The Saturday Evening Post 12.20.03

Hello out there, I’m Flea and here’s a question and provided answer for you –
What is the difference between alleged prose and inebriated graffiti?
FORMATTING. Just so you know, each of the columns that appear on 411 are
originally published and archived at 1ryderfakin.com in the FLASHBACK
section…but come here and read it first. If you don’t like how it looks or
can’t read it very well, pop over to my site and read the typing as it was
originally intended to appear. And while you are there, check out all the other
columns and don’t forget to play in the Wrestling Dead Pool! Keep em’ Coming to
Bet on Them Going!

Speaking of FLASHBACKS, today’s column will be a FLEA FLASHBACK! Basically a
selected compilation of news items and columns I have written over the past
couple of years. Some are good and some are coherent, I guess. See how many YOU
remember!

Next week will be the hard sell for The IWC 100 New Year’s 2k4. I should
mention that Ross Williams is taking a look at the Year in WWE, a series of
columns, that, unfortunately, were published a day too late to be under
consideration for this year’s IWC 100 List. But I have been reading them and
they are good – so those will count for Ross in The Summer List. I suggest you
read them as well…and if you are a fan of Ross, don’t worry he is on this
year’s list. I’m not sure where yet – I have a whole bunch to sort out as many
people from last year…let’s keep that until next week. This week is THE FLEA
FLASHBACK:        

Let’s get to it!

THE PERILS OF INTERNET WRESTLING
COMMUNITY FAME

Hello out there! For those of you who do not know me, I’m Flea from
411Wrestling.com. You may also know me as RYDER FAKIN, famous for the ever
popular Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin, where I continue to prove that not only
wrestling, but the entire world revolves around Bob Ryder. I know what you are
thinking (cheesy gimmick) but hey, it got me a high profile gig at one of the
top sites in the IWC and isn’t that what everyone wants to do? What’s the point
of doing a column if no one reads the damn thing? And evidently everyone wants
their opinion to be heard, hence the popularity of Message Boards like
Wienerville or the forum at 411, just to name a few.

So basically, the small amount of fame that I have garnered can sometimes go
to my head. Well, not really, but I do take a certain amount of enjoyment
knowing that RIGHT NOW I can converse with anyone who is anyone in the IWC and
not be treated like a troll or a f*ck. Can you say the same? Do sometimes you
wish that YOU could be the one in this position? Of course you do. But with this
small modicum of fame comes a price that I overlooked until a few weeks ago.

I have a (now) sixteen year cousin who is a HUGE wrestling fan and has been
since he was a child. I’m partly to blame for this because in his formative
years, I was the one carting him to the matches and had available for him almost
any wrestling tape or program he would ever want to watch. As he got older and
"smartened up" so to speak, I continued to attempt to educate him in
"smart" viewing, i.e. how a wrestling show should be watched without
the hindrance of "mark goggles" but not totally overwhelm him with the
"smark" bullshit that goes along with it. In other words, to mold him
in my own image. I, myself, am still a huge mark and refuse to get bogged down
in the negativity that everyone seems to revel in to the point of sheer
stupidity. However, I am also old enough to know the difference between the two
a can block out 98.4% of it. I always thought that he could not and would become
jaded. But finally, after many, many hours of contemplation I decided to
introduce him to the Internet Wrestling Community.

I should point out that up until that time, my cousin did read the Internet,
but only the "big" sites like WWF.com and WCW.com. Basically a
homogenized version of "insider news" (that’s because we, as proud
members of the IWC know the REAL story, they ain’t foolin us, by gawd) but
enough to wet the appetite of a young fan who thinks Austin, Rock-E and HHH all
tell the truth in those ever popular "shoot" interviews that the Fed
feeds to us. Baloney! But it’s definitely a step up from when I was growing up,
having to depend on PWI, The Wrestler and Inside Wrestling. Oh, how I loved the
Apter mags but times have changed and so has the common fans perception of
wrestling.

