The Botterm Dollar #1

YOU’RE AN IDIOT, LANCE STORM

The king of zero heat, Lance Storm, posted an online Q&A on April 1st.  It was quite interesting, to say the least — let me give you my favorite little excerpt.

“I would have wanted him to stay, but after really leaving us high and dry like he did, not really. He received a tremendous push and had a ton of guys work hard to get him there and then just walked out. I wish him luck in the future, but would resent it if he came back and received another push.”

Of COURSE you’d resent it, Lance.  After all, Brock is a guy who came into the company with a gigantic push, became quite over with the fans, and acted as the defacto face of the promotion once the top stars like Rock and Austin were forced into semi-retirement.  Here you have a young guy who is a pretty dynamic collegiate athlete, and he steps into a business and is immediately rewarded despite never having “paid his dues” or “been on the road.”  The best part about it is that Brock actually became quite believeable in the ring and was crazy over in both the heel and face department.

And then there’s you, Lance.

You’ve never really been over, unless you count those days in ECW…and let’s face it, we don’t really count ECW because it was on a completely different level than the one you’re playing on now.  You talk a good game about taking pride in your matches, but I’ve never seen a Lance Storm match that didn’t bore me to tears…and I’ve seen a lot of them.  That whole “boring” gimmick with Austin?  Something tells me there was a modicum of truth behind that angle.

Lance, you ARE boring.  In character, in the ring, and probably backstage as well.

You talk a lot about us internet types not having any right to judge the quality of wrestling matches, but let’s face the facts here: you don’t either.  You’ve never had any quality matches, you’ve been an average wrestler at best for your entire career, and you’re bitter about your lack of response from fans who are supposed to see the genius in the work you do in the ring.  Instead of trying to figure out why you don’t connect with the fans, you sit back and tell us how wrong WE are for not liking you.  The whole skirmish with the boys from Death Valley Driver a few years back is a striking example of what I’m talking about here, Lance.  Dean Rasmussen may have never stepped foot in a wrestling ring, but I’m more inclined to listen to his opinion on what good wrestling is simply because he’s dedicated his life to watching thousands upon thousands of hours of footage.

You’re bitter, Lance.  You decided to take your frustrations out on Brock Lesnar simply because he became everything you never will be — highly paid, over, and respected by the fans because of his willingness to adapt to his situation and get better.  The dancing gimmick looked pretty stupid on you for the simple reason that you really didn’t want to do it — all you wanted to do was wrestle your boring little matches and make the fans understand that your view of what wrestling should be is the RIGHT one and everyone else is wrong.  Brock Lesnar may have never traveled the back roads of America and wrestled in crappy little venues, but the fact remains that Brock Lesnar is far better than you, Lance, will ever be.

BETTER JUDGMENT IS NEEDED, ROCK

Eric Szulczewski, I hope you’re paying attention here, because this is the first time I’m ever going to agree with you on something that has to do with The Rock.

I’ve long been a fan of The Rock.  I’ve typically enjoyed his movies, his matches, his promos, and everything else about the character that has made him so popular.  I think he’s got great screen presence, and his interview skills are the best the business has ever seen.  Even the great Ric Flair stands in the shadows when Rock is doing an interview.  There has never been and never again will be someone as good on the microphone as Rock, despite what Eric would have you believe.

I saw Walking Tall this morning, and to say that it’s a bad movie is doing justice to bad movies everywhere.  It’s bad on the level of B-movies that are considered BAD B-movies and not cult favorites.  Almost everything about the film is horribly produced and written; the storyline is a complete afterthought to lame action sequences that would be better served in a Steven Segal movie.

The only saving grace of the movie is Rock’s acting.  Frankly put, Rock is one of the best-acting action stars alive today, and he proves it in Walking Tall.  Despite the lame script and lame production, Rock is still able to act his way outside of the movie, and because of that the lousy interest in this movie isn’t going to end up hurting him in the long run.  I can think of no other legitimate action star on Rock’s level who can get into his character as well as he can — but that may be due to the fact that his characters have been more along the lines of extensions of his wrestling character than actual original parts.  I’m going to be REAL interested to see Be Cool, in which Rock plays a gay bodyguard; that role more than any other could end up defining the next five years of Hollywood for him.  Of course, there’s also Spy Hunter, which could end up being a Bond-ian franchise for him…if it doesn’t go the way of XXX.  That probably won’t happen, though, because Rock’s acting skills make Vin Diesel look like he’s in a third-grade production of Arch The Angel.

IN CLOSING

That’s it for this week.  You can stay tuned to my a href=”http://www.jeremybotter.com”>my website for updates from me throughout the week, and there’s also the Total Extreme Warfare 2004 FAQ Livejournal that I’ve got going. If you haven’t played TEW 2004 yet, go to 400 SoftwareStudios.com and download the one-day demo, then grab the 1.0.1 patch from the messageboards to get up to speed.  I guarantee you that it’s the best wrestling game you’ve ever played, especially for those of you who are statistical freaks and love simulations.

See you next week.