Reviewer: Will Cooling
Story title: Target Baghdad Pt. 1-4 (842-845), Monarchy In The UK (846-849), Costa Del Chaos 1-4 (869-872) & Wotta Lotta Balls (904-907)
Writers: Grant Morrison & Mark Millar
Artist (all except 869-872): Steve Parkhouse
Penciller (869-872): Anthony Williams
Inker: Gina Hart
Letterer (842-849): Steve Parkhouse
Letterer (869-872, 904-907): Annie Parkhouse
It’s the summer of 1993 and while America was undergoing the speculator boom Britain’s 2000AD was in beginnings of the crisis that very nearly led to its death before the Bishop/Diggle regime rescued it for. With Wagner off Dredd for three years know and the failure of any of the pretenders to take the crown the comic was rudderless a fact made worse by the attentions of then editor Richard Burton being taken by the launch of Sonic the Comic (what got me into comics that). In desperation three of the younger, cutting edge British writers namely Grant Morrison, Mark Millar and John Smith pitched to editorial that they be given control of the comic for a two month stretch and be allowed to write all the stories (five) contained. This became known as the infamous Summer Offensive. Whilst that is in itself interesting ground to cover that’s not what I’m reviewing today. Instead I’m reviewing what to me stands out as the star of that line-up namely Morrison, Millar’s and Steve Parkhouse’s riotous comedic character Big Dave.
Now before we actually review the four stories he appeared in (he returned for two more runs after the Summer Offensive finished) we must first cast our minds back to the Britain or more specifically England of 1993. As Grant Morrison commented in 2002/3 this was the time when “political correctness was giving way to hedonistic lad culture, Oasis and Pamela Anderson†and together with frequent cohort Mark Millar he was ready to royally take the piss out of the drunkard resurgence of machismo. The character they created was Britain’s hardest man Big Dave from Manchester, which happens to be (stereotypically) England’s roughest area. Big Dave was a seething mass of lard, with a crew cut haircut, shell-suit full wardrobe, living off social security, bigoted against foreigners, women and homosexuals and generally lives for getting drunk and getting into fights at the dropped of the hat. He was in short just the type of hero England needs. In addition if Big Dave didn’t offer them enough material then the writing duo adopted in their captions the slack-jawed, drunken, bigotry of Britain’s best selling paper the Sun (still then run by its embodiment Kelvin Mackenzie) with its ludicrous penchant for glib generalisations, hypocrisies and simplistic judgements all hilariously parodied. Hell even its trademark tics such “x amount of sun readers think†and “The Sun is right behind you†were satirised with 2000AD replacing the Sun. Of course if your hero and narration are going to be caricatures gleaned from the mind of your average large lout then the enemies may as be as well meaning that in the four series we get to see Big Dave fight Saddam Hussein, Princess Diana and Fergie, the Spanish and a bloke from Newcastle and finally the GERMANS!!!
The first and best of the stories is Target Baghdad, which is the funniest story I’ve ever read seeing as it does Big Dave being sent by the British Government along with a ridiculous all-action hero version of Terry Waite (yes England’s Leading Churchmen’s Special Envoy who was taken hostage Terry Waite) to defeat Saddam Hussein. You see Saddam Hussein has gained possession from a race of friendly aliens a Love Gun that turns men into puffs and so defeated the British army. The writing is so on the ball with the ridiculous clichés of the average pub lout being played up to the max with the fun starting from the get go with despatching of a soldier to ask for Big Dave’s help only to be mauled by his dogs, the sight of then Prime Minister John Major trying to explain the mission to Dave whilst he woos Major’s press sectary as only he can, the sheer absurdity of Big Terry, the sneaky Saddam walking round on an Ostrich, British soldiers camping it up after being struck by the Love Gun (some don’t look too bad actually) and then the excellent struggle for Big Dave as he is struck by the Love Gun, which gives us perhaps the greatest line ever “what’s wrong with men kissing anyhow?…but they do it all the time at football†(must suggest that to my local LGB centre for a poster). However nothing can quite compare to the last page, which makes this great but parochial story full of dated pop-culture reverences relevant when after the toppling of Saddam the Iraqi’s all start acting like Britons because “they always wanted to be just like usâ€. A fantastically written story with anarchic characterisation with Morrison and Millar going for every cheap gag about the great unwashed they can think all of which are amplified by the running Mackenzie-ite caption boxes. Eye-wateringly good stuff.
