IRRITATING INTRODUCTION:
Lack of time.
Ingrowing toenail. Pain.
Late again. Sorry people.
Last week’s quote – from Astonishing X-Men #4, when Ord OF THE BREAKWORLD tried to attack the X-Men at the mansion only to find they weren’t actually in. Yet another cute scene that continues Whedon’s irritating streak of making his villains so damn appealing.
This week’s quote? Well, have a guess…
Any feedback to this address, please. The Nexus one is AWOL for some reason.
Coming soon – Burned & Piersed, a new column from me and Nick Piers, the two sexiest beasts in the Nexus!
Coming soon – Sean McKeever, the sexiest beast on Marvel’s payroll, is interview by yours truly!
On with the lack of news…
NECESSARY NEWS & VIVID VIEWS:
Dude, Your X-Men Sucked:
Newsarama have an in-depth chat with Joe Casey about his upcoming Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes eight-issue, biweekly mini-series due to commence in November. It’s an interesting read with a self-confessed Avengers fanboy that bodes well for the quality of the series itself. Make no mistake about it, this is a series for the long-term readers, the die-hards that just never really got into The Ultimates and have next to no interest in New Avengers.
“What’s kind of funny about this whole thing is that this series was planned and approved way before Disassembled was even a twinkle in anyone’s eye. I had no idea when I was writing it that EMH would be linked even tenuously to the marketing push for all this New Avengers stuff. I just hope it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle. It’s certainly not meant to be a part of this yea’s fad. At least, I didn’t write it that way. If anything, this series is more for the diehards that are probably pissed off about what’s happening in the main book…“
Anyway, the series is set during the early days of the Avengers and in fact picks up straight after events of the very first issue, with founding member Tony Stark attempting to get the others to sign a charter. Along the way we will see Stark struggle to keep the team unified despite his commitment and enthusiasm, and see the first appearance of Captain America and the symbiotic relationship he has with the group now that he is a man out of time.
“A little over a year ago, for whatever reason, I rediscovered the lifelong passion I’ve always seemed to have for the Avengers. It was my favorite series as a kid, the first comic book I ever took seriously. In hindsight, I think it was some unconscious need to get back to writing full-on, mainstream superheroes again – as opposed to super-icons, as I’d been doing on Superman. I’ve done enough experimenting with my own creator-owned work by now — which I’ll continue to do — so suddenly writing superheroes seemed like it could be fun again. No pressure to reinvent the wheel, just writing good stories about cool characters that I loved as a kid.”
“So, I contacted Joe Q. and told him flat out that I wanted to write Avengers. Keep in mind this was, I think, July of 2003. I told him I wanted to atone for the mess I’d made on Uncanny X-Men — I mean, that book sold like gangbusters but I look at some of the things I did now and wonder what the hell I was thinking — and that the only way to do that was to stick to my guns and only write the Marvel characters I had a passion for. Basically, my childhood heroes. Joe hooked me up with Tom Brevoort, an editor who I’ll always jump at the chance to work with, and Tom suggested we take a stab at a Year One – type project. They’d gotten close before, but for whatever reason, it hadn’t happened. This time, it happened.“
This does of course raise the question of whether it will be the calibre of Batman: Year One or Robin: Year One… We shall see, soon enough.
Check out this month’s edition of Marvel Previews for an advanced look at the first issue…
PEANUTS!:
Newsarama also helps to pose an interesting conundrum. Two, actually. First of all – they managed to get me to use the word conundrum in this column. Twice. Mainly, however, they also managed to get me to check out an interview with the artist of a Bullseye mini-series, in this case entitled Greatest Hits, which is a feat in and of itself. Why should I possibly care about reading this interview? Because the artist in question is none other than Steve Dillon, that’s why! C’mon, the guy is the Chris Jericho of comic book art! SEXY BEAST, BABY!!
