Inside Pulse Summerslam Roundtable

Hi, and welcome to the only place to find out what YOUR favorite InsidePulse rasslin’ columnists think about the upcoming WWE Pay Per View.

Also this weekend, make sure you sign up for the InsidePulse forums, where you can enter the $1000 SummerSlam Sweepstakes, check out our LIVE coverage of the PPV, and join readers and members of the InsidePulse staff immediately following SummerSlam for a live AIM chat!

And if you’d like to chime in with your own thoughts and predictions about SummerSlam, make your way over to the FORUMS.

Onto the roundtable…

Chris Benoit [c] vs. Randy Orton
World Heavyweight Championship

PK: It’s been a good run, but Benoit being the Champ is getting a bit stale. Orton was groomed to be a Champion, and he will become one.
Winner – Orton

Widro: Seems like Orton; Benoit has done a superb job as champ
winner – Orton

Eric Szulczewski: Well, we all know what the inside sources say, and so far, every bit of their package has come true. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to seem them give Young Mistah Orton a run with the belt, since they’ve already devalued the belt into meaning jack shit (no insult to Our Lord and Savior; he tried but was given absolutely nothing to work with). So, why not?
Winner and New Champion – Dorkboy (tm Randle)

J.J. Botter: As much as I love Benoit’s title reign, I think they’re going to pull the plug on it here in favor of The Project. If I had my way, I’d keep the title on Benoit, have him turn around November, and then have Eddie Guerrero challenge him for the title at WrestleMania, maybe as a dual-championship thing. I still prefer having one champion for all of WWE, so this would be how I’d do it. I see a lot of potential in Orton, however, so I can’t really blame them for having him go over. Personally, I’d hold off for at least another six months, because he’s not QUITE ready yet and you don’t want to initiate some kind of Rock-ish backlash by pushing him to the top too early.
Winner – Randy Orton

Matthew Michael: It’s time.
Winner – Randy Orton

David Goforth: They (meaning Meltzer, Keller, et al) say that, from the very beginning, the plan for Benoit was to make him a transition champion-probably to transfer the belt from HHH to Orton. I daresay that Benoit has exceeded expectations, and given the WWE a new legit main-eventer. Most of the IWC presumably wants Benoit to win, especially the half that hates Orton. Well, I’ve made it plain that I like Orton. There’s nowhere else for his character to go if he loses here, unless the rematch main events the September PPV as well. That might happen, but let’s say it won’t.
Winner – Randy Orton

Jed Shaffer: The minute I saw the rumor that Orton was getting the strap, I started doing some math. Orton held the IC for 7 months and change. If we were to win this belt and hold onto it until WM 21 (where he would inevitably drop it to HHH), that’d be…7 months and change. Perfect timing for Orton to brag about how he’ll beat his own 7-month record, and then come up short at WM.
Winner-Orton

Edge [c] vs. Batista vs. Chris Jericho
Intercontinental Championship

PK: Man do I hate Edge…I mean, I really, really hate him. Putting the IC on Jericho is a waste, and I think Edge might be the next to challenge for the World Title…so the logical choice is…
Winner – Batista

Widro: I think Edge retains but I wouldnt bet against Batista if they are breaking up Evolution soon
winner – Edge

Eric Szulczewski: Very interesting dynamic. Face Edge versus Heel Batista versus the newly-minted Tweener Jericho. I don’t see Edge dropping the strap this soon, though, and not in Toronto.
Winner – Edge

JJ Botter: I realize that loving Batista seems to be the cool thing to do these days, but the guy actually deserves it. He’s far and away the most improved worker on the roster over the past year, and he’s got potential to be a Brock-style monster who can actually work a believable power match. Jericho vs. Edge doesn’t need to be for a title, but one of them DOES need to turn heel.
Winner – Batista

Matthew Michael: Edge needs to keep this in his home-town, and I have a strange feeling his brother will get involved.
Winner – Edge

David Goforth: Looks like a Jericho-Edge program coming down the pike. Where does that leave Batista? I guess it all depends on how and when and if Evolution splits up. If it happens in the next month, I could see Batista getting the belt (setting up a potential face turn). If the breakup happens closer to the Royal Rumble, then I’d imagine that Edge will retain and feud with Jericho. Whoever comes out of that feud as the face would then feud with Batista. I think Evolution is breaking up sooner than later, as it turns out. All bets are off if the rumors of Edge joining Evolution are true.
Winner – Batista

