– Reality TV is a weird thing, as the sudden glut of Survivor clones in late 2000 and early 2001 produced one of the most original and striking shows of the bunch the Osbournes. Marketed as a “reality sitcom”, it featured cameras following madman rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his dysfunctional family around their Beverly Hills home for 10 episodes. The thing that distinguished the show was Ozzy’s unique mannerisms and parental advice (“I love you all, but you’re all f*cking mad” was one of my favorites) and the best moments were the small ones, as Ozzy struggled with his remote or tried to mediate the craziness between his children.
Sadly, fame took over in the second season, as the show became less about the charming Ozzy and more about the pressures of fame and fortune for the newly-famous kids Jack & Kelly, and the show completely lost focus and starting dying in the ratings for MTV as a result. Which was too bad, because at its best the show was one of the funniest and freshest things on TV, before all the lawyers and pop culture set in. For whatever reason, instead of making a third season right after the 10th episode of the second season, they continued on calling it the second season, even though it was the third season. Never question the Ozzman!
The Film
Introducing a few new regular characters to freshen things up, the second half of the second season feels more like a return to the show’s roots in the first season, with a decidedly different twist to the end the season, and the results are largely a success and much more satisfying than the bland second season. This season brings in Robert (the stoner friend of Jack & Kelly who is basically adopted by the family), Ozzy’s assistant Tony (who sadly died shortly after this season was finished), and Ozzy’s trainer Pete. The episodes are as follows
Disc One
– What a Boy Wants. Things kick off with a bang, as it’s Jack’s 17th birthday and he wants to go to Medieval Times, but finds his party plans overshadowed by the increasing feud between Kelly and Christina Aguilera, stemming from comments made by Kelly in the Christmas episode of season 1. Jack, ever the diplomat, picks up Xtina at a club and rubs it in. Luckily they patch things up in time for jousting. Ozzy, meanwhile, goes to the dentist for a cleaning, and needs an Ozzy-sized dose of nitrous oxide to get through it. Great start to the season.
– Flea’s a Crowd. Fleas have taken over the household (what a shock, I know) and the entire staff is covered in bites, necessitating Sharon getting rid of all the furniture and buying all new stuff for the dogs to piss on. Poor Ozzy. Kelly wants to go to Philly to be with her dickhead rockstar boyfriend, but Sharon begs her to let her come along, but Kelly refuses. We find out why, because she comes back with a nose piercing. Ozzy’s big moment is being mesmerized by a giant hand statue.
– Run Ozzy Run. Ozzy works out to prep for his birthday, but gets talked into trying a five mile run by his “alien” trainer Pete, who apparently needs no water and never pisses. Ozzy wusses out, but the real meat of the episode is his ongoing war with his car, as he gets a voice-recognition system put into the dashboard, and then discovers that it can’t understand his mumbling. Ozzy v. technology of any kind is hilarious.
– Fists of Fury. Ozz & Sharon plan a Hawaiian getaway, but that leaves Jack & Kelly with the house to themselves and poor Melinda as the only link to civilization left. Jack plans the Big Blowout of 2003, until Melinda and Drama Queen Kelly are so fed up that Kelly gets into an argument with Jack that leads to a one-sided beating by her. A very long and VERY childish argument results, until (in equally childish fashion) they reconcile over Easy Mac. Just goes to show that celebrities are people too.
– Mama, I’m Staying Home. Ozzy decides to stay home and chill with Robert while everyone else goes to New York, but finds it lonely and brings Tony over to battle the evil forces of technology with him. Forces like CAN OPENERS! With nothing better to do, he buys $600 worth of candy and $1000 worth of kitchen utensils, just because he’s f*cking Ozzy. Melinda announces her pregnancy and acts all happy, delighting Sharon and annoying the kids. Solo Ozzy is great.
– Tennis Racket. Back to the best topic of the first season, as they get new annoying neighbors (and even patch things up with the OTHER annoying ones!) and start a new war. In this case, it’s over a tennis court built right beside their property, and neighbors playing and carrying on until all hours of the morning (they’re stuck between Wimbledon and “Peter Paul & Hitler” sayeth Ozzy, summing things up nicely). Although considering Jack’s tendencies towards partying until all hours, they don’t really have a beef. Jack, however, never let hypocrisy stand in his way before, and he shoots paintballs into the tennis court to make his point. Then, the cats disappear (which the family thinks can’t be coincidental) and Ozzy goes mental, as they don’t really have an ending to the saga.