Ahem. Well, here’s what he has to say about the Bullseye mini-series that has nothing to do with Kevin Smith and so might actually be completed sometime before the next ice age comes along…
“Bullseye is one of my favourites – I used to read all of Frank Mille’s Daredevil, and the way he used Bullseye in those characters was always very interesting, not just from the graphical side, but from the psychological side as well. So it’s very nice to be able to play with him finally. Villains do happen to be such interesting characters anyway, so when you start to look at and inside of a villain, you can find a lot to play with… He could have made a great hero, but because he’s got a screw loose, he’s a great villain. When Daredevil throws a billy club, he hits what he’s going for, and Bullseye does the same with paperclips or whatever. So he would’ve been a great hero, but he’s a nutcase.“
“A lot of what’s going on with Bullseye is unsaid, because we know what he’s all about – you don’t have to spill it out. He’s arrogant, confident, but you don’t want him to look like a complete nutter, because that’s just too over the top. It’s better to be subtle with it – find small things to put in there. He’s got some paranoia and psychoses going on in his head, so you can’t just have him sitting there and grinning like the Joker. He’s not that sort of nutcase, but you do need to give some glimpses of what’s going on behind those eyes.“
Hmm, okay then… I’m all for coming up with new and increasingly creative ways to approach a character. It leads to good stories and that, at the end of the day, is pretty much all we can ask for. However, no matter what way you look at it, it’s still a highly superfluous title. It’s still treading over old ground that was long ago worn down to below sea level. It’s still tempting people away from checking out books featuring new characters, written by new writers, illustrated by new artists and tackling new subjects. And let’s face it, when it comes down to tackling new subjects then the comic book medium is the only one that is still capable of showing growth. Music, movies, novels, TV… they are all spent. Only we continue to thrive. That’s why I was more psyched to hear about City Lights, the new project Dillon is working on with Garth Ennis. I’m sure you are all aware of what happens when they are allowed to run wild and free on some projects of their own, right?
“It’s a project that was twelve to thirteen years in the making, and we’re finally getting moving on it… City Lights is a bigger thing in my head than Preacher was, but again, as we felt with Preacher, Garth and I see City Lights as being something that could be the best thing since sliced bread, or something that no one will understand. But, as I said, once I started on Preacher, it just went, and I’ve gotten to a point where I really miss something like that – I really miss doing Preacher, but I’m sure City Lights will be the same… It’s nothing like Preacher. It’s just a story about four friends. Obviously, there will be dramatic impact in it, but no fantasy or anything like we put into Preacher. A lot of comics’ fans might not go for that. Hopefully, if we do the best we can, that will communicate, and people will like it. It is a bit daunting, though.“
Okay, so it isn’t Marvel news but I am currently working my way through the Preacher trades and… bring it on, Steve.
Daredevil’s Golden Age:
Brian Marvel Bendis has been speaking to Comics Continuum about Golden Age, a four-part arc in Daredevil that kicks off with issue #66 this October. You can check out Alex Maleev’s cover here. As for the story itself, well, it is inspired by the classic movie Once Upon A Time In America, so we’re already off to a flying start. It spans the entire history of the Marvel Universe, exploring the long and storied relationship between Matt Murdock and Wilson Fisk, even before either one of them contemplated the meaning of the word “Kingpin”. It sounds good to me. I just have my fingers crossed that Bendis is going to stay on this book right through to issue #100 and beyond.
Diamond’s Are A Quesada’s Best Friend:
As we reported on a few weeks ago, Marvel have now gone back to bed with Diamond and shall be solely using them for distribution once again. Here’s the press release:
Marvel Comics is pleased to announce that, as of October 1st, 2004, Diamond Comic Distributors will be the exclusive distributor of Marvel books & graphic novels, books to the book trade.
Said Marvel President – Publishing, Gui Karyo, “While we have had a great partnership with CDS, this was an important opportunity for Marvel to consolidate and strengthen our distribution as we continue to sharpen our focus on this growing segment of the business. As our key distributor in the Direct Market, Diamond is a powerful partner for Marvel, and we couldn’t be happier to expand our relationship with them.”
Diamond is Marvel’s exclusive Direct Market distribution partner. Their excellence in this segment of the business spurred discussions that triggered an expansion of each company’s long-term, mutually beneficial relationship.
