The SmarK DVD Rant for Bad(der) Santa
“I may have boned a lot of fat women, but I’ve never fornicated anyone!”
– To be honest, I never got a chance to catch the original version in theaters, so I don’t know how much “badder” this Bad Santa is now that it’s on DVD, but I have a general idea. To sum up — if you laughed at this movie as hard as I did, you’re probably going to hell anyway.
Just so you know what you’re getting into.
The Film
Executive produced by the Coen brothers (as if you couldn’t guess after a few minutes of watching this movie’s peculiar sense of humor play out), Bad Santa is the kind of unapologetically mean and nasty dark (like, black as Bernie Mac) comedy that you just don’t see anymore because the studios are too chicken to offend potential ticket-buyers. Frankly, Hilary Duff’s continued movie career is far more offensive to me, but to each their own.
A heartfelt Christmastime masterpiece this is NOT, by any means. Willie (last name undetermined, played with wonderfully depressed malaise by Billy Bob Thornton) is a department store Santa with some, well, problems. Chiefly among them drinking, swearing, thievery, possibly drugs, a predilection for large women and a poor choice of associates. And he looks nothing like a Santa Claus should. Other than that, he’s an okay guy, I guess. He has a racket, however, and it’s an effective one: Roll into the store at Christmas time, do the Santa thing, case the joint, and then clean it out on Christmas night with the help of his foul-mouthed midget partner. In the caper that introduces the movie, they take in $110,000 in one shot, which for most people would be more than enough to move to the Bahamas and open a nice bar on the beach.
In a hilarious scene early in the movie, that seems to be the inference, as Willie is tending bar in paradise. However, it’s quickly revealed that it’s quite the opposite, and he’s somehow managed to piss (or drink) away his entire share of the loot, because he’s a pathetic shell of a human being who seems bent on self-destruction. Merry Christmas!
Marcus, his midget compadre, offers him one more gig to attempt the big score: A mall in Phoenix, the least Christmas-y of cities to be sure, and it’s there that Willie starts picking up hangers-on in his quest to destroy himself. First there’s a barmaid who’s into Santa, shall we say. Then, amidst the army of whining and crying kids who permeate his lap looking for a free handout, he comes across the young boy (whose name I shall not mention for fear of spoiling one of the movie’s best gags) who both annoys the crap out of him and somehow awakens some sort of dormant niceness inside himself, although he expresses it mainly by stealing the kid’s absent dad’s car for himself and moving into their suburban palace. The kid, suffice it to say, is something of a loser — he’s bullied by skateboard punks and only wants a purple stuffed elephant for Christmas. However, the RITUAL of the holiday seems extremely important to him, especially with a dad in jail (“exploring mountains”, as the world has gently told him) and a mom off god knows where, and having THE Santa Claus living in his house is kind of a validating thing for him. Even if Santa swears and drinks a lot and has sex with Mrs. Santa’s sister out in the hot tub. And as much as Willie hates to express it in words, he seems to enjoy the role of “Uncle Willie”, acting as a surrogate something for the poor kid with no clue what to do with life in general.
Meanwhile, back at the store, the other major plot thread sees hopelessly clueless store manager John Ritter (in his last major movie role) trying to pin down exactly why Santa’s behavior is bothering him so much. His pent-up sexual frustration is one of the funniest things (among many) of this movie, and once he brings his vague accusations to the store detective (Bernie Mac, actually UNDER-acting for once), things start in motion that bring an end to the perpetual downward spiral of Willie’s life, and more than that I will not say, because it would ruin all the fun. I will, however, point out that the “negotiation” scene is one of the funniest chunks of dialogue I’ve heard in years, all of it made brilliant by Mac’s handling of the material.
With all that being said, this is definitely a movie for adults only. It’s certainly one of the most profane movies released in recent history, with a huge chunk of the dialogue (and most of Willie’s dialogue in particular) being comprised of “fuck” and “shit”. However, that’s part of the bizarre charm of the movie, as he’s just SO pathetic and sad and awful that you can’t help but kind of cheer for him by the end, since really he has nowhere else to go but up. Anyone dumb enough to write a full confession in their suicide note and then forget to commit suicide is certainly close enough to rock bottom for government work. At the very least, to quote his midget partner, he “needs therapy. Many, many years of therapy.” Hey, who doesn’t, really?
The only thing that really bothered me was the ending, which I won’t spoil, but felt like it was tacked on in an effort to redeem Willie somewhat. By the point you get to the ending of the movie, you’re already going to hell, so suddenly trying to back out and say “Just kidding!” feels like it’s cheating on the part of the director.
A note on the DVD: As noted, there’s about 7 extra minutes of unrated footage in the Badder Santa version, and not having seen the original theatrical version I’m not sure where they were inserted (since the DVD gives you no indication whatsoever), but I’m sure it has to do with his “fornication” habits. I can’t see anyone bothering with the original anyway, as it’s not like one is better for the kids or anything. So get the Badder version and be done with it. If you’re sick of Christmas schmaltz like me, you’ll thank me.
The Video
Great transfer here, as all the reds of the Santa suits are handled easily, and the picture was both crystal clear and rock solid overall. A really excellent job from Buena Vista.
The Audio
Presented in Dolby 5.1, this is obviously a dialogue-driven movie, although there’s a shootout scene and some music that uses the surrounds. All the dialogue comes through clear, however, and isn’t overwhelmed by the background noise and music, and that’s what I’m looking for in a comedy.
The Extras
Pretty light as far as special editions go. You get
– 5 minutes of deleted scenes and alternate takes, nothing that would have been missed.
– A 10-minute fluff piece that serves as a “behind the scenes” featurette.
– 4 minutes of outtakes, and a 90 second gag reel, both of which are exactly the same stuff, and neither of which are really that funny.
So hey, better luck next dip, I guess.
The Ratings:
The Film: ****1/2
The Video: *****
The Audio: ****
The Extras: *
The 411: Hilariously over-the-top and evil, this is a sure cult classic in years to come, as Billy Bob Thornton takes a huge character leap (*cough*) and plays a degenerate weirdo. This is truly the anti-Christmas Christmas movie, but make sure you’re not easily offended. You should know by the time you get to the opening menu, don’t worry.
Final Score: 9.0
