Let’s do this.
Obligatory Opening Paragraph About Football
I think my absence last week may have had to do something with Virginia and the Skins losing consecutive games. There is only so much a guy can take. However, the Cavs beat up on a cupcake in Troy St. and the Skins avoided losing (so what if it was a bye week?), so I can get on with my life.
One For The Road Warrior
I would like to take up the space reserved for the Hall of Fame entry to make Hawk and the Road Warriors a member. There is a lot that has been said about their illustrious career, but the important thing to remember about them is this: They made casual viewers into wrestling fans. As children watching NWA, most of us will remember that the Warriors stood out amongst the other grapplers with their costumes, music, and charisma in the ring. They really seemed like they were from another planet and it made one want to keep watching to see when they’d strike next. Here are 5 things I remember in particular:
1) Iron Supplement
I don’t think in the history of wrestling has a theme song been better suited to a wrestler or tag team. When those first recognizable notes from Black Sabbath’s Iron Man hit, everyone in the building knew that the Warriors were coming to create chaos. Ominous, spine-tingling music for an ominous spine-tingling tag team, which also contributed to their otherworldly appearance and demeanor. This example, simple in its brilliance, makes one wonder why WWe doesn’t go outside of its own studio more often for theme music. It seems to me that when wrestlers have enlisted outside musical acts to create theme music, the results have been predominantly positive (DX, Hollywood Hogan, and the Wolfpac, for examples).
2) Rush To Judgment
One of the most significant aspect of the Warriors’ success was that they were in tune with what was cool for their time. Their theme music was perfect for the time because it not only made them seem otherworldly, but because otherworldly was cool back in the 80’s. I know I can’t be the only one that thought the Warriors could’ve popped right out of Thunderdome when I watched them.
Hawk, in keeping with this idea, had a catchphrase lifted from another bizarre 80’s icon, Freddy Kreuger (Dream Warriors, the third installment in the franchise, I believe). It was cool, it was upbeat and it made you wonder if Hawk was the next thing to invade your nightmares.
3) Spiked Punch
Sensing a theme here? This column has been arguing for a year that a costume is a simple little thing that can speak volumes for a wrestler’s image. The Road Warriors fully understood this idea with spiked battle gear that contributed to their Thunderdome-esque image. The face paint, of course, only helped this idea and quite frankly I wish we saw more of it today.
4) Helping Hand
One thing I will always remember about Hawk and Animal in the ring is that they were creative guys who used each other in the ring. Perhaps the best example of this was their Doomsday Device finisher, where the opponent was lifted up and clotheslined down in one move from the top rope.
5) Dish It Out
This is just a personal favorite of mine, but I can’t place it, I can’t find the tape and I wish I could. During one pre-match promo, Hawk begins a particularly energetic tirade by saying “Revenge is a dish best served cold and we are serving the coldest dish in town!â€Â
Anyone who can properly identify this for me gets a mention in the column.
Hawk and the LOD are sorely missed.
Readers’ Picks: Tender Loving Care
From the last RAW I covered, Stephen Sandridge picks up on something that is completely hilarious when you think about it:
When HBK & Austin are checking on Goldberg, Austin, trying to be compassionate yet still maintains his “Stone Cold” persona: “Is the sumbitch gonna be alright?”
I knew it wasn’t just me. I think Austin is clearly having the most fun with his role outside of Ric Flair on the show. It has been showing up in his performance as Co-GM and he makes yet another appearance this week. Here is the Little Five for RAW 10.27.03:
1. Ring Leader
I’d hate to come down so hard on Batista after 2 weeks of good heel work both in the ring and on the mic, but sometimes the little things get to me. Batista, my man, my star, if you are going to roll with Mr. Flair and Mr. Orton and be high flyin’, wheelin’ and dealin’, kiss stealin’ son of a guns, you have to LOSE THE WEDDING RING BECAUSE IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS. Consistent costuming we like, inconsistent costuming we don’t.
2. Cat Out Of The Bag
Over the past 2 weeks, Austin has been on a flat-out roll himself. Last night’s middle finger out of the bag was classic and I absolutely cannot get enough of that “provoke me†leaning out of the chin like he presented to Coach. Still a front runner for little thing of the year, in my opinion.
3. Go Jericho Go
Jericho rounds out the list of performers who have been lighting it up. Last week, in fact, I really regretted not being able to do the column because in one single match Jericho:
– mocked RVD’s thumb point with his own version, complete with rolling arms a la Dusty Rhodes.
– Called a timeout during a match a la Arn Anderson
– Pulled out the C’mon Baby pin attempt
– Did push ups over a fallen opponent a la Scott Steiner and screamed “Oh Yeah!†while he did them
That might be the little things match of the year, right there. Why he isn’t feuding with Goldberg is totally beyond me.
4. Buttering Up
Lance Storm has the know-how to make his gimmick work. When he churns the butter, it really does look funny and over the top. However, it’s just not the same without Goldust egging him on like he did with Booker. Whatever happened to Goldust anyway?
5. Class
From last week, the Dudley’s tribute to Road Warrior Hawk with their version of the Device. It doesn’t get any classier than that.
Keep the entries, observations and comments coming. See ya next week!