Said Diamond President and CEO Steve Geppi, “We’re very proud to represent the powerful Marvel publishing line to comic shops and bookstores alike, and very much look forward to helping to grow the business for everyone.”
This agreement covers all properties and publications in the Marvel catalogue and goes into effect October 1, 2004, running through October 2007. Diamond replaces CDS, Marvel’s current bookstore distributor.
DANCE, CARLTON, DANCE!:
Derec Donovan, artist on the newly-launched Jubilee title, has been speaking to Pulse about his plans for the book:
“I wanted to try and approach it as a manga written and drawn – not exactly in the style of manga – but paced out more along those lines and done for a female audience with the stories having a different weight. I’m trying to up a lot of my body language and backgrounds to give the characters and their world as much life as possible so that Robert’s stories can flow as clean as possible. I figured I’d lean more towards a Shane Glines animated line but keep the blacks in – trying to get a more graceful look to the characters.“
You cannot try and woo in manga fans by drawing a book in a quasi-manga style and then try to write and pitch it as some sort of vacuous Fresh Prince of Bel-Air concept. It just doesn’t work, guys! This is not a slight on Donovan, who is quite obviously a very talented artist. It is also not a slight on Kirkman, who we all know to be a very talented writer. This is a slight on Marvel’s editorial policy, as are most things in this column nowadays. They are trying to appeal to two very different audiences and, as such, they will wind up with absolutely no long-term interest from either one of them, resulting in the book being cancelled after two or three story arcs have been completed. If you really want to get some manga out there then hire some people – both artists and writers – that are coming straight from that world. Give them a continuity-free creative licence to run wild with the characters and the world they inhabit. Sell it in Japan. Sell it in bookstores. Sell it online. If you must, sell it in comic stores but do not bother with the single issues. If you want another rather pointless, masturbatory exercise in sitcom comics, then just carry on doing this until you have run out of characters to waste and you need to start all over again.
Oh, but if you do wind up running out of characters then be sure to double check that Beak has been used, okay? He’s the best.
BWAAAAAAK!
Spider-Man India:
Lastly, Newsarama have all the info you need about the upcoming Spider-Man India book coming our way in November (Pavitr Prabhakar… remember, Pavitr Prabhakar…). Well, unless you are actually in India, in which case you can pick it up this month and see what all the fuss is about.
The book is under the creative control of writer, artist and colourist Jeevan J. Kang, with Sharad Devarajan & Suresh Seetharaman of the Gotham Entertainment Group editing. Gotham, much like Panini here in the UK, specialises in reprinting American comics for its local audience and was founded in 1997. Through correspondence with Marvel publisher Dan Buckley and president Gui Karyo over ways to increase the existing publishing format in the country, Devarajan raised the tantalising idea of completely reinventing one of the characters for the local market.
“Since Suresh and I first founded Gotham in 1997, we have always dreamed of fully integrating a western superhero character into the Indian market in this revolutionary way. It is one thing to translate existing US comics, but this project is truly what we call a ‘transcreation,’ where we actually reinvent the origin of a property like Spider-Man so that he is an Indian boy growing up in Mumbai and dealing with local problems and challenges.
Suresh, Jeevan and I have always believed that the super hero relates to a ‘universal psyche’ already firmly established in India through centuries of mythological stories depicting gods and heroes with supernatural abilities. This project is the true culmination of such a synthesis allowing us to interweave the ethnic & mythological themes of India into Spider-Man’s very origins and powers.
This project offers a very unique way to really make an international hero also a local hero. One of the greatest aspects of people’s identification with a character like Spider-Man is the fact that he lives in the real world versus a fictitious city. For Indian readers to see for the first time, this new version of Spider-Man bouncing off rickshaws and climbing local monuments like the Gateway of India will be great fun and hopefully bring in many new readers to experience this great character for the first time.
