The Haley News And World Report 01.21.04

This is going to be quick and dirty, just how your momma likes it.

Sip the Chris and Get Pissy Pissy

As I said last week, there really isn’t a point in my eyes in talking about Wrestlemania speculation because it changes by the week. Last week it was John Cena jumping to RAW and feuding with HHH, now it is Chris Benoit.

While most would think that IWC pundits are jumping for joy at the prospect of their anointed hero going up against their anointed enemy and finally getting the share of the spotlight he so richly deserves, I’m instead bracing for the tidal wave of bitching that will come after HHH unceremoniously uses Benoit to make himself look good and jobs him right back to the mid-card from which he came. I’m not saying that this is right or anything, but you know HHH is a master politician and he wouldn’t ask specifically for a program unless it had some meaning behind it. HHH realizes he has all the stroke in the world but he is also concerned about the legacy he will leave behind. The Horsemen-esque stable he created for himself isn’t really hitting the nail on the head because Orton and Batista simply aren’t established personalities or ring technicians to give Evolution the cred amongst wrestling experts he wants. Benoit, on the other hand, has a track record in the ring that is unmatched and will give him 20 minute classics until his vertebrae shatter.

HHH got something out of that RAW classic with HBK. Now he wants more.

Again, I’m not saying this is right. It’s just how it is.

News To Me

I thought last week’s news of Spanky choosing the Indies over WWe was extremely significant. Of course, it happened right after I posted and thus gave my Wednesday news slot nothing to crow about. They don’t call it hump day for nothing.

Anyhow, I thought this was a huge story that isn’t getting enough attention. It is very significant when a wrestler says NO to Vince. By refusing to go back to OVW or sit around while the bookers scratch their asses and figure out something to do with him, Spanky not only made a personal choice but sent a message to other wrestlers in the same predicament that they do not have to tolerate the current conditions, either. The WWe’s loss could be the Indy feds’ gain and there is certainly a lot of talent that is up in the air. I won’t get started on a list but there are a lot of wrestlers on WWe’s roster that have entertained us in the past but presently sit idle. I’m not saying the Indy feds will overtake WWe anytime soon, but the overall potential of WWe would suffer and may just make a night out at the Indy’s incrementally more interesting. Every little thing helps

The Little Things

Let’s do this

1. Ride ‘Em, Cowboy

I know most everyone in the IWC is sour on his character, but some of the spots Rico comes up with for his character in the ring come off so well that I have to mention them. First the kiss on Teddy Long’s head (which he sold in classic old school fashion) and followed by a bizarre ride on the back of Mark Henry as he climbed back in the ring. It’s funny because there are only so many ways to get across the point that Henry really is as big and dumb as an animal. Maybe he if had been paired with a face, it would’ve been hilarious. If Rock had done it, it would’ve been classic. I appreciate it, anyway.

2. Educated Guess

Bless Flair for trying to get over the personality-less behemoth. If only Batista had a shred of Ric’s charisma, he could come up with stuff on his own like “What’s causing all this?” to get his biceps over.

Like I said above, Orton and Batista aren’t doing the job that HHH envisioned. In fact, Nature Boy is pretty much the glue that holds Evolution together, which kinda runs counter to the whole premise of the stable ya know, moving forward n all. Oh well.

3. The Good Old Days

Reader Mike Oberegger pointed out the following:

During Steve Austin’s interview, he mentioned riding the roads with Mick. He mentioned how the two of them went to find cheap hotels and the like… but he also mentioned the jokes they used to play on Dallas Page to see who could make him crack first. This is a nice little touch that only people who read Mick Foley or Austin’s book would have picked up on. It was a nice little touch to show the bond the two have together.

I thought this was a nice touch, too. A lot of stuff from the books is Little Things gold, especially Austin’s explanation as to why he always wears a gold chain (in memory of Pillman).

4. Everybody Dance Now

The Dupree dance is almost becoming a mandatory little thing to mention each week. It suits his character so perfectly and the snotty expression on his face makes it work that much better. Methinks it’s about time to get that guy’s singles career started.

5. Background Check

I wanted to give props to JR for mentioning during Kane’s entrance that he buried his brother, the Undertaker, alive. I really think WWe is slowly getting into the habit of reminding us about past events so that we will watch in the future. I personally don’t watch SmackDown and sometimes don’t order the PPVs, so I needed the reminder. I kinda like Kane’s character so it helps to have this in order for me to look forward to his next feud.

Readers’ Picks – Even More Facial Expression Fun

Reader Matthew Cockerham checks in:

As far as your column this week went, let me say that while Randy’s facial expression that you mentioned was good, in my opinion, the better expression was the crazy bloodthirsty look that Randy used right before he did that excellent top rope DDT.

Again, Randy is learning. It’s going to take him awhile, but he has the physique and the wrestling lineage to make his character great. It also doesn’t hurt that he has some facial gestures going for him.

Keep those comments coming in and we’ll do this again next week. Sorry it was a bit short this week.

Haley

PS – Hyatte is wrong about The Darkness. The review will be up soon.