Saturday Evening Post 12.27.03

Hello, I’m FLEA and to commemorate the holiday season, and for other reasons
too, I think I will treat you to the old IWC column standby – the RANDOM
THOUGHTS column! I usually try my best not to stoop to this level, as “Random
Thoughts” columns are right at the bottom of the barrel with Top 10 Lists and
columns that include an inordinate amount of reader mail / feedback. Sorry if
that’s harsh, but I am the Judge (IWC 100 NEW YEAR’S DAY 2K4 list! – 1.1.04 at
1ryderfakin.com!) and I consider The IWC Trilogy of Column Death – Random
Thoughts, Top 10’s and “feedback” columns to be lazy, redundant and normally not
very good. So in that spirit, I’m just going to go ahead and * do * a Random
Thoughts column, quite possibly a Top Some Number List and maybe reader mail.
Cause it’s the holidays, I feel like being lazy and redundant, and I think I
have been good enough this year. Did you play in the Wrestling Dead
Pool yet?  You should – CASH MONEY is the prize!!

And yes, I know I skipped mention of Mike Lozansky, who figured out a way to
die at the age of 35, just a few weeks short of his 36th birthday. I couldn’t
find a picture of him from his ECW days nor from his days in Mexico, but I did
stumble across a few old quotes and match reviews. Proper credit is given, where
due…

From some German website (translation provided in the next paragraph)

Mike Lozansky vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Lozansky macht einen auf Jericho-Wannabe und bekommt auch von den Fans ¾
You are not Jericho!” zu hören! School Boy zum 2 Count. Dropkick, Armdrag,
Dropkick, Pescado von Lozansky. Neck-Snap von Mikey zum 2 Count, Powerbomb von
Mike. Clothesline, Snap Suplex: 2 Count. Kicks in der Ecke, einige Aktionen
gehen daneben, Armbar von Mikey, Crossbody von Mike, Clothesline: 2. Kickserie
von Mike zum nächsten 2 Count. Faceslam von Mikey, Bridged Side Suplex zum 2er.
Tornado DDT zum nächsten Kickout und eine Senton geht daneben. Kick von Mike,
Splash vom 3rd Rope und ein Konter von Mikey zum Whipper-Snapper zum Sieg des
ECW Underdogs!

{{[ Lozansky makes one on Jericho Wannabe and gets also from the fans? You of
acres emergency Jericho!” to hear! School Boy to 2 COUNTS. Dropkick, arm dragee,
Dropkick, Pescado of Lozansky. Neck Snap from Mikey to 2 COUNTS, Powerbomb of
Mike. Clothesline, Snap Suplex: 2 COUNTS. Kicks in the corner, some actions go
beside it, to arm bar from Mikey, Crossbody of Mike, Clothesline: 2. Kickserie
from Mike to next 2 COUNTS. Faceslam of Mikey, Bridged Side Suplex to the 2er.
Tornado DDT to the next Kickout and a Senton goes beside it. Kick of Mike,
Splash of the 3rd Rope and counter from Mikey to the Whipper Snapper for the
victory of the ECW Underdogs! ]}}

WOW! That’s some match! Next we have a brief encounter with WWE Superstar
Lance Storm and Brand new IWC Superstar Tammy Sytch (sorry about the email thing
– it helps when Hi-Ain’t tells me these things.)…

Lance Storm w/ Tammy Lynn Bytch vs. Spike Dudley

Lance Storm comes down to the ring with Tammy Lynn Bytch. Storm grabs the
mic. Storm says he’s not fighting Mike Lozansky’s polish ass and tells “Randy”
to cue up Spike’s music because Spike can’t beat Lance twice in his whole
lifetime.

 – 2.5.99 ECW TV REPORT – Doug Graham – Lords of Pain

Another barnburner, albeit not a very involved one. And finally, from what I
read, this could very well be Lozansky’s career, in a nutshell…and from a
fellow Canadian, no less. 

First match was Mike Lozansky taking on the ferocious, the formidable,
Tommy Rogers (?). It has been said that Mike Lozansky looks excellent when
facing Rob Van Dam and this may actually be the case but Tommy Rogers is no Rob
Van Dam, he isn’t even a Tommy Rogers any more (does anyone even remember the
Fantastics?). Sadly, this match wasn’t a squash and lasted for far too long and
the usually disparaging crowd chants were voiced for this sub-par effort.
Thankfully, Rogers beat Lozansky with some sort of inverted face buster as this
horrid match drew to its end.

 – ECW SHOW REPORT 12.7.98 – “HARDCORE” CHRIS GRAMLICH – For
SLAM! Wrestling

Most importantly, NO ONE had him in the Wrestling Dead Pool. 

