Nelly – Sweat Review

Just when you thought it was safe to turn your radios back on.

OK”¦let’s just go ahead and get it out of the way: Cornell (Nelly) Haynes will never be mistaken for a legitimate MC. As such, it’s pointless to hold him up to the same standards as a Nas or Jay-Z. They’re saying two different things to two different audiences and judging solely on the strength of Soundscan and record sales”¦someone must be listening.

Nelly’s latest volume venture is a gimmicky money-grab in the guise of two “separate and distinct” albums that are being released on the same day. Even during Hip Hop’s double album heyday in the mid-to-late ’90s, this is the first time a mainstream rapper has gone this route with a 2-CD release”¦which are titled Sweat and Suit.

Sweat has been hyped as “the party album”. Now, whether you love Nelly or wish upon him a flaming bowel-obstructed death, you’ve gotta admit”¦the man can get asses on the dance floor.

Unfortunately, there’s not much here that comes close to rivaling past club anthems like Hot in Herre or Country Grammar.

Christina Aguilera does throw all of her throat into Tilt Ya Head Back, though. It leans pretty heavily on a Curtis Mayfield Superfly sample, but still manages to distinguish itself. Xtina’s up-tempo melody leads the way, while Nelly wisely opts to spit from the sidelines.

Personally, I would’ve made it the first single, but Universal Records instead opted for Flap Your Wings. The track plays like an attempt to create one of those crazy new dances that your parents wouldn’t understand and, as a parent myself, maybe someone could translate this line from the chorus:

Drop down and get your eagle on, girl!

C’mon, Nelly”¦haven’t we already been down this road during the Atlanta Falcons’ ill-fated Super Bowl run a few years back? I mean, is Jamal Anderson even still alive?

Speaking of sports, we can’t go any further without mentioning the opening cut, Heart of a Champion. You’ll almost want to overlook lyrical low points, such as:

I’m like Magic to Kareem/Y’all tell me I ain’t Worthy or “¦more heart than Hallmark on Valentine’s Day.

You think it can’t get worse than that? Ah, then you haven’t heard the song’s hook where Nelly samples the opening theme from The NBA on NBC. I guess we should be grateful that he couldn’t find anything to rhyme with Hannah Storm or Ahmad Rashaad.

Now, if you’ve ever heard a Nelly album, you know that he’s obligated to portion out mic time to his crew, the St. Lunatics. And, if you’ve ever heard the St. Lunatics, you shouldn’t be surprised by gems like these from the ‘get-yo-cash’ cacophony called American Dream:

I’m Quick Draw McGraw/Number 20 on the Lakers couldn’t hold me, y’all

Hey, a Gary Payton reference! Remember when he was a Laker? (He’s not anymore.) Remember when he played well enough that this lyric might’ve made some sense? (Think 1994).

So, I spend the first paragraph of this review saying that Nelly shouldn’t be judged by the usual MC standards and then I proceed to do just that. Well, there are a few legit lyricists on here making some high-profile guest spots.

Fat Joe continues his current hot streak on Grand Hang Out. He doesn’t get a whole lot of time to shine, but it doesn’t take much to rise above Nelly’s boasts that he’s getting so big, he needs to change his name to Krispy Kreme. Hell, even Remy Ma comes with a decent verse.

Remy Ma, for cryin’ out loud.

And, if she can come through, then you know Mobb Deep and Missy Elliot should just destroy the track that they’re on. Of course, they don’t.

Havoc and Prodigy turn into simpering, pandering parodies on Playa which, combined with the New Edition ’80s synth beat, might be the worst song they’ve ever been involved with”¦including Hey Luv. Missy doesn’t do a whole lot beyond the hook and her continued embrace of this sex symbol image she’s created for herself is just”¦disturbing.

Still, credit where it’s due, as Nelly raises his own damn game on Another One. It won’t take long to realize that it’s another subtle salvo in the ongoing feud between Nelly and the decrepit KRS-One.

Hell, he even drops the line of the album:

I should move to Bel-Air, the way I fill up banks.

Get it? Hey, it’s a Nelly album”¦whaddaya want?