The SmarK DVD Rant For Friends Season Three

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The SmarK DVD Rant for Friends Season Three

– With the awkward first season and the sophomore jinx of the second season safely out of the way, the writers of Friends were now free to really cut loose and explore the characters without worrying so much about ratings and network meddling. And the result was the true glory years for the show, spanning the next 3 seasons, give or take.

The Film

When we last left our merry band of twentysomethings, Ross and Rachel were finally in what seemed to be a stable relationship (with each other), and the semi-cliffhanger involved Chandler hooking up with ex-girlfriend Janice over the internet (still a novel concept back then) but finding out she was married. And that’s where we pick things up”¦

Disc One

– The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy. The season premiere is an immediate kickass classic, with a self-referential cold opening that sees the gang finding someone else on their couch for once! It only gets better from there, as Monica is depressed over the breakup with Richard that ended season 2, and she isn’t dealing with it very well. Chandler is having quite the opposite experience, being madly in love with Janice and all, but Joey of course hates her and starts looking for a plan to break them up. Then the main plot, which sees Rachel wanting to spice things up with Ross, and they get into a discussion about fantasies, with Ross having one in particular that every 20-something Star Wars fan has had at one point. Ross soon learns that women talk, however (“Or you could take me to a galaxy far, far away”¦”). Joey’s irritation with Janice leads to her suggesting Joey & Janice’s Day of Fun. And then the grand slam of the episode, as Ross tries sharing his feelings with Chandler over coffee and encounters one layer of Chandle’s psyche too many. First mention of “the girl at the Xerox place” here, who would soon play a much more ominous role in Ross’ life. Joey & Janice also go to a Mets game, although Joey would later insult the Mets many times, as a Yankees fan. And there’s lots of weird mother-issue stuff here, including the two final payoff jokes (Joey’s “I always think about your mom when I’m having sex!” and the creepy Judy Geller cameo) which make this is a great opener and a great start to the season as a whole.

– The One Where No One is Ready. Best episode of the season, hands down. This is the prototypical “sex of them in a room” episode, with awesome results. The storyline is simple: Ross has a museum benefit and 30 minutes to get there, but no one is ready to go, for various reasons. Rachel can’t decide what to wear, Monica is going crazy over Richard, and Joey & Chandler are engaged in an increasingly-juvenile battle over a chair. Juvenile, but so VERY VERY true to life. Chandler in particular is in rare form here (“I wrote a song today”¦it’s called ‘Get Up'”, his rant about Donald Duck, and the A.A. Milne “quotation” are all huge laughs) , but then Joey escalates the war and steals the show by wearing all of Chandle’s clothes”¦and doing lunges while going commando. That moment is probably one of the biggest laughs of the entire SERIES, let alone the episode. The stuff with Monica accidentally sabotaging Richard’s machine are funny, but this is all about Joey & Chandler at their peak, showing what the relationship is all about.

– The One With the Jam. Matt LeBlanc broke his arm in a skiing accident, so he has a sling in Friends-world too. Monica has baby fever, so she makes jam to compensate, and we discover that Joey has a weird fascination with it as a result. Phoebe gets stalked by David Arquette in a subplot that’s more notable for introducing Courtney Cox’ future husband than any real comedic value. But again, Chandler wins the day in this one, as he keeps saying the wrong things to Janice, so he goes to Ross & Rachel for advice and learns about the mysterious “hug and roll” move as a result. Another mention of the Xerox place girl. The relationship stuff here playing off Chandle’s clueless nature is hilarious, although not quite up to the level of Monica and Rachel trying to explain erogenous zones to him in season 4. Still, it’s enough for a winner.

– The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel. Chandle’s relationship troubles continue, as he starts freaking out over being in a Relationship, and seeks advice from the girls. This allows Monica to bring up “that thing where you act all mean and distant until we break up with you”, and 20 million guys simultaneously asked “You KNOW about that?” along with Chandler. The weird thing is that we all figure that out on OUR OWN, without needing to be told about it. Hey, breakups are tough to initiate! Chandler then becomes Mr. Committed, but freaks out Janice as a result, until love wins the day again. Meanwhile, Phoebe becomes Joey’s agent, but her brutal honesty only works so well with him before his feelings get hurt. Continuity gaff here, as Chandle’s ice cream bucket changes three times in the same SCENE! Good, but not great, episode, since Chandler getting all freaked out is always funny, though.