Anyway, I finally sat him down and showed him the proper way to surf for the
"inside" scoop in regards to wrestling. I kept him away from the
Observer and Torch and instead pointed him in the direction of TOA, 411 and of
course Slashwrestling.com. (as a side note, I also sent him to 1wrestling.com
where the prevalence of pop-ups crashed his computer several times! Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha HA! "Flea, you are an asshole! he says, but I have a hard time taking
seriously anyone whose voice is in the "changing stage". Croak
croak.). Once exposed to this new world of "smart thinking" it was
like opening Pandora’s box…ain’t no turning back…

So our conversations quickly turned from "Hey, it’s cool to have Rock -E
back" to "why won’t the Undertaker sell and why is HHH holding down
Jericho?" Although I’m German – Italian and not Jewish, I still slap my
head and yell "OY VEY" every time he starts with that stuff.
"Where are you learning this? I ask politely, (not wanting to smack the kid
or even worse call him a "stupid motherf*cker") and his answer is
normally "I read it on the net". I suppose I have no one to blame but
myself for this, but I can live with that. Recently, I have managed to
straighten him out a little, at least to the point of still being able to enjoy
the shows instead of being so goddamned critical of every little thing that
happens. Hell, it worked for many of the readers of my news columns and EXCESS
reports over on 411, so there is a place for positive thinking as opposed to
thinking that you can book, write and manage better than the professionals.

Which brings me back to my original theme of Internet Wrestling Community,
the fame and the perils. For most of his life he has known me as Flea, but until
just last week, he never put two and two together and realized I am THE Flea
from 411 wrestling. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I had not written a news
column since April, when I decided to take the summer off. My cousin kept seeing
references to "Flea" through out various columns at 411 and decided to
probe the archives and found my entire winters worth of news columns and EXCESS
reports. When he realized that I was THE Flea, he immediately brought it to my
attention that he had read my writings. Needless to say, I was quite honored
and, for lack of a better term, feeling like a BAD MOTHERFUCKER as I just knew
he would have a million questions about what it’s like to be a prestigious
member of the Internet Wrestling Community, not to mention worshipped and adored
by many fans. So we sat down and I prepared to answer whatever he wanted to
know, maybe even possibly letting him include some of his thoughts in a future
news column.

Giggling like a little school kid, he asked me the one question that had been
on the tip of his tongue since he discovered my "fame".

"Do you REALLY know Hyatte?"

And people wonder why I drink.

RANDOM INSIDE JOKE

The rating for Smackdown dropped TWO TENTHS of a point. But the “smart
crowd” liked it so look for these ratings to be justified instead of buried
under the rug like the RAW rating was. The highlight of the show for me was Matt
Hardy and his Mattitude entrance, which completes the character makeover. Where
they go with Mattitude from here is a good question, as outside of a fringe rub
from the main eventers he ain’t done shit. Then again, it’s only been a few
weeks so I guess I should be patient before jumping to the conclusion that
someone is holding him down or that he is sucking Heyman’s cock in return for
a push. Other than that, Smackdown didn’t do a whole lot to “sell” the PPV
but at this point it doesn’t matter all that much. If the viewing public
wasn’t enthralled with the Pete Rose commercials, the hard sell probably
won’t work.

By the way, did you know that another name for the popular backyard game
Badminton is “whirly bird”??? I didn’t either.

* * * * * *

FLEA’S SELF HELP GUIDE / HOW NOT TO BE SUCH A LAMEBRAIN

A couple scenarios from what I saw on the Armageddon PPV

Albert, Batista, or anyone that is not "cool to like " (based on IWC
standards) comes out to NO CROWD REACTION – Vince is a fool and a "big man
freak who hates anyone not 6’5" and is insulting our intelligence by
pushing them because they are NOT OVER due to lack of crowd noise.
"Doesn’t Vince listen to the fans?" "How can he push them when
the crowd doesn’t care?"

But then…

Chris Benoit and Eddy Guerrero wrestle in absolute silence, save for a bunch of
BORING chants, and it’s the FANS that are stupid and uneducated and Vince is a
fool to listen to the fans. "How can he listen to the fans, who wouldn’t
know OVER and TALENT if they came over and introduced
themselves?"     

I guess that’s just one of those unexplained contradictions that go better
left unsaid. Much better unsaid, if you catch my drift…

Kinda like this one…

Hogan on HHH: "Great backstage politician"

TAKEN AS GOSPEL! "Boy Howdy! We were right about that HHH
guy all along. Hogan said so!"

Hogan on: Anything Else, pick the topic

FULL OF SHIT!! "Boy Howdy! That Hogan sure has some nerve to
try and snow us over with his lies and exaggerations! You can’t believe a WORD
he says!"

Please be consistent in your bitching. There is nothing wrong with being a
hypocrite; it’s tough to go through life without a little hypocrisy. But when
it’s clearly a black and white issue, pick one side or the other – it will
help your opinions carry more weight. Just some Flea advice for you.    