Even the names of the key characters are also going to be transformed to Indian equivalents: Peter Parker to Pavitr Prabhakar; Mary Jane to Meera Jain; Uncle Ben to Uncle Bhim and Aunt May to Aunt Maya for example. The goal is to really reinvent the origin of Spider-Man so that he is an Indian boy growing up in Mumbai, swinging from local monuments and dealing with local problems and challenges which readers in this market can more readily identify with.“
In a year that has seen comics flooded with needless spectacle, from killing the Avengers to killing superhero’s relatives, from glorified pin-up artwork overshadowing hollow deconstruction tales to resurrecting old characters in somewhat needless fashion, this has the potential to truly be something different and actually make some sensible, ground-breaking sentiments for once. Sure, it might just basically be the same old story that we have read before with a different setting, but at least it is in the hands of people that clearly know what they are talking about and are daring enough to risk a comfortable position for something they feel passionately about. It’s everything that Marvel dearly want to try and do for the Japanese manga audience but for some reason still hesitate about.
Do yourselves a favour and check out the debut issue at least.
MARVELLOUS MOVIES:
Blade:
If you have cash to splash (and let’s face it, who does?) and you feel like sitting down and watching Wesley Snipes blow shit up for a good three to four hours, plus extras (and let’s face it, who does?), then go and mark November 9th in your diary. Not only is it the first day of the FSNEP Annual Conference at the University of Maryland’s College of Agriculture and Natural Resources but, according to Superhero Hype, it will also see the release of a super-duper Blade double-pack DVD set. It will contain both Blade, Blade II, and a bonus disc containing exclusive sneak-peek content all about Blade: Trinity.
Does anybody remember the days when movies didn’t get released for home video until about two years after they were in the cinema? Even then, it was only for rental. Now it’s all sneak-peeks, tie-in animated shorts, official website nonsense and all the rest… Leave me alone! I don’t care!
Elektra:
On a prettier, suppler and less hairy note, Jennifer Garner has been doing the rounds lately. First off, she discusses the wonders of Potato Headed Ben Affleck on this random Australian entertainment news site, as well as the perils of shouldering Elektra all by her lonesome.
“I did miss [Ben]. I missed his advice. I could hide behind him on Daredevil, and I suddenly didn’t have anyone there… To take a character from a comic book and make it real is really challenging. Making her story keep going in a way that is truthful and interesting is what made the idea of doing a sequel appealing.“
Meanwhile, some site with a bizarre acronym also managed to snag a few comments from the would-be assassin herself about the intense fight scenes we can expect to see in the movie,
“The rest of the shoot went really well. We had a few more big fights. We shot all the big finale stuff. It continued to be rough and tumble and really fun… They were the toughest fights I’ve ever done. I fought five guys with a bo stick, five ninjas. That was pretty intense. And I had a fight with my sais against two kitanas. I kept getting bonked and there was some bloodshed there. That was pretty intense as well.“
Seriously, how can you not love this woman? Here’s another random quote – taken from About.com – for no real reason other than that I like thinking about her. Hey, I might be a freak with stalking tendencies but at least I’m honest, dammit!!!
“If you’d ever told me that I would be shooting a fight scene, and that I would be like, ‘Yeah, you know, I need to go shoulder to shoulder…’ if you’d ever told me that I would know what that was about ever at all, I wouldn’t have believed you.“
Ah, Jen… Can I rub lotion on the wounds?
