Opinions, Etc: 06.30.04


Ah, it seems that the easiest way to lose a job today is to become WWE Cruiserweight Champion. With Jackie now released, that means that two of the last four people to hold the belt are gone. If I’m Chavito or Rey-Rey, I’m…oh, this is the non-wrestling column that I do in between the two wrestling columns each week. Sorry about that. I don’t know what day it is anymore. Well, let’s see if I can cobble something together here…start with the Pimp Section, as usual, just to keep things straight and not confuse the longtime readers…


Slayer‘s Vice City obsession is becoming slightly ridiculous, don’t you think?

Cameron didn’t make the obvious comparison: Brock Lesnar is a ‘roided John Rocker minus the overt racism.

The Fundamental Particle discusses the fundamental retard, Pat Buchanan.

Bradford should know by now that there’s only one megalomaniac allowed on this site, and that’s me.

David goes over recycling Horsemen angles for everyone’s benefit. Sounds cool to me, except that I hate all of the people involved.

Cocozza discusses more music that I’d never even download, much less buy.

Rutherford won’t admit how fat he is.

Misha has nothing to report, but won’t admit it.

Laflin was in the same boat the day before.

Lucard, it’s a Suck-Box and Piss2 game. How can I play it? Besides, EVERYTHING’S a conspiracy. Including this column. And you don’t want to know my particular psionic abilities. Absolute control over beef is a lot more powerful than it seems.

DC from Stevens and Erhardt, Marvel from Sebert, and all’s right with the world.


Remember, this all started because the slugs at Enigma Software dared to advertise their piece of shit SpyHunter here at 411. So I’m responding every single column with proper anti-spyware information. And guess what? People are actually taking this to heart. They’re asking me for help if they’re infested, or they’re writing me telling me that their browsing experience is less annoying thanks to the stuff I’ve been putting up here three times a week for a couple months now.

Big, big Kudos to the guys at the Spyware Warrior Forum for pointing out to everyone the extent of criminal activity participated in by Enigma Software, makers of the bane of advertising on this site, SpyHunter. Slimeballs extraordinare, aren’t they? And in case you need more info about what flaming bags of shit they are, try here. Suzi’s Blog has a great list of other flaming bags of shit that promote anti-spyware programs that are spyware themselves. Consult it if you have questions.

One of the leading vectors for spyware is so-called free programs that contain this shit in order to “pay the bills”. No one deserves that kind of treatment. If you’ve got a question about whether or not a certain program contains spyware, head over here. It’s a nice alphabetized list of programs that do contain spyware and should be avoided at all costs.

Here’s a list of the programs you really need to help you get rid of menaces, and, more importantly, prevent them from occurring in the first place:

Spybot and AdAware. The ONLY two spyware removal tools to trust. Do NOT buy any spyware removal tools, because none of them work better than these two, and all of them except these two are suspect.

SpywareBlaster. Will nuke thousands of different potentially malicious ActiveX controls, and now has the ability to prevent a number of non-ActiveX methods of installing spyware for people who use Mozilla/Firefox.

SpywareGuard. From Javacool, like SpywareBlaster. It’s a real-time scanner for spyware. A decent first line of defense.

IE-SpyAd. Throws numerous ad-related URLs into IE’s Restricted Zone, where they won’t display or affect your system. Bookmark this one, since it’s the only one that doesn’t have an in-program update.

A few people have recommended also installing the Sun Java Virtual Machine, since it’s Windows’ buggy, half-assed implementation of the JVM that allows a lot of spyware to install (less so within the past month and a half than before). I’ve resisted putting it here because of a couple things: 1) The MS JVM was removed in XP SP1a due to the Sun court case and replaced with a Sun JVM, and I’m not sure how many people have actually patched. 2) The link above is an automatic download, and that does scare some people. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe. I wouldn’t have put it here if it wasn’t. But I STRONGLY recommend that you visit here and update your version of Java.