ROCK – E AND THE RUMOR MILL

Ok, there is all sorts of stuff bouncing around about the Rock and the
“breaking story” that’s going around about his future, both in the
wrestling world and in real showbiz. It all started with an article over on
1wrestling.com that everyone blew off as full of shit until Da Meltz chimed in
with this

Probably the most talked about news item over the past few days was a story
posted by Georgiann Makropolous on 1wrestling.com yesterday regarding the future
plans of The Rock. Because the story was written by someone named "Jake T.
Icon," who said he had spoken to Rock on the movie set of the movie with no
name, where the anonymous writer worked as an extra. Most of the response to the
story has been from people thinking it’s not true or made up. I have no doubt
the story is authentic and that Rock did say much if not all of what is
attributed to him.

6) Rock will leave wrestling after Mania. This is the major point of the story.
I’ve heard those rumors, and given his schedule with so many movie projects
being thrown at him, it is believable, but not confirmed. The story said Rock
said he would return to wrestling at some point if and when the movie offers
slow down and he’d have the time. (many have heard rumors, but Rock has not
officially told WWE this, but also hasn’t committed to anything past either
March or April’s PPV)

– Dave Melzer – wrestlingobserver.com

If this story doesn’t just expose how full of shit the “rumor” scene, I
don’t know what will do it for you people. EVERYTHING on this can be twisted
and turned into anyway that whoever is writing the story sees fit, all the while
never “really” going out on a limb with cold hard concrete facts. And the
beauty of it all is if WWE does change their plans, everyone in the gossip trade
will say “It’s because of what WE wrote, nyah nyah nyah

Have you ever read the Book “Sex, Lies and Headlocks?”. I just finished it
and it’s the biggest load of shit I have read in a long while, and that
includes Hogan’s book. At least he was only delusional. Now then, I know the
book has been out for a while and other reviews have probably said this and / or
that, but I do not read book reviews (at least not until I have read the book
myself) f*ck, I’m short on time now but I have plenty of space to fill for a
couple of days and will give a little book report then

But the whole summary of it will be this – you can’t have one or to things
considered “gospel inside information” while making grievous errors on
simple things like PPV names and details of taped matches. The fact that Da
Meltz pretty much thumbed his nose at this “breaking story” should at least
be a wakeup call that not everything these guys say should be considered
“truth” when most everything is a matter of interpretation anyway. I.e. –
it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out “jeez, Rock might like
being a movie star better than being a wrestler”. So this is barely a story
– outside of a bunch smarts trying to flex their muscles and beat everyone to
the punch to declare Rock – E gone and themselves as triumphant for telling me
something I do not give two shits about anyway.

RANDOM INSIDE JOKE

As of right now – hooray for Tampa Bay and beware of falling skies, black
cats and midgets with subscriptions to the Torch and Observer.

* * * * *

PPV’S

So today’s Top Story will be the so called HEINOUS crime that the WWF is
about to perpetrate on all our candy asses: An increase in the cost of a PPV
purchase.

As it stands, most months are about $30 bucks, with the exception of
Wrestlemaina which was usually around $35. This will all change effective WM
X-8, which will be $40 and subsequent PPV’s after that will be in the 35
dollar range.

This news came out with the side notes of WM X-8 will be a FOUR HOUR
EXTRAVAGANZA and expect the Hulkster to be a “centerpiece” of action.
Wouldn’t it be great, just for shits and giggles that Hogan wins the WWF belt
at that show? Oh man, what I would give for that, just for the sheer glee of the
Internet Wrestling Community’s mass meltdown. Oh well. But a boy can dream
can’t he?

I have absolutely no problem with the Fed raising their rates. I for damn sure
have no problem with them splitting up the promotion and doing 2 PPV’s a
month. It used to be 3 about every other month when ECW was running shows. I
bought em all and will no doubt continue to do so. I have been told that makes
me a “sucker” but picture this:

Boxing events charge $50 for a flyweight match, a woman’s match and a main
event that is usually hyped with no hope of a decent payoff. Which may or may
not be fixed. And which damn sure is a waste of money 10/10 times. The replay is
on cable, normally the next weekend. Here’s a good tip for you guys and gals
that get harassed by people calling you a schmuck for ordering “Wrasslin
PPV’s”. At least when Vince and Co. put on an event, your gonna get roughly
three hours of entertainment, whether it’s “off the charts” “a piece of
shit” or even the dreaded “thumb in the middle”. I have NEVER felt ripped
off, even with some of the stuff that WCW put out while on their deathbed. I
refuse on general principle to pay for a Boxing Event ever again in my life,
just on account I know I will leave the show with the overwhelming feeling that
I just got f*cked with my pants up. Boxing as a sport at this time has about as
much credibility as a 30-1 old gray nag at the Derby. Boxing fans, if you
disagree, please keep those opinions to yourself. I would elaborate on the whole
thing but this is a wrestling column and I know how worked up certain people get
when you don’t stay on topic. I look at the WWF jacking the PPV rates as a
cost of living increase. No skin off my back…

