Hello, I’m Flea. How about a flashback?
But it’s raining and I’ll sleep well tonight.
– 1ryderfakin news 8.16.03
Not sure if you noticed, but a hurricane is about to whack Florida. Hell,
beats shoveling snow…besides, I’m riding the storm out by doing THIS. Pop the
champagne, fire up a joint, watch the rain and be a dumb ass SUCKER for the man
that runs this place. He is a man now…sowed his own seed. Trapped me into a Friday news column, as he
can’t resist a stellar line up of Hi-Rate, Eric S.,
GRUT and Flea, seeing as this movie has played well in all the8ters, combined
with Scots, Eric S. being political and other things that I will not plug,
because the deal was…I just removed that section. Damned if I will tell you
the deal Widro agreed to. Like you ain’t been desperate…f*ck, I just spent the
last three hours with doing a Rasslin RoundTable with a comedic genius who
picked the night that I am stoned drunk on champagne, waiting out a storm, to
completely BOMB! Hey, get bent, GRUT. Damn, we were on a roll and . ..I don’t
know how to spell "flew over the f*cker’s head". Great fun and it gets
us off the hook for the Roundtable, if MM posts it. Which he better. FLEA advice
(and it’s not like we have a bunch of contributors thank God) – the last
few RR were like a Who’s Who of Nobodys…yep all plugs are out of the
Seeing as it’s up to Frank Format to link the above…bulletpoints, Hyatte
- Eric S.
- Eric S. being political
- other things that I will not plug
- Rasslin RoundTable
- comedic genius
- Who’s Who of Nobodys
One more…here is Flea asking for help instead of reading the newsline
It’s Murtz Jaffer’s Birthday!
Ryder Fakin: what’s the big story today?…doing the news and I need help
Murtz316: my birthday!
Ryder Fakin: happy bday – how old
Murtz316: [a young number] (please keep that on the DL).
Ryder Fakin: ahhh…to be [that young number] again. My liver is older than you
So there you go. Plugs, Plugs and no Pulse.
* * * * *
Win money doing something. All it takes to get money out of me is to be okay
in my book. It would behoove YOU to register.
Ain’t Scots the best sometimes? I’ve watched the kid grow up online and
honestly, I thought he ran out of gas – what a drag it is getting old, and don’t
I know it. Then he goes on a roll and reverts back to what I love to read – I
would say that he must have got a better deal from Widro than I did, but then I
would have to follow up with disclosing what everyone else is making and expound
how Widro could have bought my house and paid me to go away….from there it
gets ugly. I’ll save the cruelty for the pros – and by that I mean Scots.
Come on, let’s go
Speaking of behoovement, here’s the deal with Brock Lesnar:
So the dude isn’t all that good at the esoteric ramifications of
Professional Football. Not many people are…then again, not many people are 6’5
and run a 4.5 40 yard dash. I could go on and on about his physical attributes,
but evidently you need a Sports Talk Show Host degree and/or be a dickhead never was jock
to belittle someone like Lesnar. I said it as soon as he announced he was going
to play football – put the guy on special teams and let him murder. All these
jackoffs talking about the "art" of playing football only
confirms my logic that most of them would be wrong side up in a gutter if it
wasn’t for AM Sports Radio and the total disregard for quality that has turned
the Sports section – THE section you want to read while taking rattlesnake drunk
shit – into a foul rag not suitable for the checkout line at a knockoff
You mean to tell me that you would rather have a 3rd string DB as Number Last on
your roster than someone like Lesnar? A rare physical specimen, a National
WRESTLING Champion, that gave up million to play a game watered down and
wallowing in it’s own mediocrity? You got that to get. I’ll tell you what – if
you are lucky enough to win Widro’s grand, I’ll bet. You make the stips and I’ll
bet on Brock. You know where to find me
While I’m on the subject…no one seems to be able to get the story straight
on Sable. GRUT even alluded to the general IWC population being pissed that
Dodgeball is replacing some midcarders trying to make a buck. My answer was (re:
GRUT’s example Rhyno)
- Ryder Fakin: some club needs a bouncer
See all the above and come on and bet
Did you hear about the silk pillows? They are making HEADLINES!