Jed Shaffer: I like Bug-Eyes…I like Metrosexual Man…I like Jericho. But for some reason, I couldn’t give two shits about this match. It seems so thrown together and such a time filler that, despite the competitors and its position in the card, I just don’t care. That being said, more ammo needs to be thrown on the Evolution-breaking-up fire, and both Jericho and Edge needs that belt like Ron Jeremy needs a couple extra inches.
Winner – Metrosexual Man!!!

HHH vs. Eugene

PK: Kind of hard to pick against him, but Eugene is wrestling HHH…
Winner – HHH

Widro: I hope this is the end of the Eugene superpush era
winner – Eugene

Eric Szulczewski: It’s come down to this: only the retard could turn Trip into a face in my book.
Winner – Trip

JJ Botter: They’ve built this thing up perfectly, and the only logical way for them to end it would be with Eugene going over cleanly. Triple H has been a company guy, and he can cement that position by doing the right thing and putting the new guy over here. Hopefully Dinsmore will display some of the old OVW talent he had, because he’s been shoddy in the ring as of late.
Winner – Eugene

Matthew Michael: I don’t see what Trip gains with a win here, but I do see how great the Evolution tension can be after an Orton win and a HHH loss.
Winner – Eugene

David Goforth: Wow. Usually the outcome to a HHH match is a foregone conclusion. Some might say that’s the case here, but I don’t think so. HHH winning might do irreparable harm to Eugene. Eugene winning would really undermine HHH’s credibility. But if HHH is turning face for Wrestlemania, that might be just what they want, especially since it gives Orton something to hold over his head.
Winner: Eugene

Jed Shaffer: If Eric S were dead, he’d be spinning in his coffin so much, he’d resemble the blades inf a Cuisanart. Why? It’s retard vs. retard! C’mon, you’d have to have mental problems to f*ck Chyna. HHH loses, more fuel for the Evo-break-up fire, and allows Eugene to challenge Orton (thus continuing the Retards Explode! feud, which we’re all BEGGING for).
Winner-Eugene

Matt Hardy vs. Kane
Till Death Do Us Part Match

PK: Is it me, or has KANE looked like a bitch the past few months. Time to bring that monster back out…
Winner – KANE

Widro: Kane wins and Lita doesnt turn… yet
Winner – hbk Editor’s note, Widro DID type this, but then asked that it be corrected to say “Kane” — does he know something we don’t?

Eric Szulczewski: How much that Lita spontaneously aborts the kid during the match due to the “trauma”? And then winds up having to marry Kane anyway? That sounds like something “creative” would try to do.
Winner (and Loser since he gets stuck with that silly bitch Lita) – Kane

JJ Botter: The obvious ending to this angle would be for Lita to turn on Matt and cause him to lose, thereby tying the knot with Kane. Then they can have an evil little baby, and Matt can get into an angle where he’s walking in the back and the baby is stalking him. Oh, and the baby needs to come out with a Kane mask on. It’s only fitting.
Winner – Kane

Matthew Michael: I can’t see how Matt wins here unless Michaels is ready to come back and do a run-in, since Hardy’
Winner – Kane

David Goforth: Poor Kane. I think the only reason he’s in this feud is to quarantine him from the rest of the roster-it keeps him looking relatively strong by putting him in a feud he’ll probably win, and it keeps the rest of the roster from having to job to (or sell for) the king of stupid angles. God, is this really going to last for another 7 months? And how will Shawn Michaels fit into this picture?
Winner – Kane

Jed Shaffer: If death is what it takes to be parted from this storyline, then someone send me a link to a sniper’s website so I can execute the dipshit who wrote it. A blind man in a dark cave could where this is going. And we’re being dragging into hell with it.
Winner-not the fans, that’s for damned sure. As for the match, Kane from a ridiculous Lita heel turn.