PAT PATTERSON’S BIRTHDAY

A very special Happy Birthday to Pat Patterson of the WWF!!! Oh The
Memories!!! 

-Backstage, the Undertaker roars in on his (wannabe) Hog. People dove out of the
way. UT hit no pedestrians, but was able to smash into every Fruit Stand in the
building. No, that was NOT a Patterson joke.

-Backstage, Mick Foley tried to pick up the Cactus Plant that HHH knocked down.
He caught a thorn. He said "PRICK!!"

-at that moment, Patterson arrived. Mick looked at him and said, "Pat, I
was just thinking about’cha!" (SEE… FORESHADOWING!!!!)

-why would getting as big prick in a place that has no business getting pricked
remind Mick of Pat? Is he from the Desert? I thought he was from Canada?

-Oh… maybe it’s because Pat has always been a THORN IN MICK’S SIDE!!!!!! (ahh,
that makes sense)

-Pat begged Mick to end the match tonight between Shane and the Rock. Mick
mulled it over… decided no… then banged his gavel on Pat’s thumb by
accident. Ross laughed harder than the day MLK was killed.

– Let’s see… I say the KOTR. I thought it was excellent. But you know what?
That "Hardcore Evening Gown Match"? Even I have to say… "No mas,
No Mas". The entire ordeal freaked me out. It freaked the entire building
out too. I have NEVER seen such a hot crowd cool down so F-ing fact before in my
LIFE. I might even have been to blame for this. Thanks to me, Patterson’s
lifestyle is now VERY well known, and not as "taboo" as it would have
been a few years ago. They see me making cracks about it for the past 2 years,
(although for some amazingly stupid reason, Scaia would tell you that Zimmerman
is the "Master Of the Patterson Joke") and see that it’s really no
big deal. So they play around with it now. This Gown match tho’… oh Lord…
MUCH too much.

-Hunter had a mic, and reminded HBK that they’ve always been tight… so he
can imagine that HBK was as bummed as HHH was about the screwing that occurred
on his personage last night. (say, where IS Patterson anyway?)

-Vince continued that Judgment Day was a day where some big, giant, deity would
"judge" Human beings on the way we live our lives… whereas we will
be rewarded, or punished! (Which explains why Patterson wasn’t anywhere NEAR
the show

– Back in Times Square, Terri was at the restaurant and said that she will give
head to ANYONE who tries the "Patterson’s Creme of Mushroom Soup"…
dear Lord, what a conundrum

Happy Birthday Pat !

BY THE DATE, I WOULD SAY MOONSHINE

I think I can get more mileage out of the hazing story so here we go.

As you have read, former ref Billy Silverman spilled his guts about alleged
(ALLEGED) incidents of hazing that take place in the WWF locker rooms. Silverman
experienced some “harassment” when he upgraded to first class and then had
to..

Aw, f*ck it. You know the story. I’m gonna talk about the reactions around the
net. It seems as this whole thing has jump-started the pissing contest between
the usual suspects Dave (yes him, not the smart one) and BOB vs. Keller and his
band of goons. Not to mention the Message Board Madness that has ensued. BOB and
Dave are even saying that their own WRITERS are shit suckers if they do not fall
in line and go along with the “WWF is evil and this must be STOPPED STOPPED
STOPPED.” The other side of the coin is yes, although hazing does occur, most
times it is warranted and in the long run no one gets hurt and it makes everyone
involved better people.

Each of the above are valid points but in the end, who really cares? What
happens in the WWF locker rooms is not my concern and should not be the concern
of anyone not currently employed by the Fed. All this is showing me is a bunch
of people are trying to live vicariously through the rumors and innuendos of
some pissed off ex-employees and the good ol “unnamed source.” Silverman has
(or had) been in the business for many many years. You mean to tell me he had
never witnessed, been part of or been subjected to any of this until he met the
evil “Bradshaw?” Bullshit. And everyone of these people wrapped up in this
story are buffoons for even going along with any of this. THIS is why I miss WCW
the most. If they were still around we could be talking about cool shit like how
much of a moron Russo is and how Nash is holding eveyone down. Ah, the good ol
days.

