Well, here I am back in my usual Sunday spot. Hope all of you enjoyed Tuesday’s column, where I decided to situate myself this week. Lots of inanity and banal stupidity this week, care of the Usual Suspects. I’m sorely tempted to just make a Courtney Love / Madonna / Avril Lavigne mini-news section where I’ll rip on each one of them week in and week out. Maybe occasionally throw in a guest appearance from other people.
The first person that comes to mind who could join Madonna, Courtney and the Bitch Queen of MTV in this fantastical subsection of some off in the distance column would probably be Oprah f*cking Winfrey. I don’t think some of you realize just how much power this woman wields thanks to hosting a goddamned talk show for suburban housewives. Every time Oprah has a musical guest on her show, that artist’s record sales shoot through the f*cking roof. Now, all in all, that isn’t too bad; people are sheep and will blindly follow whatever idol Someone More Important Than Them recommends, without really getting a feel for it themselves. However, it’s the pompous, sly attitude of 90% of the jackasses that come walking into my store, acting like they had just discovered say, George Michael, or Josh Groban or whatever yappy, vanilla, middle of the road mundane-as-all-f*ck artist decides to appear on her show, pretending that they hadn’t even heard of Oprah, let alone watched her show.
And would it kill her to at least recommend music that’s remotely good? Look, I realize that my musical tastes are vastly different than that of your average 40 year old f*ckwit, but I can at least find good material that would be suitable for someone that age and with those particular musical tastes. Why does it always have to be the same plain, boring ass shit? Case in point would be Jamie Cullum. I don’t enjoy people butchering classics like ‘Lover, You Should’ve Come Over’, or ripping into Radiohead’s catalogue and declawing and neutering all of the music. Look idiots, you’re purchasing ELEVATOR MUSIC! Toned down, boring reworkings of existing songs? Yeah, that’s Muzak, all right. Oprah’s not doing you any favors. Listen to Papa Trevor, he’ll get you hooked up to something reaaaaaal nice.
Is that enough invective for my lead in? Can I talk about the other shit that’s going on in my life? You don’t care? Damn. Well, long story short, I was between jobs, but that’s been resolved. I begin my career in offices on Monday, doing report management of some kind or another for some oil company. It pays well and gives me good hours, so I cannot complain. Also been having myself a rather enjoyable weekend. For us Canadians who only have 3 and a half days of Summer, we try to make the most of this good weather while we can. Hopefully all this rain and dreary weather will be g-o-n-e and Summer can finally arrive.
Concerts and more craziness next week. There might be some reviews up here in 411 land, there might not. Who knows? All I know is that it’s time for…
Da News
– Madonna has finally been forced to concede yet another defeat, signing over Maverick Records, the record group that was affiliated with Warner Music, back to the Warner Music Group. All signs of a trial have suddenly flown out of the window here, and I have to wonder why exactly Madonna is suddenly giving up here. Warner agreed to buy out Madonna’s and Maverick’s chief operating officer Ronnie Dashev, thus giving the label a majority stake in Maverick. So, once again, Madonna has been faced with yet another failure. Has she gotten the f*cking ‘memo’ yet? Clued in? Your last album sucked, your label wants to give you less and less control, and your only use now is window dressing for dumbass publicity stunts. What a f*cking legacy you’ve got there, Madge.
Oh, new item regarding Madonna: apparently she’s no longer to be known as ‘Madonna’, but she is to be called Ester. Yawn.
– This week, the RIAA is taking issue with digital radio and the fact that ANYONE AND EVERYONE can get this material for free, download it, and then distribute it over the Internet. Protections are needed to ensure that nothing horrible happens and that the purity of the radio station is protected by stalwart sentinels like the RIAA. In other words, this is yet another pitiful cash grab for a dinosaur of an organization trying to regulate something that really doesn’t need regulating. Really guys, the argument that radio stations could turn into a ‘giant file sharing network’ is a little, um, dated. Guess what? Radio stations already are giant file sharing networks!
– iTunes strikes again, thus time teaming up with the Pixies. The first new Pixies material, a track titled ‘Bam Thwok’, was released earlier this week and is available for download at the iTunes store for a measely .99. I haven’t heard the song at all, as I refuse to touch iTunes or anything related to it, but hey, it’s the Pixies, so I think it’s worth mentioning in here.
– Emo Demigod and frontman of Weezer, Rivers Cuomo, has been busy, busy, busy. Over at his blog type thing, he’s posted some covers of some John Denver material, which, lyrically speaking, is traditional Weezer fare and sounds pretty good. Check it out if you’re wanting to get a Weezer fix!
– Velvet Revolver bitchslapped the Bitch Queen of MTV down to #3 on the Billboard Charts thus proving that good music still triumphs over the sheep-like mentality of 14 year old girls. Whoops, I shouldn’t go insulting the #1 demographic here at 411! After all, who do you think writes all that fan mail to Hyatte talking about sucking dicks and the such? Not 20something college guys like me! Nosirree!
Velvet Revolver has also made me a liar, as I promised a Velvet Revolver review here on site from someone a couple of columns ago, and yet no such review has been posted (EDIT: Wait a minute, a review HAS been posted! Check ‘er out). So, to make up for this, I will give you a very simple rundown of the disc.
It’s an awesome listen, and if you’re a fan of either Guns ‘N Roses or Stone Temple Pilots, you’ll love Velvet Revolver. I don’t know if it matches up to ‘album of the year’ status like some people are proclaiming it, as there are other ‘hard’ discs that I’d rank above it (Killswitch Engage, for one), but it’s certainly one of the better discs to have come out this year. The only real problem I have with the disc is that it’s very obvious what sort of problems and issues Weiland was facing when writing most of the lyrics for this disc. I dunno, but I get pretty tired of revisiting the same goddamned issue over and over song after song. Yes Scott, you did drugs, might still be doing drugs (certainly HOPE not!), and you were in rehab. That’s great.