So many people have asked about a free anti-virus program that I’m also going to recommend AVG. Totally free, and works really, really well, as well as commercial anti-virus programs. Frequent database updates, good heuristic detection, everything you want in an anti-virus package.

Another program that I’d like to add here is a little tough to work with for noobs if it goes buggy (you need to know a little something about your Networking settings in order to debug if something should go wrong). Protowall is a supplement to your firewall or NAT system. It hooks directly into XP’s networking system to block any and all traffic that comes from URLs on a list maintained by the program (all protocols, not just TCP/UDP). It’s mainly designed for anti-P2P purposes (which will appeal to a great many of my readers), but it contains lists to block spyware and ads. Its blocklist can easily be updated using its supplementary program, Blocklist Manager. I have Protowall running and a Blocklist Manager icon on my desktop, and I use Blocklist Manager to update the blocklist every couple of days. You will have problems getting to some sites unless you shut down Protowall temporarily, like ESPN or Sports Illustrated, but it does have a tray icon you can right-click and shut down in a few seconds. It’s the third layer of anti-ad material for me, with IE-SpyAd and AdSubtract running alongside it. Warning, though: it only works with XP. I’d recommend its predecessor, Peer Guardian, for other MS OSes, but it isn’t being developed anymore, and there were still bugs in it when development stopped. You can get Protowall and the Blocklist Manager (which will also work with Peer Guardian) at Bluetack’s site.

Of course, only download them from the links provided above.

With AdAware and Spybot, check for updates using their internal update function at least once a week. Run them at least once a week or whenever you think you might have problems. Remember, the new version of Spybot has browser protection capabilities, so have that run at startup and leave it running. Check for updates to SpywareBlaster once a week. It only needs to be run once initially in order to establish protection. Then, after it downloads updates, just click on the line that says “Enable Protection For All Unprotected Items” (definitely run that one, since they just put in another database update in the last couple days) and kill it. It doesn’t need to be active. For IE-SpyAd, bookmark the site and check for updates twice a week, since it has no kind of internal updater. Run the Blocklist Manager every couple of days to make sure that you keep up on the latest banned URLs. Since all it does is add Registry entries, it doesn’t eat up anything.

If you’re having trouble with spyware or a browser hijacker, or think that you do, head over to the SpywareInfo Forums, where the pros there can help you diagnose and get rid of stuff. I was promoted to Full Helper status there and ended up joining ASAP, the Alliance of Security Analysis Professionals. Look for their symbol, which I’m not going to try to link to anymore because someone at the other end keeps munging it.


Well, I’ve seen Fahrenheit 911, and I’m going to say this straight off: there’s nothing in there that I haven’t been telling you since September 11th. It’s all there: the money trail that connects the Bush family to the bin Ladens and the Saudi royal family, the fact that Afghanistan was for PR purposes, the lies that caused Iraq, Halliburton, everything that I’ve been saying. Only I don’t make documentaries that are seen by millions and pull in big box office. I’m just a columnist on a website, that’s all.

I can’t pull together the images that Michael Moore did, connecting the dots so that even a Republican can follow it. Even a Republican would be disgusted by the material strung together. Yes, it’s propagandistic in parts, but not as much as most of the critics of the film think. I believe that anyone following this line now that the movie’s been released has never seen it and will never see it. The war is obviously blood for business, and all Moore is doing is verifying that. As a film, I’ll let McCarver‘s review echo my feelings, and also echo his perfect 10 score. It’s powerful, seductive, and tells the Absolute Truth, the truth that I’ve been preaching to you for years. But the people who don’t believe me now won’t believe Michael Moore either, so it’s preaching to air. Mostly the air between their ears.

The entire period the Junta has been in power, and before that, is possibly the biggest con job pulled on the American people, ever. The film makes that point obvious. You don’t have to be a didactic liberal (and despite appearances, I am not one) to understand that. Conservatives are realizing this too, and they’re deserting Dubbaya by the day. But there are some people who won’t be convinced. I defer to Semi-Regular John Perkowski, who’s disagreed many times with my political views, on the rationale behind those who don’t understand that the Junta has to be stopped by any way possible:

First off, I am a registered republican. Have been since I turned 18 in ’94.