But Flea?, you say. What if a bunch of lawyers get hold of this and take the WWF
to court for sexual harassment? That could mean the end of the WWF? What would
we do?

– Ha! Vince is bulletproof, as much so as O.J. Ain’t nothing going to happen.
Nobody takes wrestling serious anyways cept the Internet Wrestling Community.

But Flea?, you persist. What about the poor souls that have to go through this
treatment? What about them? What about Raven?

– Their choice to be there and it should not have that much of an affect on your
life. Remember, we are only FANS (some of us anyway), we are not employees. Are
folks just as worried that customers at the McDonald’s drive thru just got
“special sauce” put on their Big Mac’s by a disgruntled, drunk cook with
nothing better to do? Of course not. As long as it ain’t YOU don’t worry
about it. Same goes for hazing incidents in the WWF.

Regarding Raven, the same sources that are judging the WWF’s behavior have
also spread the rumor that Raven would not be opposed to a little “shower
lovin’ from the boys” himself. That should tell you something right there.

So take Axl’s advice folks. Live your own life and do not live through the
lives of others. And if I see another comment about how “tough” someone is
for having experienced “hazing” in their own lives, I’m gonna puke. You
f*cks are the same bunch that cry like babies over what Netcop, Eric S. and The
Rick write. Jerk-offs.

RANDOM INSIDE JOKE

People never fail to amaze me. BOSS sends me to email land, Hashish doesn’t
sell a f*cking thing, Hyatte half ass blows me and Eric S. you know, it
wouldn’t have KILLED you to say THANKS as in TEN FUCKING PARAGRAPHS WORTH OF
THANKS not that I care about Glory (dog) but c’mon guys. The only person
that REALLY loves me is ME. And that’s good. Buy and Sell, Buy and Sell.

* * * * * *

FLEA’S 80’S FLASHBACK (hacks)

I was working part time in a five and dime. My boss was Mr. Magee. He was six
foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I was happy to be
stuck with him. One manic Monday, while I was busy working for the weekend, I
overheard him make a careless whisper.

He told two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave love a bad name. Well,
I got so emotional, baby. I told him to say say say what he wants, but don’t
play games with my affection. He told me it was hard for him to say he’s sorry
and not to worry, to be happy. Then he blamed it on the rain. He was so out of
touch. It just took my breath away. I couldn’t fight this feeling any longer. I
asked him "What’s love got to do with it?" He told me to get outta his
store and his dreams and into my car.

So I figured I might as well jump. I cut footloose, went home and called my
girl, Jenny. (You already know the number) She was on the other line with
Amanda. They were talking about Mickey and how he was so fine. That blew my
mind! Was she really going out with him? I told her that I had just called to
say I love her. She told me she had been saving all her love for me, but now she
was looking for a new love – asta la vista, baby. I thought "I can’t go for
that – no can do! Bring me a higher love!" I called up some of my old west
end girls, hoping that one of them would want to get physical all night long
(all night). First I called Billie Jean – she told me to beat it. I called
Rosanna – her sister Christian blessed the rains down in Africa and then hung up
on me. Come on, Eileen! … no answer. Nobody told me there’d be days like
these! I was feeling like the owner of a lonely heart.

Then, out of the blue, my best friend’s girlfriend (she used to be mine) Roxanne
calls. Yes, the real Roxanne. She told me she still hadn’t found what she’s
looking for and that she wanted to take on me. I said "I thought you were
Jessie’s girl." She said "Don’t you want me? You don’t have to put on
the red light – I’m on my own." What a feeling! I had the eye of the tiger.
Who was I f-f-f-foolin? Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else. She’s a beauty!
She blinded me with science, and weird science at that. There was always
something there to remind me of her and I just knew that I’d have the time of my
life.

I wasn’t about to la-di-da-di. I jumped in my little red Corvette and rocked
down to Electric Avenue. I got my mind set on her. When I got to her house (in
the middle of her street) I ran. I rapped on her front door and to this rapper’s
delight, i heard a voice say "Who can it be now?" "Here I am, the
one that you love", I replied. I let my love open the door and was
immediately lost in her eyes. I felt like a virgin touched for the very first
time. She loosened her blouse and said "Rock me Amadeus!" Well, I felt
it was my perogative to bust a move. I told her "I’ll tumble for ya!"
as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the wolf.

Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder. "Turn around bright
eyes!" said a familiar voice. As I did, Jessie hit me with a sledgehammer
of an uppercut that spun me right round like a record. He was hangin’ tough and
continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from beneath my wings – broken
wings by this time. He rocked me tonight, for old time’s sake, beating me from
head to toe, until my true colors were black and blue and blood was spilling
from my mouth like red, red wine. "You don’t owe me money for
nothing!" he snarled. At this point I was livin’ on a prayer. I crawled
back to my little red Corvette and drove home thinking about how my tainted love
had cut like a knife – how it seems that every rose has its thorn. No longer do
I want to know what love is. Love stinks.

The great Great Hogan Conspiracy
is full of Lies, Holes and Egos –

There was a time where Hulk Hogan “shooting” on the Bubba the Love Sponge
show was scoffed at by EVERYONE, if only because Hogan is full of shit and his
head is a solid turd. NOT ONE THING he has said on that show has come to
fruition, as he normally combines his delusions about the wrestling business
with his egotistical view of himself, which translates into, well, a bunch of
horseshit, normally. So, the rumor breaks last week that something was up with
Hogan’s contract – whether or not it is expired, if he is still disputing
his payoffs, and whether or not there was even a contract to begin with! Rumors
of a “handshake deal” made the front page of various websites “inside
scoop” on the whole thing, while the only voice that appeared to be on target
was Da Meltz (he simply stated that anyone who thinks Hogan doesn’t have a
valid contract doesn’t know shit). Low and behold Hogan himself went on
Bubba’s show and validated the whole “handshake story” and it’s taken as
GOSPEL! “Why would Hogan lie?” is what I have read, attempting to stifle my
howling laughter. I have been to a dozen rodeos, several cow ropings and at
least one or two ape-rapings, but I NEVER thought I would see the day when
anyone would attempt to validate their cockimamie arguments with what comes out
of Hogans mouth as “truth” much less when he says it on the freakin Bubba
the Love Sponge show. WWE’s website as well as JR himself are refuting any and
all rumors on this topic and I imagine will provide the contract in Acrobat
Reader format, if the going gets Tough Enough. Well, they may not go that far,
but the important thing to remember is that WWE is a publicly traded company and
the idea that they would be in a “handshake agreement” with a talent on
Hogan’s level is just absurd. But “soruces do say” so you really knows.
And who really cares? I thought everyone hated Hogan anyway.

*** 10am update – Scherer just posted a “retraction” and blamed everything
on an inaccurate reader report. Oh, and not being able to “call” WWE
personally on the issue. But he knew the “real” story the whole time. What
ever happened to checking things before posting them? Color me shocked. Speaking
of which, the latest “theory that will be evolved into fact” is that HHH is
using his “power” to keep out Big Bad Booty Daddy Scott Steiner. All I can
say about that bullshit is consider the source.

RANDOM INSIDE JOKE

THE BREADLESS HORSEMAN

Flea: I sawr in the airport lounge today that the"funniest joke in the
world" has been determined

Hyatte: was it the one where every time I see Stevie Ray on TV I throw my wallet
and my girlfriend at the screen?

FLEA IS NICE

411 is now officially the Number One independent wrestling website on the
web, according to the stats and an email from Hashish that told me so. I would
just like to say how proud I am of both Widro and Ashish for busting their ass
and having a coherent and clear mission in mind. That, of course does not sit
well with certain people, which is not all that surprising, considering that
jealousy is a very easy emotion to fall back on, especially when it masks you
own faults and insecurities. Also, success breeds contempt, something that I am
very well aware of but couldn’t give a flying f*ck less about – much less
what YOU think about it. The major complaint is that 411 doesn’t do their own
“reporting”, simply using other “sources” as the basis for what appears
on the most read “NEWSLINE” in the wrestling website community. I have four
words for you:

“compiled from wire reports”

It appears in every one of your local papers and is a common source of news. Not
everyone gets inside, and just because certain people “claim” to be on the
inside, look how often their “sources” are wrong. But do those
“reporters” ever take the blame for false rumors, innuendos and their own
self serving motives behind said rumors? Of course not. So I figure their lack
of integrity trumps the fact that their reports are used on the “newsline”
and therefore makes it ok. If you think that’s a bad thing, that’s your own
problem and no one really cares about you anyway, much less your opinions.

