Words Of Questionable Wisdom: Aquaman In His Own Words

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Now as some of you may have known, I attended a comic con a few of weeks ago. Well I bumped into none other that Orin AKA Arthur Curry AKA Aquaman. We had a nice conversation and he really opened up to me. What follows came straight from his heart.

I just want to take this moment to apologize to everyone who is currently suffering through my new series. Let me just say that it really did sound good when it was first proposed to me. But I’ll go deeper into that later. I’m here to answer the question; why does Aquaman suck?

I have a pretty long and bland history. No one cares about me. I’ve been around since the golden age, but am I a member of the JSA? Nope. I didn’t get a cool silver age make over like Green Lantern, Flash, Atom, or Hawkman. I’ve been around as long as Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman, but did I get a huge make over after the Crisis? No. But I’m not bitter; I mean I’ve had a pretty good life.

Check out the Silver Age. I had plenty of good times. I got a sidekick. I got married. I had a son. I gained a rogues gallery. The Ocean Master is my half brother, and he wants to fillet me! That is tension, that’s drama. Black Manta killed my son! That is pain and angst. The Fisherman has pinpoint accuracy with a fishing rod! Can you imagine how hard it is to hone that skill? Anyone can use super strength; he has a titanium steel fishing rod! But the Silver Age also gave me my greatest hurdle.

During the Silver Age super hero cartoons were popping up everywhere. I even had my own cartoon. That’s where the trouble began. I’m like Batman. His ‘60’s TV show hurt his street credibility. He didn’t inspire fear he inspired laughter. The same thing happened to me; I lost my ocean cred. Everyone associated me with my cartoon. That’s when the dark days began.

I was the butt of every superhero joke. “Aquaman can talk to fish. What kind of lame power is that?” Firstly I have other abilities. I can withstand ocean depths. I am super strong for Poseidon’s sake. “Oh Aquaman can’t be out of water for more than an hour.” Hello, it’s three hours. Everyone who can breathe underwater and on land raise his or her hands. Do you have any idea how hard it is to telepathically control a school of carp? Of course not, because you have no powers. But I digress.

The ‘80’s were just more of the same. I did get more drama. My marriage hit the rocks after Artie Jr. was killed. But do I get credited for making comics all dark and grim? I tried out a new costume, but it didn’t take. I lead what was arguable the worst incarnation of the JLA ever. Things were pretty dark. Then I met Peter David.

Peter David had a vision for me, a full-scale vision. When I heard what he had planned I couldn’t wait to be a part of it. He gave Atlantis a detailed history, and tied me to it. He finally revamped my origin. Then we got the green light for an ongoing title. I was finally going to be treated like the king that I was, or am…I forget.

I had a make over. I had to grow my hair long and grow a beard for the part. But I didn’t mind. I even lost my hand, but it was worth it for the integrity of the story. I will do anything for my craft. I got an illegitimate son. I gained some depth. I even got my powers enhanced. I could control people with my telepathy, so take that. I hooked up with Dolphin, and then she hooked up with Tempest. Now that’s what I call a dramatic story. It was a great time. But those never last.

David left after some “creative differences.” I wasn’t about to lose my book so I got talked into working with Erik Larsen. I mean, he had a pretty popular book. I guess he was talented. Working with him was kind of cool. I got to see my mom again; I also got to face the guy responsible for me taking my hand. But, man was there a backlash. Like I’m not allowed to misstep. Larsen left. I went to war with a country then bam my book got cancelled. Sure I was still in JLA, people would kill for a shot at the JLA. I just think that I deserved better. I certainly deserved better than being lampooned on the Cartoon Network (they made me look like a dancing fool.)

After I “died” during “Our World’s At War” I got a shot at my own book. I’ll be honest. I skimmed the proposal. I saw it was a new ongoing, and that I was going to have a hand again. At that point I was sold. I remember seeing something about magic, but it didn’t really strike me as odd. If Tempest can be a mage, magic can’t be that difficult to master. Anyway I signed on the dotted line. I was confident that I could make this title last. This book would be different. Buoy was I right about that.

This book has brought me nothing but agony. I can’t believe the lines that are coming out of my mouth. Not only that, I can’t understand half of them. Do you know how hard it is to find motivation when you have know idea what is going on in the story? I have to save some water goddesses from my evil counterpart, and for everyone that I don’t save I lose a finger from my watery hand that can heal but can’t be used for violence. Atlantis is in turmoil; I’m teaming up with Black Manta. Don’t even get me started on Black Manta. He finally got an origin, but of course it’s tied to Gotham because everything has to be tied Batman because he’s just so great!

Now at this point I don’t even know why I agreed to do this book. I mean Veitch came with some credentials. I guess I really just wanted to get back in the monthly business, to show I can hang with the big guns. I’ve been at this hero gig longer than Rayner, and even with my hook I’m not nearly as grotesque as J’onn J’onzz.

Good news is on the horizon. I’m getting a new writer in a couple of months; I’m pretty exited about that. But at this point any “new” direction would be an improvement. But the point is I’m optimistic about the future. Some good things are about to happen. Thanks for listening.

As told to Mathan Erhardt