Reviewer: Iain Burnside
Story Title: N/A
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciled by: Gabrielle Dell’Otto
Inked by: N/A
Colored by: N/A
Lettered by: Cory Petit
Editor: Andy Schmidt
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Roll up, roll up and welcome to the Quesada’s House of Weird Ideas. Yes, everybody’s favourite editor-in-chief is at it again, dishing out double standards for all and sundry. Take two of Marvel’s biggest titles for example. On the one hand Mark Millar’s The Ultimates vol. 2 has been deliberately delayed in order to avoid any of the solicitation nightmares that plagued the first volume. This is a good decision. On the other hand Brian Michael Bendis’ Secret War was deliberately put on a quarterly release schedule in order to give artist Gabrielle Dell’Otto time to finish his painted artwork. This is a bad decision. Yes, Dell’Otto’s art is worth the wait but I for one would be prepared to wait even longer if all five issues could be released on consecutive months. After all, this is Bendis, the undisputed king of decompressed storytelling, so having people forget what the story is actually about in between each issue will only harm sales. Then again, Quesada also left NYX to rot in solicitation purgatory for six months while hurling the unwanted Daredevil: Father our way. Like I said, Marvel is the House of Weird Ideas.
To refresh your memories in time for the second issue, here’s a brief recap. Following an attack from an unknown assassin, Luke Cage is left in a coma. Nick Fury visits him in hospital and begins a flashback to events unfolding one year ago, when he discovered that the new Prime Minister of Latveria had been supplying small-time technologically enhanced super-criminals with their equipment. Despite the President of the USA telling Fury to drop it, he decided to take matters into his own hands before a mass terrorist strike could be unleashed on the country. That was the set-up issue, leading us into… yet another set-up issue!
This month (or, more specifically, this quarter) sees Fury assembling the team he believes gives him the best chance of success. One by one, we see him recruiting Captain America, Daredevil, Luke Cage and Spider-Man, who meet one another on a charter flight to Latveria, along with Wolverine and an unknown girl we later learn is named Daisy Johnson. They are greeted in Latveria by the Black Widow and Nick Fury, who then brings them up to speed on events back home and announces his intentions – “…we’re going to overthrow their government.†We then briefly cut back to the present day as Captain America enters Cage’s hospital room and explodes with uncharacteristic anger at Fury, yelling “I TOLD YOU! I told you this would happen! Damn you for what you did to us!!â€
That’s your lot as far as the actual comic is concerned. While it seems all too underwhelming to keep people hooked for another three month wait, the S.H.I.E.L.D. Operations Database pages once again provided in the background help pad things out a little by revealing who Daisy Johnson is and why Fury would want her on this mission. In the form of a transcript of Fury interrogating her, it becomes apparent that she has the ability to cause severe tremors when she becomes distressed. As far as defense mechanisms go, it’s a real doozy. More tellingly, she is the daughter of a prostitute and obscure super-villain Mr. Hyde. She was adopted when she was seven months old and her adoptive parents never told her the truth. Fury breaks it to her here and offers her the chance to join S.H.I.E.L.D. and be trained as an agent. It is a bold move of Bendis to reveal such an important plot element in this manner but it does the job nicely and thankfully manages to avoid the Trademark Bendis Dialogue.
Oh yes, the Trademark Bendis Dialogue. It is the comic book equivalent to the Five Moves Of Doom in wrestling or Star Wars jokes in a Kevin Smith movie – you know it’s coming, you’ve seen it all before and yet you still enjoy it. For any newcomers out there, this is how it works:
- Character A asks a question.
- Character B replies yes/no.
- Character A repeats the question but really means it this time.
- Character B replies yes/no.
- Character A repeats the question but really, really means it this time.
- Character B replies yes/no.
- Character A repeats the question but really, really, really means it this time.
- Character B replies yes/no and begins to get irritated.
- Character C interrupts.
You can pretty much guarantee it in any Bendis book, even more than once per issue if you’re reading Ultimate Spider-Man, and this is no exception. Unsurprisingly enough, Spider-Man is the culprit yet again as he begins to piss off Daredevil. Incidentally, if you want to see the absolute best take on this joke then go and watch the first episode of Red Dwarf, called The End, and laugh your ass off.
Other than that, there are only three things left to point out. Firstly, Wolverine is completely and totally hammered on his first appearance and acts more like The Comedian from Watchmen than Logan from the X-Men. Even the Ultimate version of Wolverine is not as annoying as this version. What’s worse is that in the Operations Database Operatives Profiles included in this very same issue, we learn that he is “Immune to poisons & alcohol.†So, um, why is he drunk then? Come on, with the extra time Marvel have given these people to ready the book for release it isn’t too much to ask that the editor, Andy Schmidt, picks up on these contradictions and deletes them.
Secondly, this book reflects very poorly on another one of Marvel’s major new titles, that being Mark Millar’s Spider-Man. As you are no doubt aware, the central conceit of the first couple of issues has been that Peter Parker doesn’t no who to turn to in order to help find his Aunt May, who has been kidnapped, as he doesn’t want people to learn his secret identity. In fact, one of the people he refuses to let help for that very reason is Captain America. In this book, Captain America quite obviously knows who Parker really is. So do Daredevil and Wolverine, who have in fact known for years. So yet again I must ask why Parker finds it so hard to turn to any of these people, or even to Luke Cage, for help over in Millar’s book. Quesada’s stance on continuity these days is that he doesn’t let it stand in the way of a good story. For the most part, I agree. However, when two major books released at the same time have such blatant contradictions as their central plot devices, it does tend to lower my enjoyment of the books.
Thirdly, it is nigh-on impossible for me to point out just how gorgeous Dell’Otto’s painted artwork is in this book. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Secret War is worth a thousand dictionaries. Marvel has some incredibly talented first-rate artists working for them at the moment, with Josh Middleton’s NYX and John Cassaday’s Astonishing X-Men standing out from the crowd, yet Dell’Otto has surpassed them all. He is on “first-rate plus†status all by his lonesome thanks to these painstakingly crafted panels. Quesada, if you are serious about doing a Marvels 2 project then put Dell’Otto on it NOW. Forget about your Weird Ideas. Forget about this book. Forget about the fact that it isn’t worth the wait or the hype. Forget about the fact that even Bendis is off the boil for once. Just remember that when Secret War is over and done with, all anybody will remember about it is Dell’Otto. Time to break out another one of those exclusive contracts, methinks…