RAW Divas (Trish, Victoria, Jazz, Molly, Stacy, Nidia, Gail) vs. RAW Diva Search Contestants (Michelle, Christy, Maria, Tracie, Carmella, Amy, Joy)
Diva Dodgeball Game

PK: Ok…
Winners – Real Diva’s

Widro: [Left blank]
Winners – [Left blank]

Eric Szulczewski: Who cares? It’s just an excuse to see 28 bouncing tits.
Winners – Fourteen-year-olds of all ages

JJ Botter: Wait, you actually want us to write up a winner for this?
What are you smoking, Fingers?

Matthew Michael: Yes.
Winners – RAW Divas, with a heelish Trish twist mixed in for good measure. Stupid marks for following Trish into battle…

David Goforth: Aww, geez…. Am I the only one who’s not attracted to any of the diva contestants? And was that dodgeball movie really that successful?
Winner – Tempted to say it doesn’t matter, but for purely scientific purposes let’s say it’s the established divas.

Jed Shaffer: Wanna see if this contest really is rigged for Carmella? Here would be your proof: Carmella wins the game, lastly eliminating Trish. Thus, when Carmella wins the contest, she has a feud ready-made for her. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see their scripting patterns…more like a total frontal lobotomy.
Winner-the dodgeball. Look where it’ll be positioned…snuggled up to the bosoms of
Trish, Stacy, Carmella…

John Bradshaw Layfield [c] vs. The Undertaker
WWE Heavyweight Championship

PK: Let the guy run with the belt. I’m starting to find him entertaining, and maybe he will add more to his stable!
Winner – JBL

Widro: Shocking but true, I don’t hate JBL as champ
winner – JBL

Eric Szulczewski: Simply an excuse to give Bradshaw a high-profile match to succeed his series with Eddy. They’re not going to slap the strap on to a part-timer and special eventer. It’d be like bringing Warrior back and giving him the strap.
Winner – High-Quality Speaker Boy

JJ Botter: I dig Bradshaw’s character. Yeah, it’s Dibiase 2004, but he’s got all sorts of little nuances that really set him apart. He’s a great character, but not so great of a wrestler — and the same thing goes for The Undertaker. Taker doesn’t need this belt to stay over, so let’s keep it on Bradshaw and let him run all the way with it.
Winner – Bradshaw

Matthew Michael: It’s all about match placement here. If this match his last, Taker has to win to send the crowd home happy, but if Benoit/Orton is last, they can get away with a heel victory a bit easier there. I think Taker has nothing to gain by winning here, and JBL has everything to lose. If Bradshaw loses, who does he feud with Cena? If Taker loses… well, actually. What heels are left to feud with Taker? I have a feeling they’re gonna give him one last run.
Winner – The Undertaker

David Goforth: First, let me just say that midgets aren’t funny. I don’t mean it in a PC sort of way; they just don’t make me laugh. I think, if you took the time to do the number crunching, you’d find that those feuds in the post-DX era that involved midgets are statistically more likely be lame as hell. Looks like Bradshaw is around for the long haul (or at least until he gets hurt again, which will probably be any day now).
Winner – JBL

Jed Shaffer: There is no degree of apathy big enough to describe how I feel about this match. JBL needs the win if Vince really wants to cement JBL’s status as a non-fluke champ. And they HAVE to use ‘Taker to put over Generic Big White Guy #64,110 by beating him two PPVs in a row, so…
Winner – JBL

Booker T [c] vs. John Cena
United States Championship – First of Best of Five Series

PK: Booker has been on fire lately, I would like him to win the first few, it will make Cena look better in the long run.
Winner – Booker T

Widro: The best of five should culminate in a Cena victory unless he is headed up the card like Orton
Winner – Cena

Eric Szulczewski: Someone’s been watching their WCW, haven’t they? Except that Cena’s no Benoit (hey, who is?). Cena will take it in the fifth match anyway.
Winner – Irrelevant

JJ Botter: Anything that brings back memories of the Benoit/T WCW series is fine by me…except when it involves John Cena. The idea for a Best Of Five is to include two great workers who can put on varied matches, and Cena definitely can’t do that.
Winner – Booker T

Matthew Michael: Cena’s going to win this, simply due to the likelihood of many other heels going over at SummerSlam. Booker losing doesn’t take away the title as far as I understand the stips, so I think they’ll put him one back going into Match 2, whenever that is.
Winner – John Cena

