SATURDAY EVENING POST
as it was wrote is here
Hello everyone, I’m Flea and I don’t give a goddamn about Cat Stevens.
"Wild World"? Hey, the dude should be lucky he * used * to be Cat
Stevens and ain’t just your everyday Mustafa Islamo…every airport has a
special place for those "on the list" (as well as the dumbasses who
still think acting up at the airport is acceptable behavior) – it’s a nice room
where guards ain’t afraid to tune you up, on camera no less, just for being
accused. His saving grace was BEING Cat Stevens…a crime in itself, but
evidently no one had the guts to arrest him for multiple offenses of
impersonating a musician.
Snowflakes are good! Scroll when you see the next set if you care about golf
as half as much as I like Cat Stevens
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Last week I mentioned a little about golf re: The Ryder Cup and had planned
to do a whole section about it, but just don’t feel like it. The Number One
Golfer and the Number 100 Golfer are, once you get out there, guns drawn, really
not all that different (playing wise, I mean) – which is why, if you can relax
for two seconds and follow a season of golf, you will see multiple winners and
stories of glory, plenty of drama, with the cream of the crop dominating…only
because they are winners.
What is odd is that the same cream of crop winners are so uptight in
situations like this, they choke like a high school girl giving her first
blowjob. No matter how many homespun countryfied analogies Hall Sutton
attempted, the Americans went down in flames. Like I mentioned last week, I’m
not shocked – the bottom line is Americans are scared to death to party it up,
especially after 1999, where their over-exuberance nearly lead to a rehash of
the Revolutionary War, with the only saving grace being Payne Stewart continuing
to prove that God makes you LOVE, especially the soon to be downtrodden…after
all was said and done, the Americans Golfers were too busy using the champagne
bottles and the Cup as crude phallic symbols pointed in the direction of Johnny
Miller to care about offending the unwashed masses.
Even a straight man finds a gloryhole now and then
To all of you that are not golfing fans – the above was most likely
confusing, mainly because it was written in a way directed specifically toward
fans of golf – who don’t need the background, details or any further
rationalization of why American victory in the Ryder Cup matches (until the
rules* are changed) is as hopeless as a dead dog’s dick.
* by rules, I mean taking players that are not named Tiger, Phil or Davis out
of the game – go top 50 with guys like John Huston, who can shoot your liver
out, and Brad Faxon, who gets gimmes on the type of prayer putt Sergio lucked
in.
But don’t flip out and make John Daly the Captain. Or Tiger. Mark O’ Meara
will most likely be selected as the next Captain – no problems there, but damn –
I hope the "strict" guidelines imposed on American golfers for the
glory of looking like fools is adjusted enough to not make the trip to Ireland a
slaughter of millionaires, while The Europeans play on a drunk. And knock our
dicks in the dirt. Again.
Just a thought – I should throw some snowflakes around to keep the above two sentences
evolving into Flea rambling separate from the business that most folks have come
here to get.
* * * * * Hi-88* * * * *
OK – All wrestling from here on out, I think. Haven’t got that far but
C’mon, Let’s go!
To start, how ’bout I cheat! From Omega:
BUT, PLUGS
Told ya it would be quick.
– Hyatte, yesterday
Yeah Man! Just go there for the details…it’s the first of many. But I will
tell you this: what will knock you off the "free book" list real quick
is badmouthing Netcop. He now has Three Books, is what you always wished you
could be, and has become what he always strived for in the first place…also –
shut the f*ck up. The only ones that are allowed, from this point on, to
actively lay the badmouth to Netcop are the Usual Suspects. That’s only two
people – and they know who they are. For those of you that don’t know – if you
ain’t from Scotland or Rhode Island, you have no business busting the guy’s
balls. He made it and I am proud of him in a way you will never come close to
knowing. THAT is setting a goal and succeeding. Setting A Goal and Succeeding…Two
Out of Three Flea’s favorites. The third is making making money off of it.
Hopefully that happens and great, says Flea. and Congrats.
For those of you REALLY slow, the two cats mentioned above are – from
Scotland: Piper and from Rhode Island: Spike Dudley. Grazi
And quiet the three of you. This ain’t no excuse to start sticking pins in
the Flea Voodoo Doll. You know me – and I give credit where credit is due. 1)
Set a Goal, 2) Succeed and 3) Make Money From It. Add drinking and smoking – and
there am The Flea Top Five. Not necessarily in that order at this point in my
life…
One last thing and we will move along – yes, I have no bananas (sucka) and
also no plans of reviewing the book – I haven’t written a book report in…well
since 1987. Or it may have been 1986. I crucified Truman Capote in 12,000 non-substance
influenced words and got praise from everyone. If something like THAT is top of
the pops, well good Lord. I believe that I came to the conclusion RIGHT THEN it
was time to take it in a different direction…like degeneracy combined with the
overwhelming desire not to be "them". Too bad I turned 22 a few years
later and discovered that…eh – probably best I’m not famous…Alan Alda had a
good line about that.
