No, it’s not a typo.
Since the WWE lottery, Smackdown has lost a ton of credibility, as the Thursday night brand has gone from Raw’s tag team partner to Monday night’s bitch.
As a result, I have decided to invoke the Exclamation Elimination Clause, which states:
Should WWE Smackdown! start to become as depressing and mundane to watch as the monotone Atlanta Braves announcers, the exclamation point (!) shall be removed at the discretion of the professional wrestling writing contingent at 411mania.
I urge my colleagues to follow suit, until the following three solutions to save Smackdown are implemented by Vincent K. McMahon to improve his (apparently) non-flagship show:
Three Solutions to Save Smackdown:
01. Stop this self-loathing bullshit with Booker T:
One glaringly predominant reason why Smackdown is mired in mediocrity right now is because the writers took it upon themselves to magnify certain people’s pessimistic thoughts about the show in the first place. I was actually in favor of Booker T’s move from Raw to Smackdown, and I wouldn’t have minded the heel turn from Book had he not been told to trash Smackdown and pump up Raw. When I did college radio, the first thing I was told was to never echo the words, “Well no one’s listening so who cares what I do?” In essence, that’s exactly the type of attitude that turns people off to your program. As a result, Booker T’s scathing criticisms of Smackdown have driven many fans away because of the negative sentiments behind these promos and vignettes. People are asking themselves, “Why the f*ck should I watch if Booker T doesn’t even want to be on the show?” Something tells me that this is not good for business.
02. Give us true top-tier heels to fight with Eddie:
Last night’s much-ballyhooed bloodbath aside, Smackdown is sorely lacking in top-tier heels that can step up to the plate and give Eddie Guerrero an antagonist that is truly worth his time. For every Austin face turn, there needs to be a Rock to make these matches memorable; for every HHH/Randy Orton heel run there needs to be a Mick Foley to make them seem villainous. Granted, the brand extension waters down the wrestlers to make the amount of available heels on the Smackdown roster look like the Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ pitching staff, but the WWE lottery was a perfect time to shake things up rather than just talk about it. Triple H may not have wanted to go to Smackdown, but it actually could have been a great move for both he and Eddie. They could have had a feud that brought instant credibility back to the Thursday show, and instead Eddie is mired in feuds with Bradshaw, while Hunter finds himself in a cluttered title picture on Raw. In fact, I will even go as far as to say that Triple H and of his “keep me at the top” bullshit would have been accepted on Smackdown, if for no other reason than by default. We would have forgiven Triple H for being an asshole – as long as he put over Eddie at some point – and no one would look at him as holding down Smackdown wrestlers, frankly because there are none to hold down in terms of heels at this point.
03. Stop f*cking around with the Cruiserweight Division
I would apologize for the use of language, but after seeing Chavo Guerrero lose his Cruiserweight Championship to Jacqueline, I was beside myself with anger. The fact that the Judgment Day Pay-per-View featured a rematch between Chavo and Jacqueline as one of the six matches on the card made for predictable and ultimately pointless television. I just think back to WCW days and how strong the Cruiserweight Division was on Nitro, despite all the bullshit politicking going on with the main event wrestlers. Back then, I always said to myself, “Well, at least they gave us something!”, whereas today, I wonder, “Will they ever give us anything?” Vince has to realize by now that we can get just as jacked up for cruiserweights fighting cruiserweights as we can for cruiserweights getting “shocking” upsets over big men, or cruiserweights in mixed tag teams with big men. With all the talented cruiserweights around, I just don’t get how Jacqueline gets on the Smackdown PPV, while Ultimo Dragon, Billy Kidman, etc., sit at home jerking off to pictures of Gail Kim and Torrie Wilson, respectively.
Have your own solutions to save Smackdown? Email them to me at chris411wrestling@yahoo.com by clicking on the email link at the bottom of the page.
That’s all for now PEACE.
Chris Biscuiti loves old episodes of The Cosby Show and is strangely attracted to Rachel Dratch.
