MATCH RESULTS
Michael Shane (w/Tracy) d. A.J. Styles – (Styles ruled unable to continue after a mishap trying to be spectacular)
Amazing Red / Chris Sabin / Christopher Daniels / Prime Team d. Johnny Devine / Eric Young / Bobby Roode / Petey Williams (w/ Scott D’Amore) – (Skipper double team power bomb on Devine; pin)
Guitar On A Pole: Dusty Rhodes / Larry Zbyszko / Konnan / Ron Killings / B.G. James d. Jeff Jarrett / Ken Shamrock / Chad Collyer / Onyx / Hotstuff Hernandez – (Dusty clobbers Onyx with the guitar, elbow drop;pin)
Kazarian d. Styles – (Shane whacks Styles in the knee, Kazarian falls on top;pin)
Non Title Double Ladder Match: AMW (Chris Harris / James Storm) d. The Naturals (Andy Douglas / Chase Stevens) – (wow! Storm retrieves the goodies after Harris kills Douglas with a spear)
OVERALL SHOW QUALITY: The marquee says Total Nonstop Action and damned if they didn’t deliver. Best show I have seen from anyone in quite awhile, but it’s indicative of many problems with the booking in general. Tonight was a “throw everyone out there and count on the workers to be great” type of show, which is good short term, but usually leads to the wheels falling off a few weeks later. And wouldn’t you know it? After several weeks of being hotter than a day at the beach, the crowd resembled the low rent table at a Valium convention. No idea why, as the pacing of the show and action in general was better than what they have been creaming their Wranglers over lately. But I thought it was a fabulous show…is it possible that depression is setting in for the Nashville crowd? Rumor has it there will be no more Nashville PPV shows after the end of the month. Or maybe they just needed some strong black cawrfee to wake them up….
THE MATCHES
Michael Shane (w/Tracy) d. A.J. Styles – (Styles ruled unable to continue after a mishap trying to be spectacular)
This was building into a nice match, with Styles getting in a few of his trademark moves in early, before trying to show off with an over the top rope senton, violently crashing into the guardrail knee-first. This look phenomenal * and * legit – and Jesus, then it gets stupid. OK – we have a perfectly executed injury angle, Styles is selling his ass off and Jerry Lynn / trainers come down to help…I’m totally buying it at this point. Then f*cking Russo shows up, doing his stupid little power walk and having that ridiculous look of concern on his face, normally reserved for when he has to make a DECISION THAT WILL CHANGE THE FACE OF THE BUSINESS! Goddamn, this would have been a fantastic angle if they just booked it simple. But no…when everyone and their brother comes out to get their faces on TV, especially Russo, it kills it dead. Match is awarded to Shane, who celebrates. Styles is helped to the back, still brilliantly selling the knee – but all the suspense was taken away THE MOMENT Russo appeared. Fangol.
Amazing Red / Chris Sabin / Christopher Daniels / Prime Team d. Johnny Devine / Eric Young / Bobby Roode / Petey Williams (w/ Scott D’Amore) – (Skipper double team power bomb on Devine; pin)
I know I’m always bitching about selling (or lack thereof), but I have no problems with spotfests, if blown moves and nonsense are kept to a minimum…besides, I needed a fun, mindless match after swallowing my teeth following the Styles angle being ruined. And all guys delivered. Young is quickly becoming a favorite of mine as his timing and selling are a hoot to watch. Sabin gets in the first big move as he nearly takes Young’s head off with a beautiful dropkick, which West proclaims as the “best in the business”. Far be it from me to argue – I liked it better than Hardcore Holly’s, that’s for sure…if only because Sabin doesn’t get up and pose afterwards, like he invented the ice cube or something. HARDCORE HOLLY: “Look at me and my dropkick!” Pose! Pose! Pose!…f*ck him. A mediocre dropkick and the fact that he ain’t Bill Watt’s son is the ONLY thing that separates him from Eric Watts. Anyway…
Sabin is booked as the face in peril and takes the beatdown by Team Canada like a man. I like the fact that Sabin received so much TV time this week…the guys from SabinSection.com are going to get the shaft when TNA leaves town like thieves in the night, so it’s best they get to see their guy as much as possible until the end of the month. All right – enough of the real match baloney, let’s see some HIGHSPOTS! Bodies start flying out of the ring – Daniels with a split legged moonsault! Devine with a something! Look out, here comes Prime Time! Sabin and Young battle it out, both try to “skin the cat” back into the ring, but Sabin sends Young flying to the floor with a inverted Hurricanrana! That was sweet…uh oh – Red and Willams are up on the top rope and I’m BEGGING for a top rope Canadian Destroyer (West yelled this week about how that’s the coolest move in the business – glad to see he is reading! Hello Don!)…but, nope. It ends up being a Superplex out of the ring onto the rest of the gang, with the end result looking like a 7-10 split. Great camera angle on that. Eventually, Daniels and Skipper catch Devine in a double team powerbomb, dropping him right on his head, Indy style. That’ll do it. Fun match and just what I needed…
Guitar On A Pole: Dusty Rhodes / Larry Zbyszko / Konnan / Ron Killings / B.G. James d. Jeff Jarrett / Ken Shamrock / Chad Collyer / Onyx / Hotstuff Hernandez – (Dusty clobbers Onyx with the guitar, elbow drop;pin)
At least they didn’t stink up the Main Event scene. Brawl for no good reason other than giving all these guys something to do – what have I done to deserve Larry Z on my scene again, I don’t know. Highlight was Dusty going after the gee-tawr – he made it as far as the second rope. The good news is he still climbs as well as he did in a ladder match with Tully 20 years ago – the bad news is he still climbs as well as he did in a ladder match with Tully 20 years ago…Dusty also winds up with the guitar and the victory. Must be a contract thing or something – ANYONE could have gotten the fluke win over Jarrett to lead up to a title match, but nope. Gotta give Dusty some glory. Thankfully, they didn’t put over Larry Z.