Enough already, on with the show
TOP STORY
The WRESTLING
DEAD POOL, what else? Hopefully I’m not the one breaking the news to
you…but if I am – Ray "Big Boss Man" Traylor is dead at 42, of a
"Massive Heart Attack". Mortality is a bitch, ain’t it?
Hyatte1com: and he’s less than 10 years older than US, Flea!
Ryder Fakin: good thing we ain’t wrestlers!
Hyatte1com: or abuse our bodies…. *cough*
Neither here nor
there at this point. What is funny is everyone saying "God Bless Bossman, I
loved him". Fangol and shove it up your ass. NO ONE liked the goddamned
Bossman and would cry the blues every time McMahon would bring him in to help to
make someone look good, or basically fill a spot that most of the wrestlers
consider themselves 1) too good for and 2) couldn’t perform anyway. Bossman wasn’t
the greatest of workers, but he was competent, knew how to get heat and most
importantly, knew how to throw a punch.
Unforgiven 1999 was the PPV that featured the infamous
"Kennel in A Cell" match between BBM and Al Snow. Pretty much shit on,
although Mick Foley turned it into a "cult classic" by including it on
his last DVD, dubbing in commentary that featured nearly every 80’s cliché as
the two battled it out amongst allegedly "trained for TV" canines, who
decided that pissing and f*cking were more important than actively pursuing Snow
and BBM in a vicious manner.
And the date on that
match was September 26, 1999…damn. He almost made it.
But let’s get down to
business: TWO winners in the WRESTLING
DEAD POOL, Mitch Michaels
and Jhe Jhe!!
Nothing more really
need to be said…they always go in threes, but I’m not sure if the Mexican and
that other Old Man count. If I were you, I would get my entry in ASAP. After
all, we are getting into the Holiday season and you know how that goes.
Anyway, Rest in Peace Big Boss Man. My best memory of him
was being the answer to one of the best long time running IWC jokes- "Who
raised that briefcase, goddamit!!!!" yeah, it was Boss Man. They even
admitted it, eventually. Doesn’t stop people from asking, but then again, will
the wrestlers that die ever * not * provoke an outbreak of sudden
"markism" from the IWC? It’s kind of ridiculous any way you look at
it, although curiosity rates better than faux sympathy and "hey we are only
not marks until they croak!" sympathy.
Hyatte1com: probably never complained to anyone a day in his life
One could never ask
for a better epitaph
HEADLINES
I’m trying to watch Smackdowna and get enthused but the thrill must still be
gone. The only thing I’m still suckered into is the PPV’s and if you read GRUT’s
column the other day, you would know why…there is just no direction at his
point, something that can be directly traced back to the response from the
Canadian crowd to Hogan, even though the seeds were sown long before that. But
that was my breaking point – if any of you were reading my columns from ’01 –
’03, I was Paul Positive, and I think in more than one way influenced most of
the "smart" nonsense that got to the point of ridiculousness at that
time to take another look at things. It boiled down to my own markism…and Paul
Positive pretty much did the job to "f*cking A they dug up Piper at
WMXIX"…hey, Vince and Company can do whatever they want, so long as they
make me money and continue to pump out DVD’s chocked full of history at $20
bucks a pop.
I could continue to type business columns until my fingers fall off, but not
many people listen – or maybe they do. The general consensus from anyone who is
anyone is that "yes – the product sucks, but they sure are raking in the
dough". I have no grounds to say "I told you so", seeing as I was
only saying what I know – that a Flair DVD trumps house shows drawing less
people than cockfighting, goat ropings and ape rapings…and that one tour of Australia
makes up for Bismarck, Noweheresville…Tripe, Someplace and Not Nobody Here,
Release the Hart DVD. It’s just common business sense and Long Term Thinking,
but that doesn’t sell newsletters, much less draw hits, does it?
So, no sense in me talking sense. Not sure if you noticed, but the last few
columns have been, well…I’m still caught in Mother Nature’s Trap and Can’t
Walk Out. Hopefully you are still enjoying them but I just came to the
conclusion that this one is going in that general direction unless I turn off
this wrestling crap…
Ah….Fox News – Monday = "Hard Hitting Interview" O’Reilly vs.
