For those who follow my LiveJournal at all (I refuse to call it a “blog”), you may have seen that in the past couple of weeks, I unearthed a whole pile of my old notebooks of writing. Let me clarify from the start that while I’ve been a crazily avid scribbler of randomness since I was a kid, I definitely went through phases of hilariously bad existentialism and teenage angst. Still, I have had the same favorite band for over a decade and still write a lot of bad angsty tripe at times. Two constants, always: writing and music, music and writing. In first grade, I went to a young writer’s convention and knew every word by heart to a good chunk of Joan Jett and Van Halen tunes. Both feel equally safe in my world, a refuge from the universe of Suck.
When I found one notebook with a page inside scribbled with the headline, “Music Quotes Without Which My Life Would Be Nothing,” I had a lot higher hopes than what I got — a project I had barely begun, sparse with only ten blurbs, many artists whom I haven’t given a spin in quite some time. Still, this was the spring of 1996; I was going to community college, working in retail, living at home after a bad apartment experience, recovering from the hell that had been my first serious relationship, and trying to be 18 years old without losing my mind. Not the greatest of times, but I wrote it all down anyway.
So, the quotes…
Watching, waiting
Staring at the sun
Not even knowing who you are
Extreme “Watching, Waiting”
From their first, eponymous album. Extreme was one of my favorite bands back then. Oh, to gaze upon Nuno Bettencourt, the object of my drooldom at the time. Looking back, they surely wrote some cornball stuff, but their musicianship stands tall. “Watching, Waiting” wasn’t even remotely one of their better songs. But when you’re young and lost in life, it was that simple phrase that caught my ear and resonated through my brain. Yeah, it certainly does look pretty cornball.
It’s harder to be friends than lovers
And you shouldn’t try to mix the two
‘Cuz if you do it and you’re still unhappy
Then you know that the problem is you
Liz Phair “Divorce Song”
This still stands near the top of a list of songs I adore and most certainly embodies a big chunk of my failed relationship. That mess in itself is fodder for its own column, as I could relate half of the songs in the universe to my situation. Honestly, people, read that quote one more time. Tattoo it to the back of the inside of your brain. Ms. Phair is nothing short of a prophetess.
Love is an act of blood and I’m bleeding
A pool in the shape of a heart
Dream Theater “Space-Dye Vest”
Ignore the fact that I worship this band as the sun and the moon, and instead remember that I had just been madly in love with a guy who was screwing one of my good friends behind my back. Perhaps now it can be easily understood how I attached like a facehugger to this tune. Consider this paragraph to be a teaser of that column I mentioned previously. Music is so fantastic for sorting out mental chaos.
You are my flower
You are my power
Led Zeppelin “Dancing Days”
I was a stupid hippie. I’m not sure I have any other rationalization for this quote being on my list. Nobody today would ever believe me if they didn’t know me in high school, but I spent my last two years of school in tie dye and bellbottoms with long blonde hair parted down the middle. I was big into Zep back then, too. There are about 1400 better quotes I could have pulled out of my ass.
I sit here glowing in the shade
Away from all your brightness
I lost my innocence today
When I learned how to write this
Veruca Salt “Celebrate You”
For as outspoken as I am and always have been, I have always surrounded myself with people who are similarly vibrant and attention-whorey. When I started dating someone like that, it was far too easy for me to step back and watch. This also meant that a lot of my own ideas and opinions were never considered, but then again, I never spoke up, either. I distinctly remember writing a letter, spilling out all of the things that nobody knew was going on in my head. It’s almost comical how that matches the lyrics exactly. Now if only I had actually sent the letter.
That’s approval
A stamp of a knife with initials on rubber
Shudder To Think “No Rm. 9, Kentucky”
I am fairly sure that I chose this particular passage of the song simply to avoid quoting any of the rest of the song. “I predict by 3am/The pill bottle top will have come undone” and something about a drawing featuring incest probably isn’t something I wanted to immortalize on the page. The entire song is one big mental nightmare, and even the quote I chose alludes to all the messed up stuff I went through with various individuals, from parents to friends and beyond. Okay, I give up trying to explain it; go find Pony Express Record and try making sense of anything on that album.
You are obscene and you know it
I run from me and it shows
That’s what you like me for huh, sister?
Crawling now on the floor, do you like it
Sister?
Babes In Toyland “Mother”
I always had dreams of singing that song live and just freaking out Kat Bjelland style. BIT were my picture of angry bitches and I wanted to be one of them. “Mother” was the centerpiece for me, screaming venom directed toward other females in my life and putting me back at the top of the universe. I always had a huge mouth and it often got me shoved into the “crazy ranting chick, don’t listen to her” category. I’m still surprised to this day that I never went on a killing spree.
I wear this f*cking mask because you cannot handle me
Marilyn Manson “Organ Grinder”
Once again I will proclaim that I listened to Marilyn Manson before they were “cool” and certainly before they were “passe,” as I picked up Portrait in the fall of 1994. I loved their over-the-top hatred. This was also before Mr. Brian Warner started taking himself seriously. I ate it all up with a fork and spoon, laughing along with them every step of the way. And what angry white female couldn’t identify with that lyric? I was dressing like a hippie, remember? I might clearly have needed some mental help, I don’t know.
Nobody knows where you’re going
Nobody knows if you’re up or down
Nobody knows what you’re after
But the world keeps spinnin’ around and round and round
Roxy Blue “Nobody Knows”
Once again we revert to the cock rock I had loved throughout the early ’90s. Yes, another lyric about insignificance or misunderstanding. It sure was great to be a teenager, yes indeed. Funny that bands across genres such as those on this list often all say the same damned things. Still, wow… Roxy Blue. I can’t defend my tastes and won’t even try.
House is on fire
We’re naked again
Maybe all we need
Is water and friends
Bush “Swim”
I saw a Bush lyric on this paper and damned near burned it, proclaiming that I had just discredited myself for all time as a music aficianado. But then I went back and read it again, then chuckled. What a great little lyric. I’m still giggling. What in the world does that lyric have to do with my life, without which it would be nothing? Perhaps it’s just saying I wouldn’t survive all of this anger and confusion of my youth without a good dose of irreverent humor.
Were I to make a list like this today, I’m sure the same quotes from DT and Liz would be found. Everything else? Well, it was a time in my life which has long since passed by. I have found new and better angry lyrics to guide me through my fury, fury which is more “mature” and “adult,” I suppose. I have quite obviously used the power of my pen/tongue to unleash a lot of the pent-up bullshit instead of whining about it. Oh yes, and I stopped listening to crap, so any new list wouldn’t be nearly so embarrassing. Not to say Phil Collins wouldn’t make an appearance.
So you can wipe off that grin — I know where you’ve been,
–gloomchen