KURT ANGLE

The rumor going around is that you can stick him with a fork, he’s done. This
is due in part to a shortcut surgery he thought would work a miracle;
unfortunately, the miracle quota has been met this year by 1) HBK’s miraculously
recovered broken back and 2) TNA ‘s decision to bring back that dipshit Piper
and miraculously make FLEA * not * support their product. For the latter I still
await a written apology and agreement that Piper will be banished and never used
again. I get that – you have my $40 per month, etc for as long as the promotion
ain’t belly-up. As far as Kurt Angle is concerned, good riddance. He has had a
perfectly good opportunity (and has bragged about not only  * wanting * to
do it, but having already * done * it) to evolve wrestling from the late 90’s
Austin / Foley / Kill your self in TLC matches into it’s more pure form – stiff
holds, solid psychology and most importantly, a much safer and career prolonging
style that would benefit not only Angle, but the rest of the roster (and
possibly Vince himself), as well as the fans, who would adopt and accept, by
osmosis, the “wrestling” aspect of the business, making it a better place for
one and all. And I don’t think it’s a big secret that Vince was ready and
willing to give Angle the Keys to the Kingdom – until the injuries started to
surface at a pace nearly as rapid as HHH and Nash. I have nothing bad to say
about Angle’s talent or his phenomenal promos / that good ol’ “it” factor in his
personality – I’m just saying that Angle has probably done more irreparable
damage to himself and the wrestling business than the dreaded combination of HHH
and Stephanie ever could, even if they were trying as hard as people tend to
believe.

First of all – according to reports, Angle’s health and quality of life are
severely threatened at this point, the primary reason being his “in-ring style”.
As he has bragged many times, he won the Olympics with a “broken freakin’ neck”,
so the damage was already there. So, what does Angle do when he has a chance to
use his Gold Medal winning skills to influence and shape the next 10-15 years of
wrestling? He re-popularizes the f*cking suplex!, a move which just ain’t very
good for the neck…I guess no one bothered to tell him. Think back to all the
good matches from 2K1 / 2K2 when the “wrestling” aspect of WWE was hitting on
all gears – every match “suplex this” “suplex that” – Benoit’s German’s were
always ok – he knows how to make the other guy land properly – but when everyone
(specifically Angle) started using the Rolling Germans as transition moves / a
cheap way to make the crowds pop, people started getting hurt. Benoit? – out.
Edge? – out. Austin? History (and that’s AFTER two surgeries, Jesus). And others
like Lesnar who are reportedly in constant pain due to being dropped on their
heads and necks for no good reason, except because “the best wrestler in the
Fed” does it, and if you want to run with the top dog, you will learn to work
“his style”. Look how many people learned to punch and kick when Austin and Rock
were on top. And look at the Top Dogs today and the shape they are in, almost
entirely due to an Olympic Hero whose grand contribution to the sport has been
destroying the health of his fellow wrestlers and the quality of other people’s
matches by not being able to be more creative than a belly to back suplex.

Have you noticed how boring most of the matches these days are? Clotheslines,
Bodyslams, kicking and punching, sleeperholds – back to the basics. Because
basically, Vince and Company managed to figure out that having top stars on the
shelf due to injury is not good for business – especially when most of the
remaining roster is green as grass and vanilla as a wafer. If the blame needs to
be placed, I’m pointing at least one finger in Angle’s direction, as he managed
to squander any good influence he may have had on the business and left a wake
of broken necks in his path. I really would like to expand on this, because I
don’t believe I’ve given justice to just how much this has affected the
wrestling product and know most of you are probably shaking your heads as I piss
on Angle, so I will come back to this the week after the IWC 100 list. If you
would like to / plan to comment, I’ll post some of them. Until then – just two
more items…

In what should have been one of the best matches of all time, Lesnar / Angle
I at WM was left to rot as a semi-decent punch-kick suplex affair that
culminated in a move that nearly killed both competitors. Do you think that they
couldn’t have done 35 minutes of mat work and psychology and ushered in a new
era for “athletic” based matches instead us, as fans, being on the receiving end
of by-the-book brawls and lousy, plodding matches by Green Giants? Hell, Angle
and Benoit RR2K3 went about 20 minutes and is hailed as one of the best matches
ever. Angle has continuously blown chances to make lasting improvements to the
Sport of Professional Wrestling, and we as fans and the wrestlers with fused
spinal cords have suffered because of him.

As far as Kurt Angle’s own health is concerned, his most recent problem with
his neck occurred when he was blasted in the head when a steel chair. All
reports state that his already damaged vertebrae “exploded” upon impact, and
Angle himself says that “I think I’ll avoid anymore chair shots to the head”.
Too little, too late, as always.  

