GRUTMAN: Affirmative action.
Daniels: Evil
Daniels: A program which is designed to give people jobs they 1) aren’t qualified for and 2) don’t deserve is not a good thing.
GRUTMAN: Most people who get a job thanks to affirmative action deserve it. Do they deserve it more than the white guy? No. But they deserve it.
Daniels: Affirmative Action is something enjoyed by politicians and folks like yourself…. people who don’t have to live in the real world where one can lose high paying jobs and promotions based on skin color
GRUTMAN: Let’s talk about the majority of jobs given to African Americans thanks to Affirmative Action.
GRUTMAN: For every 1 “I shoulda gotten that promotion but that stupid n-word…” there are 1000 McDonald’s employees.
Daniels: That’s 1 more than there should be.
Daniels: What makes a black person more qualified to go to Michigan if my grades are better?
GRUTMAN: So that one day we won’t have to ask that question.
Daniels: We will ask that question until the day that people aren’t granted jobs by race.
GRUTMAN: We’re white. It rules. I wouldn’t want to be black. We’ve got a huge advantage.
Daniels: People will continue to doubt the qualifications of anyone of color.
Daniels: Affirmative Action is yet another way for Democratic Candidates to keep minorities under the reign of the government
GRUTMAN: Really? Cause I can think of someone who got a couple of jobs not just because of his race, but because of his social status.
GRUTMAN: There were plenty of more qualified candidates, but this guy got the jobs because of his last name!
GRUTMAN: And would you believe it, he’s currently president!
GRUTMAN: How affirmative was that action? How affirmative is it when the WHITE boss’s son of a random company becomes Vice-President?
GRUTMAN: And when you look at an OVERWHELMING majority of the bosses, you will see a white face.
Daniels: If you want to argue Nepotism, that’s a different argument.
GRUTMAN: One sec. White bosses, white children.
GRUTMAN: The majority of stockholders? You guessed it, white.
GRUTMAN: The most desired demographic? White males, 15-35.
GRUTMAN: So white bosses, their white sons, white stock holders, white consumers. Hmmm. Why would minorities need an advantage in this system to make it fair? Hmmm.
GRUTMAN: If there wasn’t a rule that everyone gets to play, we’d hog the ball and be thrilled to do it.
Daniels: So let’s see… that leaves folks like me and you… the middle class. Up shit’s creek.
Daniels: Because we don’t have people that run multi-million dollar corporations to give us jobs.
Daniels: Because they give it to people who maybe deserve it less and, if they can’t… well, shit the government’s right there to hand them money to get by.
Daniels: And if they can’t afford to go to college… well shit, the government’s right there to help them out there, too.
GRUTMAN: I see your point, but come on. Who’s up shit’s creek? There’s work for us. There will always be work for white middle class Americans. Need proof? Take a walk through an average corporate office.
GRUTMAN: Forget the personal sob story and take a walk through an office. Count the white drones. Count the black drones.
GRUTMAN: You want to see where they put the black drones?
GRUTMAN: Check out the shitty jobs. The telemarketing department. Customer service.
GRUTMAN: But for guys like you and me, our boys in the office are still looking out for us.
Daniels: Fuck sob story, and I’m willing to bet there’s plenty of people who feel the same way.
Daniels: And could the other problem with walking through a corporate office be that any black person who tries to elevate himself becomes an Uncle Tom?
Daniels: Such that even when people WANT to better themselves, they can’t.
Daniels: And somehow… THAT’S our problem too
GRUTMAN: No. Who the hell said that?
GRUTMAN: So you’re saying that affirmative action is stupid because black people will waste the positions they get?
GRUTMAN: Hey, good news! The company is run by white people! They can fire the insolent black guy!
Daniels: News flash, boss. If you’re handed something, you appreciate it a lot less than if you worked for it.
GRUTMAN: You think they don’t work for it? Oh, they work for it. It’s not like they pull the first black guy off the street and make him a CEO.
Daniels: Let’s, for example, take a look at college basketball players for a moment
Daniels: College basketball players who are now SUING the school that gave them a free education
GRUTMAN: Where is this?
Daniels: Hold on a second
Daniels: I can’t find the article… but basically the player was suing the school because the school “used him”
Daniels: Forget the fact that he was handed an education that most people, you know, have to pay for.