And I’ve been a registered Democrat since I turned 18 in 1982. Will always be, will never convert, will never vote for a Republican except under extraordinary circumstances.

My first vote was for Dole, since I figured one old man with mental problems did an okay job as preisdent before, another old guy with mental problems couldnt do any worse.

No, the dead old senile f*ck didn’t do a good job as president, and Dole wouldn’t have done any better.

My second vote was for Gore (yes, I voted against the grain of the party), because although he was about as interesting as JBL, he seemed a bit more in tune with people than GW Bush.

Good man. Too bad that your vote was wasted due to the antics of Jeb, Kathleen Harris, and Sandra Day O’Connor, the Three-Headed Beast Of Babylon.

Like most of the general populace, I bitched and moaned about Florida f*cking up the presidency, though I stopped when the courts ruled the election in Bush’s favor.

I, for one, will never forget and never give in. Al Gore was elected President; that office was stolen from him, period.

I still to this day cling to the belief, however foolish it may be, that the system works.

It usually does, except in two major cases: 1876 and 2000, when greed, corruption, and Republican partisanship stole the presidency from the real Democratic winner.

That aside, I was in New York on 9/11, looking for my sister. At the time she lived in Manhattan, and worked in the WTC. My father and I both heard the news, and we tried to contact her, but all of new york’s phone system seemed to be busy that day. One bout of panic later, we both drove as close we could to NYC, and walk the remaining 10 or 20 miles trying to find out what happened. Traffic was a mess, and you couldnt get in or out by car. Thankfully, my sister called off work that day to spend time with her husband.

Frankly, John, I really don’t give a f*ck about September 11th and haven’t since, oh, September 13th. Yes, your story is heartbreaking and it could have been worse, but, well, I was in Kenosha, Wisconsin and didn’t and don’t give a damn about anything concerning Noo Yawk or September 11th except for the negative ramifications of the incident, like the Patriot Act, the inconvenience I experience in airports, and Iraq. One evil causes greater ones, you see. In fact, I regard September 11th as a good start. They should have wiped out the rest of the pestilental hole while they were at it.

So when I heard of Michael Moore doing this F-9/11 documentary, I had to see it. 9/11 was a trajety, and I loathe those who use it to further thier own political aims. Bush and crew are guilty of this, no mistake about it. Moore is as well, though to a lesser degree.

Except that Michael Moore doesn’t have the power to send young kids to their death for no reason based on a climate of fear engendered by him and complete lies told to the American public.

I read Moore talk in an interview that he did this film to counter the Bush stranglehold on the media. While agree Fox News is very pro-bush, I hardly think Bush as as large a hold on the media as Moore claimed. If that was true, I wouldnt have read, heard, and seen just how badly he has f*cked up for the past 2 years (plus some months).

What Moore was talking about was the cynical manipulation of the media by the Junta concerning Iraq and their spin control and “insertions”. He discusses that in the film.

I also find it amusing that people fail to take into account that CNN is very anti-bush, and has a much larger audience then Fox News.

Not according to Fox News, who have claimed for a few years that their audience is bigger than CNN’s.

Print media is the same, with New York times and USA Today being the biggest Bush detractors I read.

Not USA Today. They never take an editorial line except on the op-ed page. The NYT is anti-Dubbaya, and so is the Washington Post. That’s why I try to avoid using them as sources for anything when I discuss the Junta in this column. The moment I mention either, the conservatives in the audience can then go, “Well, look at who he’s using. Liberal tool of the liberal media.”, and ignore what I’m saying.

