Ok so I completely missed out on the pre sale for Raw at MSG on October 4th so if anybody wants to donate front row tickets to the Rent-A-Hevia program you are free to do so. On with the show…
Unforgiven 09.12.04
Breakdown:
-Chris Benoit and William Regal def. Ric Flair and Batista ($$$)
-Trish Stratus def Victoria ($$)
-Tyson Tomko def. Stevie Richards (-$)
-Chris Jericho def. Christian in a ladder match for the IC title ($$$)
-HBK def. Kane ($$$)
-La Resistance def. Rhyno & Tajiri ($$)
-HHH def Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Championship ($$$)
Unforgiven Membrane:
Legally:
-Well these were all matches for the most part so other than the assault/self defense issues; only the Tomko/Richards match had legal implications. Although card is subject to change, card is not subject to suck.
Personal:
-Benoit and Regal vs. Flair and Batista was a fun opener.
-Christian and Trish fighting over Tomko’s services was cool with me. Because if that was the breakup I can dig it. No stupid matches, no stupid “You can’t live without me” shit, just “Damn you a slut!” “Whateva!” and we’re done. Perfect!
-Trish and Victoria had a fun little match but I still want Victoria to be all psycho again with T.A.T.U. playing her to the ring. She can still be a face. Just an “I’m a psycho diva!” face. Rock on.
-Sorry but Stevie Richards officially has no penis. And Tomko just bothers me for some reason. He’s like an untalented Batista.
-If that ladder match was done 7 years ago we would still be talking about it. Sucks to have a spot match in this day and age.
-HBK and Kane was cool and if I was Kane I would’ve been pissed at my “bitch wife” the next night too.
-Other than Tajiri’s sick kicks I could’ve cared less about the tag match.
-HHH dethroning Randy Orton was the right thing at the right time in the right way…with interference. Orton is a good chaser and needed to get super hot to wear the belt. He was lukewarm with it. Now that he gets to chase they can tinker more. God bless Triple H. What a great man and phenomenal wrestler.
Raw 09.13.04 Breakdown:
-Flair and Batista usher in our great champion with women and confetti and a big ass cake that Randy Orton or Yurple will pop out of. ($?)
-Yurple doesn’t pop out.(-$$$$$$$$ =*()
-Orton does. Biatch!($$$)(-***)
-Triple H punks out GM Eric and gets Evolution vs. Randy Orton for tonight. ($$?)
-Chris Benoit def. Rob Conway ($$$)
-Stacy gets ready for the Seattle Slugfest and Molly interrupts and everyone interrupts and six-woman tag by GM Eric. ($)(-**)
-Victoria, Stacy Keibler and Senora Nidia def. Trish Stratus, Molly and Gail Kim. ($$)
-Kane is angry because he lost and makes the aforementioned “bitch wife” comment. GM Eric can’t do anything for him but give him a lil’ bitch to beat up tonight. ($)
-Highlight Reel and Shawn Michaels wants to challenge Y2J. Christian interrupts. Tomko is HIS bitch tonight. Jericho asks the fans and they want a tag match. (-**) ($)
-Y2J and HBK def Christian and Tyson. ($$$)
-Chris Candido and Tammy’s evil spawn has a commercial ($)
-Seattle Slugfest…Joy takes a walk…Vince McMahon interrupts and tells us to watch next week for his major announcement…also tells the girls they will get free shots on Coach…Christy wins. (-$250,000)
-Kane vs. Gene Snitsky ends when Snitsky hits Kane with a chair and he falls onto Lita…possibly causing a miscarriage. (-***)
-Evolution vs. Randy Orton ends with mass beat down and the save from SHELTON BENJAMIN! who gets the worse end of things and another save from BENOIT! Blinger Splash! Flying Front Bulldog! Diving Head butt! RKO! ($$$$)
Raw Membrane:
Legal:
-Removing a stripper from a cake with force, as I believe Randy Orton used, is assault, battery and just wrong because you f*cked up somebody’s good time.
-Triple H threatening GM Eric is verbal assault and he got physical so yeah it’s even more assault.
-The Y2J & HBK vs. Christian and Tomko match was illegal and unsanctioned because they, as far as I know, do not have open contracts nor do they have booking power.
-Coach having to stand there and get hit was breach of contract for the entire segment.
