The Mid-Week News 10.08.03

The poor taste of doing a car crash with all the sports publicity regarding Dan Snyder is another aspect of the story. But I don’t believe it was meant as a spoof, because Vince McMahon doesn’t even know who won the World Series, so he’s likely insulated from the fact an NHL player died in a car wreck this week.

– Dave Meltzer, WrestlingObserver.com

So who won the World Series? Did I miss something? I couldn’t have been * that * out of it? Right? Oh, I forgot – Da Meltz is a genius when it comes to wrestling (and MMA, Pride, etc) but comments on real life events seem to bite him in the ass.

Speaking of Meltzer, he says Hogan hasn’t singed yet with NWA TNA. Everyone else says yes. Who * could * tell us is BOB Ryder, seeing as he is RIGHT THERE, but he doesn’t say much anymore. Ain’t that a bitch? And you know Scherer knows, but there is always the chance that BOB is being “worked” and Scherer most likely wouldn’t put his ass on the line. No one works Meltzer and no one has a better track record. Unless it’s things like the World Series, of course.

And speaking of baseball, as I’m writing this Florida and the Cubs are in the 11th inning and Florida has just scored a run. The Cubs relief pitcher has a strange resemblance to Lee Smith, before Smith got huge. I’ll let it play as this provides a much better background than The California Gubernatorial Election. In lieu of Smackdown Spoilers (which I don’t read – or publish unless something crazy happens (like the debut of !!!!), I’ll give you score updates. Great game.

Welcome Back from yesterday, I’m Flea and I have no troubles traveling whatsoever. I surfed a little in hope of finding some good wrestling / columns, but struck out for the most part finding anything to crib for this column. Cept for the gem from Meltzer at the top of the column. Then there was a weird story about the Wild Samoans something like:

Ha Ha, those Samoans were maniacs. But I’m sure you (possibly being a longtime fan) could never tell the Wild Samoans apart, which, if you can’t, is something we have in common. I do remember Rock having so have his chest “surgically altered” to get rid of the dreaded “South Pacific Bitch Tit Syndrome”, more hereditary than behaviorally driven, unlike Cactus Jack’s fat ass. I also read that Afa Jr.’s mother “proclaimed his innocence”, which can only be expected in a situation like this – that moron Roddy Piper will most likely work this into his delusional “interviews” as something that * would * have been prevented, if only wrestling had a “Union”. HA! I hate to break it to you, Rowdy Roddy, but college kids have been BROKE and ROBBING PEOPLE since the, well, most likely not the beginning of time, but at least since higher learning was made available to a class of people stupid enough to pay for it, instead of having it “provided” by their Duke and Duchess parents. I’ll go out on a limb and say right now – the old broad is probably lucky she wasn’t gang f*cked.

Real quick – Florida won Game One vs. Cubs. Looks like Davis got recalled. Bustamante is conceding. Ah-Nold wins! Not that it wasn’t excepted – but just when you have seen it all

Back to the Samoans. Guilty or not, the kid is a fool. If I were Samoan I would take full advantage of my heritage and live on an island in the South Pacific, doing nothing but eat and fish. I damn sure wouldn’t be in Jerkwater, PA mugging and stabbing some old lady. Allegedly.

I read a funny house show story – bottom line is that the paying crowd was treated to a two-minute main event between Brock, Angle and Cena, followed by a lengthy intermission, and capped off for the night by a 5 minute Benoit / A-Train match. If it wasn’t for the fact it happened in front of a New Jersey crowd, I would be outraged. Let me clarify that – if it wasn’t for the fact only 1,800 or so people were there, I would be outraged. It’s a coincidence that the show occurred in Jersey. As far as my comments / outrage, I recapped a WWE Conference Call about a month ago – all my opinions are contained at the bottom of said report – check the news archives, or maybe I’ll repost it on 1ryderfakin.com later this week. The only thing I regret in that column is not further lambasting Paul Heyman for using his lack of audience to really “shoot” on the then TNN. ECW deserved what they got after that bullshit. Actually, everyone made out pretty good. Even Shane Douglas. The crux of my point on house shows was that in the long run, WWE is going global and Trenton, NJ will get “classic matches” on a group of Titan Trons, instead of a “live” event. Don’t be shocked when it happens – and I think that would be better than Sho Funaki running a Bikini contest.

