[Deconstructing the Moveset] – The Evils of the RAW Diva Search

Welcome to Deconstructing the Moveset. On top of my attempt to be accurate in the facts supporting my opinion, I’m also making an attempt to be concise, you shouldn’t need to put aside a half an hour to read an opinion piece.

Coming next week, weekly Tivo gems.

So the WWE decided to search for a new face in the women’s division on RAW, wonderful. They could always use some fresh talent in that highly competitive division. (And believe it or not, the womens division is one of the most competitive they have) That’s good for everyone, as we can see someone new fight Molly, Trish, Nidia, Lita, Gail Kim, Jazz or god forbid Miss eye candy herself, Stacy Kiebler.

Unfortunately I thought wrong. They’re searching for a RAW DIVA. Not a competitor, but a DIVA. Someone to fill the obvious need for another female on RAW who has the same role as Ms. Kiebler1 on RAW and Kidman’s wife, Torrie Wilson on Smackdown.

What do these women do per se? Well, when they want a heel to seem like a monster, the diva will come out to shill some new product or aspect or PPV the WWE is going to produce, and the said “monster” will come and intimidate them, or (rarely) hit them. They will also be required to participate in the annual RAW gravy wrestling match the Monday prior to Thanksgiving, or Smackdown’s Bikini competitions. They’ll also be required to kill time during Wrestlemanias to make other matches seem more exciting than theirs in comparison. But hey, a three hour version of Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania XX would seem exciting compared to the diva match.

But back to why this is a bad idea in the first place. The WWE debuted the Diva Search special to very little fan fare, and those of us who actually watched the entire hour and a half2 then had to watch a few minutes of recap on the following RAW. The girls were too green for TV as the couldn’t hold their composure while uncle Eric was belittling them for destroying his office.

The WWE had committed themselves to displaying these women on a weekly basis in order to, in my opnion, kill time. Why else would one of the three segments from the July 26th edition of RAW be dedicated to the divas while the other two were dedicated to figuring out the main event at Summerslam? Simply to pass time and to put storylines on hold. Like Meatloaf says, ‘Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad’ and that was 7/26/04’s RAW to a T.

Even the Rock admitted this when he encountered the diva’s. “You think that was entertaining? It wasn’t.” We then got to watch them eat pie, but if you removed Tajiri and the Rock from the segment, would it have been entertaining at all? I’ll let you answer that one. To me, the whole point of the segment was to further push the Tajiri/Rhyno vs. La Resistance match that will eventually happen (hopefully at Unforgiven).

And worst of all, they are obviously not wrestling fans. Or they are “Johnny Come Lately” fans that have not liked wrestling long enough3 to realize that there’s any kind of history behind this damn sport that I love. Most of the girls this past week on RAW belittled Carmella for not caring about wrestling or knowing anything about it. However, when the WWE unleashed Kamala, the Ugandan Giant upon the unsuspecting possible divas. Now unless they were watching WCW on an indy promotion exclusively for the years4 that he was wrestling in the WWE5, they should know Kamala. And judging that these girls couldn’t be more than 25 or 27, they should have an idea of who he is becaue they grew up during the rock and roll wrestling era and he followed shortly after.

But then there’s the boobie and sh*t factor. I dumb down the words because it’s meant for dumbed down crowds. Wonderful, they come out in bikinis every week. The WWE has been trying to boost ratings because their contract will soon be up with Viacom, and if they think that some girls in bikinis swearing at each other will boost ratings for the long run, I suggest they check Spike TV’s ratings on their 52 Most Irresistible Women. I won’t fall for it and if the wrestling audience responds positive to this, then it’s my fear that wrestling is going out of style.

So until next time, take care and don’t forget to Tivo Heat and Velocity.

Footnotes:
1 Who I thought was better as Miss Hancock
2 in which the entertainment was to be found within Triple H, Randy Orton, Edge and Jericho
3 I’ll be light and say that “wrestling history” starts retroactively with the 1997 Survivor Series
4 Early 1990’s. Kamala left the WWF in 1993, eleven years prior to his re-debut on RAW
5 I know he has been around much longer, but I’m giving them the shadow of a doubt here

Join our newsletter

never miss the latest news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary for Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games!