David Goforth: Seems like this should be the last match in the series instead of the first. Rule of thumb: good guys always win the first match in a best of five (or seven) series. I don’t know if there’s any evidence to back that up, but it seems like it’s true.
Winner – John Cena

Jed Shaffer: The best-of-7 worked with Benoit because it’s BENOIT. Cena is entertaining, but he’s let his in-ring skill deteriorate to the point of making
TORRIE WILSON look technically sound. And with Cena taking time off to shoot a movie (shoot the makers of it, while you’re at it, “dawg”), the end is all but assured.
Winner-Booker

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

PK: Anyone remember if Angle won his first PPV match back last summer? Angle is gearing up for his last hoorah.
Winner – Angle

Widro: Best storyline build going into the show, Angle gets the duke to even things up
Winner – Angle

Eric Szulczewski: Not even they’re stupid enough to saddle Angle with a loss in his first high-profile match back, and not even they’re stupid enough to kill this angle in the cradle when there’s so much that can be done with it, given the mic skills of each of the men involved.
Winner – Kurt Angle

JJ Botter: The money match of the show. Well, it might not be the match that draws the most money, but it’ll be the match of the show. Good times.
Winner – Angle

Matthew Michael: If Eddie loses, does he look like a chump? If Angle loses, does he look like he’s “lost it?” I think Eddie has to go over clean, but not this time.
Winner – Kurt Angle

David Goforth: This feud will probably take us through the end of the year. A returning Angle needs the win, but so does Guerrero coming off two consecutive losses to Bradshaw. Tough call, but I say that Angle wins after beating Eddie at his own game (i.e., underhanded chicanery). Then we drop the comedy stuff and settle in for an intense feud that will hopefully rejuvenate both men.
Winner – Kurt Angle

Jed Shaffer: I’d bemoan the illogical decision to do Eddie/Angle instead of the logical Angle/Cena, but I don’t wanna be like everyone else in the IWC…………………………………………………………………………oh, f*ck it. WHY IS THIS EDDIE AND ANGLE?!? WHY NOT ANGLE AND CENA?!? This match is the best living example of a zero-sum game: neither man gets anything from the win here.
Winner – Since I don’t think they have the balls to do a draw, we’ll let a penny decide…Lincoln says…Angle

Paul London, Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio vs. The Dudley Boyz and Spike Dudley

PK: Please, please, please let the CWs go over…especially with Kidman & London’s spiffy new gear.
Winners – Kidman/London/Mysterio

Widro: The Spike turn has been excellent and a win continues Dudleyz hot streak
Winners – Dudleys

Eric Szulczewski: Okay, who just had the moderate-profile heel turn? And who’s the “let’s turn to them” guys for any kind of tag match? And who else thinks that “creative” has a fake turn for Spike planned in order to teach his brothers a “lesson”? I do.
Winners – are brought to you by the letters K, L, and M

JJ Botter: And here is YOUR sleeper match of the card. All three Dudleys, reunited as heels? I think that might be the ONE thing that could have added some new depth to the Dudley tag team after so many years of being rock-bottom stale. This’ll go on first, which means they’ll be able to pull off some exciting moves to get the crowd going.
Winner – The Dudleys

Matthew Michael: Yeah, London/Kidman and Rey have to win here. Should be a fun opening match.
Winners – The Shooting Stars and Mysterio

David Goforth: A brief confession: Aside from a few minutes here and there, I haven’t been able to watch Smackdown in almost a month. It comes on at 10:00 in Columbia, SC (where I’m temporarily located), and the friends with whom I’m staying always want to do stuff on Thursday nights. And I only get to see them a few times a year, so I usually choose them over Smackdown. I’m not exactly agonizing over this situation, but it seems like I’ve really been missing out when it comes to this angle. Hopefully Spike isn’t just pretending to be a heel to get back at his brothers for a lifetime of abuse or something. Anyway, my (hypothetical) money is on the Dudleys continuing their reign of terror. Hopefully this will lead to something good on down the line.
Winner – The Dudleys

Jed Shaffer: And the remote goes *click*.
Winner-Those wacky cruiserweights

Thanks for joining us, and don’t forget to check out the EXCLUSIVE InsidePulse SummerSlam coverage and post-PPV chat this Sunday night!