RAW Rating stayed stable (3.6ish) with the real news being Buyrates are starting to “officially” trickle in – and the news is not as bad as some would have you believe. Think about it this way:

300,000 buys at the new price of $34.95 vs.

350,000 buys at the old rate of $29.95

I’ll give you a second to tally that up on your calculator seeing as you are “taking a break” from work to read this. At least PLAY the part and act like you know, Guido. Calculate that up and you’ll find

Yeah, the figures are pretty close. Close enough not to slash your wrists over, anyway. Which is the point Linda McMahon and Company made on the aforementioned WWE Conference Call. Just wanted to point that out – no one else seems to mention it, for some reason.

One thing that has been bothering me – how in the hell can you f*ck up an Eddy Guerrero push? Not to get all “smart” here, but holy shit. HA! That’s funny GRUT! Shit = they managed to tie in Big Show’s bodily functions into another award winning angle! What the f*ck is with people’s continuing fascination with trying to shove humor down my throat? Here is all you need to do with Eddy

– Give him a microphone

– Give him, at the very least, a competent opponent (someone like Edge, or Cena) or even better, let him and Benoit go. Or Rey. Or Angle!

– Give him 20 minutes on Prime Time and 25-40 on PPV.

But the monetary justification of The Giant continues. And he * has * had some good matches lately, almost putting it out of the common marks mind that he has done the j.o.b. to nearly everyone on the roster, including most of the women and Spike Dudley. You know, if the would just let him and Eddy fight, that would be fine – why involve piss, shit and spiked Mexican food? Hang on, Gray Davis is conceding

I wouldn’t trust that beady eyed weasel with your money, much less mine. “KEEP ON FIGHTING” say his loyal constituents, most likely drunk (or worse) but the poll numbers say “GET LOST DICK”. At least Jerry Brown had style. I wouldn’t buy a winning lottery ticket from Gray Davis. I’ll give Ah-Nold a year (and that’s generous) before people turn on him, but by that time he will have served his purpose – getting Geroge W re-elected. Hey! Davis says that he gave “over one million children health care is the State of California”. That’s those immigrants that everyone bitches about, right? Good luck, Cali – you are going to need it. WOW! They are * already * yelling about “recall” when Davis mentions Ah-Nold’s name! No big deal, the Leftists are eating nothing but crow right now, not even getting enough support for a Hispanic who was one Davis breakdown / heart attack away from being Governor himself. And I hope like hell I’m out of this country by the time Ah-Nold is elected President. Wait, we still have in the Constitution that “no foreign-born people will ever be the figurehead of U.S.A”, so that lets us of the hook for Ah-Nold, I guess. Although I would not be surprised to see him in some sort of cabinet position. Just make him Secretary of Defense or State – we had the world snowballed into thinking Rambo and Terminator were REAL in the good old days before The Internet allowed kayfabe to be eliminated and the passage of time caused Reagan to grow old and senile. Oddly enough, Oliver North is still on TV all the time – but so are J’Lo and Ben. So draw your own conclusion, I guess.

Back to Eddy, they have Ze Gold, Senor in the palm of their hand, but seem to be going out of their way to make him look like a fool. Maybe it was punishment for beating up the Canadian asshole that doused him with beer while his friends giggled with glee. “Hey Man, he’s not pulling those punches, eh”. Cause, natch, Canadian fans would prefer to make sure any onlookers or eves-droppers know that they read the net and are versed in clever words like “work” and “shoot”, etc. And don’t take that as a bash, if you are Canadian and reading. You guys got Montreal. All we got was that Hogan / Russo / Jarrett BATB horseshit. Just let Eddy work, is my point. But that pales in comparison to what they are doing to Bill Goldberg – Hugh Morrus shouldn’t sell for Henry, much less GB.

