Opinions, Etc: 07.14.2004

Archive

Okay, let’s see how coherent I am when doing this. I pulled a twelve-hour day on Tuesday, reacting to the fact that I got my final cable bill from Lincoln and somehow I need to pay it off. I really didn’t mind, actually, but it does put this column into the hands of a seriously exhausted and demented individual…wait a second, how is that different from every other week? Well, I don’t care, because I had a doctor’s appointment this morning.

And all of you by now know how I judge doctors: does he give me pills on the first visit? This guy’s a winner. I got a seven-month supply of the happy pills from him, plus Nexium, plus…Vicodin. A seven-month supply of Vikes. Oh, I’m gonna have a kick-ass weekend, let me assure you. Life is sometimes good, you know.

THE PIMP SECTION

I love the teasers here sometimes, just for their inherent comedy value. Like this one: “WWE Notes: Bad Gates”. What is that, the new film that’s a cross between Bad Santa and Pirates of Silicon Valley?

Gamble talks about bitches and food…oh, wait, wrong column. Let me check which guy in the Music zone I’m talking about…well, he talks about AIDS and Erno Rubik, so that’s close enough.

Memo to Coleman: you’re not a hypocrite for not enlisting. You’re just following in the footsteps of such wonderful patriots as Sean Hannity and Pat Buchanan. But a DD214 does help bolster your credentials when you start talking anything military. Take it from me; I’ve shut a LOT of people up when I’ve asked them to put up or shut up with that little form.

I honestly wouldn’t know, Hazard, because no one would dare to try to bitch-slap me with their words. Look at the last guy who tried it. Where are you, Seth?

Bradford does whatever a spider can.

No, David, I didn’t know. And still don’t.

Conley‘s deal with the devil? He gets to cover Raw, but also has to do TNA’s C show.

The Music zone has a new writer, some guy named Matthew Michael…oh, really…hmmm, wonder why he’s doing that? Fingers, we know it’s you. Don’t try to get away with this shit on me, Matt Isomer. Who else would pimp Moodspins and the Wrestling Blog?

Melchor hates the Ramones and Lars Ulrich. One out of two ain’t bad.

Laflin gets a make-up pimp for not being included yesterday.

Misha has no such excuse.

Yeager doesn’t need an excuse. Besides, he just moved, which is a good enough excuse for me. If he needed any, that is.

Stevens and Erhardt have your DC news and information pretty well wrapped up, while Morse has comics news in a more general vein.

PK still finds time to contribute despite his vacationing status (which prevented him from tackling the Round Table over the weekend). Good lad.

YES, IT’S THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION

Remember, this all started because the slugs at Enigma Software dared to advertise their piece of shit SpyHunter here at 411. So I’m responding every single column with proper anti-spyware information. And guess what? People are actually taking this to heart. They’re asking me for help if they’re infested, or they’re writing me telling me that their browsing experience is less annoying thanks to the stuff I’ve been putting up here three times a week for a couple months now.

Big, big Kudos to the guys at the Spyware Warrior Forum for pointing out to everyone the extent of criminal activity participated in by Enigma Software, makers of the bane of advertising on this site, SpyHunter. Slimeballs extraordinare, aren’t they? And in case you need more info about what flaming bags of shit they are, try here. Suzi’s Blog has a great list of other flaming bags of shit that promote anti-spyware programs that are spyware themselves. Consult it if you have questions.

(On a side note, those SpyHunter ads started over at Reality News Online, and BFM, a contributor there, spotted them. He told the webmaster, gave him those links that I cited above, the webmaster read them, the blood drained out of his face, and he contacted his ad provider. No more ads for Enigma products on RNO, thank you. So guess what? If you provide the info, there are sites who will listen.)

One of the leading vectors for spyware is so-called free programs that contain this shit in order to “pay the bills”. No one deserves that kind of treatment. If you’ve got a question about whether or not a certain program contains spyware, head over here. It’s a nice alphabetized list of programs that do contain spyware and should be avoided at all costs.

Here’s a list of the programs you really need to help you get rid of menaces, and, more importantly, prevent them from occurring in the first place:

Spybot and AdAware. The ONLY two spyware removal tools to trust. Do NOT buy any spyware removal tools, because none of them work better than these two, and all of them except these two are suspect.

SpywareBlaster. Will nuke thousands of different potentially malicious ActiveX controls, and now has the ability to prevent a number of non-ActiveX methods of installing spyware for people who use Mozilla/Firefox.

SpywareGuard. From Javacool, like SpywareBlaster. It’s a real-time scanner for spyware. A decent first line of defense.