Still, all things considered, I enjoyed a lot of parts of F-9/11. Its not going to change anyone’s mind about the election,

That’s wrong. There are a lot of undecided voters who are leaning toward Dubbaya (as they would toward any incumbent) whose vote might be affected by watching this movie and seeing the crimes perpetuated by the Junta in our name. And since this election is going to be a close one, it might just tilt the balance.

but you can be sure hardcore types will see the movie and give it success. It was released at the worst time, though. With Spiderman 2 hitting theaters today, it may lose some of it’s potential audience. Think Bush had soemthing to do with that?

No, he’s too busy fixing the Super Bowl, the Kentucky Derby, the World Series, and probably Wimbledon this year (in conjunction with Tony The Tool Blair). But it doesn’t matter. Do you realize that a documentary opened at Number One at the box office against Shrek and the Anti-Christ Harry Fucking Potter during the summer film season? That’s more shocking than the Palme D’Or victory. A freakin’ documentary opens at Number One at the box office, during the summer, against blockbusters? Besides, this is a “Well, I’ve seen it” water-cooler film moreso than Spidey, and will attract a different audience (like parents who don’t want to watch Tobey Maguire try to emote against Alfred Molina).

Still, as good as the film is, I am confused by some of Moore’s choices. He tries to make GW look like a buffoon (which he is not


…Say anything you like about this guy, but the fact he still has the presidency speaks more about his abilities than Moore’s film does),

The only reason he has the presidency is because of the Three-Headed Monster of Babylon (see above). It has nothing to do with him. He may be the most genuinely stupid president this country has had since Zachary Taylor.

and for the most parts he succedes.

For “the most parts he”, read “completely”.

One sequence confuses me though, where Moore shows Bush’s reaction to the 9/11 tower incident. Bush freezes in sheer abject horror at the though, and Moore trys to play it like he is confused or cant figure out what to do.

That’s because he is confused.

In truth, Bush clearly looks horrified about the news, and is trying to grasp the nature of the trajety.

If he was so horrified, then why did he keep reading to those kids for ten minutes after hearing the news?

I saw that look before, on myself.

Presumably in a mirror, I hope. I really don’t want to think you have detatchable eyeballs, John.

If it was moore’s idea to show Bush as a buffoon or moron in that sequence, he failed.

No, he succeeded. The narration was more important than the look. He sat in that classroom and read a children’s book for ten freaking minutes after hearing from his aide about the first plane.

Another premise which rings false to me was Moore’s clear statement about the Saudi people Bush personally authorized to leave the country. Moore insists this is due to the Bush family’s close tie to the Saudi’s, and that members of Osama bin Laden’s own family were allowed to leave. In this respect, he only got the last two correct.

John, you only mentioned those two points. Which means that he got everything correct.

The truth, the real truth, is much further away than this. Bush didnt directly have anything to do with those people going home. If I remember my CNN show correctly, this was due to someone much lower on the food chain giving the go ahead after consulting with the FBI.

Who had to call the White House because Dubbaya ordered that no aircraft were to fly over the United States, and those orders had to be countermanded for this particular flight.

Also, to the credit of the Bin Laden family, they disowned Osama long before the events of 9/11 happened.

But still attended his son’s wedding in Afghanistan, as Moore points out in the film.

The mother who’s child was a soldier, who died in Iraq, came off as his strongest argument about the idiocy of Bush. It was clear manipulation to use her, but it was the right kind of thing to do for this movie. I also enjoyed Moore going around washington harrassing representatives about sending thier own children to Iraq to fight. (Though I am surprised to see he didnt include that fact that some senators kids ARE in Iraq)

He states directly that one member of Congress has a child who is an enlisted soldier in Iraq, and only one.

Moore got his point across very well, I will download the movie and watch it again as soon as I can get it on Easynews. (I feel it important to actually spend money on a movie before stealing it for posterity)

I didn’t save my copy because it wasn’t high-enough quality. However, I will end up buying the DVD, because the extras are bound to be fantastic (and he’ll probably update the film as well by discussing El Ghraib, among other things, or if he waits until after the election, he can have a really happy ending to the film).