Fantastic Four:
Chris Evans, the man most well-known in Britain for having the same name as an ugly ginger tosser that somehow became a self-made millionaire before he was 30 and then married a teenage pop princess before sitting around doing nothing for the rest of his life, has also been on a press junket lately. He will, of course, be even more well-known next year due to the release of the Fantastic Four movie, in which he plays Johnny Storm. First up, he spoke to Chud about the team’s uniforms…
“The beauty is the Fantastic Four uniform is this form fitting blue outfit. So they make these really cool, blue almost like wetsuits, but since we all don’t have the perfect bodies for these wetsuits, they gave us muscle suits. These little suits that you put on first that have rubber muscles that are actually form fitted to our bodies. They do these body casts and then they add muscle in certain places where it’s needed. So you put on this muscle suit and then you put on this blue uniform and you just walk around like you’re chiselled out of stone, so it’s great. I’m happy.“
And on The Thing’s costume…
“[I] was talking to the director’s assistant the other day. He said you look at it and it looks real. You get close, you’ll be like, ‘It looks like rock.’ I can’t wait to see it. I’m so psyched.“
He also spoke to the bastion of insomniac television programming – SciFi.com – about what we can expect from the big-screen version of the Human Torch…
“I went to Top Gun. A lot of these guys are pretty cocky hotshots when they’re in the cockpit doing their business, but outside of the cockpit these guys have fun, and they’re crude, and they have arrogance about them. That, I think, every single pilot in Top Gun embodies. I think that inspires some arrogance in these guys, but a lot of these pilots who do pilot, whether its fighter pilots or space, are doing high-risk jobs that a very small percentage of people in this world can do, and they know it. Johnny Storm is a kind of a hotshot, a little arrogant, likes to have fun, but he’s intelligent.”
“They’ve already got me fitted with that [wire] harness, that really comfortable harness that fits so nicely… It hurts, man. It rips your leg hairs out. But it’s all new terrain for me, this high-tech stuff, so it’s fun and it’s all learning experience.
“I don’t think they’re going to actually set me on fire. I think it’s going to be mostly CGI. I don’t think we’re ever going to use any real fire; it will all be green screen, stuff that I don’t know anything about.“
At this point I am suddenly reminded of that Bill Hicks routine about using terminally ill people as stunt people in movies… Dying of AIDS? Wanna go out in a blaze of glory? Literally? Go for it!
Anyway, the most ad-laden movie website on the face of the planet, a.k.a. IGN, also speaks to Evans about the flick. Click on the link if you dare but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Hell, it’s enough to make Eric S. smash yet another monitor in a fit of rage… Anyway, here are the worthy excerpts for your perusal…
On being cast…
“I didn’t know much about it. Once, when I had read it, and I saw [the name] Dr. Doom, I was like, ‘Who’s Dr. Doom?’ So I went onto the Internet and looked it all up and then I saw a picture of Dr. Doom and I was like, ‘Hey! I had Dr. Doom. I played with little Dr. Doom figurines my whole life.’ I didn’t know he was Dr. Doom. I just thought he was some villain. So, I wasn’t a fan. I didn’t know much about the comic book. I recognized the name and I recognized the thing, but I was never a big comic book guy.“
On director Tim Story…
“He’s so cool. I think he’s gonna be huge. I think Tim Story’s gonna be a big, big director, because he’s got a good flavour to him. He’s just, I can’t see a studio not wanting someone like him. He has an eye for what’s hip, he knows what’s cool and what’s in and he has a way about him that’s just like, this guy is connected to today’s culture and he’s intelligent, he’s well-spoken, you know? He’s this mellow, cool guy who, if he wants to be, is probably a genius and he’s probably really smart, and he directs so well. He makes you feel so comfortable and makes everyone feel like a tight-knit family unit which makes everyone want to work harder. He’s the perfect guy to cast in this kind of thing.“
On… Aw, crap…
“You know what’s funny, I was on a flight not too long ago and I was flying back to Boston and I sat next to Jennifer Garner and I was reading the script. She was like, ‘Oh, you’re doing Fantastic Four?’ She was like, ‘I just finished Elektra‘ and I was like, ‘Oh cool’ and she said that the wire work is going to be painful and she’s right. I spent the whole day in that harness. That s**t rips out your thigh hairs so bad. Oh my God. Oh, it hurt. So, I mean, these are good problems to have.“
Shut the hell up, dude. You could wax off your testicle hair and it would still be worth the pain to chat to Jennifer Garner. I mean… um, yes… quite…
Why do I get the nagging feeling that this movie is going to be squeezed out of the box office battle royal next summer by Batman Begins, Harry Potter and the Franchise, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and whatever Pixar/Dreamworks animated flicks are due to be released? Plus the public interest is probably substantially lower than it is for Spider-Man or X-Men. Time shall tell…
X-Men 3:
So far the state of play for
PULSATING PREVIEWS:
Due to the overwhelming number of previews available on the world-wide-web this week, coupled with my completely shot-to-hell time-management skills and the utter lack of interest in the majority of these books, plus the constant throbbing pain of an in-growing toenail, I have decided to enlist some help in dealing with the previews this week.
