Avengers #500 Review

Reviewer: Jesse Baker
Story Title: Chaos: Part One

Written by: Brian “Marvel Comics Head Boy of 2001-2004” Bendis
Penciled by: David “ULTRON!!!!!!!!!” Finch
Inked by: Danny Miki
Colored by: Frank D’Armata
Lettered by: Richard “I Letter Every Comic Published” Starking and Comicraft
Editor: Tom “I Have Forsaken My Flock and Abandoned Them To The Devil” Brevoort
Publisher: Marvel “We’d Screw Up Making Ice Water” Comics

INTRO
OK, the long awaited and much talked about Brian Bendis era of the Avengers has started and needless to say it lives up to the hype of it being controversial as hell.
And Bendis, who has shown his absolute ignorance and the fact that he’s not even bothered to actually read “The Trial of Hank Pym” (which really needs to be collected given how we have all of these writers lying their asses off towards what actually happened in the arc) has decided to perform a culling of the entire Avengers roster for the sake of creating his own little version of the JLA. Brian, just go to DC and pitch your damn JLA proposal. So what if Marvel will blacklist you faster than you can say “Marv Wolfman” and kill Jessica Jones off in the most horrific fashion possible? It’s not like DC won’t let you create a new replacement JJ to receive anal sex from a black guy? And given the piss-pour quality of JLA at the moment, it’s not like you’d be replacing a fan-favorite writer on the book.

THE SKINNY
Anyway, the issue starts with a bang done twice over as Jack of Hearts shows up and blows up the outside of the Avengers mansion and takes Ant Man with him to the choir invisible. Meanwhile, Iron Man is drunk despite not having a drink and Vision finds himself undergoing a violation that will make most people flash back to the infamous “Vision Quest” arc in the now defunct West Coast Avengers book. Oh and She-Hulk goes berserk upon witnessing Ant Man and Vision’s fates and is in the process of crushing Cap when the issue ends.

As for the ending, we see what might be two shadowy masterminds gloating about what they’ve done and how their vendetta has just started. My take for culprit is of course Korvac and his girlfriend Carina, Korvac is capable of such feats such as resurrecting and exploding Jack of Hearts, making Iron Man drunk without him having drank a drop of liquor, and the horrific fate of Vision. Not to mention the fact that Kovac’s “suicide” would qualify as a “big mistake” despite the fact that Korvac wasn’t the type of person you’d let run around with Godlike powers.

VIVISECTION
Read Bendis’s various interviews towards the Avengers and you can see outright that Bendis is as bad of a fit as a writer as Chuck Austen was. Bendis’s interviews showed outright disdain for the Avengers as the fact that he’d rather be writing for DC and JLA in particular. The fact that Marvel is canceling the Avengers after the “Chaos” arc and the fact that Marvel are treating the arc as the “Finale” of the Avengers franchise shows you Bendis’s true colors and how unfit he is as a writer. It’s not enough Bendis has single-handedly ruined Marvel by way of his hack “writing a two-three issue arc and dragging it out to 6-8 issues” writing style (a style that Marvel has adopted as it’s house style and forcing writers to conform to, less they be fired). Now Bendis is destroying a cornerstone of the Marvel Universe just because he’s a pussy in regards to not wanting to lose his “Golden Boy” status if he goes to DC to write JLA.