Looking To The Stars 08.09.04

Page 1 panel 1

WE ARE LOOKING AT WHAT APPEARS TO BE A STAGE SET UNDER CONSTRUCTION. TOOLS ARE SCATTERED ABOUT THE FLOOR, AND A LARGE NUMBER OF CARDBOARD BOXES ARE IN THE FOREGROUND. ONE, LABELED “JESSE BAKER” SHAKES ALARMINGLY.
ON ONE OF THESE BOXES SITS “STARMAN” MATT MORRISON. HE IS A BROAD-SHOULDERED MAN IN HIS MID-TWENTIES, WITH WILD, LONG CURLY HAIR TIED BACK IN A PONYTAIL AND ROUNDED JOHN-LENNON STYLE GLASSES WHICH HIDE HIS DARK EYES. HE IS DRESSED CASUALLY IN A DARK BLUE T-SHIRT AND JEANS AND IS READING A CLIPBOARD WHILE MUTTERING TO HIMSELF.

Starman: Let’s see”¦ desk, check. Computer, check. Attitude, check”¦

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STARMAN PAUSES IN THOUGHT, HIS HEAD TURNING OUT TO US, THE READERS.

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STARMAN SMILES, THROWING THE CLIPBOARD ASIDE TO STAGE LEFT.

Voice (off-panel) : OUCH!

Starman: Well, hi! Glad to see you made it! Have any trouble finding the place? I hope you’ll pardon the mess but you know how it is after a move. We’re still tidying up, getting things ready”¦

Page 1 panel 4

STARMAN STANDS UP, WALKING A BIT AWAY FROM THE BOX.

Starman: Don’t worry, though. Nothing’s changed except our address. It’s the same magazine it’s always been. Same people. Same columns. New Look. Like Madaonna every time she reinvents herself.

Page 2 panel 1

STARMAN LOOKS MILDLY SURPRISED AS HE LOOKS OUT AT THE READERS.

Starman: Hey, wait a sec! YOU’RE new, aren’t you?

Page 2 panel 2

STARMAN GOES BACK TO SMILING, REASSURINGLY.

Starman: Yeah, well don’t sweat it. We were hoping to get a few new people in at the house warming.

Page 2 panel 3

STARMAN LOOKS AROUND, SURVEYING THE CROWD BEFORE HIM

Starman: Of course, you’re probably curious as to what exactly we are doing here. Well, I’ll try and explain it a little bit. But first”¦ let me take care of the rest of the guests.

Page 2 panel 4

STARMAN LEANS OVER A BIT, AS IF WHISPERING, FACING THE READER

Starman: Sorry. I have to show the new people around. I’ll have something nice and special for you all next week, I promise. But right now”¦ well, somebody has to get the new guys oriented. You all go have a look around the new site and I’ll talk to you later.

Page 3 panel 1

STARMAN IS STANDING UPRIGHT AGAIN, SMILING OUT AT THE READERS AGAIN.

Starman: Anyway, hi. I’m “Starman” Matt Morrison. I’ve been writing about comics for a little over five years now and have had a regularly published column for one magazine or the other for four of those years.

Page 3 panel 2

STARMAN WALKS OVER TO THE BOX WE FIRST SAW HIM SITTING ON.

Starman: This space here is my regular column right now. It’s called “Looking To The Stars”. I don’t really have a set theme to my column like most of the other writers here do.

Page 3 panel 3

STARMAN IS NOW SITTING ON THE BOX.

Starman: That is, I don’t exclusively give my take on the latest comic news or answer questions like “Why does Kyle Rayne’s eye color keep changing? Does this relate to prolonged use of a Green Lantern ring?”

Page 3 panel 4

STARMAN LEANS BACK ON THE BOX, RELAXING.

Starman: This is partly because I like to exercise my versatility as a writer and challenge myself but mostly so I don’t go stir-crazy having to play continuity cop or newsman every week.

Page 4 panel 1

STARMAN REACHES BEHIND THE BOX, PULLING OUT A RATHER BEATEN BLACK FEDORA.

Starman: Of course I often wear the hat of a continuity cop or a newsman. And a lot of other hats besides.

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STARMAN PUTS THE FEDORA ON HIS HEAD, ADJUSTING IT.

Starman: I write parodies once in a while and occasionally something that is worthy of being labeled satire.

Page 4 panel 3

STARMAN LOWERS HIS HAND, THE FEDORA NOW COMFORTABLY BENT OVER HIS FACE AT A GOOD ANGLE.

Starman: I also review movies and games if they are based on a comic or somehow relate to the spirit of comic books or if they involve a comic writer or artist in some way, shape or form.

Page 4 panel 4

STARMAN LEANS FORWARD, WINKING TO THE READERS.

Starman: That way I can go see every movie Kevin Smith ever makes from now on and write it off as a business expense.

Voice (off-panel) : You are not paid for this enterprise, so you cannot claim expenses !

Page 5 panel 1
STARMAN LOOKS SURPRISED AS DARON, THE DARK OVERLORD (AND EDITOR OF THE MAGAZINE) APPEARS FROM STAGE LEFT, GLOWERING EVILY. HE IS WEARING A STYLISH, BUT EVIL, HELMET WITH THE LETTERS “DOL” CARVED INTO A SILVER SHAKO AT THE PEAK OF THE HELMET.

Starman: Overlord!

Overlord: Minion, why are you not yet in your monkey costume! You know that must film the newest episode of 144 Anima this night!

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STARMAN SMILES SHEEPISHLY AS THE OVERLORD LOOKS EXPECTANT.

Starman: You mean our wonderful spin-off comic series, starring slightly different versions of ourselves, which can be located here?

Overlord: As if you did not know what it was! Now where is the costume!

Page 5 panel 3

A SLY LOOK COMES TO STARMAN’S FACE.

Starman: It’s in the box over here”¦ the one that is moving. I couldn’t find a knife to cut it with”¦

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THE OVERLORD DRAWS AN IMPRESSIVE SWORD FROM HIS BACK, MOVING PAST STARMAN.

Overlord: One side, minion! I shall deal with this!

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THE OVERLORD HAS MOVED OFF PANEL. STARMAN SMILES CONTENTEDLY AND LOOKS OUT TO THE AUDIENCE, SMILING LIKE BUGS BUNNY AS A TRAP IS ABOUT TO COME CLOSING DOWN.

(in cartoon action balloon) HACK!

Overlord (off-camera) : There. That wasn’t so”¦

VOICE: GRRRRRRRR!!!!

Page 5 panel 6

A SMALL VORTEX SPINS BY, WITH THE OVERLORD TRAPPED IN IT. IT IS JESSE BAKER, ON THE LOOSE ONCE AGAIN.

Jesse Baker: Blargh! Baker HATE Chuck Austen! Baker SMASH!

Overlord: Curse you, STARMAN!

Starman: What a maroon!

Page 6 panel 1

STARMAN SITS BACK ON THE BOX.

Starman: That’s Daron and Jesse. They work here too. You’ll see more of them later in the week.

Page 6 panel 2

STARMAN PULLS ON THE BRIM OF HIS FEDORA, SETTLING BACK IN.

Starman: Well, that’s about it for me. I hope you enjoyed the quick little tour of what I’m all about.

Page 6 panel 3

CLOSE UP ON STARMAN.

Starman: Go take a look around the place and see what else The Nexus has in store for you.

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STARMAN SLOWLY SMILES AGAIN

Starman: But be sure to tune in next week. Same Matt time. NEW Matt website.