Kazarian d. Styles – (Shane whacks Styles in the knee, Kazarian falls on top;pin)
Styles was still selling the knee injury, so Lynn came out to defend his honor. That didn’t last long, as Styles found the gumption to j.o.b for himself. End came when Styles had K set up for a Styles Clash, but Shane snuck in, clipped his knee and K got the pin. Good night for all parties involved and a great story / angle, the only downfall being Russo’s involvement complicating the issue.
Non Title Double Ladder Match (AMW’s Western Trenchcoats are the prize): AMW (Chris Harris / James Storm) d. The Naturals (Andy Douglas / Chase Stevens) – (wow! Storm retrieves the goodies after Harris kills Douglas with a spear)
Just when you thought it was safe, all four men go above and beyond to kill themselves for our entertainment. Douglas gets flipped over the top rope onto a ladder propped between the ring and guardrail; Storm takes a monster bump from the top rope through a table outside the ring – he’s dead. This allows Douglas and Stevens to double team Harris…unfortunately the get cute and Stevens end up moonsaulting the ladder instead of Harris – the ladder didn’t sell. Storm appears to be back from the grave, but Douglas sucker punches him. Harris climbs, but get a face full of powder for his troubles. Showing that nefarious deeds do come with a price tag, The Naturals get punished as follows – Douglas gets superkicked by Storm off the ladder and Stevens in on the wrong end of a Superbomb! off the ladder! Douglas again tries to climb, but is out of position to get the goods. He thinks: “Okay! I’ll just jump for it! What bad could happen?” Harris: “Eat this spear, jobber”…Mid-Air Collision!!! and man was that wicked. Not as cool as Edge / Hardy, but pretty damn sweet in it’s own way. This allows Storm to retrieve the articles of clothing (originally swiped by The Nats a few weeks ago) and get the duke. Great action and a fun way to end the night.
THE PROMOS
Big Vito started the show with a really good promo – he berates Disco and Swinger and then tells an interrupting David Young that he better step off before he winds up dead in a trunk. Vito is up to something…what, he doesn’t say, but it * is * business.
Dusty f*cks us over – last week, Hardy was supposed to be here to make a decision – this week, we are told that the decision is Hardy will be here NEXT WEEK. Crowd no longer gives a shit, as even they are wise enough to know that we are being lead around by the noses while everyone tries to get their heads out of their asses.
Jeff Jarrett is crowing to Hudson about getting rid of Hogan, Sting, Hardy and…LOOK OUT! Here is Alpha Male Monty Brown to interrupt with his latest rendition of “Rock-E’s Greatest Hits”. In between an above average Hogan impression, mediocre Sting and Hardy mimics and jerking his head around like a spastic freak, he sniffs Jeff. Yeah, you read that right…* snnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiif * GROWL! ARRRGH! Because he is the King of the Jungle or something. Jarrett (and me) are trying to keep straight faces – JJ, being the professional and ON CAMERA, succeeds. I’m doubled over howling with laughter. Brown’s promos are becoming the best part of the show, but his in ring performance is still greener than the grass of home. Bring it on! says JJ. Well, Styles got a good match out of Brown, I don’t see why JJ can’t.
D’Lo Brown has a new gimmick, which he debuts in a sit down interview with Mike Tenay. Basically, he just had a baby girl and has found new priorities in life – the wrestling business is no longer his top priority. This was pretty good – all D’Lo wanted to do was catch his flight home and be with his family. We even get a touching display of emotion when D’Lo says to Tenay: “You’re a Grandpa now, what does your little grandgirl call you?” Tenay (all misty eyed): “Town Drunk”. Aawwwwww.