– A Little Ditty About Jack & Brieann. This is one of the must-see ones, if only to witness Courtney Love in all her crazy glory in the days leading up to her total breakdown. Jack meets her (and comes across as the NORMAL ONE), but also meets Kurt Cobain’s HOT sister Brieann and falls totally in love. They’re all chilling and stuff, but Ozzy is more occupied with a turkey roaster that is apparently haunted. Funny stuff all around.
Disc Two
– Angler Management. My favorite of the season sees Ozzy finally getting to go on a fishing trip with Jack (after 17 years, as he reminds us CONSTANTLY), and since it’s Ozzy, it’s a giant, shark-hunting type fishing boat. Jack throws explosives over the side to amuse himself, and then they get down to the serious business of catching fish for profit. Ozzy, fed up with the lack of variety in the ocean, is further annoyed by catching a Pepsi can instead of fish, but really is just there to spend time with his son, and isn’t shy about saying it. It was that kind of heart that really made Ozzy into the breakout star of the first season.
– Bye Bye Babies. Jack and Robert go to England to visit the Osbourne Manor, and it’s f*cking huge. I could spend hours in the room with all the gold records and stuff. Kelly, meanwhile, goes on tour, leaving the parents home alone, and Lola the Miracle Dog all miserable without Jack. Ozzy steals the show with his sudden obsession with carrot cake, however.
– Ozz Well That Ends Well. The weirdest episode of the season sees Jack complaining about being woken up from a deep sleep and getting violent all through the show, which we’ll get back to in a minute. Kelly has boyfriend problems, as her guy turns out to be an asshole rock star who dumps her on Valentine’s Day, unleashing the WRATH OF SHARON. Remind me never to get her mad. Kelly storms out of the house after taking ribbing from the family members over the incident, apparently leaving the show. Back to Jack, as his nightly sleepwalking leads to him apparently killing Sharon’s beloved Mimi in his sleep, but the end of the show with a tearful Sharon and a lonely Ozzy reveals that it was all scripted, as many have accused the show of being. On the commentary, Sharon and Jack reveal that it was just done to tweak the noses of the critics, and the Kelly stuff was all real, as was the rest of the show. It leaves you to judge for yourself how much really is “real”.
Quite the comeback for the show after the subpar second season, and although there’s less in the way of memorable soundbites, Ozzy is at his goofy best again and the kids are reigned in somewhat this time around. I quite liked this season and would recommend it to those who skipped it on MTV, like I did.
The Video
Basically the same quality as the original broadcasts, with a standard full-screen transfer and no video problems that I could detect. Colors were fine.
The Audio
Plain old Dolby 2.0, although there’s some nice use of the surrounds on the music and background chatter. Dialogue is clear and clean in the center channel, which is essential for this series. As good as you could ask, really.
The Extras
Quite a bit for what was such a disappointing season, ratings-wise. You get
– Commentary on each episode from Jack & Sharon, which is mainly Sharon going “Oh, look, it’s (insert stupid f*cking dog name here)!” all the time and Jack making fun of her for having cancer. You do get some funny insight from them as they gang up on Kelly or swap conspiracy theories about MTV doctoring the footage, however. I’d also like to note that it’s one of the BEST commentary mixes I’ve ever heard, with both the commentary and the original dialogue clear as a bell at the same time. I wish they’d all do that.
– “Ozzy Translator” for each episode, which is really just English subtitles whenever Ozzy is talking.
– Your choice of censored or uncensored tracks. Censored is funnier (especially “Fists of Fury”) but uncensored makes things easier to understand. Don’t watch with your kids, obviously. The “c word” is used a LOT.
– About half an hour of bonus footage, which is just random stuff left over that didn’t fit into the episodes.
– A photo gallery from Sharon & Ozzy’s second wedding, including the “lost Osbourne”, Aimee, who is never seen in the show.
– “Choose Your Ozz Adventure” game, which is a stupid DVD game, and I’ll leave it at that.
– MTV commercials for season one, featuring Tenacious D, which are both pretty funny.
– Trailers for the first and second DVD sets.
It also promises “Bonus Surprises you won’t *#@&$ Believe!” on the back, which either means there’s easter eggs or Q-Bert wrote the copy, but I haven’t found anything listed. So happy hunting!
The Ratings:
The Film: ****
The Video: ***
The Audio: ****
The Extras: ***1/2
