-Velocity time, ladies and gentlemen. I’m your beloved (I’d like to think) recapper Brad, AKA Bootflap, and it’s time for what I like to call the Stuff Not Good Enough For SmackDown. But before we begin, there’s something that’s been bothering me lately, and that’s the media’s attitude towards wrestling. Just the other day I was watching the news and some wisecracking sportscaster made a comment comparing a football play to a ‘WWF bodyslam’. It’s bad enough that he referred to it as ‘WWF’ still, but the fact that he is so un-learned in wrestling is just hilarious. This seems to happen all the time, too. People also seem to think all wrestlers are fat, Mexican, and wear a mask, as well, if you’ve seen any show that tries to be funny by satiring wrestling. And when someone makes a reference to a single wrestler, they seem to only refer to the Big Three: The Rock, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin. It’s funny that these people try to be funny, or cool, by referencing or making fun of wrestling. Enough is enough, dammit! If you’re gonna say something about wrestling, then learn your shit!
-I will now take this time to shamelessly plug my ‘critically acclaimed’ No Mercy forums, the No Mercy Zone, thenomercyzone.clicdev.com. Some o’ the best No Mercy CAWs around. I think.
WWE Velocity- September 11th, 2004.
-We start off with the opening sequence and pyro. As usual, our hosts are none other than Josh Matthews and Hugh Morr”¦. Er, Bill Demott. Matthews discusses Big Show’s surprise return from SmackDown as Booker T makes his entrance. WTF? Damn, why must Booker be on Velocity? Ah well, at least I get to recap one of his matches. Just hope he’s not here on Velocity too often. Opening match, some jobber’s already in the ring.
-Booker T vs. Brandon Groom. Groom is dressed like a complete tool, in an amateur-ish outfit. Lockup, Booker takes Groom to the corner, then releases. Another lockup, Booker with a knee to the gut and some chops and punches. Trash talk from Book. Groom comes back with some punches, but Booker knees him in the gut before hitting a sidekick for 2. Rear chinlock by Booker. Groom gets to his feet and fights out but runs into another sidekick. Booker T hits the Scissors Kick and finishes this at about 4 minutes. Call it ¼* because, as good as Booker is, this really was terrible, and a squash. Josh reminds us that the 4th match in the Best of 5 Series is this Thursday, on SmackDown.
-Tonight, the FBI takes on the Bashams in our main event, but up next, we get a recap of John Cena’s promo from SmackDown.
-Ad for the new Tough Enough.
-SmackDown Throwback time: Yes! It’s the Angle, Austin, and Vince cowboy hat skit from 2001, a true classic. Pure gold.
-Josh calls Angle silly-looking (referring to the Throwback), before we segue into Cena’s rap from this past Thursday. Basically just a hype promo for the Booker/Cena match this coming SD. Nice Stevie Ray reference by Cena. Cena’s raps were better when he was heel, of course, but this one was ok. Matthews and Demott further hype the match for Thursday.
-Still to come, we get a recap of what happened with JBL on SmackDown.
-Speaking of JBL, check out what may be one of the most disturbing topics ever on the GF HCTP social board: Right Here.
As you can see, yours truly has also contributed to this pot of gold.
-Orton/HHH Unforgiven promo. Can’t get Unforgiven tomorrow night because my PPV service is being an asshole. Haven’t been able to get any PPV since WrestleMania XX.
-DOR ad. Dammit, I don’t care what anyone says, that game is awesome.
-And now, the YJStinger Sting of the Night: Heidenreich destroying Funaki and giving chase to Michael Cole.
-Matthews calls Heidenreich a loose cannon as Scotty 2 Hotty makes his entrance. Matthews calls him ‘Charismatic and Enthusiastic’, the true description of a lifetime jobber. Ah, it appears to be Jindrak time.
Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Mark Jindrak. Crowd firmly behind Scotty here. Lockup, arm wrench by Scotty. Jindrak reverses into an arm wrench of his own. Scotty reverses but gets thrown across the ring. Kicks and punches by Jindrak, who then locks on a side headlock? Already? Damn. Crowd wills Scotty out but Jindrak nails a shoulder block. S2H with 2 arm drags and a dropkick to send Jindrak to the outside of the ring. Outside, Jindrak nails a hard left (The Free Shot) to Scotty, knocking him out. Jindrak breaks a potential count out and brings Scotty back into the ring, where a vertical suplex gets two. Side chinlock by Jindrak, Scotty elbows out, ducks a clothesline, and hits some punches. Clothesline takes Jindrak down, as does another. Jindrak sent into the corner, where he blocks a Scotty charge with a back elbow. Scotty gets a superkick though, and now both men are down. Nip up by Scotty, who procedes to miss the 2 Handed Bulldog of Death. Scotty reverses a back suplex into a school boy for a 2 count. Jindrak re-takes control of the match, and takes Scotty to the top rope. Jindrak tries a superplex, but Scotty blocks it and punches Mark off. Jindrak bounces back and attempts a hurricanrana to Scotty from the top rope, but I don’t know if he f*cked up or whatever, but either way he misses it and Scotty remains on the top rope. Scotty attempts a sunset flip from the top rope but Jindrak doesn’t flip, and he holds on to the ropes for the win in about 7 minutes. 2nd week in a row that Jindrak wins, 2nd week in a row that Scotty loses. **. Match was ok, and had a solid flow. Jindrak looks dazed, as Josh tells us to send our tapes in for Tough Enough.