In response to an attack by Big Vito, Irish Pat Kenney badmouths the EYE-TALIANS, because the EYE-TALIANS are nothing but a bunch of pasta eating goombahs. Yeah, so what of it, you f*cking Mick? Vito agrees with me and runs in to punch him in the face. Serves him right.
AMW get their allotted time to promote the upcoming ladder match. Harris gets through his part with flying colors (as usual) and Storm is fired up ready to tell us some more of his Mama’s advice…when XXX (Daniels and Skipper) butt in! Skipper (all uppity); “We don’t care about your MAMA!”. Oh, them’s fighting words…one of the Harris twins steps in to maintain some sense of order, but by the look on his face he’s siding with the men in white hoods. XXX challenges AMW, if in fact they win tonight and reclaim the belts next week. Good stuff and the last time these guys tangled it was close to, if not, the Match of The Year. Can’t wait.
THE ANGLES
Low card shenanigans this week feature David Young confronting the smartass ref Mike Posey, who from now on will be referred to as “that guy in the old ‘Charles Atlas get strong quick’ ads that got the sand kicked in his face”. Nah, that’s too much to type – 98lbs Weakling works better. Continuing to insult my intelligence, 98lbs Weakling cleans house, literally, using a BROOM as a choice of weapon. Well, it could have been a PINATA~!, I guess. Swinger and Disco get involved, as do Shark Boy and D-Ray 3000. Young is too good for this crap…oh why not. If he found a cool partner I could live with a series of matches vs. Shark and D-Ray. Just get rid of this ref.
After the ladder match, Harris grabs the mic and reminds everyone of AMW’s greatness. Stevens and Douglas are threatened (cage match for the Tag Titles next week); Daniles and Skipper watch and wait. So – the progression is as such: If AMW win the belts next week, it’s on like neckbone vs. XXX. No mention of what happens if they LOSE, but nevermind that. I’m enjoying all that has happened over the last few weeks in the tag scene, but I still can’t figured out why they are rushing this.
I spoke with Eric S last week re: this evening’s ladder match and we basically agreed to disagree – he liked the idea of the ladder match (which I had no problem with – I knew the match would deliver)…but my point was where do they go from here? They could have built this feud (AMW vs. Nats) for at least another month and THEN had a ladder match to blow if off. Instead, we get a ladder match right away, then the cage match blow-off next week. That is just to rushed for my tastes…where do * The Naturals * go from there, back to the “Gut Check Challenge” List? And all that means is we will get ANOTHER rushed feud (AMW vs. XXX) with probably only three or four shows between gimmick matches. It’s not like any of these guys has another angle waiting for them…preferably, I would like to see The Nats “somehow” pull out a victory and keep the belts…that “somehow” should be XXX screwing AMW over, as *someone * needs to be the heel team when they eventually feud with AMW, and it sure ain’t going to be Storm or Harris. There is a million directions they could go with this – I just wish the TNA booking committee would get “every feud must be blown off after 1 month and don’t forget to add the stips!” out of their peabrained heads. Tag Team feuds and angles are the EASIEST thing in wrestling to get over…why do they insist on complicating the issue?
NEXT WEEK
Naturals vs. AMW in a cage match for the NWA tag titles
Jeff Hardy will be there! (I’ll believe it when I see it).
Daniels / Skipper vs. Abismo Negro (HA!) / Mr. Aguila
Shark Boy / D-Ray 3000 / 98lbs Weakling vs. Disco / Swinger/ David Young
PAGE SIX
A few things here, hang with me – big announcement at the end …let me get the Hi-Lights out of they way (Didn’t I…?)
GOOFUS: Meanwhile, for those of you (*COUGHFLEASSUCKSHACK*) who REFUSE to believe that TNA exists ONLY to show the world that they are better than Vince McMahon… I offer you FURTHER proof.
GALLANT: the world awaits with baited breath. Bait being the optimal word, Catfish
GOOFUS: Isn’t it odd that, of the 12 months in the YEAR, TNA picks JUNE to officially declare Jeff Jarrett “The King of the Mountain”… JUNE, the month where, up until two years ago, the WWE ALWAYS declared someone (but NEVER Jeff Jarrett) “The King of the Ring”? Isn’t it odd? ISN’T IT, YOU IGNORANT BASTARDS???
GALLANT: Seeing as the “King of The Mountain” moniker came about by Jarrett beating 14 guys, 6 ladders coming into play, penalty box rules, and more swerves than a mountain road, I’m pretty sure the last thing on everyone’s mind was “King of The Ring”. Things were already confusing enough.
GOOFUS: I wonder, when Jarrett throws everyone over the top rope next January and is declared the winner of TNA’s “MOUNTAIN RUMBLE” … or when he wins the main event at TNA’s WRESTLEMOUNTAINIA next March (or perhaps April), will THAT be enough proof that this entire company revolves around sticking it to McMahon?