-If abortion was illegal I don’t know if Kane or Snitsky would take the blame and go to jail.
-Gang beat downs are classified as group assault.
-Mr. Benjamin and Chris Benoit violated the Calvin Klein laws.
Personal:
-Anybody who says Randy Orton isn’t over in the least is deaf. That pop for him coming out of the cake got me popping.
-Crowds make a show. If a crowd is dead I could care less. Seattle was hot.
-I really wanted Yurple.
-Why is Triple H threatening E.B. like he’s chasing the title? He friggin’ has it.
-Did anyone else feel uncomfortable when Molly was talking?
-If Victoria doesn’t go psycho again I’m writing somebody a letter. You know what I’m writing a letter…ok I’m back the letter is below.
-Kane should beat the hell out of E.B. Eric always books Kane to kill but when Kane wants to he can’t? I smell bullshit.
-Soon enough HBK might want the European title back so he can go lower. Resurrect the Euro Title! HBK=Jesus Euro Title=Resurrection…The Passion of the Heartbreak Kid.
-Holy shit Skip is back…wait it’s Zip…no it’s Dean Malenko!…no…wait…wait what the f*ck is going on?
-Vince McMahon’s big news better be that he has front row MSG for me.
-Christy Hemme rules.
-Diva Search=RIGGED…sorry but Coach was taking bumps for Carmela…that was so much bullshit. And honestly, I was pissed off…I swear to God I was. I might write another letter.
-Honestly I like the way they’re going with Kane and Lita. Giving her a little baby belly helps too. Good moves.
-I popped for Benjamin and Benoit and the Seattle crowd got this whole thing over big.
I missed Smackdown! I had to work and the VCR is broken. But I read reviews so I’ll just give some:
DEEP THOUGHTS ON A MISSED SHOW
FROM DAN HEVIA!
-I wish the Big Show meant something. I really do.
-Billy Kidman sure is a bitch.
-Not buying Spike the Meany.
-I swear to God why do we have Mabel and Gangrel? Goths On A Mission! Bring back that funky rapper dude!
-The only proper thing to do is to have Michael Cole get raped.
-Luther Reigns was Mule is The Girl Next Door..seriously…rent it and watch the special feature called The Eli Experience. The WWE should use that in a comedy segment.
-Rico is cool by me. So is Haas. Jackie too I guess.
-Triple C bothers me already…chico. He should team with Nidia.
-UT vs. Goths On A Mission next week? God bring in Kronik and make it a three-way so I can put on some Coldplay and cut my wrists.
-Big Show…face…heel…face…heel…go away.
AND NOW:
My Letter To Victoria:
Dear Lisa Marie,
As you may know, many people in the IWC and wrestling in general (I put us first because we TOTALLY RULE!) were huge fans of you when you were a psycho. T.A.T.U. and an eyeball in a hand and all that? We loved it and wanted more. You gave us more. We saw more skin. Hey, most of us are guys so we enjoyed that. Then something happened. Either you took a bad bump or had some “special” experience with Stacy Keibler, but you became nicer…and cheery…and you danced. To be William Regal-like…”What in the bloody hell is this sunshine!?” That new music that sounds like a DJ committing suicide and a surprised woman after getting her ass grabbed really just sucks! No offense but your pelvis thrust scared the living hell out of me and a whole bunch of other people. I honestly thought your vagina was going to shoot through my television. You slapped hands with fans. You think this is ok? Look at what it did to Stevie Richards. This guy made it through a tour of duty with the Blue Meanie and you had to be the one to make him become a transvestite. If this is what you want, then have it. But I sense it isn’t. Lisa, on behalf of the Get Dan Hevia Front Row Tickets For MSG on October 4th Campaign and the vast IWC contingent, please pull the top with the spider on it out of the closet, tell the sound people to cue up the Russian Lesbians and go be the Psycho Diva that we love. Thank You.
-Dan Hevia
I haven’t gotten a response. At the very least I want an 8X10.
2 MORE THOUGHTS
-If either of the people on Smackdowns 5th Anniversary show (Hogan or Austin) get a big reaction, they are hired.
-I’m writing a friggin’ letter is Carmela wins.
Funny pic of the week (One for the guys):
Got any feedback? HIT ME! Later y’all.
P.S. Fade To Bluegrass (Bluegrass Metallica) is awesome.
