Reviewer: Jesse Baker
Story Title: Insomnia (JSA #63) Night Terrors (JSA #64)
Written by: Geoff Johns
Penciled by: Jerry “Miss Me?” Ordway
Inked by: Wayne Faucher/Prentis Rollins
Colored by: Hi-Fi
Lettered by: Ken Lopez
Editor: Peter Tomasi
Publisher: DC Comics
The book opens with the Golden Age (Or GA) Hourman calling his wife and hanging up on her. And then wrecking the pay-phone he was using.
The Foreshadow Fairy Reappears as we get a night-time look at the JSA Spin-Off Statue Room. Absent from the All-Star Squadron statue is Plastic Man. Anyway the shot ends with a shot of Sandman’s statue.
We then cut to Stargirl’s room as Courtney and Hawkgirl give exposition: The entire JSA has been striken with insomnia, except for Power Girl and that’s only because she’s a bitch. However we cut to Kara’s room and find out she’s got insomnia too. Oh and Geoff hammers in the fact that Kara has no past by having her craddling an empty photo album Superman gave her when she first debuted on the scene.
Note to Geoff: Just declare Power Girl to be Supergirl via Hypertime and be done with it.
Flash and Mr Terrific exposite that they are still searching for Hourman II as earthquakes hit New York City. Kara shouts “Great Rao” as the words “JSA” are caved onto the outside of the JSA headquarters. Apparently, since he’s been dead Sand’s read “The Obsidian Age” since the same trick was used in that arc.
We cut back to the Amulet World of Dr Fate as the previous Fates torment Nabu. Nabu gets upity that the mortals are standing up to him and gets beaten up by Fury and Dr Fate. References to “blinding spells” are made towards where the hell Lyta’s been. Fury throttles Nabu for a bit before leaving with her hubby. They then get a message from their son Daniel about how their teammates need them, which means that it’s time to go back to the JSA.
We cut to the JSA teaming up with Cave Carson to go into the Earth’s core and rescue Sand. We get quips from Carson’s support team about how their digging vehicle is superior to the Batmobile while One True Green Lantern Alan Scott recaps Sand’s fate to GA Hourman. GA Hourman whines that all of his friends are dead as Alan cheers him up by reminding him that not all JSA founders are dead. Sure Alan, remind Rex that the only surviving JSAers are a card carrying communist (Green Lantern), a pussy-whipped dude (Flash), and a guy who has no problems framing innocent men for murder (Wildcat). Then again Rex was a glorified drug addict so he’s one to talk about the JSA admission standards.
The JSA prepare to head out when Hector and Lyta reappear bringing company: Brainwave Jr. Apparently Sand’s mind has been shanghighed so Brainwave Jr will be aiding Fate and half the JSA to free his mind while the other half free his body.
Power Girl, Fury, and Brainwave Jr all group hug while Hawkgirl gets personally drafted to work with Fate. Since Sand desperately wanted to bone Hawkgirl when he was alive, she’s going to have to go into the Astral Plane, bend over a nearby counter, and offer to let Sand tap her ass at long last.
So we get our scorecard for the missions:
Team Cave Carson: Our One True Green Lantern, Power Girl, Mr Terrific, Wildcat, and GA Hourman.
Team Dr Fate: Flash, Fury, Brainwave Jr., Stargirl, and Hawkgirl.
Dr. Midnight gets to tend the Dr Fate Team’s bodies while they are in the Astral Plane, which means he can make threatening phone calls to Green Arrow and leave desperate pleas to Black Canary on Oracle’s voice mail.
Team Fate find themselves in a field of flowers and next to an actual sand castle. Fury and Fate state that something bad is around them while Brainwave Jr and Flash bond over Brainwave Jr’s return to super-heroing.
Meanwhile back at Team Cave Carson: GA Hourman mulls over seeing his wife after talking to Mr Terrific about his deathbed visit from his wife while Wildcat falls onto Power Girl when their vehicle enters the cave containing Sand’s body. Unfortunately for the team the cave is filled with rock men, all waiting to come out of the shadows to attack the heroes.
Meanwhile Team Fate gets caught in a sandstorm as the 1970s Sandman shows up to law the smackdown onto the JSA.
Meanwhile back at the JSA HQ:
Dr Midnight: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU IGNORANT DILETTANTE! I’M NOT GOING TO STOP CALLING YOU AND TELLING YOU TO GO F–K YOURSELF WITH YOU BOXING GLOVE ARROW! YEAH RIGHT, GO CRYING TO BATMAN! THE JSA WILL KICK THAT PIECE OF SH–‘S ASS. YES THE JSA KNOW I’VE BEEN MAKING THESE CALLS TO YOU AND THEY AGREE WITH ME THAT YOU WERE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR BLACK CANARY!
Then, without warning, Hawkgirl starts vomitting up semen as she goes into convulsions. Oops, I mean Sand not semen.
Back in the Dreaming, 1970s Sandman continues to beat up Hawkgirl and Stargirl with his sandstorm. While Fury starts putting two and two together about what’s going on, Brainwave Jr comments that Sand has been brainwashed into thinking he’s the 1970s Sandman. Brainwave Jr confronts Sand with how rediculous he looks when Sand blows on a whistle and summons two monsters Brute and Glob, who want to decorate the sand castle with the JSA’s entrails.
Meanwhile Team Cave Carson beat up the various rock monsters until a lave man who is identified as Sand show’s it’s face. Power Girl throws herself at Sand and drags his lave form to the surface, much to the horror of the One True Green Lantern. The One True Green Lantern screams in fear that Sand will burn Kara to death as she flies back to the surface, with Sand in towe.
We cut back to the Dreaming as Glob and Brute join the fight against Team Fate as we get SOME exposition towards who the hell they are and what the hell they are doing her. Or not as new readers are left utterly in the dark with just vague references to Hector being tricked into thinking he was the 1970s Sandman too and about how he somehow attracted Death to whatever it is Glob and Brute do.
Meanwhile, Brainwave Jr puts the psychic whammy on Sand while Kendra takes off her mask and tries to remind Sand that he wants to bone her.
Dr Fate and Fury beat Glob and Brute and send them into the dreams of children “to torment them for eternity”. Across the globe, readers wonder what the hell is going on here….
Brainwave successfully puts Sand’s mind back together and transmits it to his body, which returns to normal. And naked.
We cut to a “Welcome Back Sand” party as Cave Carson talks to Flash about the time he beat Vandal Savage while GA Hourman continues to whine about how he misses his wife. Wildcat gives Power Girl a photo from the recent JSA New Years Party to put in her photo album while Lyta and Hector go off to make out and celebrate kicking Glob and Brute’s butts.
Meanwhile Hawkgirl wakes up Sand, who tells her about this strange dream he had where he wore bell-bottoms and yellow/orange outfit.
Finally the issue ends with Golden Age Hourman showing up on his wife’s doorstep as she freaks out over the site of her dead husband.