THE FIRST TOP STORY

Effective October 18, 2001, WrestleLine.com will cease production. As
economic conditions have changed, we have felt the effect at WrestleLine,
forcing us to close up shop.

And so ends an era dating all the way back to the glory days of Wrestlemaniacs.
Wrestleline, the much-maligned whipping post for scores of Internet readers, has
bit the dust. This continues the saga of sites that got fat off the wrestling
boom of the late 90’s only to see costs overwhelm profits. Of course, this
gave “carte blanche” to BOB to pound into our heads need for pop-up’s,
pop-unders and pay sites in order to stay in business.

You have to admit, he has been proven right. Scoops/IGN was one thing, but a
site backed by media conglomerate not being able to cut the mustard is
disturbing. Meanwhile, the free agent market for established wrestling website
writers has hit an all time high. Just when you message board folks thought you
might have a chance for a payday, Rick, Al, Denny, etc are first on the list.
There is irony in there somewhere

By the way, Scaia is out there somewhere with his own website use your
imagination to what that site might be.

And in case you didn’t know, a certain “SmarK” has decided to show up here
at 411. If you are not familiar with his work, you damn well will be soon
enough.

BACK BEFORE 411MANIA TURNED THE TEASER INTO A LOST ART FORM

Happy New Years Eve! In the news today Well,
Flea shows his ass. I go all out in an attempt to help EVERYONE at this site. I
throw out plugs like you guys get thrown out of bars. XWF, Hayabusa and Terri
also get mentioned. As Dick Clark would say: “Drop the damn ball already!
It’s passed my bedtime!”

THE MOON WAS HIGH AND SO WAS I

Okay. If you have been reading my columns for any length of time you will
know that I am a fan. And a mark, to a certain degree. I welcome the N.W.O. into
the WWF and refuse to buy into all the “backstage politics” and “glass
ceiling” theories / rumors that float around and are basically DRILLED into
your head. This unfortunately turns our fun, twisted world of wrestling into a
laughable circus of “we know more than them because we am SMART”. Go back
and read some of my archives if you want more detail on this topic and my views.
That’s how I feel and I’m not ashamed to admit that I am still a mark for
“sports entertainment”. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be watching and damn
sure wouldn’t tie up my weekends writing about it for an Internet Wrestling
website. Of course, the whole concept about being involved in the Internet
Wrestling Community is the fact that you normally give up being a “mark” for
the world of wrestling and start becoming a mark for yourself. Check out
yesterday’s Saturday Evening Post if you want to see me, Flea get all self
important. It was fun but definitely not an accurate portrayal (well some of it
was, but to make the point I just tuned it up with a little “smart” and
“holier than thou” flava). What does all this have to do with the news
report you are reading right now? Two words – Stephanie McMahon.

Before we get started here I want to bring up to “givens”

• Given #1 – Pregnancy angles, as a rule, suck. Always. I’ll back that up
  in a second.

• Given #2 – Steph is NOT pregnant. Not in real life or the story lines. I
  have seen the former reported by supposedly reputable sources and the later
  bandied about as a possibility. There is and will not be a baby. Which is
  why Given #1 is accurate.

Now then – Stephanie McMahon: Now here is someone who is the ultimate mark for
herself. Nepotism has put her (according to all sources) in a very envious
position: in charge or the booking/writing staff with say-so over the majority
of the angles we are watching. So what is the first thing on her mind? Herself.
As in plugging herself into key storylines. As in making herself the focal point
of the top one or two angles in the WWF. As in giving herself valuable TV time
as opposed to many of the wrestlers on the payroll. Because she is in a position
to do this and then actually goes and DOES it, Stephanie is (and has been for
quite a while) the scourge of the “smarter fan” who sees what she is doing
as a horrible thing and something that is on the verge of ruining the WWF. No,
really. I can’t make stuff like that up. Check out any website / message board
/ opinion column, etc. Stephanie is the REAL cancer, not the “backstage
politicking” of Hogan, Nash or Hall. It was like a BOMB was dropped when she
announced “I’m Pregnant!”. Of course everyone knew that was coming because
hindsight is 50/50 and all that.

The reason pregnancy angles suck in the Wrestling World is because we do not
want to wait 9 months for the payoff to an angle. We have been conditioned (for
better or worse) to accept nice and tidy angles in 4-6 week bursts or maybe the
ever elusive 3 PPV program, which takes the right characters and a good enough
story line to keep us enthralled. As Cactus said in his book, the modern day fan
finds “fast food” easier to digest than “a seasoned filet mignon” i.e.
we want our payoff and we want it NOW! Catchphrases optional. NOW! NOW! NOW!