Ha ha ha ha Fox rhetoric is that Bustamante is going to hell for the ruination of the California Democratic Party. The irony there is almost too amazing to believe; even more amazing is that I can tie the Phrase “VIVA LA RAZA” to both Eddy and Bustamante and would most likely do it, in a Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin, if I wanted to. Those always work better in other people’s columns, I think.

Here is something neat off the Reuters News Wire:

Continuing proof, if you know what I mean. The only way they will stop this is if they throw everyone in jail – kind of like what they do to hackers these days.

I think that covers it for now I’m not sure who will be here tomorrow, or when the next time is that I’ll be back, for that matter. You can always find me at www.1ryderfakin.com along with Hi-8, GRUT, Dave Gagnon and Eric S. – all original, all great. Hopefully some (if not all of them) will send me new material, preferably by this weekend.

And to quickly clarify something I said about the new forum and changes happening around here, etc. If you only knew the WHOLE story and why FLEA is not all that overjoyed, not that it matters. But I can be trusted to keep my trap shut and will. And also, BOSS is a very smart cookie. And cute.

One more 411 item – and this will close it out for me. Several months ago (along with the debut of 411mania) we had something called “Flea Mail Saturday”, which I quit doing for some reason I think that’s when I opened 1yderfakin or something. Anyway, I’m not sure how many of you got to read the Flea Mail, especially the item below. The concept of the mailing list was a good idea, but it always appeared to

Jay Fucking Leno is doing the Ah-Nold victory speech intro tonight. Any of you hippies know the Old Canoga Canyon Earthquake Boogie? Now would be the time, you know. They are chanting for MARIA! too! A path-na. My path-na Mah ree ah. Foreigners. Hawr.

The problem with Flea Mail, I thought, was that it always appeared to be Junk Mail, kind of like the endless stream of FANSLAM solicitations I get in my email box. I GET THE POINT. First off, I don’t give two shits about Dr. D David Shults, having to justify his freak out when I was growing up was worse than trying in vain to explain how Duggan and The Iron Sheik were busted together on the Interstate for drugs during the days of Good and Evil. At least the common ground was “but dude they were getting hiGH!!!!! which dulled the pain of the howling laughter for even being associated with the wrestling product. That was nothing compared to Dr. D jap-smacking John Stossel from 20/20. That was the same show that taught a generation how to BLADE successfully, inspiring a generation of hardcore wrestlers that’s probably stretching it. I think I read one time that Corino watched that show – I can’t remember. But to the people at FANSLAM – I may be there, I may not. No more mail, please. I can read it when it’s posted on a newsline. Grazi.

The below originally appeared in FleaMail, circa the time that Jeff Hardy was “let go” from gainful employment, but before he showed up in ROH and was booed and heckled by well, just guess the fans, yo. Enjoy!

Jeff Hardy and The Death of High Flyers

With the recent “release” of Jeff Hardy, the days of the high flying daredevil have come to an end. It’s sad, really, that someone with Hardy’s talent would end up being the poster boy for the epitaph of a style that never fails to amaze the viewer, but sometimes, that’s the way the ball bounces. Hardy’s evolution from goofball to “the next Shawn Michaels” and then ultimately an uninspired, possibly drug addicted freak is well documented, mainly in the breach by most Internet columns written (who seemed to overlook many of his innovations, preferring instead to make stupid jokes about his sexual preferences and “habits”), but more importantly on videotape, where true “legend” status is permanently recorded for posterity.