GRUTMAN: So? What does that have to do with affirmative action? And are you saying he didn’t make the school money?
GRUTMAN: College Athletes not getting paid is another subject.
Daniels: I’m saying that he didn’t appreciate the free education because it was handed to him.
Daniels: College Athletes DO get paid
GRUTMAN: With education!
Daniels: Free room, free boad, free books, free college.
Daniels: That’s payment
GRUTMAN: Not the millions and millions of dollars they bring into the university, an education!
GRUTMAN: Thanks for the books Dean! I love your new solid gold Mercedes!
GRUTMAN: But moving on…
GRUTMAN: Do you agree with my point from before? White bosses, white sons, white stockholders, white consumers?
Daniels: Do I agree that the owners of a lot of companies are white, yes… but I don’t agree that Nepotism is a successful argument to support Affirmative Action.
Daniels: Because nepotism supercedes everything.
GRUTMAN: It’s not just nepotism, it’s that everyone important to the company is white.
GRUTMAN: And if it were up to those bosses, NO minority would be involved with the product, not from a racist perspective but from a business perspective.
Daniels: So then we just assume that everyone in the company is racist then, is that it?
Daniels: Grut… assuming that an individual will not hire a black person because he is black is assuming he’s racist
Daniels: So you are basically saying that all of corporate America is racist?
Daniels: Which is a bold, and probably real ignorant, statement
GRUTMAN: No, you’re saying that. I’m saying that I wouldn’t hire a bunch of Christians to run a Bar Mitzvah.
Daniels: Which is basically the same as me saying I wouldn’t hire a black person because no black people can possible know anything about business.
GRUTMAN: No, it’s basically the same as me saying that a white company with white stockholders making products for white people… why should they involve a minority?
Daniels: If the minority knows what they’re doing, than why wouldn’t they?
Daniels: I think the primary problem with Affirmative Action is that it has this overwhelming assumption that everyone in the world is racist
Daniels: And I really don’t think that’s the case.
Daniels: Capitalism says the person will do what’s best for business.
Daniels: And if a black guy made his last company millions of dollars… then f*cking hire him. But if a white guy made his last company millions of dollars and a black guy made his last company thousands of dollars… you hire the white guy.
GRUTMAN: No you don’t.
GRUTMAN: It wouldn’t be good for business.
GRUTMAN: Now, Daniels, I want you to stop typing your retort.
GRUTMAN: I want you to think for a second why that wouldn’t be good for business. This is a new, thoughtful GvD. Honestly.
Daniels: Please, enlighten me… because I’m lost.
GRUTMAN: Really think about it and take a guess. A qualified black person, one of the few this country has churned out, is turned down by a huge company for yet another ultra successful white guy. What happens?
Daniels: Oh we want to discuss how the media would get on that now? That’s an entirely different animal to dissect. But do you realize the inherent stupidity of your statement? The black guy is qualified…. the white guy is ultra successful. Yet, we should hire the black guy because he’s black and, well, he MIGHT be ok… even though we KNOW the other guy is going to be ultra successful because he’s proved himself in the past.
GRUTMAN: The media is one aspect, but there’s a bigger picture.
Daniels: What is that?
GRUTMAN: The black guy gets the job, gets paid a lot of money.
GRUTMAN: He has kids. These kids are raised to be successful. They are raised educated. They become successful.
GRUTMAN: They have kids. Same thing happens.
GRUTMAN: All of a sudden, black people are successful! Not all of them, just like how not all white people are successful.
GRUTMAN: American business has a whole new group of consumers.
Daniels: Sooo, the same thing can’t happen if the black guy earns his job rather than has it given to him?
GRUTMAN: Right now, the white race has a serious advantage over the African American race.
GRUTMAN: If we level the playing field, if we make it so that a generation of black Americans grows up with the same advantages as a middle class white kid, well, then affirmative action can end.
GRUTMAN: But first we need to level the playing field.
Daniels: And in the process, you create a entire group of people in the workforce who are looked down upon because no one respects them
Daniels: Who then have kids who enter the highest suicide/homicide risk in he nation
Daniels: Because 1) they want to be successful and yet can’t be because their own people goof on them for being successful and 2) they just can’t seem to get along together.
Daniels: Which all comes back to the government trying to level the playing field….. but not QUITE so much as to not need the government anymore
GRUTMAN: See, you see the present as the future.
