Well, it’s been a good 2 weeks since last we chatted dear readers, although I do have to say that my hiatus last week was rather unplanned. As those of you who read me even on a semi-regular basis know, I’ve started work in an office and have been using the odd chunks of free time that I get to work on the filthy collection of words you have slowly disintegrating in front of you each week. However, last week yr. humble and loyal servant ended up forgetting to e-mail the column to myself as he normally does on Friday so that he could finish up the pimpage for the week with Jeffrey Fernandez’s column.
Not a problem, right? Well, as I’ve discovered, that wasn’t entirely the case.
You see, as most office buildings are wont to do these days, especially for the oil companies which here in Calgary equate to having one on just about every streetcorner, they have the electronic keycard system used to gain access to buildings and office floors. Since I’m a new hire, and a seasonal one at that, I don’t have full access to everywhere. This apparently also means that I do not have full access all the time, as my repeated attempts at getting into the office with my weekdays only card didn’t work too well and resulted in the security guard coming up to have a chat with me. After repeatedly explaining to this asshat that no, I wasn’t about to go and rob the place, and yes, I do indeed happen to work here, I left my office empty handed and without a column. Other responsibilities, including the other job I have in which I get paid, prevented me from having a whole lot of time to try and drum something up Saturday/Sunday, and since I’ve gone just about 6 months without missing a column, I decided to take a pass last week. As such, I’m going to have a double heaping of news this week, as there’s some stuff in there that I wanted to address last week.
In hockey news, Dominik Hasek has signed with the Ottawa Senators. Very ballsy move by the Sens, as Hasek has been plagued with groin problems for quite some time now, although you have to give the Senators credit for attempting to address their goaltending situation (unlike another uber-talented team out West with their suck of a goalie…), I’m not sure he’ll be the answer to the Senators problems. At this point in the game, however, I think the Senators will be happy with just torching the Maple Leafs in the playoffs, given that their pride took a hellacious beating during this year’s playoffs.
Also, Tony ‘I was a thug before Bertuzzi was playing pro’ Granato has been axed from his position as head coach of the Divealanche. Joel Quinnville, former coach of the St. Louis Blues, is going to be taking over head coach duties for the team, in a move that’s only fitting, considering both teams mentioned are vicious rivals to the Canucks. Speaking of thugs, it’s good to see criminal charges being pressed against the NHL’s top thug right now. Of course I’m talking about murderer Dany Heatley, who was formally charged last week.
On a final note, big props to Roman Turek for being a goddamned man and taking the pay cut to stay on the Flames roster. Not only does he believe and support his team 100%, but he’s also a guy of whom there should be more of in the league. On the other hand, a big thumbs down to Craig Conroy, who decided to jet off to Los Angeles for a $12 million dollar paycheck. Not that I care about the Flames all that much, but still.
One last thing, while we’re at it. Mr. Eric? Long story short, no, I don’t think you’re a ’40 year old f*ckwit’, good sir. Much as I’m sure you have problems with the kids who are my age, not all of us are that bad, and really, I’m only ever talking about the ‘rotten apples’ in the bunch. Working retail seems to amplify these morons while also providing me with more opportunity to experience them. That’s all that was really meant with what I originally wrote almost 3 weeks ago. Anyways, I believe this dead horse has been flogged enough, so it’s time to get on to bigger and BETTER things, it’s time to set the Wayback Machine to last week, and we’ll check out…
Da (Old) News
– While Eric S. tells us not to worry about the Induce Act, something which I reported about last week, there should be a mentioning of what’s been going on in Congress this week regarding P2P. While the aformentioned Induce Act was introduced into Congress, another act, the Pirate Act, was approved this week. The Pirate Act, in a nutshell, makes it far more easier for the suits to sue you, as the attorney general now has the authority to file civil lawsuits against people accused of file sharing. Previously, the attorney general could only file criminal charges, which require a far greater amount of proof. Groups like the Electronic Frontier Front (EFF) are outraged with this, citing the fact that taxpayers will now be footing the bill for the legal costs of the major labels. Before you go spouting off about the Bush Administration, it should be noted that Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) and Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont) co-sponsored this bill, although Hatch has come under criticism lately for the campaign contributions he’s received from a number of entertainment related groups.