There is really no middle ground when it came to Jeff Hardy. People either loved him or treated him as an overrated mark for himself, preferring to rely on the same devil may care attitude that brought him to the dance as opposed to learning basic wrestling psychology. None of which really mattered to Hardy, who would consistently receive the biggest “pops” of any Superstar on the roster not named Rock or Austin. His “extreme” outlook on life attitude perfectly coincided with the “attitude era” of the late 90’s WWF – but instead of verbally conveying this, Hardy always did his talking in the ring. As contrived as that statement is, it’s absolutely true in Jeff’s case – the kid couldn’t cut a “wrestling promo” to save his life. However, when they did allow him to talk, and basically be himself, it came across as real as anything on television. I recall a backstage promo with Jeff strumming his guitar, saying something to the effect “I’m just going to take it to the extreme” – and you knew he meant it. Obviously, talking was not what made Hardy famous and unique, it was his total disregard for his body and the obvious need for him to live “on the edge”, whether that meant getting speared from 15 feet in the air or performing a Swanton Bomb atop a 20 foot ladder. Many people obviously feared for his life, but not once did anyone do anything to try and stop him. (And no, I do not count the public service announcement, if you know of which situation I speak). As a matter of fact, word on the street is that he was one of Vince McMahon’s personal favorites, which probably kept him around much longer than was healthy.

Or maybe Vince liked him because he was a little faggot and gave good handjobs. Don’t think for a second you won’t hear stories of that nature. I would prefer to take the high road and think that the “powers that be” simply felt pity on the poor guy. Or if not pity, the selfish need to cover their own asses in the event he did manage to kill himself, either in the ring or in Room 226, Holiday Inn, Omaha, Nebraska. I’m sure some kind of rehab was suggested, and quite possibly ignored, for the simple fact that publicity like that is not needed, and sometimes death by overdose is really the easiest way to remedy the problem. After all, once a couple of stories appear in the paper about “untimely wrestler deaths”, the situation normally blows over – it’s not like you have heard Hennig’s name since it was discovered cocaine was the primary cause of death. But, having a junkie on staff is embarrassing, especially if Hardy went into convulsions in the middle of RAW, due to either withdraws or finally knocking himself death silly from one too many high falls. Pillman style is ok. Another Owen scenario might be the camel that broke a few straw backs.

It’s quite possible that I am way offbase with the drug implications and the WWE simply got tired of Hardy missing shows and being unreliable. The name of the game is the show must go on, and it’s not much of a show when you decide to become burnt out and no longer interested in living the lifestyle of a wrestler. When wrestlers are terminated (or released), it usually takes about 2 weeks for the innuendo and speculation to settle down before the truth is finally disclosed. Reports of Hardy at appearances promoting he and his brother Matt’s recent book have been all aces – Jeff appears upbeat and ready to resume life as a wrestler. However, this contradicted the fact that Hardy had recently been relived of most of his “on the road” responsibilities to “deal with personal problems”. What those personal problems were (or are) is anyone’s guess, but I would say it revolves around a nonstop ritual of physical abuse over the last five years combined with the need for Hardy to be a “performer” versus and actual “wrestler”. Jeff was at his best when he was the center of attention – TLC, Ladder Matches and high profile spots on the card compared to curtain jerking a 3 minute match on RAW. Would it have made a difference if he had been pushed to the moon? That’s debatable. I always felt that Hardy never really cared all that much to be a World Champion, a main eventer or a even a wrestler for that matter – he just wanted to make the crowd go HOLY SHIT at octaves that put the “main event” superstars to shame.

There was another performer in the same vein – Mick Foley. In his book “Have a Nice Day”, Mick stated that he would “drive down the roads, imagining ways to make America’s jaws drop in unison”. Not surprisingly, Foley felt a special kinship to Hardy and Jeff seemed to garner the same passion for amazing the crowed as Mick did. Title belts are only status symbols – to be a nobody going into No Mercy 1999 and receiving a standing ovation upon exit was most likely more important to Jeff than any “main event push” he would have ever received. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) the style in which he performed no longer has a place in wrestling, outside of maybe a high school gym for an Independent show. Much like Mick Foley before him, Jeff Hardy has proven that the days of killing yourself for the enjoyment of a crowd is no longer acceptable, not when there is only one Top promotion in the country and the prospect of burning out is much more feasible that simply fading away.

“There’s your f*cking table spot”

– Jeff Hardy, at a house show in Daytona Beach, 1999. Performing (and no selling) for an encore after the crowd booed because the quota for carnage was not fulfilled.

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Don’t forget to stop by the site – www.1ryderfakin.com. Also, read Cole’s column and check out Ortega Jr. Top Notch, says the person that matters when judging.

FLEA