$50 to the first person who can tell me where that is from and who said it. And the page
number. Fuck you and Google. Oh yeah, some business news –
You are a dumb ass if you buy into this Google IPO. For as smart as these
cats are, an IPO at $109 wouldn’t (and didn’t )work when every Tom, Dick and
Asshole played the market in the late 90’s. For $109 you could buy 92 shares of
a GOOD stock…one that would triple your money in about 10 months. If I were a
clever writer, I would make the analogy that Google should have invented
searching…for SUCKERS TO BUY AT IPO PRICE. But, you know how the clever
writers rate – below
75 on the only list that matters …
Speaking of which, when The Ultimate Goddamn Warrior is more coherent than
you are, maybe it is time to take a break and check your ID Card.
warns 1 million to flee hurricane
Yeah you. I don’t see that headline saying "Florida warns 1 million to
Hyatte hurricane". The "search function" paid of in Canadians this
time, didn’t it! HAWR!
You ever heard of a chick named GLOOMCHEN? If not, maybe you should read Hyatte
and GRUT. Hyatte has been howling about his girl for years and GRUT seems to
flip flop between her and BLADE on a daily basis. Hey, whatever’s clever. I like
BLADE and she gets…
"mad props" for being cool – and being tough. If
she were about 10 years older she could have the time of her life. But I ain’t
waiting 10 years – go ask Alice…or Guide to Life.
But GLOOMCHEN….and I wonder why these guys drool –
check this out
C’mon, Don Juan. I’d check *her* ID before Gauge’s. "21:15". That’s
5am in real time, I think. What’s is she doing up that time of morning?
FLEA ADVICE – it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere and don’t let any of these
amateurs fool you into thinking they know where it’s at. And because I never
gave Eric S. the proper propers for providing the unwashed masses ( that’s
everyone else but you and me) a PERFECT dissection of "Lion Sleeps
Tonight", allow Flea to serenade you…
Talk in everlasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I’m here if you should call to me
You think that I don’t even mean
A single word I say
It’s only words
and words are all I have
To take your heart away
Yep. For all of you NOT to cool for the room, memorize the lyrics above. And
fangol to Karaoke…
learn that song on piano – or as knuckleheads say PIE ANNA! Chords are:
D – G – A…the bridge is Bflat and D…or play it down a step if your singing
voice goes to Aflat instead if Bflat… Did you know that Eddie van Halen invented Aflat so that no talent Roth
could sound human? But, it’s much easier to grab the
ole 6 string and do this:
G, A, A6, D7, C, G ,Bb, D, G, D7,G, D7
And if you happen to be a musician and I missed a chord – send me a
cheeseburger and the new Rolling Stone. Not sure where we are and I’m
not scrolling up.
CHARLIE DON’T SURF…BUT FLEA DOES
When you talk about…nope…start over FB – when Hyatte starts crowing
about how BUT PLUGS! was the greatest something or other something, I think of
the title above…and for those of you that still live in kayfabe land and
I seem to show up in Hyatte’s columns and his name is all over whatever this
turns out to be:
Both of us scroll. I haven’t read a Hyatte column front to back in years.
Exception being what I am doing with the Mop Up’s….OH HELL YEAH BOSS! Widro,
if you have any f*cking sense at all, now is the time to "spotlight"
First off (you know…he invents everything), the original date for
this was 7-4-04. Then later. Then later. Hey, chalk it up to whateverness, but
if you are going to do something , do it right. and here we go again…
Do it right the first time, that way you don’t have to do it again
OCTOBER 31ST!. Halloween. Volume 1 of the Mop Ups will be available at 1ryderfakin.com
– you don’t even know
When last we met, Gloomchen…
Both of us scroll. I haven’t read a Hyatte column front to back in years
Oddly enough, not only did I reinvent scrolling, but I INVENTED looking for
your name in a column! If you did it first, eat shit – I invented bragging about
it. 10.31.04 – if half of you do what the other half ain’t going to do,
Hyatte will be able to payoff the spades. And if you didn’t read Scots two
weeks ago, you are about to be reeled in – hook line and Nigerian. I have used
the unedited version about a hundred times because I love it. If you don’t like
it, try this suit on for size…
There Ain’t No Stop, Drop and Roll in Hell
– or go back to signing / strumming. Either way you will get the girl before
she has a chance to…the8ter?
More and more wrestling:
ROLL THE DICE
Once upon a time, I could count on a place, a menu, if you will, that told me the score.
I even rated said place. Tied they were. Now this?
I hate laziness almost as much as I am embarrassed by the
formatting at…the other place. Widro says we are "no della sa menta"…actually
I said that – and I’m pretty sure that is near proper spelling. Non Compos
Mentis may be the Latin Version, spell check that too. Point being, "we are
not of sound mind", which sums up what Pulse is all about. Maybe. Next
Friday’s news maybe something else, but it will most likely be me, Flea. Because
I’m dependable…and a SUCKER. Only for the BOSS, of course.
Thanks for reading
FLEA – email@example.com