In Memoriam: Dr. Wagner, one of the greatest of the lucha heels.
Great weekend to be a sports fan. The NFL opened up action (even though the Bears became the FIRST FUCKING TEAM IN THREE YEARS TO LOSE AT HOME TO THE FUCKING LIONS), the last tennis major of the year closed (and congrats to Federererer and yet another anonymous Russian woman for winning a major…hey, Kuznetsova isn’t as hot as Maria Sharapova), we’ve got a new #1 in women’s tennis and she’s a French lesbian, loads of upsets in college football, The Sims 2 is making the rounds in the pirate scene for computer gamers…too bad I had to work Saturday, which put a whole damper on the weekend. Life truly does suck.
And, oh, yeah, we wrestling fans are coming off of a PPV. I’ll discuss that later on.
THE PIMP SECTION
Lucard has yesterday’s Daily Pulse going on for you.
Stein has the indy news for you.
The B Shows are now in full effect! Turn to Hollyric for Afterburn, Faria with Epilepsy, Gardner vis-a-vis Bottom Line, and West in re Heat.
Shaffer complains that I don’t pimp him. Consider yourself pimped, Jed, and it was a good column to boot.
Hevia‘s good, but the Crucifix is no Short Form.
Dave M has the second-best Impact summary on the site.
Fernandez has that pimpmeister Burnside on the Jukebox this week.
Urciuolo commits gimmick infringement by bitching about the stupidity of David Terrell. Sorry, only I am allowed to bitch about the Bears. Not even Fernandez is allowed to do that here.
Regrettably, I’ll be working nights in November, so unless Laflin wants to help out on the floor, he’s out of luck.
Baker slams Green Lantern, which is a nice change of pace from the Comics guys.
JJ has enclosed enough news bits to make it a column.
And, of course, you can now get me via RSS Feed.
THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION
Remember, this all started because the slugs at Enigma Software dared to advertise their piece of shit SpyHunter at 411 (one of the reasons why I decided to leave, honestly). So I’m responding every single column with proper anti-spyware information. And guess what? People are actually taking this to heart. They’re asking me for help if they’re infested, or they’re writing me telling me that their browsing experience is less annoying thanks to the stuff I’ve been putting up here three times a week for a few months now.
(And as I understand it, there are some unscrupulous browser toolbar people trying to advertise here at the Pulse. Well, don’t click on that ad, whatever you do. We’ll still get the money from the impressions, and your system will stay safe.)
Big, big Kudos to the guys at the Spyware Warrior Forum for pointing out to everyone the extent of criminal activity participated in by Enigma Software, makers of the bane of advertising on this site, SpyHunter. Slimeballs extraordinare, aren’t they? And in case you need more info about what flaming bags of shit they are, try here. Suzi’s Blog has a great list of other flaming bags of shit that promote anti-spyware programs that are spyware themselves. Consult it if you have questions.
(On a side note, those SpyHunter ads started over at Reality News Online, and BFM, a contributor there, spotted them. He told the webmaster, gave him those links that I cited above, the webmaster read them, the blood drained out of his face, and he contacted his ad provider. No more ads for Enigma products on RNO, thank you. So guess what? If you provide the info, there are sites who will listen.)
One of the leading vectors for spyware is so-called free programs that contain this shit in order to “pay the bills”. No one deserves that kind of treatment. If you’ve got a question about whether or not a certain program contains spyware, head over here. It’s a nice alphabetized list of programs that do contain spyware and should be avoided at all costs.
Here’s a list of the programs you really need to help you get rid of menaces, and, more importantly, prevent them from occurring in the first place:
Spybot and AdAware. The ONLY two spyware removal tools to trust. Do NOT buy any spyware removal tools, because none of them work better than these two, and all of them except these two are suspect.
SpywareBlaster. Will nuke thousands of different potentially malicious ActiveX controls, and now has the ability to prevent a number of non-ActiveX methods of installing spyware for people who use Mozilla/Firefox.
SpywareGuard. From Javacool, like SpywareBlaster. It’s a real-time scanner for spyware. A decent first line of defense.
IE-SpyAd. Throws numerous ad-related URLs into IE’s Restricted Zone, where they won’t display or affect your system. Bookmark this one, since it’s the only one that doesn’t have an in-program update.
