Let’s do this.
Fair And Balanced II – The Wrath Of Haley
They say that stereotypes arise from a certain grain of truth. I am certainly aware of the IWC stereotype and have occasionally run into those types via email. Ya know the ones I’m talking about: Chris Benoit-loving, HHH & Undertaking-hating, workrate fanatics who often have nothing positive to say about the product unless things are going the way they want.
I started this column to provide readers with a column/report that was designed to be a vacation from sites that don’t do much good to combat such stereotypes. Especially this guy’s recaps. The usefulness of such a report was made clear to me by my good friend Bill who made the argument to me that reading reports such as Keith’s was a bad idea because it predisposed you to thinking that the wrestling you watched sucked even before viewing it.
Ladies and gentlemen, a lot of you out there are living that very stereotype.
Some of you people may have missed out on a classic feud over the past months. Guerrero and Bradshaw participated in some well-executed vignettes and skits, trading shots with each other and establishing a very logical, yet heated feud. Some of the skits were comical in nature – one wrestler “campaigned” to be the next heavyweight champion, while the other wrestler had fans create a nasty brew inside the other’s priceless hat. Other developments got pretty intense and involved some pointed insults about the standing of immigrants in society as well as violence directed towards a wrestler’s family.
These are standard ingredients in an old-school wrestling feud. All that was left was to deliver an old-school main event brawl. And they did just that. Eddie carried Bradshaw through an old-fashioned brawl, bleeding extensively in the process. Bradshaw, despite not being a real main eventer heretofore, didn’t make a single mistake and delivered some very believable punishment to the champion.
But a lot of you missed it all because you think SmackDown is worse than Thunder. Or that Bradshaw sucks because he used to be Justin Hawk or an Acolyte. Or because the buyrate is going to be so low that it will ruin WWe forever. A lot of you have come up with some pretty contrived excuses to convince yourself that the match sucked – I’ve read everything from Bradshaw was winded to Eddie’s blood loss grossed the audience out to RAW was better the next night. Bah.
I personally walked away from the pay-per-view very satisfied with the quality of the main event (yet a little unsatisfied with the booking decision at the end, which is understandable). Overall, I’d say some of the matches were throwaways and some were standard wrestling matches. Not much different from a typical pay-per-view in between major pay-per-views. Certainly not a show that was going to ruin the entire promotion, set the company back years, blah blah blah.
I think back to my friend’s argument and realize how much truth it holds. Some of you, by way of reading some of the crap that is out there in the IWC, out there on this very website, think something sucks before you’ve even seen it. I don’t know how these things get started, but it seems that once they do, people buy into them and blow them way out of proportion.
For example, this whole SmackDown sucks the biggest, fattest one ever argument is getting very tiresome to me. Some people feel that this show is so bad that it warrants boycotting. So it’s right up there with segregated companies and institutions in terms of things that have to go, huh?
Please.
I’m not going to tell you that RAW doesn’t have, on average, more established stars or that the overall quality of matches on RAW isn’t better than on SmackDown. However, I will tell you that this does not prohibit you from checking out what’s happening on the other show and enjoying the good where there is good and ignoring the bad when it is bad. Just because someone tells you that a show is “Thunder-like” in quality, doesn’t mean that everything on the show is “Thunder-like” in quality. In fact, you might want to take a break from the IWC and see if you enjoy the product a little more if you hadn’t read the spoilers or what some guy in Canada thinks about such and such.
Even if they turn the brand into a proving ground for radical gimmicks, the show will have its successes and failures just like RAW. Maybe the failures will seem more pronounced because we know about how creative this team of writers is, but to me it’s no more uninteresting than watching Garrison Cade, Rosey, or Tyson Tomko. Who knows, they might even make another Eugene or JBL over there.
Missing Links
Chris Biscuiti checks back in with a few recommendations on how to improve SmackDown. Most of his concerns are perfectly valid – Booker definitely deserves better than jobbing to a wrestler who has been over for years and the cruiserweights definitely deserve more respect than a gimmick match between a man and a woman. However, none of these concerns mean that SmackDown is so bad that it needs to be “saved”. The women’s division on RAW is completely pointless and Edge certainly qualifies as a misused midcard talent, but the show is still quite watchable.
His second point is interesting because in asking for “true” top-tier heels to fight Eddie, we forget that they have to, ya know, start a feud with him and establish themselves in pay-per-view matches with him – just like JBL did on Sunday. If it’s not him, then it’s someone else who has not been pushed to the top previously.
I know Bradshaw is a tough choice to swallow for a lot of you guys out there – he has a very open disdain for the Internet, he has had some very bad gimmicks in the past and isn’t a five-snowflake wrestler to many. However, none of that precludes him from being entertaining now in his present form and a lot is being missed and unfairly analyzed in the process.
Nute explains the Unprettier this week.
The Little Things
Let’s pull double duty this week, starting with Judgment Day.
1. Riot Act
I hate the Lakers, so highlighting the shots taken at the City of Angels is not a problem for this reporter.