I’ll be nice and give it a 7.0 out of 10.0, but that’s only because I haven’t given it a full listen and sat down to actually review the goddamned thing. Hopefully we’ll have an official Velvet Revolver review up SOON!
– Hot Hot Heat have gone down to LA to begin recording their new album. The Canadian disco rockers, which sound a hell of a lot better than Franz Ferninand, had written a plethora of material up in Victoria, BC, and are finally ready to begin the recording process. Expect big things to come from these guys whenever their latest gets released. You might also want to check out The Killers, who just released their debut disc this past Tuesday. They sound like mixture of The Strokes and Franz. Very good stuff.
– In news that is sure to thrill Aaron and Mathan, Lil Jon is in talks to produce a ‘rap’ album with Simple Life ‘star’ Paris Hilton. Expect the entire album to be nothing but a running dialogue between Everyone’s Favorite Shithead and Ms. Hilton that goes a little something like this:
Jon: WELL OKAY
Hilton: What?
Jon: HUH?
Hilton: What?
Jon: WELL OKAY
Hilton: I don’t get it
Jon: HUH?
Hilton: What?
Oh, the WIT! It never ceases to amaze around here, doesn’t it? After all, if you’re needing someone to shamelessly rip off Chappelle Show skits, I’m yr. man!
– The EU’s antitrust chief gave the go-ahead for a merger between Sony and BMG, citing a lack of evidence that would make the merger harmful to consumers. I do believe this now gives SBMG a larger market share in the music industry than industry Goliath, Universal, so the fallout from this deal should be interesting.
– Courtney Love has had her touring plans put on hold thanks to police intervention. I’ll let you write your own jokes, but leave you with an example: finally, law enforcement has stopped focusing on the Regular Joes and has FINALLY focused on the REAL criminals, namely people such as Courtney Love who pretend to think that they are ‘musicians’. Interestingly enough, this example will also hold up as YOUR Courtney Love Jab Of The Week(tm)!
– Saddle Creek darlings The Faint will be releasing their third album later this fall. Entitled Wet From Birth, the title seems to imply an indie rock record featuring songs about Water…that you can dance to. This follows prior precedence of The Faint’s first disc, Day-Glo Arcade, which featured songs about Sex…that you could dance to, and Danse Macabre, which featured songs about Death…that you could sing to. Look for the disc to be out September 15th, with a US tour coming shortly thereafter. If you haven’t checked out The Faint before, and are a fan of the groups mentioned above in the Hot Hot Heat blurb, check these guys out as well. Really good stuff. I recommend ‘Worked Up So Sexual’ for an introductory track.
– Finally, pick up the latest issue of Spin this week. Not because of anything in there providing you with any necessary information (after all, how many times do we need to see Kurt Cobain getting a rimjob before it gets stale?), but because of some pretty kick ass pictures done by Spike Jonze for the Beastie Boys feature. Some cool stuff worth ch-ch-checking out. Horrible puns now done with, let’s turn our attention to…..
Anti-Pop: It’s All I Know; These Empty Roads
– Mr. YOU fights the good fight in the Music Zone, while not being reluctant at all in showcasing what his true feelings are regarding some of the new writers. Interestingly enough, I’ve been able to dupe him into thinking that I’m one of the Good Writers, so, if nothing else, this should prove that the Almighty Evocator ‘FUCK YOU’ Manes is infallible, which, in a roundabout way proves that I am actually a good writer! And you all thought I was going to go the route of self-deprecation, didn’t you? Thought so!
– Eric is just about the only other Music Zone Writer out there this week. Show him some love, if you’re willing.
Sound Advice
No Sound Advice this week. I’m not particularly ‘feeling it’ this week, and I’m not sure if any of you even read this shit at all. If you like this particular mini-feature, shoot me a line and I’ll continue it. Otherwise, I think I may retire it, and put something up in it’s place. For those of you DYING for a musical recommendation from yrs. truly, check out Rufus Wainwright, The Duke Spirit, and the Bay City Rollers.
Other artists featured in Sound Advice: Earth The Californian Love Dream, The New Pornographers, The Tea Party.
If you’d like to see an artist featured in Sound Advice, you can contact me on MSN Messenger or e-mail me at trevor411music@hotmail.com or catch me on AIM as flinch311.
The End Is The Beginning Is The End
Meagre offerings this week from the most Hallowed Of Music Zones, and really, that’s something that’s got to change. Also rather meager offerings this week for MUSIC, so my apologies there, as well. Wilco’s latest disc, A Ghost Of Born is due out on Tuesday, as well as a new Brian Wilson disc (of Beach Boys fame, for the ignorant and uninitiated). Both are worth sampling, and possibly picking up, so I heartily recommend you do so.
Please also take a look at Matthew Good’s latest disc, White Light Rock & Roll Review, and the Killers debut, Hot Fuss. The Beastie Boys latest is also a pretty good listen, although certainly not what I’d classify as a ‘godly’ Beastie Boys record. Yeah, it’s good, but it’s the musical equivalent of treading water.
Also, Michael Moore’s latest film comes out next Friday, so park your asses down in the theatre next weekend, as I most likely will be talking about this film next column. Have yourselves an excellent Father’s Day and I’ll catch you in 7 days. I’m Trevor, and that’s another Sunday to notch on the belt. Okay.