– Clear Channel, you know them as the bastard group of pigs, whores and bottom feeders who soak off as much money as they can from everyone around them and then expunge shit unto the teeming masses, has made their first foray into live concert taping. Esteemed Alaskan folk-rocker-cum-techno-dance-whore Jewel is the first artist to participate in CC’s Instant Live program, which is something that other companies have been doing for quite some time, and have also suffered from Clear Channel’s behavior by having a third party group conduct business on a CC venue. But Instant Live is Special and Unique and Interesting just like 90% of all Clear Channel programming!
– Courtney Love is having problems keeping her message board up and running, bandwidth costs being what they are and the such. Instead of spending an entire night out on the strip to earn the $5,000 or so she’d need to pay her server bills, she has instead resorted to begging her fan base to send her donations. You’d think that album sales from America’s Sweetheart would’ve been enough to…wait, you mean the record HASN’T been selling? You mean to tell me that Courtney Love is a washed up has-been? Golly gee, color me surprised and consider this to be YOUR Courtney Love Jab Of The Week(tm)!
– Swedish polka group, and Mr. YOU’s fave group in the world, The Crown, are looking for fan participation for their upcoming swansong album, due out August 9. In a recent post to the group’s message board, have sent out a plea for fans to send in their own footage of The Crown to share for the bonus DVD for the group’s final disc, Crowned Unholy. Contact Johan at fam.lindstrand@bredband.net for details.
– Saliva frontman Josey Scott has a bone to pick with everyone’s favorite mongoloid: Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger. Scott apparently was the creative ‘genius’ behind the ‘Hero’ tune from the original Spiderman flick, yet was only paid five thousand bones. While I wouldn’t necessarily want to own up to being responsible for writing such a god-awful tune, Scott has made grumblings about doing things ‘the Memphis way’ which apparently involves showing up at the offender’s doorstep with a baseball bat. I wish him godspeed in that endeavor, if nothing else.
– That does it for the information you needed to know from last week, so let’s go back to Present Day, and scope out…
Da New News
– Good god, news was sparse this week. Here are some tidbits to hold your interest: System Of A Down are in the studio right now, Slayer‘s new album is going to be delayed due to label wrangling, NOFX has a best of due out sometime by the end of the year, and the Chili Peppers have a live disc coming out at the end of August.
– From the annals of the Completely Hypocritical Dept: Some idiot down in the States decided to bitch about an ad for Outkast’s latest, which featured Andre 3000’s ‘cover’ of Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, in which he was holding a smoking pink gun, as glorifying gun use. This coming off of a year that’s seen hundreds of American soldiers get killed over in Iraq, a President Cowboy Junior whooping it up in the White House, with no doubt a slew of ‘Army: Be All You Can Be’ nonsense ads and God knows what else going on down in the States, we have people bitching about a PINK GUN? Oi VAYA, is all I can say, and I’m not even Jewish!
– Steppenwolf lead singer John Kay proved once again that it’s Canadians who possess common sense, refusing to acknowledge Paris Hilton’s horrible show by completely denying Ms. Hilton the chance to use ‘Born To Be Wild’. To wit: “There are certain things even a rock and roller will not stoop to, and this is one of them.†Now before I get flamed to hell and back for this previous comment, I’d like to point out that Paris Hilton, and her subsequent ‘popularity’, were entirely an American invention, so you’ve no one to blame but yourselves. Those of you who realize Hilton for what she is, bravo, keep fighting the good fight.
– David Bowie had heart surgery done to open a blocked artery, and is recuperating. This certainly hasn’t been a good year for the Chameleon, what with getting hit in the eye with lollipops, injuring himself, and the such. Here’s hoping Mr. Bowie makes a full recovery!
– Glenn Danzig gets knocked the f*ck out. Hilarity ensues.
– Now here’s a piracy bust that I whole heartedly endorse: British authorities nailed Mark Purseglove, he of the feminine last name, for making obscene profits over concert bootlegs. Authorities estimate he’s made roughly eleven million pounds since 1993, and may be facing jail time due to his pirate actions. Now, if the RIAA could follow the lead of the Brits here and crack down on the idiots who truly are ripping off the artists and industry, I might be a little more sympathetic towards their cause. I mean, who would you rather see your tax dollars spent on? Some guy who makes millions of dollars by illegally recording shows and then selling them for a handsome profit, all while not compensating the artists who put on the performance, or some guy in Dayton, OH who has 50 Eminem mp3s on his hard drive? Not that hard of a decision to make, if you ask me.
– Drowning Pool’s latest CD has been given the censored treatment from Wal Mart. Reports of the album now being sold as an empty jewel case are believed to be exaggerated, although a couple of people here on 411 would be elated were this to be the case.