Ladies and gentlemen – Nick Piers!
Yes, the man that squandered countless thousands of cocaine money on the over-sized JLA/Avengers hardcover is here to weight in with his thoughts on these first-looks. This is also a sneak-preview of what lies in store for our upcoming joint column, Burned & Piersed, coming to the Nexus very, very soon indeed!
Nick: I’m not reading Astonishing, honestly. Not that I won’t when, say, the first trade or possibly the hardcover comes out. It’s hard to judge this preview due to the lack of captions or word balloons, though. Cassidy’s art has always impressed me since I first saw his work in Planetary.
Iain: In that last panel of page 5, do you reckon Cyclops has just seen himself in the mirror?
Nick: Not sure what’s going on, honestly, due to no word balloons. For all I know, he just farted. I mean the word balloons could be. “Emma, I’m glad you’re here.” Next panel: “Oh, I just farted.” Which is why I could never work the original Marvel writing style of adding words to pictures!
Nick: First reaction: MORE DISSUCKLED!!!! Second reaction: KIRKMAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! He is truly a God in comics these days.
Iain: Except Jubilee. That’s like the Anti-Kirkman.
Nick: That’s not Kirkman’s fault. But I hear he saves the whole damn concept of another X-Men book. Saves in the sense of redeeming.
Iain: Yeah, now she’s Will Smith or something. I dunno. It just doesn’t work without the Carlton Dance.
Nick: Heh.
Iain: But hey, we’re still not going to buy Captain America are we? At least, I’m not. I’ll check out Ellis’ first issue instead.
Nick: Heh. “I’m going to have late fees.” Never saw Cap as a jokester. It’s a funny line but that seems more of a Spidey thing to do.
Iain: I just kept imagining Steve Irwin in the background talking about Cobra. “CRIKEY!”
Nick: Blatantly cheesy villain captures the good guy scenes never get old. Especially with references to rented movies. But how this ties in with Dissuckled makes no sense to me at all. This is worse than the Dixon issues of Batman: Murderer/Fugitive.
Iain: Man, the last preview page is just one big F-U to Batman…
Nick: Soooo, where’s the comic, Burnside? There’s one page that looks like it could be the issue, but the rest are a bunch of gorgeous pin-ups. Oh…the pin-ups are part of a smorgess board of artists? I hate that. I love that Spidey newsstand pic, though.
Iain: That one is very slick. No idea what the actual comic is about though. Weird. At least #50 had a story!
Nick: Oh, additional thought: At least it’s not part of Dissuckled!!
Nick: Excalibur? You hate me, don’t you?
Iain: With the burning passion of a thousand suns… I mean, no.
Nick: Heh. Wow, check out that line-up. Magneto, Xavier, a character no one cares about. And three newbies. *Sniff, a tear.* That’s just so…so…..UGH! Why do X-writers feel the need to create all these new mutants? There’s dozens out there in limbo being unused that could be used.
Iain: They’d be as well just making a character called Chris Claremont and have done with it.
Nick: Ooh. Marvel might get in trouble for that scene with the bat-mutant blowing up the building. Isn’t that the talk of what the terrorists will do next?
Iain If a terrorist called himself Xorn then I’d LAUGH.
Nick: And laugh?
Iain: And GUFFAW!
Nick: Huh. Neat concept of Genosha being a natural enhancer. Shame Claremont will NEVER build on that potential.
Iain: No, instead we’ll get further regurigation. Did I spell that right? Oh, who cares. Next!
Nick: Eh, close enough. Final thoughts: Ugh.
Nick: Identity Crisdisc!
Iain: Identity Suck!
Nick: Hey now, IC has actually been pretty good. At least it’s not arbitrarily killing off Avengers left and right.