– The One With Frank Jr. Joey builds an entertainment center (fine Italian craftsmanship!), which creates the cut in Chandle’s door that’s still there to this day. Chandler tells Ross about the “freebie list”, which is 5 celebs that you can sleep with and not have to get dumped over it. This of course turns into an obsessive quest to find the perfect group of 5 people. And he even laminates it. Phoebe tries to bond with her weird brother Frank, but he’s more into melting stuff. Joey retiles Monica’s bathroom, and then gets inside the cabinet (getting trapped in there as a result) which sets up a major plot point in season 4 when it gets referenced again. This one drags for me.

– The One With the Flashback. The friends relate to Janice the story of Joey moving in (introducing Chandle’s goatee for the first time), Phoebe moving out (and nearly sleeping with Ross), and Rachel stopping by the bar (which would become the coffee shop later), which brings up the question of why Rachel wouldn’t recognize Chandler. Lots and lots of self-referential jokes here, from Rachel’s complaints about the service to Ross’ lesbian woes. And it features a couple of firsts, as Monica explains the deal with the apartment to Joey (it’s a sublet from her rent-controlled grandmother) and we get the first tease of Monica & Chandler. This is more funny for fans than funny as a whole.

– The One With the Racecar Bed. This one is historic in that it marks the debut of Gunthe’s obsession with Rachel, but isn’t very exciting otherwise. Monica buys a new bed from Janice’s ex-husband, but Phoebe accidentally signs for a racecar bed instead. Ross & Rachel have dinner with Dr. Greene, played with obnoxious delight by Ron Lieber, and Ross manages to totally screw up dinner before bonding with him over Rachel’s annoying habits. Joey, meanwhile, teaches a soap opera class, but screws over a promising student. This big payoff, however, sees Joey walking in on Janice and her husband while making out, which signals the end of Chandle’s first big relationship. The soap opera gags are really funny (especially the later use of them when Joey screws over the student) and I like 2/3 of this one, but the racecar plot doesn’t work for me.

Disc Two

– The One With the Giant Poking Device. Matthew Perry gets to play angst, as he confronts Janice about her infidelity and finds himself having to be the guy who gets between a family. Meanwhile, Phoebe fears that a trip to the dentist has killed Ugly Naked Guy, so they fashion a giant poking device out of chopsticks and stick it through his window from the balcony to see if he’s still alive. He is, in case you’re wondering. Finally, Monica & Rachel babysit Ben, but Monica accidentally bangs his head into the pillar, which Ross finds out about and decides to screw with Monica in hilarious fashion. Not a great ep or anything, but Ross v. Monica is a really funny payoff.

– The One With the Football. Thanksgiving returns! This is the first big Thanksgiving episode, as Ross & Monica recount the epic tale of the Geller Cup, and the gang plays football in the park. It’s also the first true glimpse into the bizarre childhood of the Gellers. Trivia note: Phoebe is wearing a “That Girl” t-shirt, in tribute to Marlo Thomas, who plays Rachel’s mom. Anyway, the games starts out with Mon/Phoebe/Joey v. Chandler/Ross/Rachel, but the guys get distracted by a visiting Dutch goddess who looks a lot like the former Mrs. Steve Austin. Everyone blows their chance with her, however, and the game starts to get really nasty, as Monica reveals the legendary Geller Cup and a trade makes it guys v. girls. Chandle’s drastic weight loss really becomes apparent for the first time here. Ross & Monica get all crazily competitive, while everyone else goes to eat dinner. Opinions on this one are strangely polarized, although I love it, but many hate it. To each their own.

– The One Where Rachel Quits. Finally coming to the same realization that everyone else already has, Rachel decides that she’s a terrible, terrible waitress and quits, thus killing Gunther. She needs The Fear, you see. Chandler, however, is TOO afraid to quit. Anyway, Ross accidentally cripples a Girl Guide (and who hasn’t been there?) and has to sell her cookies, but gets some stiff competition from another girl. The bizarre conversation about space camp (“No, Atlantic City”¦Dad likes to play the slots”) is the highlight of this storyline. Meanwhile, Joey sells Christmas trees, but Phoebe once again gets all weird and judgmental, this time on the plight of innocent trees getting murdered. I have no idea how they hang out with that chick without killing her sometimes. Continuity problem — Rachel is 28 here, but she doesn’t turn 30 until season 7. Age problems aside, she sends out resumes and gets a job at a fashion company, although it has very little to do with fashion at first. “Scrud” didn’t exactly set the world on fire as a catchphrase, but they can’t all be winners. Pretty middling episode overall.