IE-SpyAd. Throws numerous ad-related URLs into IE’s Restricted Zone, where they won’t display or affect your system. Bookmark this one, since it’s the only one that doesn’t have an in-program update.

A few people have recommended also installing the Sun Java Virtual Machine, since it’s Windows’ buggy, half-assed implementation of the JVM that allows a lot of spyware to install (less so within the past month and a half than before). I’ve resisted putting it here because of a couple things: 1) The MS JVM was removed in XP SP1a due to the Sun court case and replaced with a Sun JVM, and I’m not sure how many people have actually patched. 2) The link above is an automatic download, and that does scare some people. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe. I wouldn’t have put it here if it wasn’t. But I STRONGLY recommend that you visit here and update your version of Java.

So many people have asked about a free anti-virus program that I’m also going to recommend AVG. Totally free, and works really, really well, as well as commercial anti-virus programs. Frequent database updates, good heuristic detection, everything you want in an anti-virus package.

Another program that I’d like to add here is a little tough to work with for noobs if it goes buggy (you need to know a little something about your Networking settings in order to debug if something should go wrong). Protowall is a supplement to your firewall or NAT system. It hooks directly into XP’s networking system to block any and all traffic that comes from URLs on a list maintained by the program (all protocols, not just TCP/UDP). It’s mainly designed for anti-P2P purposes (which will appeal to a great many of my readers), but it contains lists to block spyware and ads. Its blocklist can easily be updated using its supplementary program, Blocklist Manager. I have Protowall running and a Blocklist Manager icon on my desktop, and I use Blocklist Manager to update the blocklist every couple of days. You will have problems getting to some sites unless you shut down Protowall temporarily, like ESPN or Sports Illustrated, but it does have a tray icon you can right-click and shut down in a few seconds. It’s the third layer of anti-ad material for me, with IE-SpyAd and AdSubtract running alongside it. Warning, though: it only works with XP. I’d recommend its predecessor, Peer Guardian, for other MS OSes, but it isn’t being developed anymore, and there were still bugs in it when development stopped. You can get Protowall and the Blocklist Manager (which will also work with Peer Guardian) at Bluetack’s site.

Of course, only download them from the links provided above. And only download those programs; don’t fall for the ads that are shown here.

With AdAware and Spybot, check for updates using their internal update function at least once a week. Run them at least once a week or whenever you think you might have problems. Remember, the new version of Spybot has browser protection capabilities, so have that run at startup and leave it running. Check for updates to SpywareBlaster once a week. It only needs to be run once initially in order to establish protection. Then, after it downloads updates, just click on the line that says “Enable Protection For All Unprotected Items” and kill it. It doesn’t need to be active. For IE-SpyAd, bookmark the site and check for updates twice a week, since it has no kind of internal updater. Run the Blocklist Manager every couple of days to make sure that you keep up on the latest banned URLs. Since all it does is add Registry entries, it doesn’t eat up anything.

If you’re having trouble with spyware or a browser hijacker, or think that you do, head over to the SpywareInfo Forums, where the pros there can help you diagnose and get rid of stuff. I was promoted to Full Helper status there and ended up joining ASAP, the Alliance of Security Analysis Professionals. Look for their symbol, which I’m not going to try to link to anymore because someone at the other end keeps munging it.

In related inquiries, Merwyn Haskett asks me about Evidence Eliminator, wondering whether or not only pedophiles should get the program. Actually, no one should. Evidence Eliminator pioneered the scare-tactic advertising that shitheads like Enigma use, and all objective tests have shown two things about Evidence Eliminator: 1) It’s buggy as shit and 2) It doesn’t work very well, if at all. If you want your system clean as a whistle, the product I recommend is Webroot Window Washer. It’s US$40, but worth every penny. It cleans Windows gunk out of those hard-to-reach places, including various third-party programs. It’s like a nitric acid douche for your computer, and that’s a good thing. Webroot’s a good company, and I highly recommend their products. I can’t recommend their program Spy Sweeper, though, since you have better free options available in Ad-Aware and Spybot.

OH, GOD, HERE WE GO AGAIN…

From Reuters:

The United States is neglecting to test the majority of cattle most at risk of having mad cow disease, government investigators said on Tuesday.

U.S. Department of Agriculture investigators said the USDA was not testing adult cattle that died on the farm and had failed to test hundreds of cattle condemned due to possible central nervous system disorder — a symptom of mad cow disease and many other diseases.

We don’t have the field technicians at the support sites available to test every single adult cow that dies on a farm (nor are the field technicians in question trained to test for BSE, unlike us inspectors). We have to be notified by the goddamn farmer about the cow being dead in the first place, which means the farmer has to come into the field support office, and if the farmer doesn’t want to, hey, tough shit.