A few people have recommended also installing the Sun Java Virtual Machine, since it’s Windows’ buggy, half-assed implementation of the JVM that allows a lot of spyware to install (less so within the past month and a half than before). I STRONGLY recommend that you visit here and update your version of Java.
So many people have asked about a free anti-virus program that I’m also going to recommend AVG. Totally free, and works really, really well, as well as commercial anti-virus programs. Frequent database updates, good heuristic detection, everything you want in an anti-virus package.
Another program that I’d like to add here is a little tough to work with for noobs if it goes buggy (you need to know a little something about your Networking settings in order to debug if something should go wrong). Protowall is a supplement to your firewall or NAT system. It hooks directly into XP’s networking system to block any and all traffic that comes from URLs on a list maintained by the program (all protocols, not just TCP/UDP). It’s mainly designed for anti-P2P purposes (which will appeal to a great many of my readers), but it contains lists to block spyware and ads. Its blocklist can easily be updated using its supplementary program, Blocklist Manager. I have Protowall running and a Blocklist Manager icon on my desktop, and I use Blocklist Manager to update the blocklist every couple of days. You will have problems getting to some sites unless you shut down Protowall temporarily, like ESPN or Sports Illustrated, but it does have a tray icon you can right-click and shut down in a few seconds. It’s the third layer of anti-ad material for me, with IE-SpyAd and AdSubtract running alongside it. Warning, though: it only works with XP. I’d recommend its predecessor, Peer Guardian, for other MS OSes, but it isn’t being developed anymore, and there were still bugs in it when development stopped. You can get Protowall and the Blocklist Manager (which will also work with Peer Guardian) at Bluetack’s site.
Of course, only download them from the links provided above. And only download those programs; don’t fall for the ads that are shown at various websites.
With AdAware and Spybot, check for updates using their internal update function at least once a week. Run them at least once a week or whenever you think you might have problems. Remember, the new version of Spybot has browser protection capabilities, so have that run at startup and leave it running. Check for updates to SpywareBlaster once a week. It only needs to be run once initially in order to establish protection. Then, after it downloads updates, just click on the line that says “Enable Protection For All Unprotected Items” and kill it. It doesn’t need to be active. For IE-SpyAd, bookmark the site and check for updates twice a week, since it has no kind of internal updater. Run the Blocklist Manager every couple of days to make sure that you keep up on the latest banned URLs. Since all it does is add Registry entries, it doesn’t eat up anything.
If you’re having trouble with spyware or a browser hijacker, or think that you do, head over to the SpywareInfo Forums, where the pros there can help you diagnose and get rid of stuff. I was promoted to Full Helper status there and ended up joining ASAP, the Alliance of Security Analysis Professionals. Look for their symbol, which I’m not going to try to link to anymore because someone at the other end keeps munging it.
The Ravin’ Cajun asks me to recommend a good client-side spam filter for MS mail programs running under Windows. Now, this is something I don’t have experience with because my ISPs have always had good spam filtering, plus, I use Thunderbird, which handles the remainder quite nicely, thank you. Some readers wrote in and recommended SpamBayes, which is totally free and supposedly works very well, so I’ll add it on to the anti-annoyance list that we’re building up here.
TRIP DOES A GREAT GENE HACKMAN
First of all, read Anderson‘s analysis. It’s wonderful and covers the same ground as I’m doing here, only he didn’t have to wait for it to download. And Fazoli’s is shitty.
Just to show you the dedication I have toward you, the reader, I have to go into work early today. So I gave myself only about four hours or so of sleep in order to watch Unforgiven and Raw, in that order, in order to finish the column in the AM rather than the PM upon returning from work. And you still don’t appreciate the sacrifices. Ungrateful bitches. Okay, here we go, match by match…
Carlos and Hugo don’t get pimped enough, and I like them, so they get a screen cap
Okay, I gotta admit that I loved the opener. Fifteen minutes of mat-based, classic wrestling, and how can you go wrong with Benoit, Regal, and especially Flair? The crowd got into it (which surprised me a bit), and I got into it. I don’t mind them jerking the curtain because it helps a PPV to have a good, strong opener. Nice work by everyone involved, especially Batista, who was able to keep up with those three (a feat worth celebrating). And I was right; it did turn out to be the Match of the Night.
