Riding Coattails: The Apprentice 2- Shooting Sour Milk

Ooh, taste this milk. It’s sour.

Sound familiar? I have often been in a situation in which I encounter something so nasty that I can’t stop myself from sharing it with others. Or, as my hero Margaret Cho has pointed out, sometimes one may meet someone so physically repulsive that it’s impossible not to imagine oneself in a sexual situation with said individual.

These points very nicely illustrate my feelings about The Apprentice. I can’t think of a group of individuals I’d want to spend less time with, yet I have resolved not to miss a single show this season. Perhaps it’s because I have a penchant for watching greedy masochists make complete asses of themselves on national television. That would certainly explain my Survivor fixation.

The Donald’s latest batch of groupies was brilliantly, if not a bit predictably, cast. Wes, the clown who made a lasting first impression on the competition by prematurely toasting the men’s victory over the women, is just begging to be bitch-slapped. Stacie J. immediately stepped up to the plate as the psychologically unbalanced female of color (which will undoubtedly spark further commentary about the perpetuation of this ridiculous stereotype). Raj is clearly channeling his inner Duckie from Pretty in Pink, which I found both adorable and ballsy.

There are, of course, several females on board with expensive highlights and cheekbones that can cut glass. And no reality show is complete without the requisite carefully coifed studs sporting pecs that make them the bustiest members of the cast. It’s too early to tell how some of these people will reveal themselves before the cameras, so I see no point in creating an itemized list of observations about each player. Trumpo would never hire someone with such a haphazard approach, but I don’t care. I just got a new job last week.

So who stood out? Obviously, Bradford and Pamela got more airtime than many others because they volunteered to be the first project managers. I was intrigued by the Survivor immunity twist that Burnett threw into this season for project managers, who can enjoy a future exemption from the firing process if their team succeeds. This definitely created an incentive for someone to readily volunteer for a job that has a 50-50 chance of putting a player in a vulnerable situation.

I totally cheered when Carolyn called Pamela on the carpet for her cruel comments about the appearances of the children testing out toys at Mattel. While I have to agree that the one little boy had a hideous bowl haircut, I found it extremely unprofessional of her to air such a thought in front of her evaluators. And I couldn’t believe that she didn’t entertain the possibility that some of these children might belong to the very people among whom she was standing (or, at the very least, the fact that the children themselves would probably watch the show). Perhaps she needs to reconsider who really belongs in the cast of Dumb and Dumber.

It pleased me when Bradford’s “executive decision” flopped with the Mattel employees and the group went with an idea generated by some of the women. While he appears to be a fairly sharp individual, Bradford probably successfully alienated his entire team by abruptly discounting their ideas and choosing his own for the production line. Any leader who shuts off input from the group is asking for trouble.

Maria greatly impressed me with her articulate observations about Bradford and the others. If she doesn’t end up winning, I think she will be able to take advantage of many more opportunities to be in the spotlight. I imagine that Jennifer C. and Ivana will follow a similar route, given their intelligent, no-nonsense interviews. And by the way, did the producers put Ivana on the show based on her name? And will sharing a moniker with the Donald’s ex ultimately work against her? I can’t wait to find out.

Although I predict that Andy will be fired eventually, I admired his confidence and aptly worded defense in the final boardroom meeting. Because of his age, he definitely has to work harder than some of the others to prove that he’s worthy of staying. And I didn’t care that Rob was canned. Anyone who uses the word “utilized” that much deserves what he gets. Has he never perused The Elements of Style?

Well, it doesn’t matter now. And I can’t wait to see who takes the next Taxi Ride of Shame.

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