This isn’t even bringing into play “What do you do if the baby is born?
It’s kinda tough to put a six week old in a TLC match. And I doubt wrestling
fans would buy the old “General Hospital Rule of Childhood Age Advancement”
– have the kid run up the stairs at age six saying “I’m going up to do
homework I’ll be right back” and then comeback at age sixteen ready to have
some easy to write teen angst. Sure, we will accept HHH dropped inside a car
from 40 feet in the air, nary a scratch, but that whole kid thing? Bull – oney.

So despite the fact that pregnancy angles suck, this one has a couple redeeming
qualities. The first thing it did was put instant heat on the HHH vs. Angle
match, which was thrown out there last minute style for No Way Out. It’s much
more effective than “I just came back from injury and want to beat your ass”
type of thing, because H wasn’t even involved with Angle when he was injured.
It also allowed the possible continuation of the “love triangle” betwixt H,
Steph and Kurt. For reference, I watched SS2000 and the follow-up RAW and
Smackdown this weekend and this was an intriguing story line that was
unfortunately dropped like a hot potato with no closure. If they play the
“who’s the daddy” card, Kurt can be the antagonist for the situation,
regardless of the fact he will not be the father. As I have mentioned, Kurt
Angle is a genius and a prodigy – he can make an angle (har) work and
interesting to some degree – Smackdown and the baby carriage / monkey promo
proved that. From a match standpoint, H vs. Angle makes great sense because
Hunter may need a little “carrying” until he gets back to 100% ring shape.
Who better than Angle to provide that. (Well, Austin but no sense in touching
that feud for a while). Angle will make H look good and if H beats him, Angle
can get his heat back
just like that with out a loss in credibility. The whole thing makes sense all
levels.

Where I think they may be going with this is some kind of super angle, WMX-8,
blow-off with Some Other Guy as the possible “father”. H and Guy are set to
tie it on at the big show and this will give it a little extra “oomph”. I
asked several weeks ago how Some Other Guy would get “heel heat” seeing as
he is Canadian and WM will be on his home turf well, there’s your answer.
Hook him up with Steph in his corner and the possibility he not only stole H’s
woman but did the wild thing with her. BOOOOOO! Not because he did the stealin
and the wild thingin, but because it’s Stephanie McMahon and EVERYONE hates
her, even the jaded Canadian crowd who cheer their hometown boys by default. All
the time, every time. (Please do not bring up Christian getting booed. He
clobbered Edge, a fellow Canadian. SOMEONE had to be the heel. If it had been
anyone else, Christian would have had his own holiday). So putting Steph with
Guy will hopefully get some booing and hissing going on instead of a monster pop
for Guy which would be confusing as heck considering the storylines.

So there are a couple of “plusses” that can happen from the “I’m
Pregnant” story line. As always I will ask you to keep an open mind while
watching and try not to get involved in the mindset of “I hate Steph because
she’s booking herself into the top angles”. Or even the “I hate Steph
because she takes up to much TV time and was lucky enough to be born a McMahon
and is just such a “mark” for herself” line of thinking. In reality,
that’s what drives the IWC crazy the most, methinks. The fact that she IS a
mark for herself and has the ultimate stage to prove it. And it’s the ultimate
FU to the IWC, who thinks that everyone should be booking for our tastes and our
tastes alone. It drives folks NUTS watching the bitch as she goes and shows off
her egocentric behavior as much and as often as possible. And if you listen very
carefully this is what you hear: “She’s a goddamn mark for herself…who
does she think she is?”

“Us?”

RANDOM INSIDE JOKE

I have InDemand as part of my Time Warner Digital cable. Not that you care
about that. What you may care about is what is on channel number 411:

DIGITAL MUSIC!! – R & B Hits of the 80’s and 90’s

To the best of my knowledge we don’t even have a black writer on the staff. A
couple of Mexicans and several Jews, but no brothers. Moral of the story –
don’t trust the InDemand spoliers.

* * * * *

And that wraps up The FLEA FLASHBACK column. Hope you enjoyed it and hope
each and everyone of you celebrate the Holiday Season in the manner in which is
was originally intended – to get as tore up from the floor up as possible.
Anyone who sees a fat guy in a red suit or a savior being born in a manger to a
virgin better have a pretty damn good reason…

Thanks for Reading, I’m Flea

FLEA