Oy-yoy-yoy.
Give me Chinese water torture. Starve me. Make me sleep on a damp, filthy concrete floor. Dress me in orange. Bar me from entering all shoe stores. But don’t make me go into Donald Trump’s boardroom. I think the Donald may be well on his way to achieving another stroke of entrepreneurial genius: redefining the term living hell.
This week’s episode revealed just how scary the Donald can get when pissed off. The fact that Jennifer, Stacie, Bradford, and Ivana all walked out of that room with dry faces proves one of two things: A) they are all on massive doses of Valium or B) they are lacking all or part of their souls. Granted, everyone was clearly shaken by the statements made during that meeting and subsequent results, but the fact that no one shed any tears reveals these people for who they truly are: heartless space aliens.
But perhaps I’m being unfair. Not everybody cries when they’re upset. Some people express their feelings in other ways. They punch large holes in their closet walls or buy enough scented candles to put themselves in credit card debt. I really have to wonder what the remaining three apprentices did after they got back to their suite. If they are not shown downing massive amounts of gin at the beginning of next week’s episode, I will assume that they chose to vent their feelings in such a lewd way that it could not legally be broadcast on any channel except Skinimax. In other words, I hope the three ladies took young Andy into the Jacuzzi and played Find the Martini Olive for a few hours.
As I see it, the biggest offender of this week’s episode was not the King of Stupid, wacky Stacie J., “Captain” Ivana, or even Jennifer, who had the audacity to express some valid, intelligent opinions. No, it was the Big Guy himself.
The Donald demonstrated a profound show of hypocrisy in firing Bradford. Now, I’m not in any way defending Bradford’s decision to waive his immunity in the boardroom. That was indeed one of the most colossally stupid things I’ve ever seen anyone do on national television, with the possible exception of all those girls throwing themselves the very porcine, slutty-tongued Bob Guiney on The Bachelor. Bradford was obviously sailing on a massive ego trip after his success with the first assignment and sank himself with his own cockiness. Getting fired certainly had to have brought him down a notch in the self-esteem department, but ultimately, the real loser in this situation is Mr. Trump.
Dude, if he’s the best person in the room, you respect him, and you think he’s doing a good job, couldn’t you be a little more forgiving? Bradford was not responsible for Apex’s loss. The view from my living room couch portrayed Ivana as wishy-washy, poor communicator lacking even a basic understanding of Midtown geography. I’ve only been living in Manhattan for a month and even I knew where they needed to take their damn pushcart. Hardly rocket science, people.
Bradford handled his task beautifully. It was the others who dropped the ball. If the Donald can’t stay focused on that in the grand scheme of things, i.e., finding the best person for the job, he’s the one making foolish, impulsive decisions. Bradford will probably continue to be a successful attorney or pursue other options thanks to his exposure on the show, but Mr. Trump just tossed out a prime candidate for employment and left two people of questionable competence (Ivana and Stacie) in the running. How does that make any sense?
Despite this episode’s intriguing yet disappointing conclusion, I thoroughly enjoyed watching Mosaic in action on the ice cream assignment. I thought it was very noble of them to donate all of their profits to the Leukemia Society. And their idea of wearing Raj’s bowties was adorable. Watching the emergency doughnut run had me in stitches, as did Pamela’s pathetic attempts to hawk their breakfast ice cream in Times Square. You work it, girl. Oh, yes. Oh, baby. Move that product, sister. And the flavor concept was brilliant. The next time I crave a Krispy Kreme (which is actually all the time), I’m using it as a sundae topping.