Like Bowling for Columbine, though, he twists the facts too far sometimes, and that makes me angry.

Not in this one. The facts are absolutely clear, and they’re on public record. The only surprise Moore pulls out is the disciplinary papers for Dubbaya’s National Guard tour that provide the connection between himself and the bin Ladens.

I never felt he should have gotten the award for best Documentary, since Bowling was not about truth, but about proving a point.

So are a number of other documentaries. “Hearts and Minds” was that way as well, and also scored an Oscar ™.

He did prove his point in columbine though, and that led to good changes in Wal Mart and a few other places. F-9/11 isnt doing anything except preaching to the chior, and that doesnt help his cause, which is to replace Bush.

But it’s a good cause. It’d have to be if I’m involved.

All it did was polarize sides against one another.

Which is the sign of a powerful piece of filmmaking, which this indisputably is.

I went in a disenchanted Republican who was going to vote for Bush anyway, and left a disenchanted republican who was going to vote for Bush anyway.

If you’re going to vote for him, especially after this film, you’re a fool, John. The Junta has proven themselves to be dangerous and detrimental not only for this country, but for the entire world. They have to be eliminated. And if it can’t be by the ballot box, then let it be by revolution. Vive l’anarchie.


Well, another cow was found yesterday as being presumptive for Bovine Spongioform Encephalopathy. That’s Mad Cow Disease in case you didn’t know. We got the news this morning before any of the news people did because, hey, we’re in charge of this kind of shit. Now, a cow was found to have hit a positive on a presumptive test last week, but was cleared today of said.

Please note that these are presumptive tests, a quick and dirty detection for the prions that cause BSE. It’s about as accurate as you’d expect from samples taken in a dirty environment like a slaughterhouse (which makes me wonder about our residue testing program, which is supposed to ensure the public that they’re not getting force-fed enough hormones to turn their genitals inside-out). It takes about a week to culture enough of the particular prions to produce a definite result. That’s what happened in last week’s case, a negative identification and thus a clearance from the Dreaded Mad Cow Disease That Will Eat Your Brain And Turn You Into A Zombie Or Some Shit Like This…

…now, I did a column on this for 1ryderfakin a while back when the first case in the US popped up. All of the Mad Cow scare is bullshit, no pun intended. You’d have to eat nervous tissue from an infected animal, and a lot of it, in order to transfer enough prions to begin a cycle of replication sufficient enough for you to actually get holes in your brain prior to your two hundredth birthday. Unless you’re into cow brains, there’s nothing to worry about. Not enough central nervous system tissue gets into processed beef products to matter, and cooking helps decharacterize the prions in question and break them down into smaller protein molecules. Also, the US banned the most common way for prions to get into the cows in the first place a dozen years ago, namely the use of animal byproducts in cow feed. That’s how the shit started in England. Cows were fed with sheep brains that were infected with a disease called scrapie, and the prions crossed species. BSE slipped into the US courtesy of Canadian cows, since Canada, being a less civilized nation, still allowed that until a couple years ago (Happy Canada Day on Thursday, by the way).

However, despite the minimal risks, we of the USDA take precautions. Every single cow that exhibits the possibility of BSE in the antemortem (that’s pre-beef still-alive cow to you civilians) is isolated, slaughtered under controlled conditions, has samples taken, and the carcass is retained until test results come back. If they’re negative, the cow’s released. If the presumptive is positive, more samples are taken and the confirming test is performed. The beef never enters the food chain. The gummint spends a pissload of money to protect you from stuff like this, and it’s a big distraction for us inspectors just because the public is in a total panic about it.

So, to that YAM double winner asshole from Connecticut who said that we don’t put our lives on the line like Jeff Hardy does every time he wrestles, a big f*ck you and here’s hoping that someone serves you an infected cow brain. Jeff Hardy only loses his life if he blows a spot badly. I get people killed if I blow a spot, and I do it for forty f*cking hours a week, not ten minutes.