Bush…what the f*ck is he going to ask him? Why the Democrats are taking a crap
shoot running John Kerry and John Edwards, pretty much allowing Bush to take the
next four years in a cakewalk? Just so Hillary can pretty much move her dildos
and Hillbilly Husband into the White House without competition in 2008? Well,
it’s working perfect – Slick Willie had * just enough * of a heart attack not to
be involved in this Kerry / Edwards debacle, but to still invoke sympathy
around…oh…2006, when he has "changed his ways after comin'(heh) so
close to death, thankya Hill’ry!". Man, how can you NOT love this
guy?
Fangol to the Dems for bestowing two people…man, I have hated John Kerry
for over 20 years now….Edwards? A f*cking Trial Lawyer. Enough said – and I
have put more of them cocksuckers in the poorhouse…neutering the little
faggots before they even had a chance to THINK ABOUT paying off those College
Loans. "Man, you should have read that book instead of attending the keg
parties…enjoy Public Defender work. NEXT!". Ha haha ha – those were the
days, GRUT. Now, someone not even to be confused with hot chick is on the news
telling me another hurricane will be here Sunday.
Reminds me of a time in 3rd Grade when I asked a GIANT of a kid named Elton
(hey, I know his Mom and Dad – lucky the boy ain’t named Starshine or
Moonglow)….anyway – I asked him "How’s the weather up
there!?!?!?!"…BAM! right in the nose…and hell yeah – I sold that. And
bled – hardway, no blading, you mark. What do chump lawyers, Mother Nature and
26 years later have in common? 2 out of 3 are still wild, uncontrollable and
best being avoided and 1 out of 3 are my bitch. Damn! If you read between the
lines, proper grammar gives it
away!
This is getting mean and ugly, I blame wrestling, something you are here to
read, I suppose…* I * suppose I should surf and see what’s
doing
ROLL THE DICE
When Surfing, I always start at A1wreslting.com. Yeah, they are hated….
oops, Hannity and Colmes are on…gotta click – Coulter and a whole bunch of
other stuff that ain’t sexy…or fun. Holy Shit! Bill Bennett! Never met a bet
that he could win. Love him too.
Cool – Braves v. Reds. This may be the reason I ain’t writing for the
TV section. Don’t know nothing from it.
A1wrestling – they say "- funeral
services for Ray "Big Bossman" Traylor ", is mentioned on
1wrestling (OH HYATTE! Remember when Ryder badmouthed them? That was right
between you slamming your head in the oven and then flushing your said head in
the not yet then mentioned toilet. Dillard’s show. Hawr.
Hey you! Reading this right now. If you have the Dillard shows with Hyatte in
your files, email me at ryderfakin@yahoo.com…Son
of a Bitch, it’s the only thing I am missing. Cool shit coming on Halloween
kids…if you have the Dillard audio, let’s talk. By talk, I mean negotiate. )
So I click to 1wreslting.com, knowing that my computer is going to handle the
pop-up’s, because Eric S. gives good advice, and here is what I find:
Funeral Services for Ray
Traylor will be held at
Jeff Eberhart Funeral Home
123 Watson Drive
Dallas, Georgia 30132
770-445-4496
Visitation will be Friday 9/24 from 5 PM – 9 PM
Funeral Services will take place
at
Pickett’s Mill Baptist Church
6789 Hiram Acworth Highway
Dallas, Georgia 30132
770-423-0955
Funeral Service begins Saturday 9/25 at 11 AM
Interment for Ray Traylor: Dallas Memory Garden
Ray
is survived by his wife Angela, and his two young daughters Lacy &
Megan. If anyone would like to offer any assistance to Ray Traylor’s
family, please call RWT Enterprises at 770-445-9029.
If you are in the area, by all means pay the proper respects. The bright side
to all of this is that Boss Man was loved by Vince McMahon, so I am fully
confident that all three girls will be taken care of…that’s nice when you
think about it.
The only other fun thing out there is Tod Gordon being a smart ass over at
Dave’s (not that Dave, him) site. All apologies to everyone else, but I
just don’t give a rat’s ass about Sting, Angle politicking, and Foley getting
his jollies by getting involved with ROH. Goddamn I hate being right
sometimes- I should link all three of those thoughts from days ago, but it
gives you and excuse to visit 411…I think my archives are still there
PAGE SIX
I can’t say this enough – WRESTLING
DEAD POOL. Also, coming this weekend is a new one from Eric S.
and the debut of someone I pursued and got. I think you will like it. For
reasons I will say later, that one will be under Mystery Columnist…Eric S.
will be in his own section and they always go in threes
One more thing, Columbo – I’m trying my best to reproduce
said Capote evisceration….the original got rolled up in two ounces of
(something) and smoked the first time I brought my now wife to Florida. Like I
would let her read anything that would put me in a bad light. A decade later,
she knows the score and gets mad at the person that…heh. That wouldn’t
interest anybody outside of a small circle of friends
Thanks for reading
FLEA – ryderfakin@ayhoo.com