Iain: If it did then I would mark out.
Nick: Btw, I think I know who the killer might be. Just to add someone else to the list.
Iain: Whozat?
Nick: Captain Boomerang. Did ya read the recent issue of Flash?
Iain: No…
Nick: Ah. Well, there was a small bit where Heatwave said CB used to be one of the classic greats. Boomerang kind of chuckled as he was going away, saying “I will again, soon.” Thoughts on ID#4: I remember reading on a message board when this series was first announced. The first three posts went like this: “Isn’t Juggernaut reformed?” “Didn’t Bullseye forgo the costume?” “Isn’t Sandman dead?” Eh, I just can’t seem to bring myself to care about this series, honestly.”
Iain: And that is exactly why we are talking about IC instead. Next!
Marvel 65th Anniversary Special
Iain: Holy crap that’s a lot of narration.
Nick: Neato! You know what would be cool about the Namor movie? If it was a history piece taking place during WWII. Start it off with a big battle between Namor and Human Torch ala Agent Smith/Neo. Namor’s the bad guy. Then he comes to his senses and decides to fight in the war. Lots of action shots of him fighting Nazi tanks and stuff.
Iain: Namor does have the potential to be infinitely cooler as a movie than it could ever be as a comic
Nick: Like Blade?
Iain: Yup. Or Green Lantern *rimshot*!!!
Nick: Zing! Still, neat that Marvel’s dusting off this oldie.
Still say a Namor movie during WWII like a Bruckheimer movie would be cool.
Iain: Suckheimer!
Nick: Bucksucker?
Iain: Wheatus?
Nick: Gruh?
Iain: Daniels?
Nick: Jack?
Iain: Yes, please!
Nick: Heh! Next?
Iain: Love that cover!
Nick: I thought Vaughan did this book?
Iain: McKeever took over with #14. This will all be clear when my interview with him gets posted (CHEAP PLUG!).
Nick: Heh. That’s an AWESOME cover.
Iain: Mike Mayhew. I may be tempted to say this series has had the best covers since Preacher…
Nick: Thaaaaat may be going too far.
Iain: I like going far. I like guzzling.
Nick: One thing I’ve always kind of hated about Mystique is that skull thing in her hair.
Iain: Meh. Never really bothered me. Maybe that’s her real body and it just projected all this other crap around it…
Nick: Who’s the guy Mystique is talking to?
Iain: Shepard, works for the Quiet Man, a mysterious figure trying to recruit Mystique as a double agent to work against Xavier.
Nick: Ah. Issue looks good. Not sure I’d get into it but I can see why people love it!
Iain: Another trade for you to peruse!
Iain: Storm’s white???
Nick: Holy frig…. I think those first three pages may just pull me into the series. You can quote me on that.
Iain: It does look ridiculously tempting for another X-book
Nick: Whoda thunk?
Iain: Actually, the X-books would be okay if they scrapped Uncanny, X-Men and Excalibur…
Nick: Scrap the team books of a team comic?
Iain: They can keep Astonishing… For now
Nick: Touché…
Iain: ‘Tis a very good-looking book though.
Nick: I should send you my Streamlining article that I should re-send to get on the site. Indeed. I may just check it out this week.
Nick: Oh look, the Green Goblin. Gosh, we’ve never seen him before!
Iain: lol. This is the bit that crosses over with MK Spidey, apparently.
Nick: Does it involve Dissuckled?
Iain: No, it’s just a random bit of continuity because Bendis loves Millar so much.
Nick: I love the artwork and the first three pages but the young Urich pisses me off. At first, I thought it was that teenage Goblin who had his own short series years ago.
Iain: We need less Gobs.
Nick: I miss Demogoblin.
Nick: Bwa-ha-ha! Beta Ray Bill in an intergalactic boxing match. That cracks me up.
Iain: I have no idea who that is, but the blue guy with the big box for a head cracks me up.
Nick: Good god, this really is Ally MacBeal meets superheroes. Why am I not getting this comic!? (No, I didn’t watch MacBeal, but Skulkie’s lawyer background being finally tapped is awesome) And what’s with the big blockhead guy in a business suit? That’s AWESOME.