Also, BSE tests are expensive to conduct. The last thing the bureaucrats want is a budget battle on the Hill. And getting the companies to help? Who’s the biggest red meat producer in the United States? Tyson. Tyson always gets their way, trust me. Remember, I inspect a Tyson beef plant, so I know about these things.

“The problems identified during our review, if not corrected, may…reduce the credibility of any assertion regarding the prevalence of BSE in the United States,” said the USDA’s Office of Inspector General. A draft report was provided by the House of Representatives Government Reform Committee.

Thanks to the press, USDA has no credibility on this subject. That’s why I’ve been writing about BSE since the first case popped up in the United States. You guys should get the whole story from an expert, and in this subject, no one can deny that I’m an expert.

The report said the USDA failed to test 518 of the 680 cattle condemned at slaughter for central nervous system symptoms between fiscal 2002 and 2004. Those symptoms indicate an animal could be suffering from one of several illnesses, including mad cow disease.

So why concentrate on BSE? Its prevalence in the US was virtually nonexistent during the time period in question. There are a lot of coulds, woulds, and shoulds involved in this story. Remember, if an animal is segregated at antemortem for possible disorders, it’s examined by a vet before slaughter. The vet decides if the animal should go to slaughter or be euthanized instead. The inspectors doing antemortem are trained to watch for this stuff (I know I am), and the vet doesn’t have a DVM for nothing (and most vets working for USDA in slaughter facilities specialize in veterinary food safety rather than in general animal treatment). How many of those 680 cattle actually reached the food supply? I’d say no more than 20. Cattle with CNS disorders are usually euthanized instead of slaughtered. But the story doesn’t mention that, does it?

In April, USDA admitted that it had violated its own regulations when federal inspectors in Texas failed to test a 12-year-old cow for bovine spongiform encephalopathy even though it was possibly exhibiting a central nervous system disorder.

It was up to the vet’s discretion, actually. If he or she produced a diagnosis which eliminated BSE as a cause of the CNS disorder, then BSE testing was contraindicated.

In response to that case, USDA issued a memo to federal inspectors reiterating the need to perform mad cow tests on all cattle suspected of suffering from a central nervous system disorder.

I can verify that one. I’ve seen the memo.

“The new BSE surveillance plan appears to have major deficiencies,” said California Rep. Henry Waxman, the top Democrat on the House Government Reform Committee.

Henry, I’m losing respect for you. Just continue to be the point guy on racial issue for the Good Guys and stay out of my business. If I want you to provide blanket statements like this, I’ll just give them to you to say.

Of course, I know, due to experience, what’s going to happen. USDA is going to overreact and make my life hell. It’s not the first time it’s happened, and it won’t be the last. This is going to end up being one major, major pain in the ass, and an unnecessary one to boot.

BUT SOMETIMES GOVERNMENT REPORTS ARE GOOD

Again from Reuters:

U.S. government terror warnings to local police and citizens fail to give the specific information many authorities say is needed to protect the public, a report made for Congress said Monday.

The report followed a series of official warnings about possible attacks — most recently voiced last week by Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge — which lacked new intelligence or details on the threat and how to respond.

I’ve had a lot of correspondence on this subject from readers, and most of them went “What the f*ck?” after Ridge’s announcement of possible election disruptions last week. They know it’s bullshit, and so should you.

The report by the Government Accountability Office, the independent, nonpartisan investigative arm of Congress, was based on survey of 28 agencies and 56 states and territories.

Those responding “generally indicated that they did not receive specific threat information and guidance, which they believe hindered their ability to determine and implement protective measures,” the report said.

“This is the Department of Homeland Security. You might be coming under a terrorist attack, but we can’t tell you anything because if we do, it might assist the terrorists. Exactly how much do you trust your secretary? Does she look like the type of person who’d…” DHS would judge Carol from Dilbert to be a major terrorist threat. Some critics have accused President Bush’s administration of using terrorism warnings as a political tool. Bush has made the fight against global terrorism a major theme of his campaign for re-election.

The administration denies playing politics with terror threats, but a GAO official said the warning system’s credibility could be undermined by vague announcements.

Bullshit, of course. The Junta does use terror threats as political capital. Their job, as made clear in Fahrenheit 911, is to keep the public in a low-grade state of panic so that they’d be unwilling to change horses in mid-stream. Everything DHS does is politically motivated.

“When the government gives warnings without more information about why they’re giving them … that inevitably leads to people questioning whether the timing is a diversion, or politically motivated,” said Randall Yim, head of GAO’s homeland security division.

