bower is in a better place.
VPJG: It’s time to take a stand!
VPJG: Widro, Ash, if you don’t cut back on the rip offs or at least tell them to try to be somewhat original, Daniels will walk away from 411mania!

Kaisen316: But, er…..

VPJG: Be strong!
VPJG: Daniels has a resolve that you big wigs can not break!

Kaisen316: That’s right, I won’t stand for it… and if they have a problem with that, they can take it up with Grutman.

VPJG: Exactly!

Kaisen316: In fact, Grutman and me come as a unit… we’re the writers of the most powerful column in Internet History *coff*sincethemopup*hack*

VPJG: You never did a damn thing for A Wrestling Tale.
VPJG: Well, the preview was cool.
VPJG: I am solid! I am solidly behind you!

Kaisen316: You’re the more powerful writer Grut. You’ve admitted it yourself.
Kaisen316: You walk out, it will make a point!

VPJG: You walk out and… you’ve got a point.
VPJG: So, scratch the walk out.
VPJG: But you new writers… you gotta get original.

Kaisen316: Seriously… don’t take this as an insult.
Kaisen316: Well, actually, do take it as an insult
Kaisen316: but it’s for your own good

VPJG: Really. There are good columns on this site. We’ve worked hard to establish a style. I’m not saying Junk News didn’t rip off Midnight News.

Kaisen316: Good thing you’re not saying that
Kaisen316: or I’d have to point it out

VPJG: You dick. But Hyatte was gone by then and supported my ripping it off. And I started off filling in for the Midnight News. And then I came up with Junk News and made it my own. It took time for people to accept me and like me, and it started with an original column.
VPJG: A Wrestling Tale. I’m more well known for Junk News, but my better work was my original work.

Kaisen316: Ok, now throw your random jibe at how no one reads me so we can move on

VPJG: Daniels, this is the honest part of the column.

Kaisen316: -waiting-

VPJG: Daniels, you are popular and people read you.
VPJG: When you write in a column with my name on it.

Kaisen316: thank you
Kaisen316: now, moving on

VPJG: No problem.
VPJG: Your turn.
VPJG: Your turn to say something inspiring to the crappy new writers.

Kaisen316: Seriously guys… we don’t want to be total pricks here… but I mean, when you come on to a site… read what else is going on. Come up with something that no one else is doing. Or, things like this happen. You all have promise or you wouldn’t have cleared the hundreds of entries we got.
Kaisen316: Use the talent

VPJG: Listen to Daniels you untalented hacks! Use the talent!

Kaisen316: but i didn’t say…….

VPJG: Yes you did.
VPJG: Now then, I guess that sums up our feelings. We’ll be back next week with an all-new Grut vs. Daniels.

Kaisen316: No we won’t.

VPJG: Until then, go to the columns portion of the site and read the new kid’s stuff. Tell them what you think and how you think they can improve.

Kaisen316: I beat you two weeks in a row
Kaisen316: you will hide for like months now
Kaisen316: I think I beat you tonight, too… and we were on the same side

VPJG: I swear to God, I’m ready to go right now. It was your idea to punk out the newbies!
VPJG: Who’s the hottest diva? I pick Nidia!

Kaisen316: I pick Lita…. you lose.