The second story would be dynamite if reprinted today and is a welcome reminder that at least half the population either hated or laughed at Diana before she died. Monarchy In The UK centres on a plot by Princess Diana and Fergie (Duchess of York) to replace the Monarchy with robots so that they can go back to living their decadent, common ways without giving up the monarchy’s money. Big Dave gets involved after going to Buckingham Palace to complain about not getting that week’s hand out. Not as funny as Target Baghdad but more than worthwhile with a truly insane opener as an analogue of beloved British child’s programme character Postman Pat and his black & white cat are assaulted by Big Dave and his dogs when they deliver his post. The stuff with the Royal Family is great stuff with lots of fat Fergie jokes and Diana being a tart…which would get you shot if you dared do them now. That alone makes it worthwhile reading even if you didn’t consider the big blow-off when Big Dave has a three-in-a-bed romp with the two Princesses. Again Morrison and Millar would be hounded from pillar to post if they tired this today but its all gold.
The third story published some five months after the first two is the weakest of the four as the Mackenzie narration is on the whole replaced by a letter from Dave’s girlfriend back home. Costa Del Chaos sees Dave and co follow the great English pastime of descended onto the Spanish cost for a holiday as we see Dave get arrested and almost miss a fight with a Geordie pretender to his crown. There is some good stuff in here with Dave’s girlfriend being a great caricatured of ditzy blondes and the writers throw in some real early nineties pop-culture references such as crook Robert Maxell (who happened to have been a former owner of 2000AD) who had swindled millions out of their pensions and the Chippendales. The climatic fight scene between Dave and Ballser is a lot of fun and is a wicked jab at how most men will place their machismo and heterosexuality above all but the most intense physical pain.
The last one is nearer to the form of the first two with a football theme to coincide with er the just concluded World Cup 94. This story has two plots; one is the employing of Dave’s dad to kill by gay lad who went to his school and Dave’s attempts to get to the World Cup. The first one I could do without as it kinda goes a bit too close to the point where satire becomes imitation even though there are some good moments most notably when Dave and his Dad stop fighting as they realise “Pansy†is being turned on by their fighting. His entrance also allows for some great Mackenzie caption boxes, which make a welcome return to prominence after their under-use last time around with absolute corkers about single mums and lefty priests. However, it’s the football story that is the centre piece of the story as Dave and the lads hijack a special needs charity bus and (yes) drive to America just in time for the Brazil v Italy final which has been hijacked by the Nazis there to reform their alliance with the Italians and so win the world cup. The sight of blonde, blue eyed, muscular, athletic, fit…er sorry I seemed to loose my thread there…oh yes the sight of this Nazi stereotypes-right down to the S.S. patrolling the commentary box to make sure the right message is beamed are a totally hoot (they even have the three tenors singing Nazi anthems) made even better when the English get there and replace Brazil. Not only is the sight of Dave and co playing aided for a while by an analogue of the late Bobby Moore (Captain of England’s 1966 World Cup winning side) as raised from the dead by Voodoo high priest…er Nelson Mandela. The sub-plot of Jimmy Hill desperately trying to deliver his usual jingoistic commentary despite the Nazi threats is fantastic with Morrison/Millar displaying great characterisation. The ending is a glorious, riotous piece of nonsense as the two storylines overlap for a climax but in all very fun stuff even if it’s nowhere near Target Baghdad.
As for the art well the first two are done by Steve Parkhouse in black and white and are excellent with his scratchy, rough and ready linework being perfect for capturing the spirit of the piece. His characterisation is blunt and OTT, which is perfect for the script with his depiction of the gay British soldiers being a real hoot whilst his Diana and Fergie are suitably monstrous. He also returns for Wotta Lotta Balls, which alas is in colour and whilst the linework seems to be of the same quality the colours just add a bit texture, subtly and naturalism to the strip. Costa Del Chaos has the weakest art done not by Steve Parkhouse but Anthony Williams who whilst he tries his best his chunky style just capture the script as well as Parkhouse. It’s not bad but I’d rather have Parkhouse.
Taken as a whole these four stories are an excellent source of laughs…for me. You see you need to have two things to find these funny 1) a knowledge of stereotypes of the English larger lout and 2) knowledge of English pop-culture from the late eighties to the mid nineties. Whilst you’ll find them funny on some level cause let’s face it watching a grown man being attacked by dogs whilst someone interprets his screams is funny wherever your from but the real satiric bite of the stories will be lost on you. In addition only really Target Baghdad is a classic up to repeat reading, on its own that would score in the high 9s whilst the other three offering less out and out laughs. All are still good and Monarchy in the UK is worth a read just because you know someone is tore a new asshole in a way she’ll never be again (may God rest her money grabbing, monarchy dangering, bed hoping, attention seeking soul). Having said that this is an interesting look at Morrison and Millar’s careers before he broke America once again in 1996 with JLA/Invisibles and Millar with The Authority in 2000. It probably has more relevance to Millar as the mix pop-culture references and anarchic violence is more his current forte than Morrison’s. I enjoyed them and if you look in the right places (like 2000AD Online classifieds) they shouldn’t be too expensive so just for completions sake they’ll be worth a look.