GALLANT: The TNA term for Royal Rumble is Gauntlet Match and it happened last week. If you had thought about it, they were obviously doing Vengeance on The Mountain. But I’m sure all of the thought in this went to “Man, I’m going to KILL with that WRESTLEMOUNTAINIA analogy! THE WIT!”
GOOFUS: Ah, and since TNA claim to be the “Net Friendly” company (having recently bullied ROH out of contention), might I assume SOMEONE in the company is reading and offer them this little bit of advice:
If it takes Vince Russo 5 f*cking minutes to explain the rules of a gimmick match, then the match is a WASTE OF TIME and GUARANTEED to suck. If a gimmick match can’t be explained by Lillian Garcia within one minute, then it simply should NOT be done.
GALLANT: Once again, all your forethought went into “WRESTLEMOUNTAINIA”. TNA is working with ROH again, after having received proof that Feinstein is no longer involved. And, as Flea has mentioned, that’s why they keep Russo around – to properly explain things. Why does it take Garcia and Finkel 10 minutes to tell us how the Royal Rumble works? THROW THE GUY OVER THE TOP ROPE. Like we don’t know.
GOOFUS: And do you people pay Mike Tenay in gin? I can smell his breath through my TV screen.
GALLANT: Hey, it’s not like they didn’t have to save money for Jeff Hardy. So Tenay gets paid in Gin? Whooopee! He is still the best in the business right now – maybe Ross and Lawler should be paid to get lost!
GOOFUS: And am I the only one who laughs when Dusty Rhodes pronounces “computer” as “COMPEWDDA”?
GALLANT: No. But, if had said “COMPUDAWR”…people would have HOWLED!
GOOFUS: Inbreds
GALLANT: That’s all relative. But, at least it’s called the TNA Asylum and not the TNA Dunkin Donuts Centawr
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THE WRESTLING DEAD POOL
Yes, along with 1ryderfakin.com the Wrestling Dead Pool is BACK! Actually, it never went away, but I did – oddly enough, if you ain’t around to constant remind folks, they tend to forget. So, allow me to refresh your memories here is the original intro and explanation –
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No, I don’t care that another one bites the dust. I don’t care how their families feel, how their friends feel or how you feel. When will it end? Not my problem, the more that go, the better. Death By Misadventure and Dying Young is the price you have to pay sometimes and it garners no sympathy from FLEA whatsoever. The only one that I felt sorry for was Owen, who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But, If you feel the need to cry or write another column “WHY WHY WHY”, that’s your business as for me, I’m done feeling sorry for these pricks. Actually, I was done feeling sorry years ago, but now I just might as well put it in print
FROM THE FLEA’S BAG – THE WRESTLING DEAD POOL
In addition to surfing, I searched Google to see if anyone else has put together a list like this – to the best of my knowledge, it hasn’t been done. If it has, good just don’t cry to me about “ripping you off”. All of you are welcome to participate – I will post each and every list on 1ryderfakin.com. Each time someone on the list(s) croaks, I’ll have a nice picture and let whoever had that person on the list the highest write the caption. ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST or WAKE UP DEAD, MOTHERFUCKER are my favorites, but when the time comes, I’m sure you will be more creative. Again, all participants are welcome – all lists can be mailed to ryderfakin@yahoo.com.
My WRESTLING DEAD POOL is below – for brevity (and editing sake) let’s keep the lists to Top 7.
Note – if you think this is callous, good. I think it’s more obscene that I have to subjugate myself to Tributes and Endless Columns about what a “tragedy” it is for these ignorant, self-centered cocksuckers to die young. Good riddance.
Note 2 – this list is not “age” based. So people who die from natural causes or due to an age related illness (Stu, Lou Thesz, Gordon Solie – or future soon to be gone Mae Young, Moolah, etc) are excluded. This is strictly a Death By Misadventure / Next One To Die Young List. Also, no need to explain “why” you made your selections, just gimme a Top 7. Once again, everyone is welcome to participate!
So here are my Top 7:
- Scott Hall
- Jeff Hardy
- Ian Rotten
- New Jack
- Bret Hart
- BG Jammes
- Lex Luger
Submit all WRESTLING DEAD POOL LISTS to ryderfakin@yahoo.com
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Easy enough, right? Well, do something about it! I’ve been lucky that the only “name” death during my inactivity was Hercules Hernandez, a death which TWO people accurately picked! What happens when you book a winner?!?! Here’s a hint – it rhymes with “brash surprise”
Hash highs?
Bash wise?
Gash size?
Nash Shanghai’s?
Stash decriminalize?
None of the above! Flea is talking a CASH PRIZE! All the details are here:
Check it out! If you don’t play, etc. And I’m betting my timing (as usual) is just about right.
Thanks for reading
FLEA