A classic Flair moment
Like everyone else has said, we’ve seen Trish/Victoria eight billion times before, and this one was nothing new or nothing special. We’ve also seen Tomko beat up on people before, so that was nothing new or nothing special. So that’s why I skipped over most of this.
This one isn’t in the Kama Sutra
Welcome to the He-Man Tranny-Haters’ Club
I will admit to getting the Women’s title and Ladder matches totally wrong in the Round Table. However, please note my caveat: I said that it all depended on which match they’d have Tomko involved in. Since he went with Trish, obviously the results changed. So I was right in one sense. Yah, boo, sucks to you.
Can there be such a thing as a dull ladder match? If so, we had a great example of one on Sunday night. Nothing innovative, nothing to make you get out of your seat, nothing spectacular. I was expecting better of those two than this. Shame on Christian and Jericho.
Christian making an attempt at the strap
Skipped most of the Michaels/Kane match. I was a little caught on time, and we’ve seen this shit a billion times before. Plus, that damn thing was booked to last for eternity (almost a half-hour?).
You will believe a Kane can fly
Skipped most of the tag title match too. Like we haven’t seen this shit on Raw before. Like Anderson said, I can’t believe people paid for this shit.
Damn, I love Tajiri
As for the world title match…damn if I can figure out what they’re trying to get at with the booking. The entire IWC is confused about why the hell the title was swapped to Orton in the first place. If it’s to set up WM, they had time to do that. They could have done a title swap as late as Royal Rumble, giving Orton time to chase the title and buid up some momentum as a face. Instead, they do this. I’m just shaking my head, as I’ve been ever since the title change, as to why they did it this way. Of course, as of this writing, I haven’t watched Raw yet, which might answer some questions in my mind. But, still…you know, last time I talked to Fleabag, I made the statement that Orton was the most obvious transitional champion since Ronnie Garvin. I just never thought the transition would happen this quickly. Unless they’re setting up Trip/Benoit for WM instead of Trip/Orton. Benoit’s got the whole “you never beat me” thing going on, after all. Oh, hell, I’m confused and I don’t have enough coffee in me yet to try to figure this shit out. Let’s just move on to the rest of this…
Trip bitch-punches his ungrateful protege
VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE
Suck Woodhead recapped John Dempsey’s Variety article on falling WWE ratings pretty well over at 1bullshit Junior (a big surprise considering Woodhead’s lack of ability to summarize without editorializing). He includes one paragraph that I think is interesting:
The article points out that Spike TV is coming off of its worst summer ever, as they saw numbers drop in all of the key demographics (18-34, 18-49 and 25-54). The article also points out that the median age of a WWE Raw viewer in 2001 was 26 years old, whereas now the median age is 33, further proof that WWE is losing their young audience (and only the older, long time fans are still watching).
There are lots of reasons for the bad ratings for Spike. First of all, they were relying on Joe Schmo to jack the ratings up, which didn’t happen due to numerous factors (the general inferiority of the show in its first half of episodes, the distinct lack of promotion that Spike gave it, the vibe of “something new” having worn off). Also, the decision to turn Spike into the “all CSI, all the time” network makes the audience skew older in the first place. Also, it means that CSI doesn’t have the carrying power of other series. People will watch new episodes and new parts of the franchise over at Viacom partner CBS, but not in reruns on Spike.
As for the WWE audience skewing older and losing its casual viewers, I’ve been saying this for years. If it takes Variety to prove me right, then so be it. Maybe you cocksuckers will listen to me a little bit more. I’ve been right about everything else (Flex, Wife-Beater, the retard, etc.). The booking and the SE elements provide nothing that would attract a casual viewer or make a younger audience think it’s “cool” to watch WWE programming. The decline in the casual audience began before the Bitch of the Baskervilles and her world-champion hubby started their stranglehold over the booking committee, but most of the damage has been done under their regime. Haven’t they figured out by now that what they’re doing isn’t working? Probably, but she’s immune from criticism because she’s a McMahon. And they don’t care because they’re still making money. So no change or shake-up is in the works, unless it’s mandated by Viacom.