GOLDBERG

He is not happy that Vince McMahon has provided some much needed depth to his
stale, outdated persona, nor is he happy that he is going to have to live on
$1.5 million U.S. due to his total inability to draw a paying crowd. “But FLEA”,
you whine, “it’s because they have not booked him good”. First off, who the f*ck
are “they”? Are you blaming HHH for this one? WCW killed the Goldberg mystique
long before Vince, in a moronic display of desperation I’m guessing, singed the
Bill of Damaged Goods, only to have him f*ck up a program with the Rock by not
knowing how to cut a promo / work a crowd as anything but a hero. One of the
most brilliant displays of “working the crowd” to the matches benefit was Rock /
Hogan at WM XVIII. The Canadian audience BOOED Rock – E out of the building and
his reaction to it made the match an instant classic. Conversely, Poor Bill
looked like a lost puppy when the crowd started booing him instead of Rock -E
and the match suffered because of it. He was already a “monster” in WCW, but
once that image was shattered, a plan B should be in the works. The natural
progression is to make him into a more well-rounded character, so if, in fact,
he does need to officially “turn heel” someday, the fans won’t shit on the turn
as they did when Russo tried to hot-shot Bad Guy Goldberg. If he wants to leave,
good. Unlike Angle, he really isn’t doing any harm to anyone but himself. If he
is that confident in his ability to hold a promotion up for large dough
purchasing the “Goldberg” persona, he should at least have the confidence to
listen to his fellow wrestlers and people like Vince McMahon who are there to
advise him, not to bury him. Paranoia, Insecurity and Blaming Others for your
shortcomings is no way to prove yourself worthy of being a WWE Superstar and
apparently the Goldberg act is wearing thin to those who matter. It’s about damn
time.

RVD

Also in the news – RVD is allegedly about to re-up his WWE contract, which
Keller says is in the 300-350k per year range. If he does, he has absolutely no
right to ever complain about his position is the company ever again – something,
if I was Jim Ross, would have put in BOLD TYPE right in the contract –
work your matches, accept your position and quit crying the blues to the sheets
and talk shows. I have no problem with RVD taking the money – he would be crazy
not to – but the contract binding acceptance of another million dollars over the
term should obligate him to quit his whining. For example – look at Raven. He
didn’t like how he was used and told the WWE to shove it up their asses – he is
doing just fine on the Indy scene, making his own rules. Another example would
be what Foley did back in the mid 90’s when he left WCW to pursue a life as an
Independent. Those decisions may seem crazy at the time, but to anyone who is
truly dedicated to their craft (which I firmly believe RVD is) instead of the
financial payoff (which I never thought he was) would have the confidence in
their ability to make money outside of the near-guaranteed umbrella of the WWE.
So if he re-signs, good…at least RVD is always fun to watch perform. If he
takes the money, he should be prepared to be used how Vince and Company deem fit
– if that means opening match of every PPV during his contract term, so be it.
However, we should not be subjugated to complaints from someone who had the
perfect opportunity to leave, and
didn’t.        

FLEA’S TOP 3 MATCHES THAT ARE CONSIDERABLY BETTER THAN ANGLE VS. BENOIT AT
ROYAL RUMBLE 2K3.

• HBK vs. Mankind, Mind Games, 1996

• Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair, I Quit, 1989

• Cactus Jack vs. HHH, Street Fight, 2000

FOLEY DVD

Check the newsline for the match listi…oops, forgot, I need FILLER!

* * * * * *

Disk 1:

*Cactus Jack vs. WCW World champion Big Van Vader – WCW Saturday Night
4.17.93 (This includes footage from Mick’s personal library which shows the
blood that WCW edited out of the match when it aired on TBS)

*Cactus Jack & Maxx Payne vs. The Nasty Boys – Chicago Street Fight – WCW
Spring Stampede 4.17.94

*Cactus Jack vs. Sabu – ECW Hostile City Showdown 6.24.94 – Mick Foley’s
Extreme Championship Wrestling debut

*Cactus Jack vs. Chris Candido – Smokey Mountain Wrestling 11.18.94

*Cactus Jack vs. The Sandman – Texas Death match – ECW Double Tables 2.4.95

*Cactus Jack & Raven vs. Terry Funk & Tommy Dreamer – ECW November to
Remember 11.18.95

*Cactus Jack vs. Mikey Whipwreck – ECW Big Ass Extreme Bash 3.9.96

Disc 1 Extras:

