Bob\'s Amazing Thoughts: You Can Lead An Ox Through Mud, But You Can\'t Make It Think

Goddarn OX. Why won’t my constant tauntings and insults get it to stay inside the appropriate plowing area? I just don’t get this @$%#@!& beast. You know, you could help me. Just get right down in the mud and see if you can fins my thoughts on this weeks episode…

1. Winner of the Week: “Oh, my God. I’m spaghetti.” I’m finding it increasingly interesting that the team that has basically had the biggest “yawn” factor for me throughout the race has put together two very strong, impressive legs. The Bowling Moms once again defied the odds and impressed the heck out of me. Their impressive performance putting together that weird looking car thing had the boys stunned. I have to, though, specifically honor Linda this week. Her performance on the 70 foot rope ladder and walking the beam was truly an Amazing Race moment. Now, if Karen would only stop her whining and sulking….

2. Weasel of the Week: “It’s OK. Just run them over. Run them over!” Inevitably, with every reality show, you will hear the editing argument at least once while someone is defending the seemingly inexcusable behavior of their favorite. Usually, I can’t stand that argument, but something had been bothering me this whole season of TAR. I just never felt we had seem the real Christie. Well, this week I think we did, and it wasn’t pretty. The producers seemed to go out of their way to paint her as the submissive, enabler of Colin’s rage. Yet, today we saw a frantic, obnoxious person who not just enables Colin’s rage, but feeds it. It was obvious that Colin was on the verge of losing it during the Ox challenge and it was obvious that she should have been in there helping him by leading the ox and not just coaching from the sideline. Yet that’s what she did, standing their, not helping, but taunting the volcano, yelling things like “Is there anyway possible for you to not wander aimlessly?” I was about ready to scream “I hate you” at the girl myself.

3. Line of the Week: None of this excuses Colin’s behavior. Yet maybe I have become desensitized to it. Each week Colin’s outburst seem less scary and more comical. I should feel ashamed by this I guess and I can just imagine my emails this week. “Hey Bob, you insensitive coot. Colin’s abusive nature is no joking manner.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Admit it though, even you stifled a chuckle when Colin screamed, “My Ox is broken.” Yeah, the guy is a putz, but I can’t promise you I wouldn’t be having an equally ridiculous tantrum if I was in a similar position.

4. “I can’t even look at them, I feel so ashamed.” Chip and Kim have really run a great race. Yeah, they are prone to the stupid mistake, but they’ve done an excellent job cultivating the image of a sweet, nice team, while not hesitating to play cut throat when they really need to. This was the same “sweet, nice” team that purposefully held up the twins cab in order to prevent them from gaining to big of an advantage. After last week’s possibly fatal “Yield” blunder, it made sense that they would want to make a big move to help them win. I was slightly confused though. All three teams were screaming “Yield Colin and Christie” and yet they all were racing to be the team that did it. Wouldn’t it have been a little smarter to get to the mat first, not yield him and make one of the other teams use their only yield. Otherwise, what was the point of racing to it, pushing and pulling at the other teams.

5. “Oh, Brandon, you’re so good.” “You’re good baby.” I just had to write it out, it cracked me up so much. Our two Godly, sugary sweat virginal models are good for a few laughs, and not all that much more. Ask me a few weeks ago and I would have told you that they were a player in this race, but now I am not so sure they have the commitment necessary to take this thing. I think their decisions to not go sledging, and not to cut their hair was a real eye opener for me. Hey, I get it, they’re models and they need their beautiful faces because, Lord knows they ain’t gonna make much money with their brains, but from a race stand point if at least one of them isn’t fully committed to winning, I can’t see them pulling it off.

6. “Can you take us to The Coconut Place?” “The Cookie Palace?” Another humorous Brandon and Nicole moment I just had to mention. When Brandon was trying to get his bad cabbie to understand that they wanted to go to The Coconut Palace, he was making an interesting hand gesture to illustrate his point. The gesture seemed to show Brandon cupping some, well….ummm…. coconuts.

7. “They are going to be flying and yapping.” I have never been one for drastic rule changes but with all the trouble that the producers go to make two separate tasks for the detour you’d think they’d do something to make sure that both tasks were performed by at least one team. Already we got ripped off from seeing a team covered in bees. And let’s not mention our balked at Fast Forward depriving me of my opportunity to see Ms. Texas bald. This week, I would have loved to see Mr. Angry himself chasing after 1,000 yapping ducks trying to intimate them into their holding pens. But, no. So Mr. Producer that’s my free advise for the week. If no other team has performed a task, the last place team has to do it. Now, let’s talk about a reunion show.

8. “We’re third. I don’t want to be third.” I guess in a week were Brandon and Nicole offered very little beyond good quotes it would only be appropriate to end this thing with one more line from our loveliest of couples. This week was a big week of foreshadowing for Our Amazing Editors. Who out there didn’t see impending doom coming Colin and Christie’s way after their cocky comments like “Well, it’s not just that the other teams suck…”? Did anyone doubt that Linda would be successful at climbing the rope ladder after Chip guaranteed that she wouldn’t? Does that now mean the mom’s will be our big winners? Well, the big finale is coming next week, and I for one just can’t wait. Oh, and back to Nicole’s highlighted quote at the top of this section, exactly what place did these models finish? Yep, third. Damn those editors.

Well, that’s all for this week. See ya at the finale…

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