GRUTMAN: The first few African American millionaires are popping up. The FIRST FEW. It’s been about 40 years since Dr. King had a dream. You give this program another 40 years, and there won’t be white people hating black people anymore.
GRUTMAN: Just rich people hating poor people.
Daniels: Josh, once the government gets involved in something they never go away.
Daniels: Name ONE thing the government has ever actually got involved in where they eventually stepped off and let nature take it’s course!
GRUTMAN: Afghanistan?
GRUTMAN: Vietnam?
Daniels: No, socially.
Daniels: Not abroad.
GRUTMAN: Oh! Work programs?
Daniels: Work programs?
GRUTMAN: Yeah! After the Great Depression there were all of those work programs to pull us out of it, brought to us by the government.
Daniels: Which evolved into Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, and Social Programs
Daniels: Try again.
GRUTMAN: Hey, the government got involved in breaking up unions. No more real unions now.
Daniels: No more real unions…………?
Daniels: ummm
GRUTMAN: No, welfare was around long before the Great Depression.
GRUTMAN: Hey! I got one!
GRUTMAN: Prohibition.
Daniels: No, they didn’t back off.
Daniels: They just got smarter about it.
GRUTMAN: Right. What does any of this have to do with principal telling us students that we have to share the ball with the black kids? Sure, they don’t know how to play, but if we let them play then they’ll learn. “No! It’s our ball!”
GRUTMAN: “Why should I have to spend less time with the ball? I’m a better player than that kid you never got to play with it!”
Daniels: You said the government can step in and level the playing field. I’m countering with the fact that once the government is involved, they never go away.
Daniels: and the fact is, there’s nothing to counter that.
GRUTMAN: Isn’t there? When should they have gone away?
GRUTMAN: And for what?
Daniels: They’re involved in your “leveling the playing field” now.
Daniels: Who decides when it’s level?
GRUTMAN: Hey! I just asked a question. You said they never stop being involved. You obviously have something in mind. What are you referring to?
GRUTMAN: Gun control maybe?
GRUTMAN: Abortion?
GRUTMAN: I think they’re doing average with both those issues.
GRUTMAN: You just spouted off mindless Republican rhetoric without having any facts to back it up. I HATE when people do that.
Daniels: And you’re doing the same? Not a single one of us has presented any concrete proof to anything. You’ve done nothing this whole time but spout the Democrat Party Line on Affirmative Action…. and you’re going to call ME out for doing the same thing?
GRUTMAN: Pretty much. And I just made up my argument! I think I did a better job than the old, “Slavery blah blah heal the rift…”
GRUTMAN: Cause that’s the past. We gotta look at the present, and then look towards the future.
GRUTMAN: The present is that there is still a huge disparity between the races, but it has just begun to heal.
Daniels: And i think a future built on people who were handed jobs completely without merit being considered is a bleak one.
Daniels: Final argument…. go!
GRUTMAN: “And I think a future built on people who were handed jobs completely meritlessly is a bleak one.” First of all, it’s not completely without merit. Second of all, it’s a glorious future in which we’re all equal. Except for the rich and poor people, but it’ll always be like that.
GRUTMAN: You inbred sack of racist shit.
Daniels: A glorious future in which we are all equal can be achieved without fostering bitterness in everyone.
Daniels: You dity stinkin hippie
GRUTMAN: You suck Daniels. When the revolution comes, I’m directing the brothers right to you.
GRUTMAN: Go suck Seth Monroe’s cock.
GRUTMAN: Ah, back in form.
Daniels: You’re white, too son.
GRUTMAN: Half white.Editor’s Note: Grutman is half Apache And they’ll love me because I was a liberal. I bet they’ll spare me and make me a slave.
GRUTMAN: Finally, true balance to the universe. Me as a slave. How fitting. But only if I get to have an Egyptian slave.
Daniels: or a bitch… since you have training in being mine
Daniels: Till next time this is Daniels saying: Punch a hippie.
GRUTMAN: Right Mr. “Name One Thing The Government…ummm… let me consult the handbook…”
GRUTMAN: And this is Grutman saying that we are all brothers. We are all friends. We are all equals. And Daniels plummetted on the IWC 100.
GRUTMAN: Goodnight!
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