– The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister. Joey’s insanely large family, referenced many times in earlier seasons, is finally paid off, as Chandler gets drunk at a party while trying to forget Janice, and ends up “fooling around” (what this entails is never detailed) with one of Joey’s endless lineup of sisters, all of whom look alike. Damn Catholic families. This proves to be awkward, because normally this would earn the guy in question a beating from Joey, but since it’s Chandler, someone else gets to do the deed. Meanwhile, history is made, as Rachel meets Mark for the first time over lunch, and he immediately offers her a job at Bloomingdales, setting in motion the end of her relationship with Ross, who immediately becomes a jerk about it. Ross actually does meet Mark in the lobby, but doesn’t remember it in season 10. The gag with the 7 identical sisters is REALLY funny stuff.

– The One With All the Jealousy. So it’s Rachel’s first day at Bloomingdales, and Ross is again being a jerk. You know, it’s one thing for the writers to say that they weren’t funny together and they needed to be apart again, but to totally destroy Ross’ likeable character in order to keep Rachel as the sympathetic one was a totally bonehead move that only made Ross look like an ass. Monica hooks up with a hunky poet / dishwasher at the diner, but he writes a poem about her that isn’t particularly flattering. I’m like Monica — that stuff is all greek to me anyway. Joey auditions for a musical version of a Tale of Two Cities (he suggests signing “New York, New York” and “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”, but apparently you DON’T get to pick the cities”¦) but has to dance, which begins the running gag of Joey’s exaggerated resume. Ross loads Rachel up with gifts and sends a barbershop quartet to see her, which for some CRAZY reason, only makes her more upset. Women. Brown sweater vest for Chandler here, as he was neglecting them up until this episode. And I bet you thought I had just forgotten.

– The One Where Richard & Monica Are Just Friends. The first switch to Season 3 clips in the credits, even some not yet aired at that point. Richard returns, meeting up with Monica at a video store, and they decide to become f*ckbuddies after a passionate evening of tomato sauce. Phoebe, meanwhile, dates a guy who wears shorts that are JUST a bit too loose at the crotch. And Joey starts reading Little Women, while Rachel reads the Shining, as Joey gets REALLY wrapped up in the plot. Chandler makes up for lost sweater vest time by wearing both a brown and then a grey one here, and then switching to a THIRD grey one to end the show. What a kook. The running gag with Robert’s testes carry this one.

Disc Three

– The One With Phoebe’s Ex-Partner. Phoebe’s jingle-writing sell-out partner returns and wants to sing with Phoebe again, but she’s the Ice Woman. Chandler dates a woman with one leg, which ends up freaking him out a bit”¦and then things get weirder when we learn that Joey used to date her, too, and did something REALLY bad. Ross meets Mark again, as he quits Bloomingdales for a better job, but he still remains insanely jealous and wants to go with Rachel to a fashion lecture in order to cock-block Mark. And of course he falls asleep, leading to one of Ross’ lowest moments as a character, the infamous (among fans) “Jurassic Parka” argument where Ross looks like an absolute git who is incredibly selfish. Triviata: It’s another instance of a platonic relationship subbing for a romantic one, in the form of Phoebe and Leslie (although there might be something deeper down, since she named one of her kids “Leslie”!). First appearance of “Sticky Shoes”. “Smelly Cat” makes another appearance in the greater pop culture world, as Leslie betrays Phoebe and sells it to a kitty litter company as a jingle. I gotta say, Phoebe would have a HEALTHY chunk of money coming in if she had any clue about retaining publishing rights. Oh, and Chandler gets his famed third nipple lopped off after the one-legged girl freaks out about it. Alas poor nubbin, I knew of it.

– The One Where Ross & Rachel Take a Break. And in the end it came down to this one. BIG BIG BIG story arc begins here, as there’s a silly little subplot with Phoebe & Monica dating a diplomat and translator, but the big one sees the introduction of Chloe the Xerox Girl, who invites Joey & Chandler to a party. They take from this that there might be a threesome, and debate etiquette (“Eyes open at all times!”). And Ross & Rachel have one big blowout over her working late and break up, Ross goes to the party and goes home with Chloe. Fittingly, it’s a blue sweater vest for Chandler. Not to defend Ross, but Angela Featherstone is REALLY hot here. Just saying.