Nick: Initial reaction: HOLY CRAP!!!! I heard how Jenkins was revisiting the old mutant transformation story of old but whoa. That second page is just scary as hell.
Iain: So are you a Ramos man?
Nick: Not usually. I thought his art didn’t suit the kind of story Jenkins is trying to tell. But it seems like his style has changed to suit it.
Iain: It seems a bit darker, but I guess that’s down to the inker and colourist. Hey – Aunt May is a homophobe!
Nick: She is? I’m having a hard time reading the text. It’s all blurry to me.
Iain: She was “worried” Peter might be gay before she found out he was Spider-Man…
Nick: Oh right. I remember that when she first discovered the secret in early JMS’ issues. Final thoughts: Again, why does Dissuckled have to be a part of this when Jenkins clearly has another story altogether to tell? I hate when writers are forced into a crossover.
Iain: That leads to things like Brubaker quitting Catwoman…
Nick: First thought: Heh. Funny opener, I have to admit.
Iain: Didn’t JJJ get a picture of him without the mask last issue or something?
Nick: No idea. I don’t read it. While Millar doesn’t focus on it, I think the dichotomy between JJ and Peter is interesting. If JJ ever really knew, I think he’d feel like a complete sack of shit because he cares for Peter without ever admitting it.
Iain: They should just do that story already, it would be a great read. Particularly if JMS did it.
Nick: And why in the sodding hell is he still taking pictures for the Bugle!?!? HE’S A TEACHER NOW, PEOPLE!!! WORK WITH IT!!! It’s a damn good idea!!! Ugh. Rant over. Next book.
Nick: Okay, initial reaction before clicking on anything: YOU GAVE ME LEIDFELD TO PREVIEW!?!?!? You bastard!
Iain: Hey, I could have given you herpes. Be grateful.
Nick: I think I’d prefer that.
Iain: It would probably itch a little bit less.
Nick: So does Liefeld. I twitch when I look at his stuff.
Iain: Rides the crotch.
Nick: Um…so does Liefeld?
Iain: Okay, so moving swiftly onwards…
Iain: X-MEN COLON THE END COLON BOOK ONE COLON DREAMERS AND DEMONS #3
Nick: Wow. Talk about a confusing title, eh? Two colons in a title, no less! “X-Men godfather Chris Claremont.” Does that make him the Marlon Brando of comics?
Iain: A fat, over-rated bastard? Er, possibly…
Nick: Heh! That picture of Mr. Sinister looks like a Superman pose. He looks like he wants to save kittens out of trees and save the world. It looks silly rather than creepy. (Sorry Chen, but it’s true)
Iain: Sinister kittens? And who is Chen?
Nick: Sean Chen. The artist?
Iain: Oh, him. Now we have TWO people to blame!!
Nick: I’ve heard this series hasn’t completely sucked but hasn’t knocked people’s socks off. I suppose there’s a bright side to this. Claremont doesn’t have an ego like John Byrne because of his past work. He just doesn’t knock people’s socks off any more.
LOVELY LINKS:
Dress Eliza Dushku! No joke!
Download all the Transformers toys you want! No joke!
Command a chicken! No joke!
Mike reviews 4 #9 and professes an undying love for Steve McNiven! No joke!
Tim Stevens reviews Powerless #3 and professes his undying love for Michael Gaydos! No joke!
Jamie reviews Excalibur #4 and introduces the word “craptastic”! No joke!
Tim Sheridan reviews Incredible Hulk #76 and apparently requires therapy after reading it. Thankfully, along came Ultimate Elektra #1 to perk him up with her perky parts. No joke!
CRAZY CREDITS:
This column has been brought to you in conjunction with…
The Foo Fighters’ One by One
The Strokes’ Room on Fire
Weezer’s Maladroit
AOL IM: KingKongBurnside
Iain Burnside is currently BLEEDING ALL OVER HIS FOOT, FOR &^%*’S SAKE!
