The Haley News And World Report 01.14.04

Let’s start off with some news this week for a change.

A Sight To Be Cen-A

My column might become ten times more interesting if WWe decides to jump John Cena over to RAW following a possible WM XX match with HHH.

While I love this idea and the intrigue behind a match between one of my favorite stars and the IWC’s antichrist, it doesn’t seem to make sense from a storyline standpoint. Why would Cena, if he wins the Rumble, give up a shot to face the guy that shelved him, the guy for whom his finisher is named, the guy he hates the most, Brock Lesnar to face HHH? They would have to come up with a plot device that is extremely clever to pull this off much more creative than the Bischoff forgot to file the paperwork excuse to get Goldberg back on the air. Think they have it in them?

Hey you said it, not me.

If we indeed get Cena/HHH and Brock/Goldberg somehow some way at WM XX, this seems to leave that big push for Benoit we’ve been hearing about on the sidelines, doesn’t it? Maybe they would pair him with Angle in a neck surgery gimmick match while Rock n Sock does battle with Evolution.

The other interesting aspect here is that with these high-level feuds comes the need for inter-brand promotion. If these matches take form after the Rumble, the Fed has 2 months and change to make us care about them. To do so, they’ll have to have stars appearing on rival brands, which is something they have clearly stayed away from recently. Personally, such feuding would make me watch Smackdown again so I think it’s a good idea, despite the damage done to brand separation.

More WrestleMania Speculation, Fantasy Booking, etc.

Apparently Goldberg will leave the Fed after WM XX. The news is that it will apparently be done amicably, with Goldberg leaving unburied.

To me, this means Goldberg will leave by having a fairly brutal match that gives someone the rub. This pretty much disqualifies Lesnar in my mind. I mean, how much more rub can the guy get? Hogan, Angle, Rock, he’s had it from everyone. HHH? Just kidding. Cena sounds like a great idea, but we’d have to get over the fact that both are faces and that one of them would need to win the Rumble while the other holds the title.

Pretty confusing huh? This is why I try to avoid news that focuses on long-term planning and what amounts to fantasy booking. Vince is in control of everything and can change his mind at the drop of a hat. Sure, it’s fun to guess, but all we can really do is hope for the best.

And of course, focus on

The Little Things

Let’s do this

1. The Eyes Have It

You know my style on here. I try to be positive and look for the good things on RAW each and every week.

But seriously, the way they have handled Matt Hardy is a crime and a black eye for WWe creative. He gets great pops, has some decent mic skills, has some semblance of flair and some nice catchy little things like his hand gesture.

Yet he has been off television for weeks and is mere cannon fodder for Goldberg. Bah!

I mean, maybe it’s just me and my biased viewpoint, but the little things are with this guy. Did you see the way he rolled his eyes when he was talking about Austin and his new sheriff role? I mean, you can’t teach spontaneous emoting like that. You won’t see that out of Batista and maybe even Orton for another year, guaranteed. Just funny stuff from probably the most underutilized guy in the company right now.

2. Beast Of The East

One of the best things about the Jericho/Trish angle has been increased mic time for Christian. When he said they were going to do up the town sexy beast style, I was laughing pretty hard.

There was also something about that jacket he had on. Maybe it’s just me.

3. The Sound And The Fury

Didn’t that Superkick sound bone crushing against Coach’s jaw? I don’t know if it was Michaels slapping his leg or Coach doing something into the mic, but the effect was awesome, especially given the intensity of the confrontation. Just a little sound can go a long way.

By the way, my respect for Coach has gone up a lot. He does whatever they ask of him, sells it as best he can and tries to be funny while doing it.

4. The Long Way Home

Teddy Long might earn his own weekly spot in this column if he keeps this up. I know it’s not the most spectacular stuff in the world, but whenever I see Long and his antics, part of me is back in front of the television watching Saturday Night’s Main Event and doesn’t even know the Net exists. It’s great.

I mean, he threw a jacket on a female wrestler to distract her and cost her the match. No need to be flashy, just get the job done, belee dat. You could also hear him telling Mark Henry to “kill whitey” during his match with Jericho.

Dude is on a roll.

5. More Facial Gesture Fun

While I’m still not sold on his mic work, I will give Randy Orton some credit. He has that shit eating cocky smirk down to a science.

Readers’ Picks – Out Of My Seat

Let’s bring back another time-tested feature! Reader Paul Leonard checks in:

I can’t believe you missed (in my opinion) the best “Little Thing” of Raw.

Coach and his LSU chair was just dripping with quality. However, that’s not the Little Thing. When Kane’s pyro hit, Coach fell backwards out of his chair. My friends and I couldn’t stop laughing after seeing that.

I was sure that you would have that as one of your Little Things.

To be honest, I can’t believe I missed that either. That’s some pretty funny stuff out of a guy I’m pretty high on right now. I must’ve been using the bathroom or something.

Reader Matt Jones also gets credit for noticing that.

Keep those comments coming in and we’ll do this again next week.

In other Haley news, I’m going to write a review for The Darkness’ album Permission to Land over in the Music Zone soon. Hey slackers, the guys moved up 90 spots last week on the Billboard charts, the least you could do is mention them in some way, shape or form! I see we found time to review No Doubt, Rage Against the Machine and a bunch of other meaningless acts, but not these guys? I’ll fix that.

Best band ever.

Haley