– The One With The Morning After. Part two of the unofficial two-parter sees Ross & Rachel having the all-time knock-down drag-out atomic blowout, as the other four get trapped in Monica’s room and get to listen to the whole thing. The problem, you see, stems from Ross forgetting to cover The Trail from Chloe to Rachel. This gives Gunther his moment in the sun, as the one to inform Rachel that Ross slept with Chloe. And after a whole episode of fighting until 3 in the morning, Rachel officially dumps Ross and it’s over. Not the funniest episode (although the four in the room getting increasingly cranky and taking shots at each other is funny stuff) but one of the most powerful and memorable.

– The One With The Ski Trip. A new catchphrase is born, as Ross begins whining about how “we were on a break” to anyone who will listen, and he has trouble being in the same room with Rachel. The friends soon find themselves in a divorced-couple situation, having to book play-dates with Ross & Rachel, and Chandler is so upset by it that he starts smoking again. Ross gets a laserdisc player, which is pretty bloody ironic considering the format this is being shown on. Anyway, the gang (sans Ross) goes on a ski trip, but Phoebe’s taxi runs out of gas and they have to call Ross, which makes it even more awkward between Ross & Rachel. This one does, however, bring up the eternal question: Which of the girls DOES have the biggest boobs? No answer is forthcoming. We also see Susan’s new apartment for the first time, although it would be later be retroactively turned into their old apartment in flashback form, so I guess it was just a redesigned version of the same thing. Full points for introducing “We were on a break” as the catchphrase for the 90s.

– The One With the Hypnosis Tape. Everyone is sick of Chandle’s smoking, so Rachel gives him a hypnosis tape, but it’s the wrong one. Frank Jr returns, as he wants to marry his home ec teacher. This sets up the pregnancy storyline in season 4. Monica meets fabulously rich computer genius Pete Becker (Jon Favreau) at her diner, but despite all the money, there’s no heat. Joey & Ross trying to talk Frank out of marriage is HILARIOUS (“When you’re 36, she’ll be 88!” “You think I don’t know that?”). And despite his newly-found femininity via hypnosis, Chandler still wears a sweater vest. Some things never change. This is more of a setup for the Pete Becker storyline than anything, but Chandler applying chapstick like a girl is great stuff.

– The One With the Tiny T-Shirt. Green sweater vest for Chandler. Monica isn’t attracted to Pete, which is proving to be a problem because she’s running out of places to touch him. A big Joey arc begins, as he gets the role of Victor in a REALLY bad play and meets Kate, quickly falling in love with her. Mark returns and asks Rachel out, but she’s still in love with Ross, and returns his stuff to him to get closure. This leads to him demanding his “Frankie Say Relax” shirt from 1985 back (which is an absolutely gut-bustingly funny joke that no one under the age of 23 or so got at all) and they end up sharing a nice moment to hint that something is still there. That would be first of several hundred million such cruel teases on the part of the writers.

Disc Four

– The One With the Dollhouse. Monica inherits a dollhouse, but is so anal and annoying that Phoebe is forced to create her own”¦which burns down. Someone call CSI! Chandler dates Rachel’s boss Joanna, and she turns out to be a big, dull, boring dud. Well, she’s played by Alison LaPlaca, so that’s not a big shock. And am I nuts, or did the original airing on NBC have Gates McFadden playing the role? Joey sleeps with Kate’s ditzy understudy, and then blows her off, but then learns about how that feels when Kate does the same thing to him later in the episode. Feel the growth. The running joke of Joanna abusing Sophie, her assistant, begins here, and the running joke about just how AWFUL Joey’s play is also keeps going here, although we’re still not sure why. Alison LaPlaca, much like Ted McGinley, is sitcom DEATH, so this isn’t exactly my favorite episode or anything.

– The One With a Chick And a Duck. First appearance of the chick and the duck, duh. Chandler grows a goatee here, and it makes him look like an addict. Oh, wait. Joey buys a chick to cheer himself up, and Pete Becker returns, still in love with Monica and sporting a fake girlfriend to throw her off the scent. But Phoebe cannot be thrown off so easily! Also, Ross has a TV appearance to do, but Rachel breaks a rib and he stays to help her, which is yet another tease. Chandler and Joey fight over raising the chick, so Chandler takes it back, but gets a duck too. The theme of hair-smelling returns, as Pete reveals his true feelings, and kisses Monica for the first time, and suddenly they realize that there IS heat after all. Or maybe it’s just the money, does it really matter in the long run?