And Viacom has reason to mandate one in order to save their asses. Here’s another paragraph from Suck:
Variety points out that WWE’s decision to split their roster between Spike TV (Raw) and UPN (Smackdown) is one of the major problems, and the fact that WWE has chosen to no longer “cross-promote” by continuing storylines from Monday on Thursday (and vice versa) is hurting the shows. They feel the fact that an audience now has to wait a week before seeing the next chapter in a story is causing disinterest amongst fans that were used to getting twice weekly doses of the main storylines.
I’m going to call “bullshit” on this one, folks. The brand extension itself isn’t the problem. The execution of the brand extension was and is. The sense of competition between the two died out pretty quickly and is only referenced on special occasions like the draft. There’s nothing there to connect the two other than the fact that it’s WWE programming. Blaming the audience for having no attention span? What about standard programming, where you have to wait a week for a new episode of a program? Are you going to blame low ratings for other network programming on this fact? This is a canard.
The only solution is a creative shakeup. Paul Heyman being back in the mix isn’t enough. Stephanie McMahon has to have creative control removed from her (even to the extent of putting her back on TV). Then, with her off everyone’s backs, give them a three-month shot at getting something going. If that doesn’t work, do a scorched-earth and get a whole new staff in.
And now it’s time for the weekly disaster known as Raw…
THE SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Our Lord and Savior over Rob Conway (Submission, crossface): Flair, meet better-than-average broom. Damn, he made Conway look like a million bucks (American, not Canadian). Looks like we’re going to have new tag champs pretty soon, aren’t we? That’s going to be a wonderful reward for Regal having to go through the whole retard crap and through a rough rehab to get back to form. I wouldn’t worry about La Res too much, though; they’ll get the belts back soon enough. They’re Raw’s version of the Dudleys, after all.
My Beautiful and Beloved, Victoria, and Nidia over Trish Stratus, Molly Holly, and Gail Kim (Pinfall, My Beautiful and Beloved pins Holly, rollup): FFed through it. Like we haven’t seen this shit before. Jesus, get something original on my screen…yes, I’m old. Now stop masturbating and concentrate on enjoying wrestling.
Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho over Christian and Tyson Tomko (Pinfall, Michaels pins Tomko, Sweet Chimp Music): Adequate tag match. Nicely paced. That’s diplomatic language for “I don’t give a f*ck”.
Kane versus Gene Snitsky (?) (ND, miscarriage): They’re ending the pregnancy angle! Thank you, God. By the way, Snitsky has the look that Vince likes. Maybe he can be Kane’s next feud. After all, he will end up costing Lita the baby, which should piss off Kane because God knows who else would allow him to be…wait a second, why doesn’t he just jack off into a cup and get a surrogate if he wants a child so bad? In vitro is probably the best way to go for him. Maybe the runner-up in the Diva Search can be the lucky winner of one cup of Kane sperm and a turkey baster.
Randy Orton over Trip, Flair, and DAVE (DQ, Fun With Refs): Okay, six-man next week between Evolution and Orton, Benoit, and Benjamin. We get it. Stop hammering it into us, please.
Angle Developments:
To The Victor Goes The Promos: I’ll let Raw Regular Derrek Croney get first word on this one:
I liked the opening segment as, in my opinion, it accomplished two objectives:
1) (Re)establish HHH as the top heel — short of time travel back to Ric Flair’s prime, HHH’s the best heel.
2) Establishes Orton as a legit babyface. In this case, we’re best served with Orton doing the chasing.
It just goes to show what a lot of the IWC says: Trip can put someone over if and when he decides to. Obviously, he decided that Orton was worth putting over on Raw, so he did so, and in a very effective manner. Great promo on top of it from him as well.
Haley Lives: Great Little Things moment in the women’s schmozz. When the faces gained dominance, My Beautiful and Beloved, who was out of the ring at the time, rolled back in. The moment she saw Missus Hyatte do her run-in, she rolled back out. This is why I love her so much: she’s got the brains to keep up with me.
And that’s it for me. Stay tuned tomorrow when I give you the Daily Pulse, and later this week for the Double-Team Short Form (yes, I decided on an official name). Until then, stay frosty.