And to close, since it’s now closing in on Thursday, I’m going to turn things over to my former colleague at The Shooters, Frank Winters, who wants to add to my U-Haul trauma with a story of his own in the same vein:

It was July of last year and my better half, Rachel, and I were getting ready to move from our townhouse in southwestern, Ohio, back to southwestern Pennsylvania. We had one of the larger U-Haul’s rented (The ones with the $39.99/day on the side of the vehicle), and she, along with her dad, were going to pick up the vehicle on July 31 while I was at my last day of work. The plan was to load everything up by evening and take off the next morning.

Well, when Rach got the U-Haul she noted some problems with the vehicle. The redneck manager said nothing was wrong, even when the truck was steaming and unable to go over 20 mph. When she took the truck to our complex, she knew there was no way the truck would last on the interstate, so she called up that godawful hotline you mentioned in your column. They told us to go to another dealership that was only a few blocks away from our house (Yes, they gave us a truck that we had to drive 15 minutes to pick up when there was another lot just a minute’s drive away.)

We arrived at this lot, and the poor manager, who wasn’t notified of our arrival and spent an hour of his time after his lot was closed, said there was no way this vehicle was in condition to drive. I can’t remember what was wrong, but there were so many gadgets that needed fixed/replaced that if these problems had occurred to my car I probably would have just scrapped it. After being on hold for at least 40 minutes and getting fed the run-around by several departments, we were told to load up the truck and U-Haul would have a mechanic look at it.

Well, we were told that the mechanic was to be there the next day between 8 a.m. – 9 a.m., and by the time 10:30 a.m. came around Rach called up the hotline once again. We were told that there were six other vehicles ahead of ours that the mechanic had to look at, and now they were going to send a towtruck to cart our vehicle away. We were also told to keep loading the truck up.

By 3 p.m. the tow truck finally arrived — hours after we were done packing and had turned in our keys to the townhouse. Rach’s dad left with our three cats because he had to be at work the next day. We drove to the dealership and was told that the U-Haul mechanics would work on the truck the next day. We stayed at a local motel that night.

By noon the next day everything was fixed and ready to go. Problem was Rach’s dad was to drive the truck (he’s driven similar vehicles before). So now I was in charge of driving this thing — the biggest vehicle I had ever driven prior to this was my dad’s pickup truck to see Game 3 of the 1992 NLCS. After giving myself a crash course on how to drive this truck that contained everything I owned, I took off for my new home.

The actual commute wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but 8-9 hours later (It’s usually a 4-5 hour trip if you are driving a normal car) I was two houses down from my current place of residence. The problem was that in order to turn onto the street I lived on you have to turn onto a road that has a steep, sharp turn. I realized this after the truck got STUCK and was blocking the lane I was turning off on.

Fortunately, Rach’s brother is a mechanic and drives a truck that requires diseal fuel. About 15 minutes later he was able to unjam our truck, and then we began to unpack. The sad thing about this whole experience is that, except for the one white-trash employee and the insane phone directory system, all the U-Haul reps were professional and courteous. Sometime it takes one apple to spoil the whole bunch.

Oddly enough, we just bought a house and are getting ready to move again. Thank God this house is only 10-15 minutes away and we will probably have 1-2 weeks to move everything. (Our closing date should be 7/22, and our lease expires on 8/1.)

Man did your last column give me some flashbacks.

Frank, get back into the biz. I know it’s been a while, but some site, maybe even this one, needs you. And I want to assure the U-Haul employee who wrote me that, like you, everyone was courteous and nice. It’s been three days, and I haven’t received a call wondering where the truck is. All I know is that I’m never doing this again. Of course, I said this the last two times I did U-Haul.

I do know one more thing: I’ll be back with the Smackdown Short Form whenever I can download and watch SD (late Friday afternoon, call it). Along with that will be a Mailbag and anti-spyware info, along with any late-breaking news (like if another cow tests positive). Until then, enjoy.