– The One With the Screamer. Phoebe gets stuck on hold waiting for a warranty to expire, and in fine sitcom fashion, it gets turned into a two day wait. Ross & Rachel date people to spite each other, but Rachel gets the short end of things as she goes out with awesome guest star Ben Stiller as Tommy, who has some serious anger management issues, but only when Ross is around. Amazingly, no one believes Ross when he tells them that Rachel’s new boyfriend is a psycho. Joey falls in love with Kate, and we finally get the payoff of the terrible play and learn just WHY it’s so bad. Stiller carries the load in this one, and his insane rant against the chick is the centerpiece.

– The One With Ross’ Thing. Another wacky stack, as Ross finds a growth on his butt and goes through a series of increasingly-perplexed doctors trying to figure out what the hell it is. Phoebe dates two guys at once — a teacher and a fireman, but both are beautiful and sensitive, so it’s really hard on her. Pete leaves Monica a serious message, and the gang snoops and discovers that he’s paying a ring designer, but it turns out to be a different kind of ring. At this point, marriage jokes involving Ross were only of the lesbian milieux, rather than the more refined Divorce-o variety that would come later. The payoff joke with Phoebe’s guys is hilarious, but it’s not a really good ep overall.

– The One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion. Ah, the days when the UFC would take any loon with money to face Tank Abbott. Pete wants to be the UFC champion, see, but he’s the worst Ultimate Fighter ever (although still better than Ricco’s been lately) and his serious injuries and refusal to quit ends his relationship with Monica. The cold opening, I should note, is the infamously bad cameo from Robin Williams and Billy Crystal, with Williams in particular acting like a jackass. Meanwhile, Chandler has to deal with an overly-affectionate boss at work (Sam Murray, stealing the show as Doug), bringing up the sensitive issue of men slapping other men on the ass outside of football. Phoebe, meanwhile, sets up Ross with Bonnie, her bald friend, but it turns out that she’s just her friend, no bald. Rachel is upset at not being told about Bonnie having hair (“But I almost never say that about people!” pleads Phoebe in response), and realizes that she’s still in love with Ross. This one has really grown on me over the years.

– The One At the Beach. One of the more obvious and contrived cliffhangers is brought forth here. Chandler finally shaves (thank god), and Phoebe meets her real mom, Phoebe Sr., although she doesn’t learn that until next season. The big thing with this one is a supposedly one-off gag with Chandler bugging Monica to be his girlfriend all episode, but it wouldn’t be so funny after season 4. They all go to the beach, but the house is washed over with sand, so much boredom results, and Rachel takes the opportunity to put the moves on Ross again”¦until Bonnie shows up for some sex. Rachel talks her into shaving her head again, and it all leads up to the cliffhanger with Ross having to choose one or the other. Well, GEE, I wonder who he picks? As cliffhangers go it was pretty weak, but Strip Happy Days and the sand mermaid and Chandle’s pathetic propositioning of Monica are all strong enough to carry the episode to thumbs up territory.

Overall, another great year, as they really started to hit their stride, and there were absolutely no outright stinkers in the bunch and a whole lot of great ones. This year and the next were the peak of the show, and it shows here even years later.

The Video

Definitely a TV show transferred from videotape, and it shows. Colors and contrast are about the same level as, say, a really good digital cable channel, although I noticed a lot of compression problems in darker scenes and some noise on the transfer. It’s as good or better than broadcast, so that’s the important thing.

The Audio

Redone in Dolby 5.0 surround, it’s never really used. Pretty much all from the center with the audience occasionally mixed into the rears, it’s generally a waste of disc space and would have been just as well served in 2.0 stereo. I should note that the episodes from this season which were featured in the Best of Friends volumes 3 & 4 DVDs, which were released what seems like ages ago, had major problems with the sound mix, and they were not corrected for this release. A good mix, but not a necessary one.

The Extras

Of course, the major extra is that every episode has additional footage, usually jokes that didn’t make the original broadcast, plus commentary from the Bright/Kauffman/Crane trio on three episodes, and there’s more on the fourth disc, with the usual quiz, tour of the apartment, “Friends of Friends” guest-star listing, trailer for the next season, yada yada. More of the same, really. I’m dying to have the cast do commentaries one of these times, though.

The Ratings

The Film: *****
The Video: **1/2
The Audio: ***
The Extras: **1/2