Well, it might just be coincidence that these terror warnings take place at the same time that the poll numbers show that Dubbaya’s gonna get his ass beat in November, but then again…

The report urged the Department of Homeland Security to give “specific information about the nature, location and timing of the threat, and guidance on action to take.”

A failure to deliver specific information in terror warnings can leave agencies unable to gauge risk or develop an effective response, it said.

Gee, that’d help, don’t you think?

It recommended that the department publicize threats quickly and through multiple channels, and said many authorities reported they had first learned about threat warnings from media sources.

That’s because the stuff is leaked to the media, because God knows that they’re trustworthy and won’t tell terrorists anything. Or tell anyone anything if the Junta had their way.

Government officials have said that the nature of terrorist threats and the classified information on which they are often based make it difficult to give more detailed information.

But Yim said recent warnings may be counterproductive.

“They didn’t say what was new and they didn’t suggest any additional measures to be taken other than please be a little bit more vigilant and please go about your shopping. I think that that really attacks the credibility of the government warning system.”

Of course, they’re avoiding the question that everyone should be asking: why issue alerts in the first place? Why in the name of hell have a Department of Homeland Security? Here’s hoping that the Kerry Administration eliminates it as the waste of money that it is.

AND SOMETIMES GOVERNMENT REPORTS FROM THE UK ARE GOOD, BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Prime Minister Tony Blair was cleared Wednesday of tricking Britain into invading Iraq but drew heat in a report for relying on pre-war intelligence ridden with flaws.

“We found no evidence to question the prime minister’s good faith,” Lord Butler said after releasing a report that demolished Britain’s justification for the war against Iraq.

While Blair placed undue weight on thin intelligence about Saddam Hussein’s weaponry, Butler told reporters there was “no deliberate attempt on the part of the government to mislead.”

Blair, whose ratings have tumbled over Iraq but who is still tipped to win re-election next year, reacted with relief.

“No one lied, no one made up the intelligence,” he told parliament. “I accept full personal responsibility … for any errors that were made.”

Political analysts said the Butler report was largely a win for Blair as it cleared him of cooking up intelligence to justify a U.S.-led war that most voters opposed.

Blair conceded intelligence about Saddam’s banned arms — the key rationale for last year’s war — looked weaker now than when he defied widespread British opposition to join President Bush’s invasion.

“It seems increasingly clear that at the time of invasion Saddam did not have stockpiles of chemical or biological weapons ready to deploy,” he added, a stark contrast to his confident pre-war assertions about the threat Saddam posed.

Butler’s findings mirrored last week’s Senate committee report that lambasted U.S. intelligence services for exaggerating the threat from Iraq but found no sign Bush had pressured analysts to reach conclusions.

The former top civil servant concluded Iraq “did not have significant — if any — stocks of chemical or biological weapons in a state fit for deployment nor developed plans for using them.”

Well, that’s two countries now where independent inquiries have stated that there was no justification for Iraq, and the two countries in question are the ones that led the invasion. Is this enough to shake your support for the illegal actions of the Junta, Coleman? If not, what else do you need? And if you’re convinced that someone in the White House has any modicum of intelligence, catch what Jonathan Martin has to say:

I recently visited my parents in Virgina for a short vacation to get away from Dallas. While I am there, my mother told me this little bit of information that I though you might find interesting:

My dad has been writing “unsupportive” letters to G.W. Bush since the Military Action on Terrorism began and has recently begun receiving autographed pictures of Bush in front of an American flag saying “thank you for your support.” Well, my father, in his own little twisted way of wasting Bush’s campaign fund, has been taking these autographed pictures, and writing on them in Black Sharpie, with messages that generally begin “you obviously don’t get it.” He then reseals the envelope and returns them to sender.

I found this highly amusing that Bush’s people neglected to read the letters (or read them, and still felt he deserved a kindly response), and that my father has found such an amusing way to bite back. If I was not living with my in-laws (who are older than dirt, have a son that has been to Iraq 3 times already and are watching their money spiral away) are supporters of Bush for god knows why, I would begin to do the same thing my father has. But alas, rocking the cradle right now is not really something I can do.

Well, Jonathan, you can always try in your own way. Try subverting your in-laws through various methods. For instance, print out this column every week and just leave it “lying around” somewhere where they’d pick it up and read it. If nothing else, it’ll at least provide some interesting dinner-time conversation. Or your father-in-law might demand that I be tried for treason, I don’t know.

What I do know is this: I’m going to cut this off because I have to get to work. I’ll see you later this week with the Smackdown Short Form, and then the cycle begins again. Until then, have an enjoyable time.