Bradshaw’s promo, though, was an excellent set up to his match against Eddie in the main event. It was humorous, yet offensive at the same time to the fans in attendance at the Staples Center. Some of the highlights included describing the honest citizens of the city as those who shine his alligator boots, wash his limo and sell fruit alongside the highway. The line about 8-9 “greasy” kids living in extended families also skated the line nicely between funny and offensive. Then, before the match, he put the cherry on the cake by offering Eddie’s mom a job as his housekeeper after he wins the match (because he had to fire the other one from stealing, of course). Total textbook heel thinking on his part.
That point, smile and clicking noise combo is also perfect for his character.
Angle’s line about the people rioting was also funny.
2. Classic Formula
Another thing being missed amongst all the hissy-fitting directed towards SmackDown is what a funny heel Chavo Classic has become. The name itself is funny enough, but over the past few weeks he has consistently delivered some funny bits. I’m thinking especially of the title loss to Jackie and that amazed facial expression that he performed (and kept performing even after the belt had been taken by the ref).
On Sunday, Classic had some fun playing with the joke gift from Jackie while Chavo Jr. delivered his promo against her. The way he put them behind his back after Chavo admonished him was also good stuff.
3. Comfortable In His Manhood
Did anyone notice the fact that after Charlie Haas made a very big deal out of whether or not he was man enough to strut his stuff on Rico’s ramp, Hardcore Holly came out (with Billy Gunn for added measure) and just walked over the ramp anyway?
A flagrant disregard for what is going on in the feud.
4. Don’t Mess With The Bad Guy
Did anyone else catch that fan in the front row mimicking Razor’s gestures as Mordecai unveiled his not-so-original finisher? Pretty funny and spontaneously done, too. It also made me miss the Bad Guy himself, because as longtime readers of this column know, I loved his attention to detail in the ring. Everything from the toothpick toss, to the paintbrushing, to the dusting off of the hands after a victory. We can only hope that Mordecai has enough presence and personality to pull similar things off in his career.
By the way, I see that his entrance is being compared to Gangrel’s, but it wasn’t nearly as cool as that one. Gangrel had cooler music and the fact that he came up through the floor suggested he was coming from somewhere down below – the point of his character. The fire lighting up in a circle as he came up was also a cool touch. Gangrel’s goblet of blood was also a better touch than some weird staff with a symbol that doesn’t mean anything.
5. An Invite To The Big Dance
The French Dance from Dupree has now moved up to the point where he segues into it using a set-up move. I believe it was a spinebuster or some related move during his match with Cena. This is excellent stuff, just like how the Rock sets up his People’s Elbow. Make the crowd anticipate that it is coming and it will mean that much more when it is executed even though it is awesome enough on its own.
And now, let’s turn our attention to RAW:
1. Heads Up
Reader Michael Scaggs picked up on the following:
Another good one was the fact that Trish kept her eyes on the referee when she rolled Lita up. Then waited for him to get into position to make the count and not see her feet, then put her feet on the ropes. Not a big little thing, but a little thing that shows that she is really starting to pay attention to details.
Trish, wrestling-wise, is far and away the darling of the women’s division. It’s easy to forget that just a few years ago, she could hardly wrestle and was more of a Torrie than an actual in-ring performer. Nice catch.
2. Nothing But The Tooth
Probably my favorite little thing on Monday was Kane no-selling that facebuster from HHH. It seems like HHH hardly ever has a move no-sold and Kane’s toothy, cocky grin followed by a barrage of chokeslams really got the crowd going.
I really get the feeling sometimes that Kane could make one of those vaunted jumps from despicable heel to face if the booking committee recognized that some of the pieces are in place. His size has always been there, but ever since that mask has come off, Kane looks a LOT more menacing and his deeds are almost demented enough for the crowd to get behind. When he demolished Sexay a few weeks ago and when he cleaned house last night, the crowd gave signs that they could back him. Also, admit it, some of you think that Kane hounding Lita is pretty cool too.
It’s just a shame the booking isn’t there (yes bad booking occurs on RAW, too). Trying to leap from getting Matt Hardy over to #1 heavyweight contender is going to confuse the audience and disrupt his momentum. The Hardy angle was doing a great job of bringing Kane’s personality out to the fore and giving Matt something to do – both of which are good things. I also did not like the fact that Kane wasn’t allowed to eliminate his man to win his title shot – how can anyone expect to take him seriously as a challenger that way?
3. Life Goes On
Duane Morin makes sure we are all on the up and up:
….for those that didn’t get Coach’s “here’s a tv show you should be familiar with…Life Goes On” it was one of those Sunday night family dealies that had a retarded central character.
That would be Corky, the family member who had Down’s Syndrome. It was a neat reference, but may have gone over a lot of people’s heads.
4. By A Nose
Most of my readers agreed that the funniest part of the show came when Regal asked for his nose back from Eugene. More of that dry, collected British wit that plays off of Eugene’s antics perfectly.
It was also funny to hear him say that HHH was his favorite wrestler and for the Rock to suggest that HHH likes to play hide the strudel. Can’t say I saw either of those comments coming, but they were entertaining. One clear edge I give to RAW in terms of entertainment is that it has the potential to deliver a handful of Rock appearances every year.
Speaking of that guy
5. Popcorn Fart
That’s all one really needs to say.
That’s it for me this week. Keep the comments coming and I’ll see you next week.
Haley