Anti-Pop: In A Galaxy, Far, Far Away…
– Much like the never ending feud between the Edmonton Oilers and the Calgary Flames….or Shawn Michaels and Triple H, there seems to be no end in sight of the Mr. YOU/Melchor feud. Round 1,103 of this epic saga can be found in Evocator’s latest shin dig.
– Tom is back this week, and there’s something a little fishy about the first three names in the teaser of his column. I’ll give you a hint: it has it’s roots in an old Sesame Street song.
– Melchor, bless his soul, held down what would’ve been a rather pathetic holiday weekend, with his Monday column. Check out his thoughts regarding the new Ministry disc, as well…………
– Finally, Mr. Jeffrey Fernandez managed to keep things rolling rather well last weekend, at his usual Saturday post. As of press time this week’s column hasn’t run yet, so do me a favor and check it out after you scope out yrs. truly.
Anti-Pop: B-Sides
This was partly inspired by a thread in the 411 Forums, but also by some discussions that have been going on and off in the 411 SUPER SEKREET Writer’s Forum for a couple of months now. This isn’t really meant as a lashing out, but an encouragement for discussion from both readers and writers. E-mail me if you agree/disagree with the below and let’s see if we can get something going…
Music critics have one of the most unenviable positions in terms of a type of ‘reviewer’. Unlike other art forms, such as cinema, which can be examined based on the technical merits and the actual storyline found within, or as the same can be said regarding books, music seems to fall into some sort of ambiguous category. I don’t know if it’s because the actual raw product of music is something that isn’t inherently physical, or if because music has always had some sort of quasi-mystic importance to us throughout the years. Music, almost without fail, has played a prominent role in societies around the world ever since people realized you could make SOUND by BANGING THINGS.
That said, reviewing music, whether it be an audio recording or a live show or something else entirely, is rather difficult to do, as people become rather polarized regarding whether something is ‘good’ or not. It’s easy to admit that a movie or book is ‘bad’….but is still liked by some people. Words like ‘fun’, ‘campy’, ‘cheesy’ and ‘pulp’ are all tossed out there as a sort of justification as to why something ‘bad’ is considered good. By and large, there isn’t as much of a vehement discussion regarding how something is horrible vs. how something is good in the world of cinema, or TV or whatever, as there is in music.
I don’t know where the notion came along that a CD, any CD, EVERY CD in the world, has to be looked at in the perspective of ‘Where the hell does it fit in the Grand Scheme Of Every Goddamned CD Produced?’ You see this sort of shit with rating systems or snowflake systems or whatever. Albums are viewed as being ‘essentials’ or ‘important’ or whatever. One needn’t look much further than half the bullshit rags like Rolling Stone and Blender toss out every month, attempting to tell us what ultimately is good and what ultimately is bad. However, it seems that when one sits down to review an album, it’s looked at where the hell does it fit in with the Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath, Frankie Goes To Hollywood and whatever other groups you find. You find this in most reviews, as the reviewer will say something like ‘well, it sounds like the Talking Heads mixed with a bit of the Strokes, but with Karen O’s vocals from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, that said, it’s really not what I was expecting and…’ The band/artist isn’t judged solely on their own merits, but how they compare to OTHER artists. Some people like this style of reviewing, I do not. While it helps to give comparisons to people who aren’t familiar with a type of music, so they have a frame of reference of what to expect, basing the entire review on how an artist holds up to someone else is fruitless. It turns a review into a comparison, and that’s not what you’re supposed to be doing. However, the public demands this, and gets rather itchy when reviews attack the material, or make comparisons that the public feels are unfair.
I believe that music reviews should focus on the quality of the material that the artist provides, rather how ‘great’ it measures up in the Rolling Stone 5,000,000. Look at the songwriting, how the music moves you personally, and what it does for you. That’s what I try to do when I review music, and, by and large, I feel it works rather well. Turning reviews into pissing contests don’t work, and they shouldn’t be used as such. However, that’s simply my own opinion. We now return to our regularly scheduled column…..
The End Is The Beginning Is The End
New Roots this week, which is sounding MIGHTY fine at my esthablishment. Barbarian Invasions is also out, which is a FRENCH MOVIE, for the uncultured and undignified. Check it out if you want to get a little feel for some pretty f*cking amazing alternative cinema. The yearly rodeo is in town this week, and I am going to do my part by saving horses, and get some cowgirl to ride me. Gunshots to those who caught that reference, as I’m bloody sick of it myself. I’m Trevor, and that was the News. Stay tuned for Melchor on Monday. Okay.