-Still to come, the FBI takes on The Bashams. Demott ponders whether the Bashams will attempt the ol’ switcharoo. Oooh, the anticipation.
-Godammit, another Diva Search ad for the upcoming ‘Seattle Slugfest’. My money’s on Carmella, seeing as how she beat the shit out of someone in a bar.
-Triple C ad time, baby! People disgust Carlito, because they’re just not cool, like him. I agree.
-And now it’s time for the recap of JBL’s SmackDown segment. Wow, can his trunks be hiked up any higher? Jeez. JBL is going to give Taker his last ride, so he brings out a hearse. Enter Theodore Long, AKA the Stealer of Rodney Mack’s Music. Long makes the Last Ride match for No Mercy. He came up for the concept of this match pretty quickly, eh?
-Up next here on Velocity, we get a recap of the Eddie/Angle 20 Man Lumberjack match. I gotta take a piss break, so forgive me if I miss anything.
-Meh, I come back to an ‘I am My Anti Drug’ ad.
-Yet another Seattle Slugfest ad.
-Back here on Velocity, it appears that Josh no longer has a neckbrace. They discuss the Angle/Eddie match, and we join the match in progress right after Luther’s interference, right before all hell breaks loose. Gotta say, it was pretty cool to see Big Show destroy everyone like that. He looks like he’s going bald though, which may explain his reasons for growing his hair out. Trying to recapture his youth, I see.
-Backstage, we see the FBI in their locker room. They discuss the hurricane in Florida which affected a cousin or something of Johnny’s. Just another short skit to express Bull’s dimwitted-ness.
-WWE Fantasy Salary Cap game ad. Kids, jut get EWR, it’s free. TEW is awesome too, though it’ll cost you 30 buckaroos.
-One more Seattle Slugfest ad. Dammit, this should NOT be the sole thing they’re advertising for RAW.
-DOR ad.
-And now, the WWE Rewind: Kidman walking away from London, resulting in London losing the tag titles to Rene Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki. How Kenzo is deserving of a belt, I have no clue.
-Main event time:
-The FBI vs. The Basham Brothers. Nunzio and Doug to start. Lockup, Doug takes Nunzio to the corner and punches hi, but Nunzio punches back. Knee and punches by Doug to Nunzio, a quick transaction, and a tag to Danny. Nunzio gets a schoolboy for 1 and wrenches the arm, tag to Johnny. Side headlock by the Bull on Danny. Knee by Danny to escape, some shots and shots to Johnny, who reverses and answers with his own chops. Clothesline gets 2 for the Bull. Arm wrench, tag to Nunzio. Kick and knee double team by the FBI. Nunzio throttles Danny on the top rope after landing on the apron, but Doug drops him face first. Stomps to Nunzio by Danny, tag to Doug, double clothesline, leg drop gets 2. Cross-arm shots get a 2 count for Doug. Front facelock, tag to Danny, who locks on a seated full nelson. Nunzio fights back to his feet but gets knee lifted for 2 by Danny. Kick and a tag to Doug, who locks on a choke-like rear headlock. Nunzio fights out, reverses a knee lift into a schoolboy for 1. Clothesline by Doug gets 2. Doug puts the choke-like rear headlock back on Nunzio again. Nunzio tries to fight out but gets sent into the corner. Doug tries a Springboard Body splash, but Nunzio gets his feet up. Tag to Danny, tag to Bull. Bull proceeds to clean house, and gets a 2 count on Danny as Nunzio and Doug fight on the outside. Johnny nails Danny with his Militray Press-Oklahoma Slam move, but Doug throws Nunzio into the ring and Bull gets distracted. The Bashams pull the switcharoo, and Doug small-packages Bull for the three count. However, Bull’s foot was underneath the rope, so the ref overturns the decision, and Johnny rolls Doug up for the real victory. Decent enough match for what it was, **1/4.
-We leave Velocity with a triumphant FBI exiting up the aisle, with Josh Matthews hyping the Booker/Cena match for SmackDown.
My Thoughts: Another decent show. All I gotta say is that this 4th match between Cena and Booker sure as hell better be good considering the hype it got tonight. Also, the only thing that’s being advertised for RAW is the ‘Seattle Slugfest’, which isn’t a good thing. Sadly, no Jamie Noble tonight, which was a bit of a disappointment.