*Post-Vader match interview – WCW Saturday Night 4.24.95

*Cactus Jack vs. WCW World champion Sting – WCW Beach Blast 6.20.92

*Cactus Jack spits on WCW Tag Team championship belt – ECW Hostile City
Showdown 6.24.94

*The “Cane Dewey” Promo – Mick’s all time favorite promo

*”Anti-Hardcore” promo – Cactus denounces ECW Fans

*Cactus Jack vs. Sabu – Rematch – Hamburg, PA 9.30.94

*Mick Foley’s ECW Farewell Speech – Following match with Mikey Whipwreck
3.9.96

“Jack” Foley & Les Thornton vs. British Bulldogs –9.13.86 (Mick’s WWF
debut)

*WWE Confidential feature – Explains Mick’s long  absence

Disk 2:

*Introducing Mankind

*Mankind vs. Shawn Michaels – WWF In Your House: Mind Games 9.22.96

*Cactus Jack vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley – Falls Count Anywhere – Raw is War
9.22.97 (includes the Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack is back video)

*Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk – Raw Is War 5.4.98

*Dude Love vs. WWF World champion Stone Cold Steve Austin – WWF Over The Edge
5.31.98

*Mankind vs. The Undertaker – Hell in the Cell – King of the Ring 6.20.98

*Mankind vs. The Rock – Raw Is War 1.4.99 (Foley wins first WWF championship)

*Cactus Jack vs. WWF champion Triple H – Street Fight – Royal Rumble 1.23.00

Disc 2 Extras:

*Mankind teasers – First look at Mankind

*Music To My Ear – Mankind talks about his symphony of destruction

*Mind Games – J.R., Mankind and Paul Bearer prior to the Shawn Michaels match

*Jim Ross interviews Mankind – from Raw 6.9.97

*The Birth of Mr. Socko – 10.5.98

*Mick and Al Snow in Vegas – stalked by a fan

*More Mick and Al in Vegas – Mick and Al ride the rides, join a lounge band
and visit a gentleman’s club

*Commissioner Foley & Kurt Angle – The Commish books a match

* * * * * 

Eh. Most of the ECW stuff I have on the Cactus Jack ECW disc. Most of the
Mankind / Dude Love / WWE Cactus Jack stuff I also have…having the complete
Foley – Funk RAW match would be cool. Having the Vader matches and Sting match
all in one location would be rule – and I’m sure the format quality will be held
to a much higher standard than the tapes I have purchased. I don’t think their
was any question that I * will * buy it, because I’m a mark. The question is
will I like it as much as the Flair disc. I doubt it – but I’ll have it the
first day it’s out and will provide some sort of review the next Saturday that
rolls around. Bang! Bang! And goddamn that goofy Socko crap.

FLEA’S TOP 4 WRESTLERS / TOPICS THAT NEED A DVD, LIKE PRONTO

• Bret Hart – they are going to have to pull the trigger on this one sooner
  or later, Although Bret is not high on my list of favorite wrestlers, he had
  great career and pumped out some high quality matches. Big Seller for sure.
  

• Chris Benoit – naturally, the match quality will be top notch, but the
  thrill would be to see how well it sold.

• Jake Roberts – not sure how this one would sell, but I think it would be
  marvelous if a two disc DVD set was available to show people how great he was.
  Like Flair, it should be mandatory viewing for anyone who wants to, or
  considers themselves card carrying members of the wrestling profession.
  

• Terry Funk – I would be first in line. 3 DVD set? Oh hell yeah.

FLEA’S TOP PERSON THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE A DVD OR APPEAR ON ANYTHING I MAY
REMOTELY CONSIDER WATCHING

Roddy Piper – Fuck him and the Horse he rode in on. A Wrestling Union? Maybe
he should grow a backbone and stick to his own damn values / look in the mirror
before attempting to ram a Pipe(r) Dream down everyone’s throat.

PAGE SIX

I think that’s enough for today. Next weekend – IWC 100 NEW YEAR’S DAY 2K4
list!! The initial list and rules! (yes, I have finally gotten around to writing
actual rules!) will be online 1.1.04. Saturday’s column will have something to
do with the list, probably a follow-up on some other things, and maybe a New
Year’s Day follow-up “shoot” interview that will start the New Year all proper
like…

Hey! I promised the Third Part of the IWC Trilogy of Column Death – Mail!
MAil ! MAIL!

* * * * * *

From:
ryderfakin@yahoo.com

To: “Hyatte”
<glorydog@cox.net>

FLEA

* * * * *

Don’t forget to play in The Wrestling Dead
Pool!. Coming up! – another year for “tragedy”…ha ha hawr.

Thanks for Reading

FLEA